After week 3 of the IFFL, we ask the yearly question of when will the Kats lose their first game.. Let’s get to the Power Rankings.

1. Tabbi's Kats (3-0)
2. Indy Aimals (2-1)
3. Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls (2-1)
4. South Carolina Scarecrows (2-1)
5. Cincinnati Bagels (2-1)
6. Tecumseh Raiders (2-1)
7. Wakarusa Wookiees (2-1)

Players of the Week

• OFFENSE
  
  Jahmyr Gibbs RB - Indy Animals - 164 yards | 3 TD | 21 points
  Gibbs gets the award because he was the centerpiece of an eight-point win over previously unbeaten Tecumseh. He scored 21 of Indy’s 56 points, produced three touchdowns, and gave the defending champions exactly the kind of performance they needed in the biggest matchup of the week.
  
  
• DEFENSE
  
  Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls - 243 yards allowed | 6 sacks | 2 INT | 1 TD | 15 pts
  This one is clear.. Pittsburgh’s D stifled the Scarecrows, six sacks, two interceptions and a defensive touchdown turned what could have been a competitive East showdown into a rout.
  
  
• KICKER
  
  Dominic Zvada — Philadelphia Dark Side - 4 FG's | 12 pts
  Four field goals accounted for more than a third of Philadelphia’s 33 points in its first win of the season. Leading the DarkSide to win #1

THE LOOK AHEAD: Week 4's Game of the Week

South Carolina Scarecrows (2-1) at the Cincinnati Bagels (2-1)

Week 4 gives us an early battle for control of the East, with South Carolina traveling to Cincinnati in a matchup of 2-1 teams. The Scarecrows were cruising after two weeks before Pittsburgh punched them directly in the mouth, 57-22, exposing just how dependent this offense can become when Jonathan Taylor and the skill-position group fail to find the end zone. Bryce Young has already shown he can produce a big IFFL week, Taylor remains one of the league’s most dangerous backs, and Spencer Shrader has quietly become a major weapon. But after scoring 67 one week and 22 the next, Trevor Harless would probably appreciate knowing which version of the Scarecrows is actually getting off the bus in Cincinnati.

The Bagels, meanwhile, have rebounded nicely from their Week 1 loss and enter this matchup having won two straight. Joe Burrow, Christian McCaffrey and Jeremiyah Love give Cincinnati three legitimate scoring threats, and Burrow just produced 18 points in the 48-43 win over Taipei. Unlike several other Week 4 contenders, Cincinnati isn’t entering the game with a quarterback crisis or a major new injury hanging over the matchup. That matters this week: Chicago has both Caleb Williams and Baker Mayfield compromised, LA is without Jaxson Dart and Breece Hall, Philadelphia could be without Justin Jefferson, Tequila has lost De’Von Achane for the season, and Tabbi’s is waiting on Josh Allen. South Carolina-Cincinnati gives us two relatively intact contenders with the East standings immediately at stake.

PROJECTED OPTIMAL LINEUPS

South Carolina Scarecrows
QB: Bryce Young
RB: Jonathan Taylor
RB: Travis Etienne
RB: Aaron Jones
WR: Emeka Egbuka
WR: Tetairoa McMillan
TE: Pat Freiermuth
K: Spencer Shrader
DEF: Carolina

Cincinnati Bagels
QB: Joe Burrow
RB: Christian McCaffrey
RB: Jeremiyah Love
RB: Chase Brown
WR: Tee Higgins
WR: DeVonta Smith
TE: T.J. Hockenson
K: Jason Myers
DEF: Pittsburgh

PREDICTION

South Carolina is better than the 22-point disaster we saw last week, so expect a significant rebound. But Cincinnati has been more consistent offensively through three weeks, has scored 148 points compared with South Carolina’s 122, and gets this game at home.

South Carolina Scarecrows 39
Cincinnati Bagels 46

The Bagels win their third straight, move to 3-1, and make the East Division race considerably more uncomfortable for everybody else.

THE REWIND: A Look Back at Week 3's Game of the Week

Tecumseh Raiders (2-1) at the Indy Animals (2-1)

Week 3’s Game of the Week lived up to the billing as Indy handed previously unbeaten Tecumseh its first loss, 56-48. Jahmyr Gibbs led the Animals with 164 yards and three touchdowns, while Brock Bowers added 116 yards and a score in his return.

The difference came late, when Pat Bryant scored Indy’s final eight points in the fourth quarter to finally put the Raiders away. Tecumseh fought throughout, but the defending champs made the big plays when it mattered and moved to 2-1 while sending the Raiders to their first loss of 2026.

After week 2 of the IFFL, everyone wants to go home .. Let’s get to the Power Rankings.

1. Tabbi's Kats (2-0)
2. South Carolina Scarecrows (2-0)
3. Tecumseh Raiders (2-0)
4. Indy Animals (1-1)
5. Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls (1-1)
6. Cincinnati Bagels (1-1)
7. Hartford Whalers (1-1)

PLAYERS OF THE WEEK

• OFFENSE
  
  Josh Allen - QB - Tabbi's Kats - 317 yards | 5 TD | 31 points
  Allen was essentially the Tabbi’s offense. He produced 31 of the Kats’ 52 points, while Derrick Henry had six and Travis Kelce had nine. Everybody else in the starting skill group combined for zero. Against the defending IFFL champions, Allen didn’t just have a big game — he was the reason Tabbi’s moved to 2-0.
  
  
• DEFENSE
  
  South Carolina Scarecrows - 286 yards allowed | 3 sacks | 2 FR | 3 INT | 1 TD | 14 pts
  This one is straightforward. Carolina had the highest defensive score among winning IFFL teams, and it was a monster performance: six takeaways/sacks combined plus a defensive touchdown.
  
  
• KICKER
  
  Brandon Aubrey - Los Angeles Lords - 4 XP | 3 FG | 13 pts
  This is probably the clearest award of the week. Aubrey scored 13 of Los Angeles’ 33 points in an eight-point victory. His kicking total alone exceeded the Lords’ margin of victory, and considering Jaxson Dart scored zero and most of the LA offense struggled, Aubrey wasn’t just productive — he was essential.

THE LOOK AHEAD: Week 3's Game of the Week

Tecumseh Raiders (2-0) at Indy Animals (1-1)

With Chicago’s Caleb Williams doubtful, Los Angeles without Jaxson Dart, and Taipei without Jayden Daniels, the best Week 3 matchup is undefeated Tecumseh visiting the defending IFFL champion Indy Animals. The Raiders have been the league’s most explosive team through two weeks, scoring 138 points, including an absurd 83-point demolition of Pittsburgh. Dak Prescott threw for 305 yards and four touchdowns last week, Jaxon Smith-Njigba exploded for 155 yards and three scores, and Tecumseh’s two-tight-end combination of Trey McBride and Jake Ferguson produced another 18 points. This is no longer a cute 2-0 start. Tecumseh has put enough points on the board to force the rest of the Central Division to take them seriously.

Indy, meanwhile, suddenly finds itself needing an answer after Tabbi’s handled the Animals 52-31. The defending champs still have one of the league’s best backfields in Jahmyr Gibbs and Ashton Jeanty, and Stefon Diggs showed last week that he can still change a matchup with two touchdowns. The concern is everything around them: Justin Herbert has produced only 12 IFFL points through two games, and Indy’s receiving depth has been inconsistent. Playing at home against an undefeated division opponent gives the Animals an opportunity to remind everyone why they own the championship, but another loss would leave them 1-2 and two games behind Tecumseh before September is even over.

PROJECTED OPTIMAL LINEUPS

Tecumseh Raiders
QB: Dak Prescott
RB: Javonte Williams
WR: Jaxon Smith-Njigba
WR: Rashee Rice
WR: George Pickens
TE: Trey McBride
TE: Jake Ferguson
K: Matt Gay
DEF: New England

Indy Animals
QB: Justin Herbert
RB: Jahmyr Gibbs
RB: Ashton Jeanty
WR: Zay Flowers
WR: Stefon Diggs
WR: Pat Bryant
TE: Colston Loveland
K: Tyler Bass
DEF: Jacksonville

PREDICTION

Tecumseh looks like the hotter and deeper team right now, while Indy is still searching for consistent production outside of its stars. The Animals should make this considerably tougher than Pittsburgh did, but Tecumseh has too many players capable of producing bonuses and touchdowns.

Tecumseh Raiders 53
Indy Animals 44

The defending champs fall to 1-2, and at 3-0 the Raiders officially become everybody else’s problem.

THE REWIND: A Look Back at Week 2's Game of the Week

Indy (1-0) at Tabbi’s (1-0)

Week 2’s Game of the Week turned into a statement game for Tabbi’s Kats, who knocked off the defending champion Indy Animals 52-31 and moved to 2-0. Josh Allen was the story, throwing for 317 yards and five touchdowns for 31 IFFL points, while Travis Kelce added 101 yards and a score. Indy got useful production from Jahmyr Gibbs and two touchdowns from Stefon Diggs, but too many zeroes across the rest of the lineup made it impossible to keep pace.

The bigger takeaway is that Tabbi’s now looks like a legitimate Central Division threat, while Indy suddenly has some early-season questions to answer. The Animals are still dangerous, but a 21-point loss to a division rival is the kind of result that gets everyone’s attention. Tabbi’s, meanwhile, has scored 127 points through two weeks and has gone from “interesting start” to “team nobody should want to see on the schedule.”

Season 31 IFFL has kicked off the teams are finding their footing or looking for their life preserver already .. Let’s get to the Power Rankings.

1. Indy Animals (1-0)
2. Tabbi's Kats (1-0)
3. South Carolina Scarecrows (1-0)
4. Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls (1-0)
5. Hartford Whalers (1-0)
6. San Antonio Mexican's (0-1)
7. Tecumseh Raiders (1-0)

Players of the Week

• OFFENSE
  
  Caleb Williams - QB - Chicago Fightin' Diktas
  This one is hard to argue against. Williams scored 25 of Chicago’s 37 points in a game the Ditkas won by two. Even more important: every Chicago RB, WR, and TE in the starting lineup scored zero points. Williams wasn't merely the best player on Chicago — he was basically the offense. Without his four-touchdown, 334-yard performance, Chicago doesn't have a prayer.
  
  
• DEFENSE
  
  Indy Animals - 7 points - 272 yards allowed | 5 sacks | 1 INT | 1 FR
  Jacksonville is the winner, even if its slim pickings the highest-scoring defense whose team won its game. Those seven points also came in a four-point game, making the performance especially valuable. Five sacks plus two turnovers helped provide just enough separation for Indy to survive San Antonio.
  
  
• KICKER
  
  Tyler Loop - Hartford Whalers - 11 pts | 5 XP | 2 FG
  Loop accounted for 11 of Hartford's 38 points in a nine-point victory. His kicking total actually exceeded the Whalers' margin of victory.

THE LOOK AHEAD: Week 2's Game of the Week

Indy Anmals (1-0) at Tabbi's Kats (1-0)

You could make a case for several Week 2 matchups, but Indy at Tabbi’s is the easy choice for Game of the Week. The defending champion Animals survived San Antonio 58-54 behind Jahmyr Gibbs, Ashton Jeanty and Zay Flowers, while Tabbi’s walked into Week 2 after hanging a league-best 75 points on Taipei. Josh Allen was ridiculous with 357 yards, four touchdowns and 27 points, Derrick Henry added 163 yards, three touchdowns and 21 more, and suddenly a Kats team that started last season hot before fading gets an immediate chance to make a statement against the champs. If Allen and Henry are anywhere close to their Week 1 form, Indy is going to need another big day from Gibbs and Jeanty because Tabbi’s can pile up points quickly.

The interesting part is that both teams still have room to improve. Indy scored 58 despite getting almost nothing from several receivers and playing without Brock Bowers, while Tabbi’s scored 75 with Marvin Harrison Jr., Rome Odunze and Kyle Pitts combining for zero points. For Week 2, the Kats should lean into the three-RB lineup after Henry, Irving and Monangai all scored in the opener, while Indy needs to get more receiving production around Flowers. This feels like exactly the kind of game the Animals usually find a way to steal, but Tabbi’s has the best individual weapon in the matchup right now in Allen and gets the champs at home. Week 2 should tell us whether that 75-point opener was a one-week eruption or whether Tabbi Brewer has another legitimate Central Division contender.

PROBABLE LINE-UPS

Indy Animals
QB - Justin Herbert
RB - Jahmyr Gibbs
RB - Ashton Jeanty
WR - Zay Flowers
WR - Stefon Diggs
WR - Wan'Dale Robinson
TE - Courtland Loveland
K - Chris Boswell
DEF - Jacksonville Jaguars

Tabbi's Kats
QB - Josh Allen
RB - Derrick Henry
RB - Bucky Irving
RB - Kyle Monangai
WR - Rome Odunze
WR - Marvin Harrison jr.
TE - Kyle Pitts
K - Cairo Santos
DEF - Denver Broncos

PREDICTION

Tabbi’s Kats 52 — Indy Animals 48

This would be another battle between the Central Division powerhouses, and this would go a long way with both teams and their quest to dominate and secure the Central this season.

THE REWIND: A Look Back at Week 1's Game of the Week

San Antonio Mexican’ts (0–1) at Indy Animals (1-0)

Week 1’s Game of the Week lived up to the billing, as Indy and San Antonio renewed their rivalry in a rematch of IFFL Super Bowl XXX. The Animals had beaten the Mexican’ts 33-23 for their third title in ten years, and San Antonio came into the opener with revenge on its mind. Instead, Indy survived another shootout, winning 58-54 behind Jahmyr Gibbs, Ashton Jeanty, and Zay Flowers. Gibbs finished with 186 yards and two touchdowns, Jeanty added 147 yards and two scores, and Flowers chipped in 150 yards and a touchdown.

San Antonio did more than enough to win most weeks, with Kenneth Walker III piling up 191 yards and two touchdowns and C.J. Stroud throwing for two scores, but the Mexican’ts once again came up just short against the defending champs. The difference was Indy’s ability to find points from multiple places while San Antonio left too much production on the table from its receivers. “Believe and Win or Else” remains the motto in San Antonio, but after Week 1, the “or else” part is already starting to feel a little louder.

The draft is over. The rosters are set. Everyone thinks they got better, nobody believes they overspent, and at least three owners are already preparing excuses for why their first-round pick isn't producing.

That can only mean one thing.

The IFFL is back.

The Endowed 7

1. Indy Animals

The defending champions start exactly where defending champions belong.

At the top.

Indy has now won three championships in the last ten years, and until somebody actually knocks the Animals off the mountain, there really isn't much of an argument here.

The biggest concern entering Week 1 is the receiving corps. Brock Bowers being unavailable doesn't help matters either. But Ashton Jeanty appears to be trending toward getting onto the field, and if he does, Indy still has enough firepower to remind everyone why they finished last season holding the trophy.

Being No. 1 in Week 0 doesn't mean much.

Being No. 1 when the season ends does.

Indy already knows how to do that.

2. San Antonio Mexican'ts

Back-to-back playoff appearances.

A trip to the IFFL Championship Game.

And now the question becomes whether Tanya Harless has finally assembled a roster capable of finishing the job.

San Antonio has spent the past two seasons transforming from an afterthought into a legitimate contender. Kenneth Walker III looks ready to play a major role, and the Mexican'ts defense gets an immediate opportunity to make some noise against an Indy offense entering Week 1 with some obvious holes.

The Mexican'ts spent aggressively to build this roster.

Now we find out whether they bought a championship contender or just the most expensive ticket back to the playoffs.

3. Tequila Sunrise

There are certain things you can count on in life.

Taxes.

IFFL owners complaining about the schedule.

And Tequila Sunrise being somewhere near the top of the standings.

The defending West champions remain one of the safest bets in the league. They have become perennial contenders because they rarely enter a season without enough talent to survive injuries, bad weeks, and whatever chaos the fantasy gods decide to unleash.

Maybe they don't dominate the conversation every week.

They just keep showing up when the playoffs arrive.

Until that changes, Tequila stays near the top of the Endowed 7.

4. South Carolina Scarecrows

South Carolina finally climbed all the way back to the top of the IFFL last season.

Eleven wins.

An East Division championship.

One of the best teams in the league.

And then...

They choked in the playoffs again.

The Scarecrows were good enough to win the championship last season. That's what makes the ending sting. Now they enter 2026 trying to prove that last year was the beginning of another championship window rather than another impressive regular season followed by January heartbreak.

South Carolina absolutely belongs among the league's best teams.

The problem is that everyone already knows they can win from September through December.

It's what happens next that remains the question.

5. Philadelphia Dark Side

Don't sleep on Philadelphia.

Actually, go ahead.

They might prefer it.

The Darkside finished 4-10 last season, but there was enough bad luck mixed into that record to make Philadelphia one of the more interesting rebound candidates in the league.

There is legitimate top-end talent on this roster. Jalen Hurts, A.J. Brown, and Justin Jefferson give Philadelphia the kind of foundation capable of turning things around quickly if the rest of the roster cooperates.

A few breaks go differently this season and Philadelphia could go from picking near the top of the draft to playing near the top of the standings.

Sometimes the difference between 4-10 and 9-5 isn't rebuilding.

It's just getting luckier.

6. Hartford Whalers

Hartford quietly had a pretty good season last year.

Then quietly had another strong draft.

There hasn't been much noise coming from Whalers headquarters, and maybe that's exactly how they want it.

Hartford battled injuries last season and still managed to finish 7-7. That doesn't look spectacular until you consider how often the roster was forced to adjust.

Now the Whalers enter 2026 with another year of young talent, improved depth, and fewer obvious holes.

Everyone else can fight over the preseason headlines.

Hartford might simply win the East.

7. Wakarusa Wookiees

New town.

New name.

Same franchise.

Hopefully not the same luck.

The New Delhi Subs have packed their bags and emerged as the Wakarusa Wookies, giving Pete Shaunki's franchise a fresh identity after another frustrating season.

The Subs spent much of last year doing what the Subs seemed to do every year: trading veterans, accumulating assets, preparing for tomorrow, and wondering why today went sideways.

Maybe the move to Wakarusa changes the karma.

There is enough talent here to contend for a playoff spot, and this week's Endowed 7 placement comes with an official declaration:

We are willing to believe in the Wookies.

For now.

The Crystal Ball

Predictions made before Week 1 are traditionally preserved so they can be mercilessly mocked later.

So let's get them on the record.

East Champion — Hartford Whalers

The East should be one of the most competitive divisions in the league, but Hartford looks positioned to make the jump. South Carolina remains dangerous and Philadelphia could rebound quickly, but the Whalers may have the most complete combination of depth and upside.

Central Champion — Indy Animals

Until somebody takes it away from them, the Central still belongs to Indy.

The defending champions remain the standard.

West Champion — San Antonio Mexican'ts

Tequila has owned plenty of West Division real estate over the years, but this feels like San Antonio's opportunity to finally take control.

The Mexican'ts have been building toward this.

Now they need to cash it in.

Wild Cards

Philadelphia Darkside

A major bounce-back candidate. If the roster stays healthy and the luck normalizes, Philadelphia should be right in the playoff conversation.

Tequila Sunrise

Predicting Tequila to miss the playoffs feels irresponsible.

So we won't.

Wakarusa Wookies

The boldest pick of the bunch.

Maybe a new identity finally brings a different ending.

The Final Prediction

When the smoke clears, here are the four teams we expect to be standing.

#1 Indy Animals — Bye
The champs earn the top seed and another week watching everyone else beat each other up.

#2 Hartford Whalers — Bye
The surprise team of the season wins the East and grabs the second first-round bye.

#3 San Antonio Mexican'ts
San Antonio wins the West but misses the bye, setting up another postseason run.

#4 Tequila Sunrise
Because obviously.

If Tequila sneaks into the playoffs, absolutely nobody will want to play them.

That gives us a projected Final Four of:

Indy Animals
Hartford Whalers
San Antonio Mexican'ts
Tequila Sunrise

Two familiar powers.

One defending champion.

And one Whalers team trying to crash the party.

IFFL 31 Champion 

Let’s take Hartford over San Antonio, always a bridesmaid for the Mexican’ts never the bride.  The Whalers have won the title exactly 1 time and that was in 2020 so does that even really count? The stadium was only half full and as much as we like to joke about it being because no one, and I mean NO ONE wanted to watch the Whalers in the superbowl it was more because of the pandemic.  I like the Whalers to finally win a real one.

The Look Ahead

Week One Game of the Week

San Antonio Mexican'ts (0-0) at Indy Animals (0-0)

We aren't wasting any time.

Week 1 gives us a rematch of the 2025 IFFL Championship Game, when Indy defeated San Antonio 33-23 to hoist their 3rd Riesbeck trophy..

The Mexican'ts have had an entire offseason to think about it.

Now they get their first shot at revenge.

San Antonio enters the season believing this roster is finally ready to win the whole thing. Kenneth Walker III is looking good, and the Mexican'ts defense has every reason to be licking its chops against an Indy team entering the opener with a depleted receiving corps.

The absence of Brock Bowers is especially painful for the Animals. Bowers has become one of the major weapons in this offense, and replacing his production isn't exactly something you do by grabbing the next guy off the bench.

There is some good news.

Ashton Jeanty is trending toward being on the field.

If Jeanty plays, Indy immediately becomes a much tougher matchup. The defending champions can lean on the running game and force San Antonio to prove that all the offseason spending actually fixed the areas Tanya Harless believed needed fixing.

That's really the story of this game.

San Antonio spent the offseason trying to close the gap.

Indy spent the offseason knowing everyone else was chasing them.

On Sunday, we start finding out who was right.

Prediction

San Antonio Mexican'ts 24 Indy Animals 37

The Mexican'ts make Indy uncomfortable for a while.

Then the champs remind everyone why the banner belongs to them.

Welcome back to the IFFL. Wild Card weekend where the quest to IFFL Champion 30 gets underway.. Let’s get to the Power Rankings.

1. South Carolina Scarecrows (11–3) Best team in the league in 2025, searching for title #3 in the 30th season, can keep their collective cool during the bye week, and stay hungry for the title?
   
   
2. Indy Animals (10–4) Secured the bye and the 10th win of the season against the Dark Side in week 14 now they get to wait to see who they play on Semi-Final Weekend.
   
   
3. Tequila Sunrise (9–5) Crushed Chicago in week 14 giving them a West division title and a 3rd matchup against the Mexicants, who they will attempt to solve.
   
   
4. Los Angeles Lords (9–5) Beat Hartford to finish 9-5, however they were unable to run up the score enough to overtake Tequila at the top of the West Division, a battle against Tabbi’s was their prize a team they struggle against each time they match up.
   
   
5. Tabbi’s Kats (9–5) They play LA in the game that will tell us who is officially the IFFL’s most lethal team in the league, this is also a rematch of the 2022 IFFL Championship game.
   
   
6. San Antonio Mexican’ts (8–6)  Lost Fine Lady Bowl 3 but was still able to make the playoffs, now the Mexican’ts get a chance to win their first title.
   
   
7. New Whiteland Chicken Pluckerz  (8–6) 38 points shy of the playoffs, 3 points a week and they could play for the title instead they get to sit at home, and watch on TV like 7 other IFFL teams.

Players of the Week

• Offense
  
  Josh Allen - Tabbi's Kats
  Josh Allen picked Fine Lady Bowl III to drop a nuclear statement game. Allen shredded San Antonio for 329 yards, 4 passing TDs, and a 2-point conversion, racking up 27 IFFL points and powering Tabbi’s Kats to a 51–36 win. In a week where Jahmyr Gibbs (19), Sam Darnold (18), and Matthew Stafford (18) all had big days, Allen simply outgunned everyone. If the Kats make a deep playoff run, we’ll circle this game as the moment their offense officially went from “dangerous” to “terrifying.”
  
  
• Defense
  
  Cincinnati Bagels
  On a 3–11 team that did “absolutely nothing” in the big picture, the defense was a lone bright spot in Week 14. The Bagels posted 13 points in a 42–41 win over Pittsburgh, thanks to 206 yards allowed, 2 sacks, 2 interceptions, 1 fumble recovery, and a shutout bonus. In a season where Cincy wasted a healthy Christian McCaffrey, it’s fitting their defensive unit steals one last headline on the way out.
  
  
  
• Kicker
  
  Tyler Loop - Los Angeles Lords
  Tyler Loop matched him with 1 extra point and 3 field goals for 10 points, critical in the Lords’ 51–47 shootout win over Hartford to secure a home playoff game.

The Look Ahead: Wild Card Week's Game of the Week

San Antonio Mexican’ts (8–6) @ Tequila Sunrise (9-5)
Round 3. Winner advances. Loser tilts into February

We’ve reached the good stuff.

For the third time this season, San Antonio and Tequila square off—only this time, someone’s season ends. The teams split the regular-season series, with San Antonio stealing the first meeting in Tequila, and Sunrise returning the favor later in the year. Now we get the rubber match with playoff tension, injury drama, and two owners who very much want to be the one still talking on Monday.

Tequila Sunrise: Explosive… but Banged Up

On paper, Tequila has the firepower to blow this open. Bijan Robinson, De’Von Achane, Javonte Williams, Amon-Ra St. Brown, and Tee Higgins is a joke of a skill group in this scoring system.

The problem? Two of those names might be in street clothes.

• De’Von Achane (ribs) – at best questionable
  
  
• Tee Higgins (concussion) – also questionable

“We’ve got the dudes,” owner Jeff Dixon said. “I just need the universe to let them actually play at the same time for once. If 28 [Achane] and [Tee] are both active, we’re a problem for everybody.”

Tequila will likely ride Sam Darnold again after his three-TD Week 14 outburst, with Amon-Ra as the steady chain-mover and bonus hunter. If Higgins can clear protocol, the Sunrise pass game becomes terrifying. If not, the margin for error shrinks in a hurry.

San Antonio Mexican’ts: Fully Healthy, Fully Dangerous

While Tequila is wrapped in ice packs and questionable tags, San Antonio comes in “healthy as a horse.”

• Jared Goff running the show
  
  
• Isiah Pacheco, David Montgomery, and Kenneth Walker III rotating at RB
  
  
• CeeDee Lamb and DK Metcalf forming one of the nastiest WR duos in the league
  
  
• Travis Kelce and Dallas Goedert giving Tanya a 2-TE nuclear option if she wants it

“They better not forget—we already went in there and beat them once,” CeeDee said. “If they line up, we light up. Simple.”

Owner Tanya Harless was even blunter, “We didn’t show up just to be a cute 6-seed. I like my roster, I like my health, and I love the idea of knocking Tequila out in their own building again.”

If this turns into a track meet, San Antonio has the weapons to keep up—and if Achane/Higgins sit or are limited, they might even have the edge.

Prediction

If Achane and Higgins were fully healthy, Tequila would be the clear favorite. But with both “at best questionable” and San Antonio rolling in at full strength?

This feels like a fourth-quarter heartbreak special.

San Antonio 48, Tequila 44

Kelce steals it late, and Tanya Harless walks out of Sunrise Country grinning like she owns the place.

The Rewind: A Look Back at Week 14's Game of the Week

Tabbi'sKats 51, San Antonio Mexican'ts 36
The only true IFFL rivalry game delivered again

In Fine Lady Bowl III, Tabbi’s Kats defended their crown with a 51–36 win over the San Antonio Mexican’ts, completing yet another chapter in the league’s most gloriously petty tradition.

Josh Allen was unstoppable, throwing for 329 yards, 4 TDs, and adding a 2-point conversion to blow the game open. “She told me this one mattered more than the playoffs,” Allen joked afterward. “So yeah… we emptied the clip.”

San Antonio moved the ball, but never matched the kill shots. Jared Goff threw for 307 and a score, while David Montgomery added a TD on the ground, and DK Metcalf and CeeDee Lamb both cleared 120 yards. But too many drives stalled into Cameron Dicker field goals (16 points worth), and not enough ended in the end zone.

On the other sideline, Tabbi was already thinking bigger, “Fine Lady Bowl is personal,” she said, trophy in hand again. “Three of these in a row? At this point, it’s a dynasty.”

Tanya Harless, never shy, kept it real postgame, “I hate losing this game. Hate it. But we’re still in the playoffs, and if we see them again? Oh, it’s on.”

Fine Lady Bowl III: Kats keep the crown. The rivalry only gets louder.

Welcome back to the IFFL. Week 14 where without a miraculous comeback the playoffs are basically set, now to figure out the champion in the Central and West. Let’s get to the Power Rankings.

1. South Carolina Scarecrows (10–3) They walk into your house, raid the fridge, and leave with your dignity. Another 60-burger, another beatdown. The Scarecrow Playoff Bye Curse is the only thing that can stop them now.
   
   
2. Indy Animals (9–4) Brock Bowers is awake, Davante Adams is awake, Jacoby Brissett (?) is awake, and Kevin Ryburn suddenly looks like the league’s most dangerous man. LA walked in—Indy kicked them down the stairs.
   
   
3. Tequila Sunrise (8–5) They lost…but still climbed into first in the West. Tequila is the drunk raccoon in the dumpsters behind the stadium—messy, unkillable, and somehow always eating good.
   
   
4. Los Angeles Lords (8–5) Stafford is doing everything except physically carrying the running backs like grocery bags. The RB room is a crime scene. Jason Beaver is one more loss away from calling for a league-mandated investigation.
   
   
5. Tabbi’s Kats (8–5) They play like they’re trying to get sponsored by Six Flags. Up, down, up, down, nausea, panic, hope. Week 14 will determine whether they’re a coaster or the kiddie train.
   
   
6. San Antonio Mexican’ts (8–5)  Wasted a perfect opportunity to gain ground. Week 13 was their “clean your room” reminder from the universe. Tanya Harless’ team is still terrifying, but the discipline is… wobbly.
   
   
7. Hartford Whalers  (7–6) Another tiebreaker win. Another existential crisis. Chad Allen survives again, whispering to himself: “Gilmore Girls reruns are keeping us alive.”

Players of the Week

• Offense
  
  Drake ‘DrakeMaye’ Maye South Carolina Scarecrows
  In a low scoring week Maye’s 12 points take the honor of player of the week.  It was a team effort in defeating the Sunrise. Maye leads off in the clean sweep for South Carolina this week.
  
  
• Defense
  
  South Carolina Scarecrows
  You want a statement win? How about 162 yards allowed, 4 sacks, 4 INTs, a shutout and a defensive TD against the defending champs. South Carolina turned Tequila’s repeat dreams into a cautionary tale. Trevor Harless just grinned: “If the offense forgets the end zone, the defense will find it.”
  
  
• Kicker
  
  Evan McPherson South Carolina Scarecrows
  Six field goals. Six. Plus two extra points. McPherson basically kicked Tequila out of the 1-seed conversation by himself. “Three’s more than enough,” he joked. “But six feels rude.” South Carolina might build him a statue. Or at least a golden kicking tee.

The Look Ahead: Week 14's Game of the Week

San Antonio Mexican’ts (8–5) @ Tabbi’s Kats (8–5)
The 3rd Annual Fine Lady Bowl - Where elegance meets violence.

Some rivalries are built on history. Some are built on playoff implications. This one?

This one was built on spite, sass, and a group chat that should honestly be subpoenaed.

The Fine Lady Bowl, now in its 3rd glorious, dramatic, unnecessarily glamorous year, pits two of the IFFL’s most iconic owners — Tanya Harless and Tabbi Brewer — in a showdown dripping with playoff tension and glitter-coated hostility.

Both teams sit at 8–5, both are fighting for seeding, and both have very strong opinions about what the word “Fine” really means.

Tabbi’s Kats: The Feral Elegance

Tabbi enters Week 14 with a team that feels like a runway model carrying a chainsaw.

Josh Allen has been her do-everything superweapon, scoring like a quarterback who refuses to care about safety or decorum. Derrick Henry has rediscovered his inner winter monster, and Deebo Samuel continues to play football as if he’s trying to collect souls.

Tabbi has never won the Fine Lady Bowl — a fact Tanya brings up more often than Derrick Henry stiff-arms people. A win here not only keeps the Kats in control of playoff destiny, it finally gives Tabbi the trophy she photoshops herself holding every February.

San Antonio Mexican’ts: The Chaotic Glamour

Tanya lives for this week. Lives for it. If the Fine Lady Bowl had an entrance ramp, she’d walk down it with pyro and a tiara.

Tanya’s vibe this week: “Win or lose, I will be dramatic about it.

Prediction

Tabbi’s Kats 48 – San Antonio 43

A fourth-quarter Deebo Samuel bonus-yard explosion tilts the game.
Tabbi claims her first Fine Lady Trophy.
Tanya immediately declares the results “under review.”

The Fine Lady Bowl:

Beautiful. Messy. Everything the IFFL stands for.

The Rewind: A Look Back at Week 13's Game of the Week

South Carolina Scarecrows 64, Tequila Sunrise 41

In a clash that felt like a playoff preview, the league-leading South Carolina Scarecrows marched into the desert and delivered a statement win over the defending champion Tequila Sunrise, 64–41. It wasn’t just a win—it was a declaration: The road to the IFFL title runs through South Carolina.

From the opening whistle, the Scarecrows played like a team offended that anyone questioned their No. 1 ranking. Drake Maye was poised and punishing, throwing for 294 yards and 2 touchdowns with the calm of a ten-year veteran. But the real hammer came from SC’s backfield, where Jonathan Taylor (121 yards) and Zach Charbonnet (52 yards, 1 TD) kept the chains moving, softening Tequila’s front as the night wore on.

But the story—oh, the story—was the Seattle Defense, which unleashed a historic avalanche: 4 sacks, 4 forced fumbles, 1 interception, a safety, a defensive touchdown, and just 162 yards allowed. That’s 25 fantasy points without the defensive touchdown included. As one Sunrise assistant put it postgame,  “It felt like the field was tilted. Like we were running uphill the whole night.”

Tequila, for its part, showed heart. Bijan Robinson (193 yards, TD) and De’Von Achane (134 yards, TD) punched back every time the Scarecrows threatened a knockout. But with Sam Darnold mustering only 128 empty passing yards, the Sunrise offense never found the balance it needed.

After the game, Scarecrows owner Trevor Harless was all business, “We play for January. Nothing else.”

Tequila owner Jeff Dixon, hands on hips, summed it up with a sigh, “You can’t beat a team scoring 64 when their defense plays like the ’85 Bears on steroids.”

Both teams remain firmly in the playoff picture, but one thing is crystal clear after Week 13: South Carolina looks terrifying—and the rest of the league knows it.

Welcome back to the IFFL. Week 13 where dreams end and nightmares begin. Let’s get to the Power Rankings.

1. South Carolina Scarecrows (9–3) Continued to cruise in week 12 but week 13 shows his enemy in the building as Tequila arrives.
   
   
2. Tequila Sunrise (8–4) Won a tight defensive battle against Cincinnati this week a team that we all agree has under performed this season.
   
   
3. Los Angeles Lords (8–4) Stafford led the team to a comeback victory down 32 points in the 3rd, he inspired a 33 point quarter for the comeback victory.
   
   
4. Tabbi’s Kats (8–4) Josh Allen is either exceptional or cold as ice there is no inbetween in 2025.
   
   
5. San Antonio Mexican’ts (8–4) Defense rules and finally the Mexican’ts show they can play some. This team could be dangerous if they keep playing in a few weeks.
   
   
6. Indy Animals (8–4) Gibbs explodes and gives the team hope of a Division Title.
   
   
7. Hartford Whalers  (6–6) Sometimes they look like world-beaters, sometimes like they’ve never played football. But The Gilmore Girls give them strength.

Players of the Week

• Offense
  
  Jahmyr Gibbs - RB, Indy Animals 264 yards, 3 TDs — 30 points Gibbs unleashed a nuclear performance against Taipei, turning the Animals offense into his personal highlight reel. Indy owner Kevin “Q” Ryburn simply said: “This is why you never trade talent. Ever.”
  
  
• Defense
  
  Los Angeles Lords 193 yards allowed, 4 sacks, 2 INT, 1 TD — 15 points A pure beatdown. LA’s defense flipped the entire game in the third quarter. “We were tired of watching Stafford bail everyone out,” one defender quipped.
  
  
• Kicker
  
  Tyler Loop – Los Angeles Lords (11 points) - Every point was crucial in the New Whiteland game and LA Kicker Loop came thru with points everytime he was called upon.  “Its a great feeling,” said Loop.

The Look Ahead: Week 13's Game of the Week

Tequila Sunrise (8-4) at South Carolina Scarecrows (9-3)
“Winner gets the inside track; loser gets the antacids”

COLUMBIA, S.C. — The lights will burn a little brighter on Saturday night when the Tequila Sunrise travel east for a heavyweight tilt with the South Carolina Scarecrows — a clash that could decide not only the IFFL East and West races, but the entire complexion of the playoff bracket heading into the season’s final two weeks.

This isn’t just a game. This is a message-sending opportunity.

South Carolina: The Machine Rolls On

The Scarecrows enter at 9–3, winners of three straight and carrying the league’s most balanced roster. Jonathan Taylor has shaken off his early-season wobble, Travis Etienne has rediscovered burst, and TE Hunter Henry is suddenly catching touchdowns like he’s being paid per spike.

Owner Trevor Harless, never shy about expectations, said, “We don’t panic here. Other teams panic. We hydrate, game plan, and win football games.”

But Harless also knows Tequila is no easy out, “Achane scares the hell out of us. I’m not ashamed to say it.”

Tequila Sunrise: Back in Rhythm

Tequila sits at 8–4, winners of two straight and looking like the offensive buzzsaw expected back in Week 1.

Brock Purdy’s return has stabilized the passing game, Bijan Robinson has been on a tear, and Amon-Ra St. Brown is stacking 100-yard performances like parking tickets. Tee Higgins remains the biggest X-factor in fantasy football: quiet one week, volcanic the next.

Owner Jeff Dixon summed it up in his usual understated tone, “We score points. They score points. Let’s find out who cries first.”

Vegas has the Scarecrows as -2.5 favorites, but nobody would call this anything less than a coin flip.

Prediction

Two elite offenses enter. One elite defense (South Carolina) exits.

Scarecrows 62, Tequila 55

Expect fireworks. Expect yelling. Expect one owner to post an unhinged victory GIF before midnight.

The Rewind: A Look Back at Week 12's Game of the Week

Indy Animals 71, Taipei Personality 40
Gibbs Runs Wild as Indy Overpowers Slipping Taipei in a Crucial Playoff Showdown

TAIPEI — In a game dripping with playoff implications, the Indy Animals marched into Taipei and delivered one of their most complete performances of the season, steamrolling the Personality 71–40 behind a nuclear meltdown of production from superstar RB Jahmyr Gibbs.

The multi-threat dynamo racked up 264 yards and 3 TDs, leaving Taipei defenders grasping at air and questioning life choices. “I told the fellas before kickoff: feed me and get out of the way,” Gibbs said after the game. “Luckily they listened.”

Backup-turned-QB-for-the-week Jacoby Brissett delivered a surprisingly steady performance, throwing for 337 yards and a TD in relief of the injured Jaxson Dart and Jayden Daniels. Indy owner Kevin “Q” Ryburn praised the veteran, “Brissett wasn’t pretty…but he was pretty effective. And considering my QB room right now looks like a triage tent, I’ll take it.”

Taipei, meanwhile, continues its late-season slide despite Dak Prescott throwing for 363 yards and 3 TDs, keeping the Personality afloat until the fourth quarter collapse. “Man, we’re close… but ‘close’ doesn’t show up in the standings,” Prescott said.

Owner Andrew Wang sounded considerably less optimistic, “Every week it feels like someone leaves their ability at home. I might start checking bags myself.”

The loss is devastating for Taipei, who fall to 6–6 and risk slipping out of the playoff picture entirely. Indy, now 8–4, not only strengthens its postseason hopes but positions itself as the hottest team outside Los Angeles.

Indy DL Brock Bowers summed up the team’s mindset perfectly, “We’re not scared of anybody. Just point us at the next victim.”

For Taipei, the road narrows. For Indy, the engines are just now roaring.

Welcome back to the IFFL. Week 12 where chaos ensues, and everyone knows your name. Let’s get to the Power Rankings.

1. South Carolina Scarecrows (8–3) Still the bully on the block. Taylor + Maye + that defense = weekly misery for anyone in their path.
   
   
2. Tabbi’s Kats (8–3) Josh Allen just hung 39 on someone’s grandkids. Order restored in Tabbi-town.
   
   
3. Tequila Sunrise (7–4) Explosive, terrifying, unpredictable. Purdy back + Achane unleashed = DEFCON-2 for the West.
   
   
4. Los Angeles Lords (7–4) Stafford magic hit one pothole, but LA is still the deepest, most dangerous roster in the league. The Breece Era has begun.
   
   
5. San Antonio Mexican’ts (7–4)  Goff steady, Tetairoa electric, the defense opportunistic. A top-tier West team that won’t go away.
   
   
6. Indy Animals (7–4) Injury apocalypse but Gibbs + Jeanty + Bowers keep dragging them uphill. The most resilient team in the IFFL.
   
   
7. New Whiteland Chicken Pluckerz (6–5) Sometimes they look like world-beaters, sometimes like they’ve never played football. But the trade frenzy gives them juice.

Players of the Week

• Offense
  
  Josh Allen – QB, Tabbi’s Kats (39 points) - Josh Allen detonated on the Bagels like a one-man natural disaster, throwing six touchdowns and casually racking up 357 yards in a performance that reminded the league why Grandma Tabbi sleeps soundly at night. Allen quipped afterward, “Sometimes you just feel bad for the opponent… today was not one of those days.” Tabbi simply nodded: “Good character leads to good football. Also… winning by 27 helps.”
  
  
• Defense
  
  Jacksonville Jaguars – Taipei Personality (11 points) - Taipei didn’t get much right in Week 11—but the defense came to play. Three sacks, an interception, and only 135 yards allowed kept them competitive and in the end provided the difference in the game.
  
  
• Kicker
  
  Wil Lutz – Tequila Sunrise (16 points) - When Tequila needed points, Lutz delivered like a man trying to win back custody of a lost dog—five field goals and an extra point, single-leg carrying his squad to 60 on the scoreboard. Lutz deadpanned, “I like kicking. I like scoring. I like being important. This week I got all three.” Owner Jeff Dixon added, “Some teams have a bell cow. We have a bell-kicker.”

The Look Ahead: Week 12's Game of the Week

Indy Animals (7–4) @ Taipei Personality (6–5)
 “From Cornfields to Crosswinds” Edition

TAIPEI — Week 12’s Game of the Week isn’t just a matchup of fringe playoff contenders—it’s a clash of franchises sprinting toward the postseason with very different vibes.

On one sideline stand the Indy Animals, a team that has spent the last three weeks signing, promoting, duct-taping, and spiritually manifesting quarterbacks into existence. After losing Jayden Daniels (elbow) and Jaxson Dart (concussion), Indy stumbled into Week 11 with Tua Tagovailoa, who reportedly had no idea he was even on the roster until Saturday evening. One assistant coach was overheard saying, “At this point, if you can throw a ball more than 12 yards without wincing, we’ll put you in the QB room.”

Now they pack their bags—and their backup bags—for a 19-hour travel day to Taiwan. The IFFL Insider has confirmed that the Animals will cross eight time zones, endure three layovers, and land at an hour in which their bodies will believe it's Thursday, next month. Travel fatigue could be a real issue.

Meanwhile, the Taipei Personality are in desperation mode. At 6–5, they sit one game back in the hyper-volatile IFFL West. They need this win—not want, not hope, need—to avoid slipping further behind San Antonio, Tequila, and Los Angeles. Owner Andrew Wang summed it up Tuesday: “We’re still in this thing… but another loss and we’ll need a calculator, a prayer, and a small miracle.”

Taipei brings momentum after nearly upsetting the Lords last week, powered by Dak Prescott’s late-game eruption and a revitalized receiving corps.

Indy brings… Jahmyr Gibbs, Davante Adams, and half a functioning elbow in the QB room.

Prediction

Taipei uses its home-field advantage, rested roster, and competent quarterback play to outlast an exhausted Indy squad.

Taipei 48, Indy 37

But if Indy pulls it off? It may go down as the greatest jet-lag win in league history.

The Rewind: A Look Back at Week 11's Game of the Week

Philadelphia Dark Side 19, Hartford Whalers 15
"Whalers’ Playoff Hopes Hit the Pavement… Hard"

HARTFORD — On a chilly Week 11 afternoon, the Philadelphia Dark Side marched into Gilmore Girls Country and delivered a crushing blow to the Hartford Whalers, winning 19–15 in a game that somehow felt even uglier than the score suggests.

This was supposed to be the Whalers’ bounce-back week. A chance to erase the memory of last week’s public dismantling at the hands of South Carolina. Instead, the Whalers put out an offensive performance that could best be described as “a polite whimper.”

Bo Nix threw for 303 yards but found the end zone as often as a Gilmore Girls character finds functional communication: never. Daniel Carlson did his best to drag Hartford toward relevance with 10 points, but it wasn’t enough to save a team that simply refused to score touchdowns.

Philadelphia didn’t exactly sparkle either, but they did something Hartford didn’t: the bare minimum. Jalen Hurts tossed a single TD, and Xavier Legette contributed the brightest moment of Philly’s afternoon with an 83-yard, 6-point performance. Will Reichard added five more, and the Chicago Defense, likely confused about which franchise they were actually playing for, chipped in with a strong showing.

After the loss, Hartford Owner Chad Allen took to reporters with the defeated energy of a man who had just dropped his prom corsage in a puddle.

“This is… not great,” Allen muttered. “I thought we’d score touchdowns today. Turns out that was optimistic.”

Philadelphia Owner Avan Beaver, meanwhile, looked like someone who had just discovered that winning actually feels pretty nice.

“Honestly, I don’t know how we won either,” Beaver admitted. “But we’ll take it. And also, yes, everyone is still for sale. Please call me.”

Even players were stunned by the game's tone.

Dark Side WR A.J. Brown shrugged postgame: “We played mid and still won. That’s crazy. Hartford’s gotta figure some things out, man.”

For Hartford, the loss is catastrophic. Their playoff hopes, once flickering, are now smoldering in the gutter like a used firework on New Year’s Day.

Chad Allen again summed it up best:

“A playoff dream dying
All we are is dust in the wind
Field goals can’t save me.”

The Whalers now sit three games behind South Carolina with only three to play, needing not just wins, but miracles. Philadelphia? They get a win that means little for this season but at least staves off total humiliation.

For one week, the Dark Side rose again. For Hartford… winter came early.

Welcome back to the IFFL. Week 9 where no one wants to run the league, so we try a new team this week.  Let’s get to the Power Rankings.

1. Los Angeles Lords (7-3) The Lords take the lead in the West the next question is how long can they hold on to it.
   
   
2. South Carolina Scarecrows (7-3) Put an absolute beatdown on Hartford this week scoring 93 the tops in the league this season.
   
   
3. Tabbi’s Kats (7-3) Finally gets a win, this team needs to right the ship before the playoffs. This team wants a second Riesbeck trophy.
   
   
4. Tequila Sunrise (6-4) Lost to LA, we hear it was not a fun flight home even though it was short.
   
   
5. San Antonio Mexicants (6-4) Gets a much needed win against Taipei, and stays playoff relevant.
   
   
6. New Whiteland Chicken Pluckerz (6-4) Proved at least for another week they deserve to be on this list by beating the Kats.
   
   
7. Indy Animals (6-4) Just keeps chugging along but now it gets difficult after Daniels and Dart go out with injuries.

Players of the Week

• Offense
  
  RB Jonathan Taylor – South Carolina Scarecrows
  Taylor stampeded Hartford for 286 yards and 3 touchdowns, single-handedly turning the Whalers into roadkill. “That’s the guy we drafted,” said owner Trevor Harless, grinning through barbecue sauce. “When JT’s rolling, I start clearing mantle space for another trophy.” Taylor merely added, “I told the O-line if they opened holes that big again, I’d buy ’em all tractors.”
  
  
• Defense
  
  South Carolina Scarecrows
  As if Taylor’s outburst weren’t enough, Seattle piled on with 5 sacks, 2 TD’ss, and 19 fantasy points, helping South Carolina post 93 total. “They played like caffeine-addled raccoons in a dumpster,” said defensive coordinator (also Harless). Hartford QB Bo Nix declined comment while still being sacked.
  
  
• Kicker
  
  K Tyler Loop – Los Angeles Lords
  Loop nailed four field goals and an extra point for 13 points, calmly burying Tequila Sunrise and handing LA its sweep of the West rival. “I just try to stay in my Loop,” he quipped. Lords owner Jason Beaver added, “When your kicker outscores half the league’s running backs, you start printing playoff tickets.”

The Look Ahead: Week 11's Game of the Week

Philadelphia Dark Side @ Hartford Whalers
“One Needs a Bounce Back… The Other Just Needs Something to Go Right.”

HARTFORD — Week 11 brings us a matchup dripping with desperation, sarcasm, and the faint aroma of impending fire sales as the Philadelphia Dark Side travels to face the Hartford Whalers in what might as well be titled “The We Need This One More Than You Do Bowl.”

The Whalers enter the week licking fresh wounds from last Sunday’s beatdown at the hands of South Carolina—a game in which Jonathan Taylor personally outscored half the division. Hartford owner Chad Allen, visibly exhausted from explaining why his team “totally wasn’t looking past SC,” said, “Last week was a speed bump. A… very large speed bump. Like a curb. Or a retaining wall. But this week we right the ship.”

Hard to blame him for the optimism—Bo Nix, Puka Nacua, and Zay Flowers have quietly turned Hartford into a rollercoaster capable of both thrilling highs and stomach-churning drops. After scoring 93 last week, the Whalers desperately need to show accountability, functionality, and perhaps a pulse.

But across the field stand the Philadelphia Dark Side, who enter Week 11 with all the enthusiasm of a yard sale that won’t end. Owner Avan Beaver has spent the last 10 days trying to trade anything not bolted down—then accidentally offering Jalen Hurts after the deadline, because of course he did.

“I don’t know who’s actually playing,” Beaver admitted Wednesday. “I traded half the roster in my head, but apparently that doesn’t count.”

Yet somehow, somehow, the Dark Side always shows signs of life, usually in the form of AJ Brown refusing to let the franchise fully collapse. Philadelphia may be 3–7, but they’ve become the league’s chaotic neutral force—the team that could ruin someone’s playoff hopes simply by stumbling into a 55-point game out of nowhere.

This week? They’d love nothing more than to kick Hartford while they’re down.

Owner Talk

Hartford’s Allen: “We’re still in the East race. But if we lose to Philadelphia? Just put us behind the Gilmore Girls rerun schedule on the stadium TV and call it a season.”

Philadelphia’s Beaver: “Look, we’re unpredictable. That’s our strength. Or maybe a weakness. I honestly stopped keeping track”

Prediction

Hartford 41, Philadelphia 33

Why?

Because Hartford is desperate, home, and still recovering from last week’s SC bludgeoning—and desperate home teams tend to show up. Also because Philadelphia specializes in giving opponents hope before inevitably running out of gas at the worst moment.

Prepare yourselves. Week 11’s Game of the Week may not be pretty—but it’ll definitely be funny.

The Rewind: A Look Back at Week 10's Game of the Week

Los Angeles Lords (6-3) @ Tequila Sunrise (6-3)

LOS ANGELES — It was billed as the battle for the soul of the IFFL West. Instead, it turned into Matthew Stafford’s weekly masterclass in “Oh yeah, I can still absolutely sling it.”

The Los Angeles Lords took down the Tequila Sunrise 53–34, sweeping the season series and planting their flag atop the West. With the win, LA moved to 7–3 and left Tequila staring at second place like someone who just realized they left their wallet at the bar.

Stafford Torches Sunrise (Again)

Stafford delivered his third straight four-touchdown performance since signing in LA—13 TDs in 3 games. “I just show up and throw touchdowns now,” Stafford joked afterward. “It’s a new thing I’m trying.”

Tequila head coach and owner Jeff Dixon was less amused.

“We doubled him. We disguised coverages. We prayed. Nothing worked,” he said. “I don’t even think he broke a sweat.”

Breece Hall Debuts, Achane Goes Wild

Tequila’s RB De’Von Achane tried to single-handedly keep the Sunrise in it with 225 yards and two scores, running like a man who took LA’s trade for Breece Hall personally.

“I saw they traded for Breece,” Achane said. “So I figured I better remind folks that I still exist.”

But LA’s counterpunch was simply too powerful. Newly acquired RB Breece Hall posted 125 yards and a TD in his Lords debut.

“Welcome to the machine, kid,” Stafford told Hall after the game. “You’ll fit right in.”

Defense? Anyone? Anyone at All?

Both defenses… showed up. Technically.

New England allowed 371 yards for Tequila; LA’s Rams unit allowed nearly 400. But it was the tiny plays—one turnover here, one big Rams stop there—that swung the scales.

Tequila K Brandon McManus didn’t help, managing just 1 point. “Listen,” McManus said, “I kicked it. The points just didn’t… go in the thing. What more do you want?”

Jeff Dixon Takes the Loss... Sarcastically

“I’m thrilled,” Dixon said, stone-faced. “Just delighted. Nothing brings me joy like losing to the Lords twice in a season. Maybe next week I’ll lose by 40 instead of 20—just to change the vibe.”

Jason Beaver, Lord of Los Angeles, All-In

After the win, LA owner Jason Beaver couldn’t resist.

“Look, we don’t rebuild. We reload. Then we reload the reload,” Beaver said. “Stafford’s throwing like he’s 28, Breece is here, the defense is improving, and we might even get Dobbins back at some point. I like our odds.”

When asked if the team was officially pushing its chips all in, Beaver shrugged.

“We pushed them in weeks ago. We’re playing with house money now.”

Final Word: Sunrise Stuck in the Shadows

Tequila falls to 6–4, watching LA surge ahead in the division race.

“We’ll see them again,” Achane said. “Maybe in the playoffs. Maybe in Jason Beaver’s nightmares.”

After Week 10, one thing is clear:

The West runs through Los Angeles… and Stafford is driving the bus at full speed.

Welcome back to the IFFL. Week 9 where no one wants to run the league, so we try a new team this week.  Let’s get to the Power Rankings.

1. Los Angeles Lords (6-3) the Lords are making moves and trying to put their playoff future in their own hands.
   
   
2. Tequila Sunrise (6-3) Beat Taipei to keep pace in the East.
   
   
3. South Carolina Scarecrows (6-3) Has literally given every other east team a chance to win the division playing like crap week in and week out.
   
   
4. New Whiteland Chicken Pluckerz: (6-3) Proved at least for another week they deserve to be on this list by beating the Kats.
   
   
5. Tabbi’s Kats (6-3) This is 3 straight losses. Let’s hope the Kats get back on track before Tabbi does something she might regret, like forget to have a background check run on a potential Free Agent Signing.
   
   
6. San Antonio Mexicants (5-4) Close losses still count as losses.
   
   
7. Hartford Whalers (5-4) 3 wins in a row and knocking on the door of the East mountaintop.

Players of the Week

• Offense
  
  QB Joe Flacco – Philadelphia Dark Side
  469 yards, 4 TD, 1 Two-Point Conversion
  
  Yes… that Joe Flacco. Fresh out of the football crypt, he dropped the single biggest QB performance of the season and reminded everyone that elite never dies, it just naps. “I just needed the right lighting and some warm-up throws,” Flacco said while adjusting his bifocals and firing lasers.
  
  
• Defense
  
  Indy Animals 4 sacks.
  
  Not alot to choose from this week so we will take the best of the worst.
  
  
• Kicker
  
  Cam Little (Chicago) — 4 FG (12 pts)
  
  A 68 yard FG in regulation helped to seal the Fightin Ditka’s 2nd win of the season.

The Look Ahead: Week 10's Game of the Week

Los Angeles Lords (6-3) @ Tequila Sunrise (6-3)
“The Battle for Temporary Control of the West”

If the IFFL West were a neighborhood, this would be that moment when two dads in cargo shorts lock eyes at the end of the cul-de-sac and both know someone is walking away with custody of the patio grill.

Both the Los Angeles Lords and Tequila Sunrise enter Week 10 at 6–3, white-knuckling their playoff aspirations while pretending not to feel the hot breath of San Antonio and Taipei breathing down their necks like a Golden Corral sneeze guard during brunch rush.

Los Angeles: A Team on a Mission

The Lords have won five straight and recently added Breece Hall to a backfield that was already featuring Josh Jacobs, J.K. Dobbins, and whichever RB Jason Beaver dug out of a grain silo in Iowa.

QB Matthew Stafford is playing the part of “old guy at open gym who calls perfect fouls and never misses a mid-range jumper.” He has one goal: Championship #5.

Or as Beaver calls it: “Re-establishing order in the West.”

Then again, LA still starts Daniel Jones occasionally, so the universe remains in balance.

We’ll know by halftime.

Bijan Robinson and De’Von Achane remain the most terrifying yet fragile RB duo in the league — like a Ferrari powered by hummingbirds.

Tee Higgins is now apparently healthy, mad, and dunking on people again.

Dixon said this week:

“We’ve been here before. We know how to win the big ones. And also the small ones. And also the medium ones.”

LA’s Jason Beaver responded:

“We respect them. But they know what we’re doing. We’re not hiding it. We’re trying to ruin everyone’s season.”

Prediction

This one feels like points. It feels like yelling. It feels like someone blowing a lead and refusing to speak to the group chat for 36 hours.

Final Score Prediction: Los Angeles 57 - Tequila Sunrise 52

The Lords’ new toy Breece Hall does something extremely rude on national television, and Jason Beaver spends the postgame smirking like he knew the entire time.

The Rewind: A Look Back at Week 9's Game(s) of the Week

Los Angeles Lords (38) @ San Antonio Mexican’ts (33)

The Los Angeles Lords continued their scorching-hot midseason run, picking up their fifth straight win on the road in San Antonio. The Lords were led by QB Matthew Stafford who turned in a four-touchdown performance and promptly reminded the league that he is not here to babysit:

“I told them I wasn’t washed. I told them. Look at me. LOOK AT ME.” — Matthew Stafford, while staring directly into a camera.

Meanwhile, Josh Jacobs rolled into town with his own lunch pail, punching in 100 yards and a score like it was a contractual obligation.

Owner Jason Beaver (LA) was seen exiting the stadium wearing sunglasses after dark, daring anyone to say anything:

“We’re pushing the chips. All of them. I'm redecorating the trophy case. Again.”

Across the aisle, San Antonio may be spiraling.

QB Jared Goff did what he could (284 yards, 2 TD), but the offense looked like it had just rolled out of a Chili’s at 3:47 AM.

Owner Tanya Harless said after the loss:

“We are fine. Everything is fine. (Pauses) DOES ANYONE KNOW WHERE ISIAH PACHECO IS?”

Travis Kelce was unavailable for postgame comments; he was reportedly already on a private jet to accompany Taylor Swift on her European tour.

GAME OF THE WEEK (PART Deux)

Tequila Sunrise (52) @ Taipei Personality (41)

This one had the feel of a playoff preview — until Tequila decided to drop the hammer.

QB Sam Darnold unleashed 330 yards and 4 touchdowns, delivering one of the most surprising shreddings since that one time you tried to “just check your credit score one time” and your life fell apart.

Asked about his performance, Darnold simply said:

“People forget. I don’t.” He then stared off into the distance for an uncomfortable amount of time.

Tee Higgins also made his presence known, scoring twice and shouting “PAY ME!” toward the sideline.

Owner Jeff Dixon (Tequila) was fired up after the game:

“We needed this one. Darnold is HIM. Higgins is HIM. Everyone is HIM. Except our defense. They are very much NOT HIM.”

The Taipei sideline was more… reflective.

Drake London, whose 3 TD day was wasted, told reporters:

“I balled out. The defense did cardio. I don’t know man.”

Owner Andrew Wang added:

“We’re still in the mix. Look at the standings. Everyone’s 5–4 or 6–3. The division is basically a raffle drawing at this point.”

Welcome back to the IFFL. Week 8 where the Kats are no longer at the top of the league. Let’s get to the Power Rankings.

1. South Carolina Scarecrows (6-2) Back in the win column and now into the 2025 trading season to increase his odds of bringing home the 3rd Riesbeck trophy for the franchise.
   
   
2. Tabbi’s Kats (6-2) This is 2 in a row, in a bad way, one more and that could be devastating. The Kats should get back on track this week.
   
   
3. Los Angeles Lords (5-3) This last game was special, family affairs always mean more especially when the parent beats the child and CPS is not involved.
   
   
4. Tequila Sunrise (5-3) Who says losing breeds losing, the Sunrise snapped that 2 game streak to put the Subs in their place.
   
   
5. San Antonio Mexicants (5-3) Beats the hapless Bagels to keep pace in the West.
   
   
6. Taipei Personality (5-3) Ran (literally) all over a Lamar-less Pittsburgh squad.
   
   
7. New Whiteland Chicken Pluckerz (5-3) Welcome to the big boy club.  Too bad the Kats are waiting in the wings.

Players of the Week

• Offense
  
  Bo Nix (Har) 246 yards, 4 TD’s. Big Game, Bo Nix shows up to surgically dissect the league leading Kats.
  
  
• Defense
  
  South Carolina - 275 yds allowed, 5 Sack, 2 FR, 2 Ints A week after getting beat by the SA defense the Scarecrow D took their frustration out on the Animals.
  
  
• Kicker
  
  Cameron Dicker (San Antonio) — 4 XP, 3 FG (13 pts). Wow, just wow, the way this Mexican’ts team wins games is abnormal and most of the time that luck runs out before winning a championship.

The Look Ahead: Week 9's Game(s) of the Week

Tequila Sunrise (5–3) @ Taipei Personality (5–3)
“When Cool Collides with Chaos”

It’s a clash of offensive philosophies: Tequila’s methodical, stat-padding machine vs. Taipei’s explosive unpredictability.

Owner Jeff Dixon’s Sunrise come in looking to reassert dominance after a midseason wobble. QB play has stabilized, the RB room remains stacked, and the team that once looked tired now looks terrifying again. “We’re built for the stretch run,” Dixon said. “And if anyone doubts that, they can come try running through Bijan.”

On the other sideline, Andrew Wang’s Personality are quietly becoming everyone’s least favorite matchup — too talented to overlook, too erratic to prepare for. Saquon Barkley and James Cook form one of the league’s deadliest one-two punches, while Tyreek Hill and Malik Nabers make every game a track meet.

Wang kept it short with reporters, “Tequila talks a lot about sunrise. We’re more of a sudden lightning strike.”

The analytics say Tequila’s consistency wins championships; the vibes say Taipei might just blow them off the field.

Prediction

Tequila 52, Taipei 48

The Sunrise survive, but barely.

Los Angeles Lords (5–3) @ San Antonio Mexican’ts (5–3)
“Battle of the Brave”

When these two owners face off, it’s not just football — it’s a feud. Jason Beaver’s Lords have been the hottest team in the league, winners of four straight behind Daniel Jones and an offense that’s been firing even without the injured Ricky Pearsall. But losing Cam Skattebo to that gruesome leg injury leaves the backfield thin. “We’ll adjust,” Beaver said. “We always do. We have Breece Hall now — and he’s bringing some much-needed hydration to our offense.” How do the Lords react after the midweek trade that sent Pearsall to Cincinnati?

On the San Antonio side, Tanya Harless’s Mexican’ts are grinding out wins the old-fashioned way — tough defense, balanced attack, and CeeDee Lamb doing whatever he wants. “Jason’s team is scary,” Tanya admitted. “But not as scary as me when I lose.”

Expect tension, fireworks, and at least one controversial call to spark arguments across the Harless–Beaver households of the IFFL.

Prediction

San Antonio 46, Los Angeles 44

The Mexican’ts’ defense bends but doesn’t break, handing the Lords a humbling end to their streak.

The Rewind: A Look Back at Week 8's Game of the Week

Tabbi’s 53 @ Hartford 59
“The Character Clash Turns into Chaos in Connecticut”

In a game billed as a clash of morals as much as talent, the Hartford Whalers took down the previously pristine Tabbi’s Kats 59–53 in Week 8’s IFFL Game of the Week — handing Tabbi Brewer her second straight loss and giving Hartford their biggest win of the season.

Owner Chad Allen strutted out of the Whalers’ locker room postgame, latte in hand, declaring, “Maybe character’s overrated. I’ve got guys who skip chapel and still score touchdowns.”

He wasn’t wrong. QB Bo Nix was surgical, throwing for 246 yards and 4 touchdowns, while RB RJ Harvey emerged as an unlikely hero, punching in three scores of his own. “Coach told me to ‘be the difference,’” said Harvey. “So I was. Mainly because Pollard wasn’t.”

Tabbi’s Kats, long considered the league’s model of discipline and clean play, suddenly looked rattled. Josh Allen tried to keep the game close with 3 touchdowns, but the Hartford defense — yes, Hartford’s defense — made just enough stops to secure the win.

“We preach integrity and focus,” said Brewer. “But it’s hard to stay focused when Bo Nix looks like he’s been possessed by the ghost of Joe Montana.”

Even Derrick Henry’s 2-touchdown performance couldn’t save the Kats, who have now fallen from 6–0 to 6–2. Around the league, whispers of “the curse of clean living” have begun circulating.

As for the Whalers, the win keeps their playoff hopes alive and gives Chad Allen all the ammo he needs for his next Snapchat bitmoji story. “We’re built on chaos,” Allen said. “And sometimes chaos wins.”

Next week: Hartford looks to keep the redemption arc going, while Tabbi’s Kats try to remember what losing doesn’t feel like.

Welcome back to the IFFL. Week 7 where the Kats and Scarecrows both lose but hold their grip on the league. Let’s get to the Power Rankings.

1. Tabbi’s Kats (6-1) Well it happened. The Kats imploded, however they were missing Josh Allen, Derrick Henry, and Dalton Kincaid, I would hope they get back to their winning ways this week.
   
   
2. South Carolina Scarecrows (5-2) Lost again in the Domestic Violence Bowl if this was a less common occurrence I would be afraid that Trevor would snap.
   
   
3. Los Angeles Lords (4-3) 2 game winning streak leads the Lords to Tequila.
   
   
4. Indy Animals (4-3) Got back into the win column against the Kats last week.  A Jahmyr Gibbs 4th quarter for the ages sealed the win.
   
   
5. Tequila Sunrise (4-3) Lost a blowout to LA who is finally showing their potential.
   
   
6. San Antonio Mexicants (4-3) Masta got the Scarecrows working in the fields.
   
   
7. Taipei Personality (4-3) Lost a close game to New Whiteland, still a very hard team to put away.

Players of the Week

• Offense:
  
  Matt Stafford (LA)
  183 yards, 5 TD’s. Big Game, Bigger Play from Stafford who is quickly connecting with the Lord’s Receivers
  
  
• Defense:
  
  San Antonio Mexican’ts
  95 yds allowed, 1 Sack, 1 FR, S/O Absolutely amazing performance against the Scarecrows, ultimately it did them in.
  
  
• Kicker:
  
  Will Reichard (Philadelphia)
  1 XP, 5 FG (16 pts). Kicked his team into a victory and a very confusing trade deadline for team brass.

The Look Ahead: Week 8's Game of the Week

Tabbi's @ Hartford
Character Clash on the IFFL Gridiron

This week’s marquee matchup isn’t just about records, yardage, or playoff positioning—though there’s plenty of that at stake. Tabbi’s Kats (6–1) host the resurgent Hartford Whalers (3–4) in what can only be described as a philosophical collision, a culture clash, and perhaps even a minor morality play staged in cleats.

On one sideline stands Tabbi Brewer, owner of the Kats, whose team identity has long been built on discipline, stability, and an absolutely ironclad “no knuckleheads” policy. Her players show up early, hydrate properly, speak politely, and probably volunteer at local youth flag football clinics in their spare time.

They also win. A lot.

Tabbi's oft-quoted motto — “Good character means good play on the field” — has been tested but never disproven, as her team once again sits atop the Central Division standings with a 6–1 record and the confidence of a team that expects to be in the league semifinals as a matter of routine.

Across the line of scrimmage, wearing the slightly rumpled hawaiian shirt of a man who is very much aware that the rest of the league is judging him, stands Hartford Whalers owner Chad Allen.

Allen’s roster is a swirling experiment built on the premise that talent trumps public relations, locker room harmony, and possibly even sleep. From Bo Nix slinging YOLO balls to DeVonta Smith’s ice-cold sideline demeanor to Quinshon Judkins scoring while ignoring all media interactions, Hartford fields a lineup that looks like it was assembled in a dimly lit poker room, without x-ray tables or glasses, while the words “I can fix him” echoed softly in the background.

When asked about his team-building philosophy this week, Allen shrugged:

“Look, I’m not running a church youth league. I’m running a football team. If a guy can get open, I don’t really care if he once keyed somebody’s car at a Waffle House.”

Tabbi, in contrast, was diplomatic—but also very not:

“I believe the way you live is the way you play. We don’t do chaos. We don’t do ‘projects.’ And we certainly don’t do Waffle House incidents.”

The Whalers’ path to victory lies in creating chaos, forcing shootout tempo, and letting the talent cook. The Kats’ strategy is simple: play clean, play efficient, play stable, and dare Hartford to self-destruct before the fourth quarter.

Prediction

Tabbi’s Kats 38, Hartford Whalers 31

Tabbi’s structure and discipline withstand Hartford’s offensive volatility—though not without a few sideline moments where Chad Allen loudly insists someone else blew the coverage.

And afterward, regardless of the score, one thing is guaranteed:

Chad Allen will still swear he was one player away.

The Rewind: A Look Back at Week 7's Game of the Week

San Antonio 41 @ South Carolina 38 - Domestic Violence Bowl*
*The Harless Household Cup (working title the league’s lawyers prefer)

COLUMBIA, S.C. — The 20th installment of the famously chaotic Domestic Violence Bowl delivered everything it has become known for: emotional chaos, questionable play-calling, household bribery, lawn-chair tailgating, and one very split Harless family living room.

The San Antonio Mexican’ts edged out the South Carolina Scarecrows 41–38 on Sunday, improving their all-time record in the rivalry and making sure the Harless household remains tense for at least another week.

The story of the day was Jonathan Taylor’s herculean effort for South Carolina. The Scarecrows’ star back ran for 132 yards and 3 touchdowns, accounting for nearly half their point total. Despite the performance, the Scarecrows couldn’t fend off the steady efficiency of San Antonio QB Jared Goff, who completed just enough throws—especially to CeeDee Lamb (110 yards and a score)—to keep the Mexican’ts ahead late.

“I told everyone we weren’t folding today,” Goff said after the win. “And also that we packed our own lunch because I'm not eating whatever was going on at the Harless house this morning.” I bet it wasn’t waffles!

On the other side, rookie QB Drake Maye was sharp, throwing for 284 yards and 2 touchdowns, and mostly avoiding mistakes—a small miracle in a game historically known for “emotional interceptions.” But a late drive stalled at midfield, sealing South Carolina’s fate.

San Antonio’s defense—specifically the Kansas City D/ST—came up enormous, forcing turnovers and holding South Carolina to just enough field goals instead of touchdowns. They walked away with 16 fantasy points, making them the unsung MVPs of the afternoon.

As for the heads of household:

San Antonio Owner Tanya Harless, sipping victory coffee, smiled and said,

“I mean, tradition is tradition. I just enjoy winning. Especially in front of him.”

South Carolina Owner Trevor Harless stared into the middle distance and muttered,

“We had it… we had it… somebody turn off the lights.”

With the win, San Antonio climbs back into the thick of the Western Division race, while South Carolina—still leading the East—must regroup fast in a suddenly crowded playoff picture.

But as always, the real story isn’t just the standings. It’s that the Harless family won’t be speaking calmly to one another until at least Wednesday.

Welcome back to the IFFL. Week 6 where the ups and downs are extra wild. Let’s get to the Power Rankings.

1. Tabbi’s Kats: (6-0) The Kats came out victorious, again.  Who beats this Kats team? I only see them beating themselves.
   
   
2. South Carolina Scarecrows: (5-1) Must change their luck against the Mexican’ts this week.
   
   
3. Tequila Sunrise: (4-2) Faces a red hot Lords team in week 7 to stay atop the West.
   
   
4. Taipei Personality: (4-2) Sneakily moving up the charts but for how long?
   
   
5. Los Angeles Lords: (3-3) 2 game winning streak leads the Lords to Tequila.
   
   
6. Indy Animals: (3-3) Got back into the win column against SA last week.  A nullified Goff TD was the difference.
   
   
7. San Antonio Mexicants: (3-3) 3 losses in a row but have no fear the domestic violence bowl has arrived to straighten out the ship.

Players of the Week

• Offense:
  
  Cam Skattebo (LA) 110 yards, 3 TD’s. This is the rushing attack LA envisioned when drafting so many running backs this year.
  
  
• Defense:
  
  Indy Animals - 82 yds allowed, 9 Sacks Absolutely amazing performance against the Mexican’ts.
  
  
• Kicker:
  
  Eddy Pinero (Taipei) — 1 XP, 4 FG (13 pts). Kicked his way back across the Pacific.

The Look Ahead: Week 7's Game of the Week

San Antonio @ South Carolina - Domestic Violence Bowl
AKA The Harless Household Cup (working title the league’s lawyers prefer)

COLUMBIA, S.C. — It’s that time again when the Harless living room becomes a split-screen broadcast. Tanya’s San Antonio Mexican’ts (3–3) arrive with Jared Goff throwing darts and Cameron Dicker paper-cutting opponents to death, while Trevor’s South Carolina Scarecrows (5–1) counter with a ground game that scares lawns: Jonathan Taylor, Travis Etienne, and a side of Rachaad White.

Tradition says San Antonio has taken this family feud more often than not; the present says South Carolina looks like a wagon. The kids have chosen their allegiances: Riley reportedly sided with San Antonio after “unspecified incentives” (sources: a suspicious new tablet), while Payton backed Dad, noting, “He doesn’t need more bruises or broken bones—people will start to ask questions.” We’ll call that elite locker-room awareness.

Key Matchups

• Goff vs. SC pass rush: If the Scarecrows speed Drake Maye’s practice habits into their pass rush on Sunday, Goff’s timing windows shrink.
  
  
• Taylor/Etienne vs. short fields: San Antonio’s methodical drives are great—until SC’s RBs turn every possession into a track meet.
  
  
• Kickers: Dicker vs. McPherson has “plot twist” energy if touchdowns stall.

Final Whistle Forecast

South Carolina 31, San Antonio 27. SC’s RB duo bleeds the clock and wins the explosive-play margin late, while a fourth-quarter Hunter Henry touchdown is matched by a steady diet of Taylor/Etienne chunk runs. In a house divided, the tiebreaker is yards after contact… and the Scarecrows bring more of them.

The Rewind: A Look Back at Week 6's Game of the Week

Lords Steamroll Peanut Butter Balls, 64–16

PITTSBURGH, PA— The Los Angeles Lords brought a sledgehammer to a butter knife fight, flattening the Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls 64–16 in a game that was competitive for roughly the length of the National Anthem. Matt Stafford’s steady debut (182 yards, TD) gave way to a ground avalanche: Josh Jacobs (150 yards, 2 TD) and Cam Skattebo (110 yards, three TD) turned Acrisure into a treadmill the home team couldn’t step on without flying off the back.

Justin Fields managed just 76 passing yards and a cold splash of reality, while Pittsburgh’s brightest lights were a kicker (Brandon Aubrey, 9) and a prayer. “Dear IFFL Injury Demon,” owner Matt Howell said afterward, staring into the middle distance, “please return Lamar Jackson and I’ll sacrifice my next two waiver claims, a gently used foam finger, and whatever’s left of our hamstrings.”

The Lords, who also got touchdowns from Ja’Marr Chase and Zach Ertz, looked… well, lordly. “We wanted boring competence up front and fireworks at the finish,” LA owner Jason Beaver quipped. “Mission accomplished—and no, we’re not trading for another quarterback this hour.” Stafford shrugged at the fuss: “Hand it to Josh, let Cam cook, don’t crash the bus.” Pittsburgh will try to tape the roster back together next week; Los Angeles leaves with the kind of win that makes a season feel shorter and January feel closer.

Welcome back to the IFFL. Week 5 where the ups and downs are extra wild. Let’s get to the Power Rankings.

1. Tabbi’s Kats: (5-0) The Kats came out victorious, again.  Chicago puts up little to no fight for these Kats.
   
   
2. South Carolina Scarecrows: (4-1) The slip up was not by Tabbi’s it was by the Scarecrows. Will they be buyers in the WR trade market?
   
   
3. Tequila Sunrise: (3-2) Exacted some revenge on the Mexicants in week 5.
   
   
4. San Antonio Mexicants: (3-2) 2 losses in a row has sent the Mexican’ts into a downward spiral.
   
   
5. Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls: (3-2) Loss of Lamar was no issue for this team in week 5.
   
   
6. Taipei Personality: (3-2) Sneakily moving up the charts but for how long?
   
   
7. Indy Animals: (2-3) Potential will only get you so far.

Players of the Week

• Offensive Player of the Week
  
  Sam Darnold (Tequila) — 341 yards, 4 TD (25 pts) in the 65–51 win at San Antonio.
  
  
• Defense of the Week
  
  Detroit Lions D/ST (Tabbi’s) — 322 yds allowed, 3 sacks, 3 INT, 1 safety, TD (13 pts).
  
  
• Kicker of the Week
  
  Joey Slye (Indy) — 3 FGs, 1 PAT = 13 pts (steady metronome in the Animals win).

The Look Ahead: Week 6's Game of the Week

Lords and Peanut Butter Balls
Stafford debuts for L.A.; Lamar sits as Pittsburgh leans on defense and legs

PITTSBURGH — Week 6’s marquee kicks at Acrisure, where the Los Angeles Lords (3–2) visit the Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls (3–2) in a clash thick with playoff tiebreaker juice.

The headline: Lamar Jackson is out (hamstring), pushing Pittsburgh toward a ball-control script with Nick Chubb, Jaylen Warren, and a defense that’s carried them early. K Brandon Aubrey—on a heater—may again be the home side’s most reliable scorer if red-zone trips stall.

Across the sideline, it’s the L.A. debut of Matt Stafford, freshly rescued from San Antonio’s curb and handed the keys while Joe Burrow rehabs. Expect OC to lean quick-game and play-action to Ja’Marr Chase and Michael Pittman Jr. (hamstring watch), with Josh Jacobs/J.K. Dobbins setting the table. If Stafford’s timing is in, the Ravens D/ST safety net won’t have to bail water.

Prediction: Los Angeles 27, Pittsburgh 23

Stafford does just enough with Jacobs/Dobbins setting tempo, Chase nabs a red-zone TD, and Tyler Loop’s late field goal is the difference. Without Lamar, Pittsburgh leans on Chubb/Warren and Aubrey, but one stalled fourth-quarter drive flips it to the Lords.

The Rewind: A Look Back at Week 5's Game of the Week

Sunrise 65, Mexican’ts 51
Darnold detonates, Javonte rumbles as Tequila evens season series in shootout

SAN ANTONIO — Tequila flipped the script in the Week 5 Game of the Week, torching San Antonio 65–51 behind a surprise star turn from Sam Darnold and a bruising closer from Javonte Williams.

Pressed into action, Darnold carved up the secondary for 341 yards and 4 TD (25 pts), spreading scores to Jordan Addison and Tory Horton while Amon-Ra St. Brown posted 100 yards. On the ground, Williams pounded out 139 yards and 2 TD (13 pts) with De’Von Achane adding another score. Wil Lutz tacked on 7, and the Jets D/ST chipped in 1.

San Antonio answered often but never caught up. Jared Goff threw 3 TD (18 pts), David Montgomery bullied in two (12 pts), and both Travis Kelce and Dallas Goedert found the end zone. Cameron Dicker added 4, with the Chiefs D/ST at 5.

Turning point: Up 44–38 in the third, Darnold converted a third-and-long to St. Brown, setting up an Addison TD. A quick three-and-out later, Williams cashed a short field for a two-score cushion Tequila never relinquished.

Welcome back to the IFFL. Week 4 where the injuries are more severe and the drama’s better than ever. Let’s get to the Power Rankings.

1. Tabbi’s Kats (4-0) The Kats came out victorious, again.  Now they play at home v New Whiteland Lets see if Josh can keep it rolling.
   
   
2. South Carolina Scarecrows (4-0) One slip up by Tabbi’s and the Scarecrows go to the top.
   
   
3. San Antonio Mexicants (3-1) Ruined a chance of a undefeated DV Bowl in a few weeks.  Should be deported.
   
   
4. Indy Animals (2-2) The Animals are rolling.
   
   
5. New Delhi Subs (2-2) Two wins in a row quieting the talk of tankathon 2025 for a few weeks.
   
   
6. Tequila Sunrise (2-2) Got beat in every phase of the game, it should’ve helped they were playing the Whalers.
   
   
7. Hartford Whalers (2-2) Beat the Sunrise, do you know how many times in a generation the Whalers do that?

Players of the Week

• Offensive Player of the Week
  
  Patrick Mahomes (New Delhi Subs) — 275 yards, 4 TD = 24 pts in a 68–43 win over Philadelphia. Surgical, ruthless, vintage.
  
  
• Defense/Special Teams of the Week
  
  Tabbi’s Kats — 249 yards allowed, 3 sacks, 2 INT, DEF TD = 13 pts in a 68–41 win vs. Los Angeles.
  
  
• Kicker of the Week
  
  Cairo Santos (Tabbi’s) — 4 FGs, 1 PAT = 13 pts (steady metronome in the Kats’ win).

The Look Ahead to Week 5’s Game of the Week

Game of the Week Preview: Tequila at San Antonio

Second pour, same glass? Mexican’ts took the first meeting 41–34; Tequila swears this one comes with salt and revenge.

SAN ANTONIO — Round two arrives with all the subtlety of a marching band in a library. The Mexican’ts (the league’s current connoisseurs of body blows and field goals) welcome the Sunrise, who roll into town with a track team at running back and a quarterback old enough to remember dial-up. Yes, Brock Purdy (toe) is out, and yes, Aaron Rodgers (41) is once again expected to point at safeties and hand the ball to meteors.

Mexican’ts 30, Sunrise 27.

SA’s trench work and a late Dicker field goal survive one home-run run from Achane and a vintage Rodgers two-minute drill scare. Same movie, different theater; still worth the price of popcorn.

The Rewind: A Look Back at Week 4’s Game of the Week

Scarecrows 55 v  PB Balls 20

South Carolina steamrolls behind Maye’s three TDs, six-sack defense

COLUMBIA, S.C. — South Carolina turned a hyped Week 4 showcase into a rout, thumping Pittsburgh 55–20 behind Drake Maye’s efficient line (214 yards, 3 TD) and a relentless Seattle D/ST that allowed just 253 yards and piled up six sacks with two fumble recoveries.

The Scarecrows controlled tempo from the opening series. Travis Etienne (125 yards, TD) and Zach Charbonnet (44 yards, TD) hammered between big strikes to Hunter Henry (TD) and Marvin Harrison Jr. (66 yards, TD). Even without a score from Jonathan Taylor (96 yards), South Carolina’s balance kept Pittsburgh chasing.

The Peanut Butter Balls flashed early — Lamar Jackson totaled 195 yards and a TD, and Khalil Shakir snagged a touchdown — but drives fizzled as the pass rush heated up. Brandon Aubrey added 8 kicking points; the 49ers D/ST went scoreless.

Turning point: Late first quarter, South Carolina converted a red-zone third down to Henry for six, then forced a fumble on the next series; Charbonnet punched in moments later. A tight game snapped to double digits and never returned.

Welcome back to the IFFL. Week 2 where the injuries are more severe and the drama’s better than ever. Let’s get to the Power Rankings.

1. Tabbi’s Kats: (3-0) The Kats came out victorious, again.  Now they play at home v LA which looked hopeless in week 3.
   
   
2. San Antonio Mexicants: (3-0) The Mexican’ts have a test against Taipei in Taiwan this week.
   Could we possibly see a battle of undefeated’s in the Domestic Violence Bowl in week 7?
   
   
3. South Carolina Scarecrows: (3-0) The Scarecrow’s next test is PIttsburgh and Lamar Jackson a team they haven’t been able to solve in recent memory.
   
   
4. Tequila Sunrise: (2-1) Got beat in every phase of the game, it should’ve helped they were at home.
   
   
5. Pittsburgh PeanutButter Balls: (2-1) QB Lamar Jackson is playing out of his mind right now, now he gets his favorite divisional opponent.
   
   
6. Indy Animals: (1-2)The Mac Attack gets the Animals their 1st win of the season…Finally!
   
   
7. New Delhi Subs: (1-2) Put it on the Lords in LA, now they look for sustainment.

Players of the Week

• Offensive Player of the Week-
  
  Jalen Hurts, QB — Philadelphia Dark Side
  Line: 266 yards, 4 TD (24 pts) in a 55–32 win vs Pittsburgh.
  Why: Perfect red-zone violence, zero wasted possessions.
  
  
• Defense of the Week-
  
  Cincinnati Bagels
  Line: 171 yards allowed, 4 sacks, 2 FR, 2 safeties (24 pts) in a 41–47 loss at Tabbi’s.
  Why: A basketball score from a defense. Unreal.
  
  
• Kicker of the Week
  
  Will Reichard — Philadelphia Dark Side
  Line: 6 PAT + 2 FG = 12 pts vs Pittsburgh.
  Why: Punctuated every Philly drive; cardio and points.

The Look Ahead to Week 4’s Game of the Week

Pittsburgh @ South Carolina

Headline question: Have Trevor Harless and South Carolina finally solved the Lamar puzzle?

Short answer: Kinda looks like it. Pittsburgh’s offense has gone from “Lamar, do everything” to “Lamar, do the important things,” with more on-time throws, designed keepers in the high-leverage downs, and Brandon Aubrey cleaning the ledger. That’s produced 3–4 TD spike weeks and fewer YOLO moments.

But… South Carolina is a different exam. The Scarecrows are 3–0 with scoreboard violence: Drake Maye distributing, Jonathan Taylor and Travis Etienne tilting scripts, and Hunter Henry feasting in the seams. When SC gets a lead, they squeeze possessions and dare you to trade 12-play drives for their six-play touchdowns.

Matchups to Watch

• Lamar vs. the Defense: Contain edges, spy discipline—SC thrives when QBs hold the ball.
  
  
• JT/Etienne vs.Pit run D: If Pittsburgh forces 2nd/long, Maye has to drive it outside the numbers—small victory.

Verdict on the “Lamar puzzle”: The picture’s forming—fewer hero shots, more curated violence. Now he has to hang that picture in a hostile barn against a team that hasn’t blinked yet. Buckle up.

Prediction: South Carolina 48, Pittsburgh 41

Why: The Scarecrows have been a scoreboard avalanche (30, 54, 64) with Drake Maye distributing and Jonathan Taylor finishing. Pittsburgh can keep pace in bursts with Lamar’s spike weeks and Aubrey’s leg, but SC’s red-zone ruthlessness + home field tilts the math.

The Rewind a look back at week 3’s Game of the Week

Mexican’ts 41, Sunrise 34

Monty Mashes, Dicker Drills, and San Antonio Steals One in Tequila

San Antonio leaned on trench work and timely kicks to outlast the champs. David Montgomery bulldozed for 164 yards and 2 TD (15 pts), Jared Goff stayed mistake-free (209 yards, TD), and Cameron Dicker stacked three field goals (11 pts). Tequila got 2 TD from Aaron Rodgers and a score from Amon-Ra St. Brown, but the RB avalanche—Bijan 111, Achane 91, Javonte 92—somehow produced zero rushing TDs, and that was the difference.

Jared Goff: “We played on time, let Monty do the heavy lifting, and Dicker kept cashing receipts.”

Bijan Robinson: “Yards are cool—six is cooler. We’ve got to finish drives, period.”

SA Owner Tanya Harless: “That’s our road formula: body blows, clean possessions, and our kicker closing the tab.”

Tequila Owner Jeff Dixon: “Tip your cap to them. We moved it between the 20s; we need touchdowns, not postcards.”

Welcome back to the IFFL. Week 2 where the injuries are more severe and the drama’s better than ever. Let’s get to the Power Rankings.

1. Tequila Sunrise (2-0) rolling through the 1st 2 games like it was 2024 they battle San Antonio next for the chance to stay perfect.
   
   
2. Tabbi’s Kats (2-0) The Kats came out victorious even after losing RB Derrick Henry and MVP QB Josh Allen for a few plays on Sunday.
   
   
3. Pittsburgh PeanutButter Balls (2-0) QB Lamar Jackson is playing out of his mind right now, 3-0 seems like a lock over the hapless Dark Side.
   
   
4. San Antonio Mexicants (2-0) The Mexican’ts have a test against Tequila this week. Could we possibly see a battle of undefeated’s in the Domestic Violence Bowl in week 7?
   
   
5. South Carolina Scarecrows (2-0) The Scarecrow’s battle Hartford in a division showdown Sunday.
   
   
6. Los Angeles Lords (1-1) Losing Joe Burrow for the season has hampered the Lords plan to take back the championship, but the Trevor Lawrence trade might have revitalized some.
   
   
7. New Whiteland Chicken Pluckerz: (1-1) In the pack in the always tough Central will they prevail against Indy this week?

Players of the Week

• Offensive Player of the Week:
  
  Jared Goff, QB — San Antonio Mexican’ts
  Line: 340 yards, 5 TD (31 pts) in a 57–54 win at Los Angeles.
  Why: Turned LA’s D into a dart board.
  
  
• Defense of the Week:
  
  South Carolina Scarecrows
  Line: 267 yards allowed, 3 sacks, 2 INT, 1 TD (11 pts) in a 54–18 rout of Philadelphia.
  Why: Smothered everything and brought their own six.
  
  
• Kicker of the Week:
  
  Spencer Shrader — New Whiteland Chicken Pluckerz
  Line: 5 FGs, 2 XPs (17 pts) in a 52–44 win over Chicago.
  Why: The leg was the closer.

The Look Ahead to Week 3’s Game of the Week

San Antonio Mexican’ts @ Tequila Sunrise

2–0 vs 2–0, primetime salsa — and we packed extra limes

San Antonio rolls into the margarita factory undefeated, confident, and very aware of the assignment: outscore the league’s most violent backfield and keep the Amon-Ra siren on snooze. Tequila is 2–0 behind a conveyor belt of RBs and a freshly signed QB, but the Mexican’ts just dropped 57 in L.A. and found out the passing game can carry a rivalry week on its own.

Prediction

Tequila will land shots — that backfield always does — but our passing game is humming, and the red-zone package with Kelce tips the scale. Add a Dicker edge and one takeaway, and the flight home tastes like victory.

San Antonio 31, Tequila 27
Undefeated stays undefeated — just not for both.

The Rewind a look back at week 2’s Game of the Week

New Delhi Subs 32 @ Hartford Whalers 34

The condiment feud delivered. Bo Nix played point guard, Puka Nacua caught everything but the blimp, and the Packers D/ST added just enough snark.

Patrick Mahomes kept it interesting, Kenneth Walker III ran angry, and Jake Bates registered 10 because field goals are feelings. New Delhi, now 0–2 again, is legally obligated to insist it’s “part of the process.”

Welcome back to the IFFL. The IFFL is back and was better than ever last week. Let’s get to the Power Rankings.

1. Tequila Sunrise: (1-0) beat the Animals in the same fashion in week 1 as they did during the Super Bowl by 2.
   
   
2. Tabbi’s Kats: (1-0) RB Derrick Henry and MVP QB Josh Allen took this team to a Week 1 victory.
   
   
3. Pittsburgh PeanutButter Balls: (1-0) QB Lamar Jackson picked up where they left off last year, will it be another run to the playoffs for Lamar and team?
   
   
4. Los Angeles Lords: (1-0) With Joe Burrow at QB and WR Ja'Marr Chase acting like fools on Sunday it was a total team effort to dispatch the Personality.
   
   
5. Indy Animals: (0-1) Just barely lost to the Sunrise again, can the Animals solve their Tequila problem.
   
   
6. San Antonio Mexicants: (1-0) The Mexican’ts took care of the Whalers in a hard fought defensive battle.
   
   
7. South Carolina Scarecrows: (1-0) Scarecrows outlasted the Bagels now look to take care of the Dark Side.

Players of the Week

• Offensive Player of the Week:
  
  Josh Allen QB - Tabbi's Kats
  
  Line: 424 yards, 4 TD (30 pts) in a 63–53 win at Philadelphia.
  
  Turned the opener into a fireworks inspection. When he wasn’t dropping dimes to Deebo/Kincaid, Derrick Henry was steamrolling the clock thanks to all that vertical stress.
  
  
• Defense of the Week:
  
  Indy Animals
  
  Line: 133 yards allowed, 6 sacks, 2 fumble recoveries (15 pts) in a 49–47 nail-biter at Tequila.
  
   A full-on pass-rush clinic and yardage chokehold; they just didn’t get the ball last.
  
  
• Kicker of the Week:
  
  Cam Little - Chicago Fightin' Ditaks
  
  Line: 4 FGs, 2 PATs (14 pts) in a 46–33 win over New Delhi.
  
  Lakefront kicking masterclass. Every stalled drive became three stress-free points.

The Look Ahead to Week 2’s Game of the Week

Honey Mustard #1

New Delhi Subs @ Hartford Whalers

The Honey Mustard Rivalry (since 2002): one squeeze-bottle comment, twenty-three years of petty joy

Kickoff: Sunday, in Hartford Subplot: In 2002 a Hartford (0-1) front-office wag asked Subs (0-1) owner Pete Shaunki if New Delhi even had honey mustard. Pete has been trying to drown the Whalers in condiments ever since. Welcome to the league’s most flavorful feud.

Matchups that decide the squeeze

1) Mahomes’ patience vs. Hartford’s red-zone answer key

Hartford’s Week-1 problem was their red zone; Week 2 is about solving Mahomes in your red zone. New Delhi will live in 12-personnel to manufacture windows for Andrews/Engram. If the Whalers’ linebackers pass off routes cleanly, field goals replace touchdowns—and that’s how ketchup beats honey mustard.

2) Ground truth: Pollard/Hampton/Harvey vs. Kyren/Kenneth/Rhamondre

Both teams can toggle styles: Hartford with depth and freshness, New Delhi with a battering trio that shortens games. Whoever sets first down better in the first quarter usually controls both coordinators.

Quotes from the condiment aisle

Pete Shaunki, Subs owner:

“Dijon reign begins, Hartford squeezes for a fight, jumbo pack awaits.”

Chad Allen, Hartford Owner (dry as a pretzel):

“Honey mustard pairs well with touchdowns. We’re adding more touchdowns.”

Prediction

The Subs will move it—but the Worthy absence trims the explosive bandwidth. Hartford cleans up last week’s red-zone woes just enough at home.

Whalers 27, Subs 24 (Hartford takes the Squeeze Bottle back to the trophy shelf—please refrigerate after opening.)

The Rewind a look back at week 1’s Game of the Week

Indy Animals 47 @ Tequila Sunrise 49

TEQUILA — Tequila Sunrise opened its title defense with a 49–47 win over the Indy Animals on Thursday, surviving a fourth-quarter surge behind a three-back rotation and steady quarterback play from Brock Purdy.

Tequila (1–0) won despite quiet days from Amon-Ra St. Brown and Tee Higgins, an ominous sign for opponents if the wideouts wake up. Indy (0–1) showed explosive potential but needs a sharper red-zone finish from its backs to turn shootouts into wins.

Welcome back to the IFFL Preseason Edition. The Sunrise have won #7, the Animals have reloaded, the Lords have talent at RB, New Delhi had a powerful draft. Let’s get to the Power Rankings.

1. Tequila Sunrise: Defending Champion.  Brock Purdy at QB directing the offense, not being asked for too much. Amon-Ra St. Brown w/Tee Higgins at WR to catch and Bijan and Achane carrying the load at RB.  How could you ask for more?
   
   
2. Indy Animals: Jayden Daniels with another year under his belt, Ashton Jeanty coming in and pairing with Jahmyr Gibbs at RB, this team just made a Super Bowl run they shouldn’t be this stacked again.
   
   
3. New Delhi Subs: The Subs should find themselves on this list most of the season, that is unless they lose 2 games in a row and Pete starts listening to Aiden and Evan’s advice on the rest of the season.
   
   
4. Cincinnati Bagels: With Christian McCaffrey and Breece Hall in the backfield and rising stars like C.J. Stroud at QB, this team has explosive potential. However they have to be worried about injuries, because they are not a deep team.
   
   
5. Tabbi’s Kats: RB Derrick Henry and MVP QB Josh Allen will, will this team to many victories,on their own but is it enough?
   
   
6. Pittsburgh PeanutButter Balls: QB Lamar Jackson killed the hopes and dreams of many teams last year (see the LA Lords). This year they look to do it again with a few more players.
   
   
7. Los Angeles Lords: With Joe Burrow at QB and WR Ja'Marr Chase the Lords are a force to be reckoned with, now throw in RB’s Josh Jacobs and JK Dobbins (until he gets injured) this team becomes scary good.

The Look Ahead to Week 1’s Game of the Week

Indy Animals @ Tequila Sunrise

Why: A rematch of the 2024 Championship game where the Sunrise won 65 - 63. Both teams are loaded with talent—Rb’s Bijan Robinson and De’Von Achane lead the Sunrise against the Animals rookie RB Ashton Jeanty.

The Rewind a look back at the Superbowl

Tequila Sunrise 65 vs. Indy Animals 63

The Sunrise claimed their unprecedented 7th Riesbeck trophy, on the backs of Patrick Mahomes and Bijan Robinson’s 31 combined points barely outlasting Rookie Jayden Daniels and Ladd McConkey who had 33.  Don’t feel too bad for the Animals though as they had Chicago’s #1 pick in the IFFL draft and I believe the word you are looking for is reloaded.  The Animals and Sunrise have a chance to be back in Super Bowl 30 this season.

Another week, another round of IFFL drama, glory, and shattered dreams. While some teams bask in their hard-fought victories, others are left pondering what went wrong in a season that started with so much hope and ended with a thud. But hey, that’s fantasy football—it’s the ultimate soap opera for stat nerds. Now, on to the Power Rankings!

The Endowed 7

1. Tequila Sunrise (11-3) – The #1 seed and six-time champs are looking to make history with a seventh title. Can they handle the pressure?
2. Philadelphia Dark Side (11-3) – Clinched the East, secured a first-round bye, and are seeking revenge against Indy.
3. Indy Animals (10-4) – From worst to (almost) first, Indy’s miraculous season continues with a shot at the championship.
4. San Antonio Mexican'ts (8-6) – Riding Jared Goff’s arm to the Divisional Finals, this team is no joke.
5. Tabbi's Kats (9-5) – A tough loss to San Antonio, but at least they have the 10th overall pick to soften the blow.
6. Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls (7-7) – An MVP-level season from Lamar wasn’t enough, but they’re set for a strong draft.
7. Los Angeles Lords (6-8) – They didn’t make the playoffs, but with Joe Burrow and Ja’Marr Chase, their future is bright.

Players of the Week:

• Offensive Player: Jared Goff (San Antonio Mexican’t's) – 507 yards, 5 TDs, and a legendary performance to keep the season alive.
• Defensive Player: San Antonio Mexican’t's Defense – Dominated Tabbi's with 11 fantasy points, proving defense still wins games.
• Kicker of the Week: Chase McLaughlin (Indy Animals) – 4-for-4 on field goals, including a clutch one late, to seal Indy’s victory.

Looking Back: Wild Card Week Game of the Week

San Antonio Mexican't's 77, Tabbi's Kats 45 In a rematch of the Fine Lady Bowl, Jared Goff took a flamethrower to the Kats' defense with 507 yards and 5 touchdowns. Meanwhile, Tabbi's star QB Josh Allen delivered a solid 4-touchdown performance, but his supporting cast forgot it was the playoffs. The Kats head to the offseason with the 10th overall draft pick, while San Antonio sets their sights on Tequila in the Divisional Finals. Can they keep the magic alive?

Looking Ahead: Divisional Week Game of the Week

Indy Animals (10-4) at Philadelphia Dark Side (11-3) The stakes couldn’t be higher as the Dark Side hosts the Animals in a revenge game for their Week 1 loss. Philly has dominated all season, but Indy’s Cinderella story and explosive offense make this matchup a toss-up. Both teams are desperate to punch their ticket to IFFL Bowl 29. Will Jayden Daniels continue his rookie heroics, or will Jalen Hurts and Josh Jacobs prove too much for the Animals to handle?

With Tequila gunning for a record-breaking seventh championship, the pressure is on for everyone else to stop them. Buckle up, folks—Divisional Week is going to be a wild ride!

Welcome back, IFFL faithful, to the final regular-season edition of The Endowed 7. The playoffs are upon us, and the stakes are higher than ever. Some teams are basking in the glory of clinching a playoff spot, while others are left wondering why their roster decisions looked like they were made on a dare. But hey, that's fantasy football for you!

Now, on to the Power Rankings, where the elite stand tall and the rest just watch.

The Endowed 7

1. Tequila Sunrise (11-3)
   Clinched the #1 seed and home-field advantage. Patrick Mahomes is warming up like a fine tequila shot.
   
   
2. Philadelphia Dark Side (11-3)
   The East champs dominated with Jalen Hurts and Josh Jacobs, looking like Sith Lords ready to strike.
   
   
3. Indy Animals (10-4)
   Rookie QB Jayden Daniels is back and ready to rumble. They’ve risen from worst to first in the Central.
   
   
4. Tabbi's Kats (9-5)
   Josh Allen put the team on his back in the Fine Lady Bowl. Can he keep carrying them?
   
   
5. San Antonio Mexican'ts (8-6)
   Sneaking into the playoffs, but can Jared Goff and company handle the pressure?
   
   
6. Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls (7-7)
   Backed into the playoffs but still have Lamar Jackson in their arsenal. A wildcard in every sense.
   
   
7. Taipei Personality (7-7)
   Saquon Barkley and Matthew Stafford have kept Taipei in the conversation. They just missed the postseason?

Players of the Week

• Offensive Player of the Week: Josh Allen (Tabbi's Kats)
  Six touchdowns, 424 yards, and an MVP-worthy performance. Allen was unstoppable, making the Fine Lady Bowl his personal highlight reel.
  
  
• Defensive Player of the Week: Chicago Fightin’ Ditka’s
  The Chicago defense had 7 sacks and 11 fantasy points best in the league even in a losing effort. Too bad the offense didn’t show up to help them.
  
  
• Kicker of the Week: Jason Sanders (New Whiteland Chicken Pluckerz)
  Four field goals and 12 points. Sanders was the sole bright spot in a tight loss.

Looking Back: Week 14 Game of the Week

Tabbi's Kats 59, San Antonio Mexican'ts 44

The Fine Lady Bowl lived up to its billing, with Josh Allen stealing the show. Six total touchdowns and 424 yards later, Allen left no doubt that the Kats are legit contenders. San Antonio’s Jared Goff tried to keep pace, but his three-touchdown day wasn’t enough.

The teams will meet again in Wild Card Weekend, setting up an epic rematch. Can San Antonio make the necessary adjustments, or will Allen drop another fantasy nuke?

Looking Ahead: Wild Card Week Game of the Week

San Antonio (8-6) at Tabbi’s (9-5)

It’s déjà vu all over again! The Mexican’ts travel to Tiskawa for the rematch no one can wait to see. CeeDee Lamb and Jared Goff will need to step up if San Antonio wants to avoid back-to-back losses to their division rivals. Meanwhile, Josh Allen is ready to send the Mexican’ts home and punch Tabbi’s ticket to the semifinals.

Will San Antonio get revenge, or will Allen make this the Fine Lady Sweep? Stay tuned as Wild Card Weekend unfolds!

They say the IFFL season is a marathon, not a sprint—but for some teams, it looks more like they’ve been crawling through quicksand. We’ve hit the home stretch, and as playoff hopes heat up, a few teams are sweating bullets while others are sitting pretty.

Now, without further ado, let’s dive into this week’s Power Rankings:

1. Philadelphia Dark Side (9-3)
   Clinched the East and have been marching through their competition like they’re auditioning for The Mandalorian.
   
   
2. Indy Animals (9-3)
   Jayden Daniels looks like the rookie whisperer’s dream. Can they finish their worst-to-first story in the Central?
   
   
3. Tequila Sunrise (9-3)
   Patrick Mahomes keeps sipping victory margaritas while the rest of the IFFL wonders if they’ll ever hit a slump.
   
   
4. Tabbi’s Kats (8-4)
   Tough loss to Los Angeles, but they remain a Central power with claws sharp enough to challenge anyone.
   
   
5. San Antonio Mexican’ts (7-5)
   Quietly putting together their best season ever. Playoff football feels within reach if they can avoid tripping over themselves.
   
   
6. Taipei Personality (6-6)
   Saquon Barkley dragged them kicking and screaming into contention. Let’s see if they can stay alive.
   
   
7. Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls (6-6)
   Still alive, still dangerous. The PB Balls  have a flair for high scoring affairs, but do they have enough talent to pull off a championship run?

Players of the Week

• Offensive Player of the Week:
  Saquon Barkley (Taipei Personality)
  302 yards and 2 TDs? Saquon turned Week 12 into his personal highlight reel.
  
  
• Defensive Player of the Week:
  Los Angeles Lords Defense
  This unit was lights-out against Tabbi’s, holding their offense in check and snagging critical sacks when it mattered most.
  
  
• Kicker of the Week:
  Cameron Dicker (San Antonio Mexican’ts)
  With 11 points, Dicker the Kicker carried San Antonio to a vital win. Who says kickers don’t matter?

Look Back: Week 12 Game of the Week

Tabbi’s Kats 26, Los Angeles Lords 27

Mark Andrews delivered a dramatic late-game touchdown to seal the win for the Lords. Drake Maye had a solid showing, while Tabbi’s felt the sting of a game slipping through their claws. “We needed that one,” said Jason Beaver, Los Angeles owner. “They don’t call us the Lords for nothing—we own crunch time.”

Tabbi’s Owner Tabbi Brewer was less amused: “I hope Beaver chokes on his next Waffle House order.”

Look Ahead: Week 13 Game of the Week

San Antonio Mexican’ts (7-5) vs. Cincinnati Bagels (6-6)

This matchup screams playoff football, with both teams fighting to keep their postseason dreams alive. A loss for either could spell disaster. Will Cameron Dicker’s leg propel San Antonio to another win, or will Cincinnati’s star-studded offense find the spark they need?

Prediction: San Antonio 28, Cincinnati 27 (on a last-second Dicker field goal, naturally).

Welcome to another edition of The Endowed 7, where the standings are hot, and the players…well, some are definitely lukewarm. This week’s edition features an offensive explosion, defenses that might need a pep talk. Now, on to the Power Rankings.

The Endowed 7

1. Tequila Sunrise (9-2):
   The Sunrise keep blazing through opponents with Patrick Mahomes and their high-octane offense. Clinching the West is just a matter of time.
   
   
2. Tabbi's Kats (8-3):
   Quietly lethal and still hunting for the Central crown. Their matchup with LA could secure their top-tier status—or spark a Hollywood comeback.
   
   
3. Indy Animals (8-3):
   Jahmyr Gibbs is eating up defenders, and their playoff hopes are as sturdy as Cooper Kupp’s hands (well, when Jayden Daniels can actually find him).
   
   
4. Philadelphia Dark Side (8-3):
   Jalen Hurts keeps the ship steady, but their Week 11 loss exposed some cracks. Can they close out strong, or will the Dark Side crumble under pressure?
   
   
5. Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls (6-5):
   Joe Mixon is carrying this team on his back, and Lamar Jackson is finally getting into playoff form. Don’t count them out yet.
   
   
6. San Antonio Mexican'ts (6-5):
   Sure, they lost a barnburner to Tequila, but Jared Goff and CeeDee Lamb are proving they’re a force in the West.
   
   
7. South Carolina Scarecrows (6-5):
   Hanging around and waiting for that late-season magic. The Scarecrows need more consistency, but the talent is there.

Players of the Week

• Offensive Player of the Week: Matthew Stafford, Taipei Personality
  
  Stafford went full video game mode with 295 yards and four touchdowns. Too bad Taipei isn’t playoff-bound—this was a masterclass in QB play.
  
  
• Defensive Player of the Week: Tequila Sunrise
  
  Denver’s defense racked up 6 sacks, a fumble recovery, and a touchdown in their shootout win. Sometimes, defense really does win championships.
  
  
• Kicker of the Week: Matt Gay, Tabbi's Kats
  
  Mr. Consistency nailed three field goals to keep Tabbi’s on top. A kicker might not win the glory, but they sure do win games.

A Look Back: Week 11 Game of the Week

Tequila Sunrise 68, San Antonio Mexican'ts 60
The showdown of the week didn’t disappoint. Patrick Mahomes tossed three TDs, Amon-Ra St. Brown lit up the scoreboard, and J.K. Dobbins found the end zone twice. On the other side, Jared Goff’s 433 yards and 4 touchdowns nearly pulled off the upset for San Antonio, but it wasn’t enough.

Quote of the Week:
Tequila owner Jeff Dixon: “We don’t just win games—we win barnburners. Someone get me a fire extinguisher.”

Looking Ahead: Week 12 Game of the Week

Tabbi’s Kats (8-3) @ Los Angeles Lords (4-7)
LA’s playoff hopes are hanging by a thread, and the defending champs need a miracle to stay in the hunt. Tabbi’s, meanwhile, is eyeing the Central crown and can’t afford a slip-up against a desperate Lords squad.

Key Storyline:
Will LA’s Joe Burrow and Ja’Marr Chase deliver a Hollywood ending, or will Tabbi’s stomp on their playoff dreams like a giant mechanical Kat?

Prediction:
Tabbi’s 42, Los Angeles 35.

Welcome to another edition of The Endowed 7, where the standings are hot, and the players…well, some are definitely lukewarm. This week’s edition features an offensive explosion, defenses that might need a pep talk, and teams making big moves (or perhaps mistakes) as the trade deadline inches closer. Now, on to the Power Rankings.

The Endowed 7

1. Philadelphia Dark Side (8-2) – They’ve stormed the East and are looking darker and more unstoppable than ever.
2. Tequila Sunrise (8-2) – Quietly climbing the charts while keeping the West under their firm, sun-kissed grip.
3. Tabbi's Kats (7-3) – Clawing up the standings, one win at a time.
4. Indy Animals (7-3) – Playing consistently strong with eyes on the prize.
5. Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls (6-4) – A delicious surprise this season, they’re spreading fear in the East.
6. San Antonio Mexican'ts (6-4) – Showing they’re more “can” than “can’t,” and aiming for Tequila.
7. South Carolina Scarecrows (5-5) – Still lurking in the standings, one ominous crow at a time.

Players of the Week

• Offensive Duo: Joe Burrow & Ja'Marr Chase (Los Angeles Lords)
  
  The pair combined for a jaw-dropping offensive display with Burrow tossing the ball for 434 yards and 4 touchdowns, while Chase did his best superhero impression with 264 receiving yards and 3 TDs. LA may be struggling in the standings, but these two put on a masterclass worthy of a championship.
  
  
• Defense of the Week: Los Angeles Lords
  
  The Lords’ defense was nothing short of ruthless, with a total of 14 points on sacks, interceptions, and a stunning safety. They may have poured all their luck into one game, but what a game it was!
  
  
• Kicker of the Week: Parker Romo (Philadelphia Dark Side)
  
  Romo’s leg was pure magic, nailing four field goals for 12 points and propelling Philadelphia to victory. Apparently, in Romo’s world, every kick is a scoring opportunity.

Look Back at Week 10’s Game of the Week: Philadelphia 46, South Carolina 40

This high-stakes showdown was everything IFFL fans hoped for—big plays, nail-biting moments, and just the right amount of trash talk. Philadelphia came out on top with a 46-40 win, despite South Carolina’s best efforts. Jalen Hurts put on a show with 4 touchdowns, while Kyler Murray tried to keep the Scarecrows in the hunt with his own impressive 3 TDs. But Philly’s defense proved too much, and Parker Romo’s golden leg made all the difference. Rumor has it, South Carolina owner Trevor Harless was overheard muttering, “If only our kicker had legs like Romo...”

Look Ahead to Week 11’s Game of the Week: Tequila Sunrise(8-2) vs San Antonio Mexican't (6-4)

Buckle up, folks! The battle for the West heats up as Tequila Sunrise faces off against the surging San Antonio Mexican'ts. Tequila has been a powerhouse all season, but if San Antonio wants respect, now’s the time to take down one of the league’s best. Can the Mexican'ts finally prove they’re more than just playoff hopefuls? Or will Tequila keep their seat at the top? It’s make-or-break time for San Antonio—and they’ll need every ounce of fight they’ve got to take down the Sunrise.

Welcome to another edition of The Endowed 7, where the standings are hot, and the players…well, some are definitely lukewarm. This week’s edition features an offensive explosion, defenses that might need a pep talk, and teams making big moves (or perhaps mistakes) as the trade deadline inches closer. Now, on to the Power Rankings.

The Endowed 7

1. Philadelphia Dark Side (7-2) – With a perfect home and division record, Philly’s steamrolling right into the Riesbeck Trophy conversation.
   
   
2. Tequila Sunrise (7-2) – Running on high spirits and even higher scores. They’re staying on Philly's heels, ready to take a shot at the top.
   
   
3. Indy Animals (7-2) – Fresh off their big win against Pittsburgh, they’re clawing their way into the playoff mix with style.
   
   
4. Tabbi’s Kats (6-3) – Still ferocious with 491 points, they’re coming off a huge victory over the Bagels and sitting pretty in the Central.
   
   
5. San Antonio Mexican'ts (6-3) – Even without CeeDee Lamb, they’re scrapping their way to wins, proving their playoff-worthy grit.
   
   
6. Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls (5-4) – With Lamar Jackson back in action, Pittsburgh remains dangerously close to the top despite their recent setback.
   
   
7. South Carolina Scarecrows (5-4) – Barely holding onto playoff hopes, but somehow still in the hunt with their fearless (and frequently injured) roster.

Players of the Week

• Offensive Player of the Week: Josh Allen, QB, Tabbi’s Kats – Allen’s 242-yard, 3-touchdown extravaganza made sure the Bagels were extra crispy this week.
  
  
• Defensive Player of the Week: Philadelphia Dark Side – With six sacks, two forced turnovers, and a defensive score, Philly's D really showed up, proving their commitment to doing all the work so their offense could take a little breather.
  
  
• Kicker of the Week: Cairo Santos, Tabbi’s Kats – Santos was the ultimate closer, nailing all three field goals and leaving no points on the field. If only every player on Chicago could kick like that.

Look Back: Week 9 Game of the Week – Indy Animals 56, Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls 40

Indy came out swinging in Week 9, with Jayden Daniels posting a respectable 12 points, and Chase Brown going wild with 157 yards and a score. Pittsburgh, despite a valiant 18-point effort from Lamar Jackson, just couldn’t keep up. As Indy's owner said after the game, “When you’ve got our lineup and Pittsburgh only has two healthy wide receivers, you like your odds.”

Pittsburgh fans were left with more questions than answers. “What’s the plan here?” one fan wondered aloud. “Are we supposed to rely on peanut butter and a prayer?” With Pittsburgh still in the playoff picture, they might want to consider trading for, you know, players who can actually play.

Look Ahead: Week 10 Game of the Week – Philadelphia Dark Side (7-2) at South Carolina Scarecrows (5-4)

This week’s showdown is sure to be electric. Philly is charging full-speed toward the Riesbeck Trophy, while South Carolina fights to keep playoff hopes alive. Jalen Hurts has been unstoppable lately, but with South Carolina’s sometimes-healthy roster, they could make this interesting if they can get through all four quarters without another injury.

As South Carolina’s owner put it, “We’re like the unbreakable spirit of an old scarecrow – falling apart but still out there somehow.” Philly, on the other hand, is focused, and you can bet they’re aiming to make a statement and tighten their grip on the East. If South Carolina wants a win, they’ll need to pull off a miracle – or at least hope Philly forgets to show up.

Will Philly march toward the Riesbeck with another dominant win, or can South Carolina pull an upset and keep their playoff dreams alive? One thing’s for sure: this game could be the nail-biter of the season – or at least a solid four-quarter workout for Philly’s offense. Stay tuned!

Welcome to The Endowed 7, the only column bold enough to ask the tough questions like, “Is anyone really playing defense?” and “Has anyone seen Pete Shaunki’s dignity?” Now, without further ado (and trust me, there’s been enough ado this season), here are your IFFL Power Rankings:

The Endowed 7 Power Rankings

1. Philadelphia Dark Side (6-2): Desperate trade strategies be damned; Philly’s holding onto that top spot like a toddler clings to their favorite toy.
2. Tequila Sunrise (6-2): Winning Week 8’s game of the week just proves that sometimes tequila does solve all your problems.
3. Indy Animals (6-2): Jayden Daniels might have a rib injury, but Indy keeps pushing forward, probably fueled by sheer spite.
4. San Antonio Mexican’ts (6-2): Is this their year, or just another mirage? Only time—and maybe a few questionable calls—will tell.
5. Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls (5-3): The only team named after a sticky snack that’s actually tough to beat.
6. Tabbi's Kats (5-3): With an explosive offense, they’re still just one tight hamstring away from chaos.
7. South Carolina Scarecrows (5-3): Surviving a season of injuries and WR nightmares. Harless is probably Googling "curse removal services" as we speak.

Players of the Week

• Offensive Player of the Week: Kirk Cousins (New Whiteland) – In a twist that has Pete Shaunki cursing into his morning coffee, Cousins proved that trading him away was a mistake. “The grass is always greener where I play next,” said Cousins.
  
  
• Defense of the Week: Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls 12 points providing the breathing room that the team needed during a very close matchup with Cincinnati.
  
  
• Kicker of the Week: South Carolina’s Brandon McRapist – When the game needs saving, sometimes it's the kicker who steps in with 12 points. Harless said, "He’s the only one whose ACL is still intact, so yeah, we’re grateful."

The Look Back: Week 8’s Game of the Week Recap

Hartford Whalers (35) vs. Tequila Sunrise (52)

What happens when the team that can’t decide if they’re trading their star QB faces a squad that treats game day like a fiesta? You get Week 8’s game of the week. Tequila’s Bijan Robinson ran the ball like he was personally offended by every Hartford player, while Hartford’s Patrick Mahomes whispered to himself, “It’s not me; it’s them.”

Owner Chad Allen’s post-game comment: “I thought we were fine until the kickoff. That’s when I knew we were in trouble.”

Look Ahead: Week 9’s Game of the Week

Indy Animals (6-2) at Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls (5-3)

Buckle up, folks! This matchup is sure to be a wild ride. Indy’s coming in hot, and Pittsburgh is ready to prove they’re not just here for the peanut butter puns. “We’re going to give it our all and maybe throw a few trick plays their way,” said Pittsburgh’s owner, Matt Howell, who’s definitely not desperate at all. Meanwhile, Indy’s owner, Q, said, “Win or lose, I’ll be shouting louder than their fans.”

Can Indy hold on to the top spot, or will Pittsburgh get revenge and climb up the rankings? Tune in to find out, and don’t forget to check your blood pressure medication—this one’s going to be close.

Well, folks, here we are again, another week of IFFL action that leaves us all questioning why we invest so much time in this. Whether it’s South Carolina thinking they’re elite or Los Angeles losing games they really shouldn’t, it’s safe to say this season is all about making everyone feel “special.” Anyway, enough of the preamble—let’s get to what you’re really here for: the Power Rankings!

The Endowed 7: Power Rankings

1. Tabbi's Kats (5-2)
   Because who doesn’t love a team that rides Josh Allen and Derrick Henry like they’re the last stars in the sky?
   
   
2. Tequila Sunrise (5-2)
   Consistency in a league where that’s basically a myth. Good job, guys.
   
   
3. San Antonio Mexican'ts (5-2)
   They might not be able to spell “can’t” correctly, but they sure can win games.
   
   
4. South Carolina Scarecrows (5-2)
   Their record screams contender, but their play screams “We’re barely hanging on.”
   
   
5. Indy Animals (5-2)
   Somehow scraping wins together despite their quarterback’s tendency to exit early.
   
   
6. Philadelphia Dark Side (5-2)
   Baker Mayfield’s rollercoaster ride continues—now with extra flair in the 4th quarter!
   
   
7. Cincinnati Bagels (4-3)
   It’s not easy being on the outside looking in, but hey, at least they’re not New Whiteland.

Players of the Week

• Offensive Player of the Week: Lamar Jackson (Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls)
  5 touchdowns, and a win. Imagine having an offense that works. Wild concept.
• Defensive Player of the Week: Tequila Sunrise
  When your defense scores 14 points, you know your offense can take a nap and still win. Well done.
• Kicker of the Week: Cameron Dicker (San Antonio Mexican'ts)
  5 field goals. Someone give this guy a raise. It’s like the Lords couldn’t be bothered to even try stopping him.

The Look Back: Week 7 Game of the Week - South Carolina Scarecrows vs. Tabbi's Kats

In what was billed as a battle for the ages but played out more like a slap-fight at a family reunion, the South Carolina Scarecrows pulled off a 51-45 victory over Tabbi’s Kats. Jordan Love finally remembered he’s a professional quarterback, tossing 3 touchdowns. Mike Evans even managed to limp his way to the end zone before inevitably pulling a hamstring. “Hey, I gave it my best,” he said while hobbling off the field.

On the other side, Josh Allen did his part for Tabbi’s Kats, racking up 324 yards and two touchdowns, but it’s hard to win when Deebo Samuel takes the “day off” with zero yards. Tabbi’s owner was unavailable for comment, as he was seen practicing his best “I'm not mad, just disappointed” face.

The Look Ahead: Week 8 Game of the Week - Hartford Whalers vs. Tequila Sunrise

In what could be the most bittersweet game of the season for Hartford fans, the Whalers face off against the Tequila Sunrise in a matchup that’s about more than just records. With whispers swirling that this might be Patrick Mahomes' last game in a Hartford uniform, all eyes will be on the star QB to see if he can deliver one last heroic performance before possibly being shipped out for—well, who even knows at this point. Owner Chad Allen has been tight-lipped, only offering, “We’ll see what happens.” Very reassuring, Chad.

Meanwhile, the Whalers are adjusting to life without Chris Godwin, whose season-ending ankle injury leaves a huge hole in their receiving corps. But there’s some good news: the return of Puka Nacua, the rookie sensation who looks ready to step up as Mahomes’ new top target. “I’ve been waiting for this opportunity,” Nacua said. “It’s time to show what I’ve got.” And believe me, with the way the Whalers’ offense has looked lately, they’ll need every bit of what he’s got.

On the other side, Tequila Sunrise will be counting on Bijan Robinson to lead the charge. The dynamic back has been the focal point of their offense all season, and he’s poised to exploit a Hartford defense that’s been leaking yards like a sinking ship. “Bijan’s the key, no doubt,” said owner Jeff Dixon. “As long as he keeps doing his thing, we’ve got this.”

JK Dobbins, who started the season on fire, will also be looking to regain his early-season form for Tequila. After a couple of quiet weeks, Dobbins has something to prove, and the Hartford defense might just be his perfect bounce-back opportunity.

With Mahomes possibly playing his final game for Hartford and Tequila riding a wave of momentum, this clash promises drama, excitement, and—let’s be honest—probably some questionable coaching decisions.

Ah, the IFFL, where the drama is high, and the stakes are even higher (in a completely fictitious way). It’s the league where your hopes and dreams can be dashed by a 3-yard screen pass or a kicker’s missed PAT. But hey, that’s why we all love it, right? As we sail through the choppy waters of Week 6, it’s time to check in on the state of the league. Without further ado, let’s dive into the only rankings that matter (to absolutely no one but me).

The Endowed 7:

1. Tabbi’s Kats (5-1)
   When you’re sitting pretty at 5-1, you get to wear the crown. Whether it fits or not, it’s yours, Tabbi!
   
   
2. Indy Animals (5-1)
   With a roaring 5-1 start, Kevin “Q” Ryburn’s squad proves that even animals with bad records in 2023 can evolve... sort of like Pokémon but with fewer sparkles.
   
   
3. Tequila Sunrise (4-2)
   Jeff Dixon’s crew is as consistent as a hangover after a night of tequila shots—reliable and never fun. But hey, they’re getting wins, so bottoms up!
   
   
4. San Antonio Mexican'ts (4-2)
   Tanya Harless’ team is putting up points and Ws, making people wonder if it’s finally their year or just another mirage in the Texas heat.
   
   
5. South Carolina Scarecrows (4-2)
   Trevor Harless’ team was on shaky ground after a two-game losing streak. But don’t worry, they got back on track vs the Lords.
   
   
6. Philadelphia Dark Side (4-2)
   Avan Beaver’s Dark Side might be 4-2, but they’re about as intimidating as a Sith Lord in a bathrobe. Still, wins are wins.
   
   
7. Cincinnati Bagels (4-2)
   They’re 4-2, but with a name like “Bagels,” you’d expect a little more. Maybe throw some cream cheese and a touchdown or two on top, Les Paul Couch!

Players of the Week

• Offensive Player of the Week: Baker Mayfield (Philadelphia)
  A whopping 354 yards and 4 touchdowns. Apparently, Baker does not care about the haters, only about racking up fantasy points.
• Defensive Player of the Week: Philadelphia Dark Side
  With 4 sacks, 2 forced fumbles, and 3 INTs, Philadelphia showed up like they were auditioning for a new "300" movie: "This. Is. Defensive Football!"
• Kicker of the Week: Cameron Dicker (San Antonio)
  Dicker kept his team alive with 11 points, he lead his team to victory just as Madame Harless intended.

The Look Back: Week 6’s Game of the Week - South Carolina Scarecrows @ Los Angeles Lords

Oh, what a matchup it was—a classic tale of two teams going in opposite directions. The Scarecrows, desperate to avoid their third straight loss, arrived with a chip on their shoulder and Jordan Love’s golden arm ready for action. And boy, did Love deliver! Four touchdowns, 271 yards, and a smile that could melt a coach’s icy glare.

Meanwhile, the Los Angeles Lords, hot off two straight wins, seemed about as prepared for this game as a cat is for water. Joe Burrow tried his best with 263 yards and a lone touchdown, but it was like watching someone trying to put out a forest fire with a squirt gun. Mark Andrews finally chipped in with a touchdown, and Younghoe Koo did his job (shout out to his 12 points), but the Lords’ defense was as sturdy as a wet paper towel.

Final score: South Carolina 49, Los Angeles 34. And just like that, the Scarecrows get back on track while the Lords go back to the drawing board—or maybe the yoga mat for some team bonding sessions.

A Look Ahead: Week 7’s Game of the Week - Tabbi’s Kats @ South Carolina Scarecrows

Ah, yes—the clash of the titans (or at least one titan and one team that’s trying its best). The 5-1 Tabbi’s Kats are strolling into South Carolina like they own the place, while the Scarecrows are desperately searching for the brake pedal on this two-game losing skid they’ve found themselves in. Someone cue the dramatic music; it’s about to get interesting.

Tabbi Brewer, owner of the Kats, was seen lounging poolside during the pre-game interviews. “Oh, we’re feeling great. It’s not like the Scarecrows have been on a winning streak or anything,” she said while sipping what looked suspiciously like a margarita. “Honestly, we’re just here for the snacks and the highlight reel touchdowns.” Confident? Maybe. Overconfident? Probably. But when you’re 5-1 and your QB is Josh Allen, you get to sip those margaritas and talk your talk.

Meanwhile, Trevor Harless of the Scarecrows seemed... optimistic? “We’re just one win away from being back on track,” he said with the kind of smile you force when your phone battery is at 2% and you forgot your charger. Jordan Love, their QB, chimed in, “We’ve had some rough games, but it’s all about the next man up.” This would be reassuring if the “next man up” wasn’t the guy they found stocking shelves at the local grocery store last week.

As for the on-field matchup, Josh Allen has been playing like he’s in a video game—stacking up points and making defenders look like they’re running in quicksand. He’s got weapons like Derrick Henry, who basically needs a bulldozer to stop him, and Deebo Samuel, who seems to have made a hobby of torching defenses. Henry commented, “I’m just trying to have fun out there. And by fun, I mean running through people.” A heartwarming sentiment, truly.

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the Endowed 7, your go-to power rankings and musings on the wild, wonderful, and occasionally weird world of the IFFL. Much like Lamar Jackson after four touchdowns, I’m feeling myself this week, so buckle up for some award-winning commentary (or at least commentary that’s won an argument with my editor). Week 5 gave us touchdowns, tears, ties, and enough drama to make "The Bachelor" look like a knitting club.

But I digress—on to the Power Rankings!

Top 7 Teams in the IFFL (The Endowed 7)

1. Tabbi’s Kats (4-1)
   Someone get this team a cape because they are superhuman. Derrick Henry and D’Andre Swift are running through defenses like they're going for a morning jog, leaving the competition gasping for air. With a close shave against Cincinnati, they're walking the line but still on top.
2. Indy Animals (4-1)
   Indy is quietly stacking wins and making us wonder if they’re building a zoo or a championship team. Jayden Daniels isn’t flashy, but he gets the job done. And Garrett Wilson? He’s out here reminding us why he’s WR material.
3. Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls (3-2)
   The PB Balls are spreading themselves all over the competition. Lamar Jackson played like his controller was on “All-Madden” mode last week, and DJ Moore is scoring touchdowns like he’s got a bet on it. If they keep this up, their competition will be toast.
4. Tequila Sunrise (3-2)
   Tequila Sunrise is playing just like their namesake drink—dangerously potent. Justin Fields is throwing just enough touchdowns to keep the buzz going, and Isaiah Likely? He’s out here catching touchdowns like he’s auditioning for a superhero flick. Don’t sleep on these guys, or you’ll wake up with a pounding loss.
5. Philadelphia Dark Side (3-2)
   The Dark Side is strong with this one. Baker Mayfield is somehow reminding us all he can throw touchdowns like it’s 2018, and Will Reichard? He’s been kicking like he’s aiming for the Death Star’s exhaust port. Winning ugly is still winning.
6. Cincinnati Bagels (3-2)
   The Bagels narrowly missed a win last week, but hey, Roschon Johnson and Darnell Mooney kept the toaster warm. Sam Darnold may not have tossed a touchdown, but this team's bag of tricks isn’t empty yet.
7. South Carolina Scarecrows (3-2)
   They may have been buried by Pittsburgh last week, but this team is still alive and kicking. With Jordan Love playing some respectable football and the ghost of Halloween lurking, expect the Scarecrows to rise from the dead like it’s October 31st.

Players of the Week

Offensive Player of the Week: Lamar Jackson (Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls)
403 yards, 4 touchdowns
Lamar Jackson did everything but drive the team bus. This man accounted for 30 points and had defenders reconsidering their career choices. “I don’t know how I’m supposed to stop a QB who runs like Usain Bolt but throws like Aaron Rodgers,” one anonymous linebacker said while looking for a new job.

Defensive Player of the Week: Philadelphia Dark Side
420 yards allowed, 3 sack, 1 fumble recovery, 1 defensive touchdown
TheDark Side’ defense said, “We got this” and proceeded to keep Bijan Robinson and Devon Achane out of the endzone. The Defense deserves this win almost as much as Baker Mayfield. 

Kicker of the Week: Matt Gay (Tabbi’s Kats)
4 extra points, 2 field goals
Matt Gay had ice in his veins, scoring 10 points in a nail-biting win. The only thing colder than his kicks was Cincinnati’s chance of pulling off the upset. Gay practically walked off the field with a "Mission Accomplished" banner over his head.

The Look Back: Tabbi’s Kats (42) vs. Cincinnati Bagels (41) – Game of the Week Recap

Well, folks, if you like high-flying, heart-pounding action, this game had all the excitement of a car chase in a ‘90s action movie. Tabbi’s Kats narrowly escaped a loss like they were starring in an escape room thriller. Derrick Henry and D’Andre Swift did what they do best—demolish defensive lines like they’re made of paper mache. "I told the O-line, ‘just give me a crack,’ and I’ll bust through," said Henry, probably while eating an entire steak the size of a small country.

Cincinnati wasn’t going down without a fight. Roschon Johnson found the end zone twice, and Darnell Mooney pulled off two highlight-reel-worthy touchdowns. Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough. “We’re right there,” a dejected Sam Darnold said post-game. “Right there…,” he muttered, presumably while staring off into the abyss.

The game came down to Matt Gay’s leg, and as the field goal sailed through the uprights, you could almost hear the faint sound of Cincinnati fans’ hearts breaking. "Just another day at the office," Gay smirked, making sure everyone knew who the real MVP was.

The Look Ahead: Week 6 Game of the Week – South Carolina Scarecrows @ Los Angeles Lords

This Week 6 showdown pits two IFFL heavyweights on dramatically different paths. The Los Angeles Lords, riding a wave of momentum with back-to-back victories, are looking to make it three straight and further assert their dominance in the Western Division. On the other side, the South Carolina Scarecrows find themselves spiraling, coming off two consecutive losses and in desperate need of a victory to avoid slipping further in the standings.

Los Angeles Owner Jason Beaver, brimming with confidence, stated, “We’re in the business of winning, and business is booming! Three in a row? Make that a reality.” The Lords’ offense has been electric, with Joe Burrow and Ja’Marr Chase continuing their Cincinnati-inspired fantasy connection. Burrow, who threw for 5 touchdowns last week, declared, “It’s about consistency. We’ve found our rhythm, and we’re just getting started.” With Trey Sermon filling in admirably in the backfield, Los Angeles looks set for another offensive explosion.

Meanwhile, South Carolina’s Trevor Harless knows the gravity of this game, admitting, “We’ve got to stop the bleeding. The season’s long, but dropping three straight? That’s not in the playbook.” The Scarecrows will lean heavily on Jordan Love and Stefon Diggs, with Diggs adding, “We’ve had a couple rough weeks, but we’re not panicking. The plays are there, and we just need to execute better.” Jonathan Taylor, hoping to return from injury, will be a key factor in getting South Carolina back on track.

The Lords are playing at home and in fine form, but South Carolina’s desperation for a win makes them a dangerous opponent. Both teams have their sights set on reversing their respective streaks, but only one will succeed.

Projected Final Score:
Los Angeles Lords 45, South Carolina Scarecrows 38.

Ah yes, the IFFL, where the line between greatness and utter incompetence is as thin as Jason Beaver's patience during a 0-3 start. Some teams rise, while others… well, they’re just here to remind us why football is 90% luck, 10% screaming at your team. But enough with the philosophical musings—let's talk about who’s on top, who’s scraping the bottom, and who is just… existing. Now, on to the Power Rankings.

1. Tabbi's Kats (3-1)
   With Josh Allen and Derrick Henry rolling through defenses like they’re made of paper, the Kats sit comfortably at the top. Congrats on your winning formula: break records and people’s spirits.
2. Tequila Sunrise (3-1)
   Three wins and a 167-point haul. They might have dodged a few bullets (like a struggling Justin Herbert), but hey, tequila never tastes this smooth unless you’ve earned it. Drink up, Dixon.
3. Indy Animals (3-1)
   They dropped a game in Week 4, but Jayden Daniels is the breakout nobody saw coming, except Q, who'll make sure to remind us of his genius at every opportunity.
4. South Carolina Scarecrows (3-1)
   The Scarecrows finally tasted defeat, and honestly, it’s about time. Still, they're dangerous and probably already plotting some form of cornfield-based revenge.
5. Cincinnati Bagels (3-1)
   Every week, they do just enough to win. Week 5 against Tabbi’s is a family affair, can the Bagels keep this up until Christian McCaffrey attempts his comeback?
6. San Antonio Mexican'ts (3-1)
   Winning by sheer grit and the occasional Devin Singletary surprise party, the Mexican'ts keep plugging along. They’re not flashy, but they get the job done. Could they be the dark horse?
7. Taipei Personality (2-2)
   The highest-scoring team that just can't get above .500. If points counted for more than wins, Taipei would be king. But alas, Andrew Wang must settle for mediocrity and an air of smug superiority.

Players of the Week

Offensive Player of the Week: Justin Fields QB Teq 367 yards and 3 TD’s just what the team needed in a pinch.

Defense of the Week: Chicago even in a loss the Ditka’s D was head and shoulders above everyone else.  6 Saccks, 2 FR, an INT, a TD and only allowing 216 yards that is the kind of performance the PB Balls will take every week.

Kicker of the Week: Younghoe Koo - LA 4 FG and 2 XP for 14 points was the Lords best special teams game of the season.

The Look Back: Week 4’s Game of the Week

Los Angeles Lords (1-3) vs. New Delhi Subs (0-4)

Los Angeles 58, New Delhi 32

This was a battle of the desperate—both teams 0-3 and on the brink of fantasy irrelevance. Joe Burrow finally woke up and threw for 328 yards and 3 TDs, connecting with Ja'Marr Chase (118 yards, 2 TDs) like it was 2021. Meanwhile, the Buffalo defense decided to show up, racking up 5 sacks and a touchdown, completely stifling whatever faint hope Brock Purdy and Kyren Williams had for a New Delhi comeback.

Rumor has it that Pete Shaunki was seen flipping through his contact list during halftime, frantically searching for a trade partner to offload whatever dignity he has left. But hey, there’s always next year, New Delhi.

The Look Ahead: Week 5’s Game of the Week

Tabbi's Kats (3-1) vs. Cincinnati Bagels (3-1)

Now, this is the matchup we’ve been waiting for. Two 3-1 teams, both riding high and both with a point to prove. Josh Allen leads the Kats, while Christian McCaffrey continues his reign of terror for the Bagels. This one could easily be a 50-point showdown, or it could come down to a last-second kicker. Either way, it’s going to be glorious, especially when someone inevitably loses and starts questioning all of their life choices.

Projected Final Score: Tabbi’s Kats 52, Cincinnati Bagels 48

So, will Tabbi’s reign continue, or will Cincinnati finally knock them down a peg? Either way, there’s bound to be drama, tears, and someone typing out a strongly worded trade offer right after the game.

Welcome back to the IFFL week 3 is in the books. We started with 4 undefeated teams and now there are 2. Let’s get to the Power Rankings.

1. South Carolina Scarecrows (3-0) Dominant on both offense and defense, led by Jonathan Taylor
   
   
2. Indy Animals (3-0) Undefeated and showing offensive firepower, especially with Jayden Daniels and Jahmyr Gibbs.
   
   
3. Taipei Personality (2-1)  Putting up impressive offensive numbers, especially with Malik Nabers and Saquon Barkley leading the way.
   
   
4. Tequila Sunrise (2-1) Still one of the best teams despite their narrow loss to Indy.
   
   
5. San Antonio Mexican'ts (2-1) Narrowly won a week 3 game against a good Philadelphia team.
   
   
6. Hartford Whalers (2-1) Despite their Week 3 loss to South Carolina, they are still one of the better teams with strong offensive weapons like Patrick Mahomes and Chris Godwin.
   
   
7. Tabbi’s Kats (2-1) Impressive bounce-back win in Week 3, scoring 90 points.

Players of the Week

Offensive Player of the Week - Jauan Jennings  (Tab) WR - 175 yards and 3 touchdowns contributed to the Kats scoring 90 pts.

Defense of the Week - Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls-  168 total yards allowed, 5 sacks, 8 total points. The Pittsburgh defense was dominant, holding New Delhi's offense to minimal gains.

Special Teams Player of the Week - Brayden Narveson (South Carolina Scarecrows) - 3 field goals, 3 extra points. Narveson was a consistent force, scoring 12 points.

The Look Ahead to Week 4’s Game of the Week

Los Angeles Lords (0-3) @ New Delhi Subs (0-3)

Both teams are desperate for their first win of the season, making this a high-stakes matchup. With two talented rosters, it’s surprising that neither team has found success yet. Los Angeles is loaded with star power, including Joe Burrow, Justin Jefferson, and Ja’Marr Chase, but their defense and inconsistent performances have held them back. New Delhi has shown flashes of brilliance, particularly with Brock Purdy and Kyren Williams leading their offense. However, they’ve been on the losing end of close games, and a victory here is critical to turn their season around. This game has the makings of a high-scoring shootout, and both teams will fight hard to avoid going 0-4. Look for the star receivers in Los Angeles to shine, but don’t count out New Delhi’s balanced attack. It could come down to who makes the fewest mistakes.

Final Prediction: Los Angeles 44, New Delhi 42

The Rewind a look back at the Week 3’s Game of the Week

Tequila 36 @ Indy 38

In a thrilling back-and-forth contest, the Indy Animals (3-0) edged out the Tequila Sunrise (2-1) with a narrow 38-36 victory. Jayden Daniels led the way for Indy with 293 yards and 3 touchdowns, while Jahmyr Gibbs contributed with 103 rushing yards and a score.

Tequila fought hard behind Justin Herbert and a strong receiving game from Amon-Ra St. Brown and Khalil Shakir, but their offense fell just short in the final moments. De'Von Achane and Bijan Robinson couldn't do enough to overcome Indy's lead.

"We knew it was going to be a dogfight, but Daniels was unstoppable today," said Indy's owner, Kevin Ryburn. "This was a statement win."

Indy stays undefeated with this big win, while Tequila suffers their first loss of the season.

Welcome back to the IFFL week 2 is in the books. Predictable week but still some excitement. Let’s get to the Power Rankings.

1. South Carolina Scarecrows (2-0) The Scarecrows have been dominant on both sides of the ball, with strong performances from Derek Carr and their defense.
   
   
2. Tequila Sunrise (2-0) Tequila Sunrise survived a close battle with Los Angeles in Week 2.
   
   
3. Indy Animals (2-0) They’re undefeated but have shown they can win tight, low-scoring contests.
   
   
4. Hartford Whalers (2-0) Hartford is undefeated after two weeks, with Patrick Mahomes leading the offense and key contributions from wide receivers like Nico Collins.
   
   
5. Philadelphia Dark Side (1-1) Philadelphia bounced back in Week 2 with a dominant win over New Delhi.
   
   
6. Taipei Personality (1-1) Despite losing a close game in Week 2, Taipei remains one of the top teams thanks to their explosive offense led by Dak Prescott and James Cook, who had a monster game in Week 2 with three touchdowns in the first quarter.
   
   
7. San Antonio Mexican'ts (1-1) After a slow start in Week 1, San Antonio rebounded in a big way with a high-scoring win over Taipei in Week 2.

Players of the Week

Offensive Player of the Week - Alvin Kamara  (Phi) RB - 180 yards and 4 touchdowns contributed to the Dark Side  going 1-1.

Defense of the Week - San Antonio Mexican’ts - 10 points shut down Taipei in the second half

Special Teams Player of the Week - Evan McPherson (Har) K - McPherson's 13 points were crucial in the Whalers' 43-30 victory over Tabbi's Kats

The Look Ahead to Week 2’s Game of the Week

Tequila Sunrise (2-0) @ Indy Animals (2-0)

Both teams come into Week 3 with a perfect 2-0 record, meaning one team will suffer their first loss of the season. Tequila Sunrise has been strong on both the ground and through the air, with Justin Herbert at QB and De'Von Achane and J.K. Dobbins leading their rushing attack. They edged out a close win against Los Angeles in Week 2 and have shown resilience in tight games.Indy Animals have relied on young wide receiver Marvin Harrison Jr., who has already posted big numbers this season. While it's early in the season, both teams are showing potential as contenders. A win here could solidify either team as a frontrunner in their division.

The Rewind: A Look Back at Week 1’s Game of the Week

Hartford Whalers 43, Tabbi’s Kats 30

The Hartford Whalers (2-0) marched into Week 2 and sailed away with a 43-30 win over the Tabbi’s Kats (1-1), keeping their undefeated season intact, much to the dismay of their opponent's feline fanbase. Despite a solid effort from Tabbi’s Kats, the Whalers were led by quarterback Patrick Mahomes and a passing game that left the Kats scrambling like a laser pointer on the wall.

Mahomes threw for 180 yards and 2 touchdowns, which was apparently just enough for Whalers’ owner Chad Allen, who still had plenty to say after the game. “Look, we did what we had to do. The defense gave up some yards, but at least our boys didn’t get distracted by, I don’t know, baking cookies or something,” Allen quipped, perpetuating his unique stance on women in football. “Football is about toughness, and I think we’ve proven that this is no place for—well, you know what I mean.”

Tabbi Brewer, owner of Tabbi’s Kats, was unfazed by the Whalers' win or Allen's jabs. "Honestly, Chad sounds like he's one bad loss away from a Gilmore Girls marathon and a box of tissues," Brewer said, laughing. "We’ll bounce back. We’ve got the better team, and we'll see them again."

Rumor has it, Allen’s looking to bolster his special teams by trading for Harrison Butker, the kicker from New Delhi. “Look, McPherson is solid, but Butker's got a leg that could knock down trees. I like that,” Allen said, conveniently forgetting that Butker’s was very controversial this spring with the role of women in society.

Dalton Kincaid, Tabbi’s young tight end, seemed unfazed by the loss. “Hey, it’s just one game. Plus, after hearing Chad's comments, I think his real goal is to trade his players for more misogynistic jokes,” Kincaid said with a grin.

The Whalers sail on to Week 3 with their pristine record, while Tabbi’s Kats will look to bounce back—hopefully without catching any more Allen-sized storms along the way.

Welcome back to the IFFL week 1 is in the books. What a wild ride week 1 was now.. Let’s get to the Power Rankings.

1. South Carolina Scarecrows (1-0): Balanced team with strong RBs (Jonathan Taylor, Travis Etienne) and an elite WR group (Stefon Diggs, Mike Evans, DeAndre Hopkins). Can Derek Carr keep the ship steady while Jordan Love heals?
2. Tabbi's Kats (1-0): High-scoring offense led by Josh Allen and Derrick Henry. Strong WRs (Deebo Samuel, Keenan Allen) and consistent TE play. Strong overall team performance in Week 1.
3. Taipei Personality (1-0): Explosive play from Tyreek Hill and reliable contributions from Saquon Barkley. Dak Prescott adds consistency at QB, while the team has depth across WR and RB positions.
4. Los Angeles Lords (0-1): Preseason favorite has alot to correct in a quick time frame or this season is a bust.  Burrow must get back to normal in Week 2.
5. Tequila Sunrise (1-0): Balanced team with strong QB play from Justin Herbert and standout RB Bijan Robinson. Solid WR group led by Amon-Ra St. Brown. Reliable kicker and defense complement the team.
6. Hartford Whalers (1-0): Led by Patrick Mahomes, this team boasts a solid QB-RB combination with Josh Jacobs and a reliable receiving corps. Defense and special teams have been consistent.
7. Cincinnati Bagels (1-0): Led by Christian McCaffrey and Tony Pollard, the Bagels have a dominant backfield. Rookie QB C.J. Stroud has shown promise, and the team’s WRs (Jaylen Waddle, Jordan Addison) contribute to a balanced attack.

The Look Ahead to Week 2’s Game of the Week

Hartford Whalers (1-0) @ Tabbi's Kats (1-0)

Both Hartford and Tabbi's come into Week 2 with a 1-0 record, making this a crucial early-season matchup. A win here keeps momentum strong for either team, while a loss could shake their confidence. Patrick Mahomes leads the Hartford Whalers, while Josh Allen commands Tabbi's Kats. This QB duel features two of the league’s top fantasy players, both capable of putting up huge numbers and making highlight-reel plays. Tabbi's Kats boast a powerful ground game with Derrick Henry and D'Andre Swift, providing a mix of power and agility. Hartford counters with Josh Jacobs, who can grind out tough yards. The WR battle is equally compelling, with Tabbi's featuring Deebo Samuel and Keenan Allen, while Hartford’s mix of Nico Collins and Chris Godwin provides depth.

The Rewind a look back at the Week 1’s Game of the Week

Cincinnati Bagels 39 @ Los Angeles Lords 15

The Cincinnati Bagels (1-0) kicked off their 2024 campaign in impressive fashion, overpowering the Los Angeles Lords (0-1) with a commanding 39-15 victory. The Bagels set the tone early and never looked back, riding a balanced offensive attack and a suffocating defensive performance. Cincinnati quarterback C.J. Stroud delivered a strong showing, throwing for 247 yards and 2 touchdowns, earning 12 points. The Bagels’ ground game was equally effective, with Breece Hall and David Montgomery each rushing for 93 yards and a touchdown, contributing 6 points each. Ka’imi Fairbairn’s reliable leg added 11 points with 3 field goals and 2 extra points, rounding out a complete performance from the special teams.

Welcome back to the IFFL Preseason Edition. Not much has changed this season.. Let’s go Power Rankings Time!

1. Los Angeles Lords: With Joe Burrow at QB and elite WRs Justin Jefferson and Ja'Marr Chase, this team is well-rounded with strong offensive firepower. Defending Champion.
   
   
2. Chicago Fightin' Ditkas: Caleb Williams at QB, controversial pick, alongside a talented WR trio of Drake London, Christian Watson, and Courtland Sutton, makes this team dangerous.
   
   
3. New Delhi Subs: Balanced across the board, with Brock Purdy at QB, strong RB depth (Kenneth Walker, Aaron Jones), and elite WRs like Chris Olave.
   
   
4. Cincinnati Bagels: With Christian McCaffrey and Breece Hall in the backfield and rising stars like C.J. Stroud at QB, this team has explosive potential.
   
   
5. San Antonio Mexican'ts: Anthony Richardson at QB, and a strong WR duo in CeeDee Lamb and D.K. Metcalf, combined with Nick Chubb (when healthy) provides solid balance.
   
   
6. Hartford Whalers: With a strong QB in Patrick Mahomes and balanced offensive weapons, this team has the potential for consistent performance.
   
   
7. South Carolina Scarecrows: Led by Jordan Love, with solid WRs and RBs, they have the capability to be contenders with their balanced attack.

The Look Ahead to Week 1’s Game of the Week

Why? A rematch of the 2023 Championship game where the Lords won 49-38. Both teams are loaded with talent—Joe Burrow leading the Lords against the Bagels’ new franchise QB C.J. Stroud.

The Rewind a look back at the Superbowl

Los Angeles Lords 49, Cincinnati Bagels 38

The Los Angeles Lords claimed their fourth IFFL championship, and first since 2011, with a dramatic comeback victory over the Cincinnati Bagels. Trailing 26-10 after the first quarter, the Lords were led by Kyren Williams, who rushed for 101 yards and scored three crucial touchdowns. Derek Carr added 194 yards and two touchdown passes, while the Jets defense contributed a key touchdown. Despite Joe Flacco's 312-yard, three-touchdown performance for Cincinnati, the Bagels couldn't hold off Los Angeles' second-half surge, sealing their defeat.

Welcome back to the IFFL. The Super Bowl is done, the Riesbeck trophy has been handed out, and no one died this season. Here we go for the last time in the 2023 season.

1. Los Angeles Lords (11-5) IFFL Super Bowl 28 Champion. The in season moves made were game changers.

2. Cincinnati Bagels (12-5) This team is showing that they are a force to be reckoned with in seasons to come.

3. New Whiteland Chicken Pluckerz (10-5) They faltered at the wrong time this season live and learn and come back stronger

4. South Carolina Scarecrows (9-7) Made it back to the playoffs now to make sure they dont shoot themselves in the foot for next season.

5. Tabbi’s Kats (8-7) Started the year looking for a repeat title, finished the season trying to figure out what happened to their dominance in the Central.

6. Taipei Personality (8-7) Choked in the playoffs from the far east. They have a chance to be back next season especially with some more attention from ownership.

7. PIttsburgh PeanutButter Balls (7-7) Just missed the playoffs this season, the team will be looking to be better next year.

2024 Draft Order

1. Indy Animals (2-12)
2. Philadelphia Dark Side (5-9)
3. Chicago Fightin Ditka’s (5-9)
4. New Delhi Subs (6-8)
5. San Antonio Mexican’ts (6-8)
6. Hartford Whalers (7-7)
7. Tequila Sunrise (7-7)
8. Pittsburgh PeanutButter Balls (7-7)
9. Taipei Personality (8-6)
10. Tabbi’s Kats (8-6)
11. South Carolina Scarecrows (8-6)
12. New Whiteland Chicken Pluckerz (10-4)
13. Cincinnat Bagels (10-4)
14. New Delhi Subs (6-8) via Los Angeles Lords (9-5)
    
    

The Look Ahead to the 2024 Season

Draft Information will be sent out in Late July/August.

The Protected Players form is now open here

Welcome back to the IFFL. Week 9. We are back after a week away. Now let's get to the power rankings.

1. Cincinnati Bagels (7-2) Took care of the division rival Chicken Pluckerz this week, now to keep players healthy and build towards the playoffs.
   
   
2. New Whiteland Chicken Pluckerz  (7-2) Took the L this week, but they are still in control of the Central by points.
   
   
3. Los Angeles Lords (6-3) Got their swagger back this week and took out the Personality.
   
   
4. South Carolina (5-4) Finally got past the Kats, now if they can just keep Hurts upright.
   
   
5. Tabbi’s Kats (5-4) No one wants to see the Kats as a wildcard team so hopefully they either surge to win the division or lose out and miss the playoffs.
   
   
6. Hartford Whalers (5-4) Beats up on the bottom tier teams in the IFFL, needs to put together a game against playoff caliber competition.
   
   
7. San Antonio Mexican’ts (5-4) Losing to the Sunrise hurts, losing to the Sunrise to give them a winning streak really sucks.

Players of the Week

Offensive Player of the Week - CJ Stroud (Cin) - 480 yards, 5 TD’s, 2 pt con, 44 points this kid came in and gave the best performance of his life when the team needed it most. Lawrence and McCaffrey are back this week.

Defense of the Week - South Carolina -19 pts from  4sacks, 2 Ints, and 2 TD’s. This team finally got the defensive performance they have been waiting for, for 20 years. All joking aside they are looking good for the postseason.

Special Teams Player of the Week - Justin Tucker - 4xp and 3 FG’s the Ditkas are just trying to play spoiler.

The Look Ahead to Week 10’s Game of the Week

South Carolina @ Philadelphia- Both teams need a win for different reasons but the Dark Side are trying to stay in the playoff hunt and probably need it more, they are getting Kyler back so hopefully his surgically repaiired knee holds up under pressure.

Welcome back to the IFFL. Week 7. Not much changed at the top of the table this week. Let’s get to the Power Rankings.

1. New Whiteland Chicken Pluckerz  (6-1) Making it #1 for 3 straight weeks. The ChickenPluckerz look to avoid a letdown against Indy.
   
   
2. Los Angeles Lords (5-2) Couldn't find Travis Kelce or Gardner Minshew all day, thankfully everyone right behind them lost too.
   
   
3. Cincinnati Bagels (5-2) Say something nice and they lose.
   
   
4. Hartford Whalers (4-3) Took out the lowly Sunrise.
   
   
5. South Carolina (4-3) Makes the Big Jump this week, is this team for real, finally?
   
   
6. Tabbi’s Kats (4-3) The Kats are staying close but they need to go on a win streak.
   
   
7. San Antonio Mexican’ts (4-3) They lost in glorious fashion this week, a 60 yard TD right before halftime to Jordan Addison finishes them off.

Players of the Week

Offensive Player of the Week - Travis Kelce  (ND) - 179 yds and a TD as Kelce outscores the Lords.

Defense of the Week - New Whiteland 4s, 3FR, Int, & TD  for 14 points brought the victory home for New Whiteland

Special Teams Player of the Week - Justin Tucker - Don't look now but the Ditka’s have won 2 in a row and look like they have some life in them.

The Look Ahead to Week 7’s Game of the Week

Philadelphia @ South Carolina  - Will Kyler play this week or will it be Jared Goff again. After a disappointing week in which Goff only had 1 TD pass, the Dark Side are close to getting Murray back. For South Carolina they are in 2nd place by points and think they are the rightful owners of the East Division.

The Rewind a look back at Week 6’s Game of the Week

New Whiteland @ Tabbi’s- What a game this was Josh Allen was the best player on the field for Tabbi’s Kats but unfortunately for the defending champ, Allen seemed to be the only one on the field that knew they had a game this week. The New Whiteland Defense was the difference in the game.

Welcome back to the IFFL. Week 6. This was a weird weekend in the IFFL. Let’s get to the Power Rankings.

1. New Whiteland Chicken Pluckerz  (5-1) New Whiteland is the first team at #1 in consecutive weeks this season.
   
2. Los Angeles Lords (5-1) Found a rushing attack this weekend Kyren Williams then gets hurt.
   
3. Cincinnati Bagels (5-1) Just keeps winning.
   
4. Tabbi’s Kats (4-2) The Kats keep winning and keeping the division close
   
5. San Antonio Mexican’ts (4-2) Takes out the Subs in glorious fashion.
6. Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls (3-3) Making their first appearance in the top 7 this year.
   
7. Hartford Whalers  (3-3) Another new face how long do they stick around?

Players of the Week

Offensive Player of the Week - Raheem Mostert (NW) - 132 yds and 3 TD’s for Mostert powers the team past Taipei.

Defense of the Week - Tabbi’s Kats 4s, FR, 2 Ints, 197 yds for 10 points combined with Brandon McManus (see below) scratches the Animals into the loss column.  

Special Teams Player of the Week - Brandon McManus  4 extra points and 3 FG’s provided the cushion for the Kats over Indy.

The Look Ahead to Week 7’s Game of the Week

New Whiteland @ Tabbi’s - This game can bring NW to the point where they are the clear favorites in the central but if they lose the Kats can claw the Chicken Pluckerz back to reality. Now the only question is, Who will stand victorious?

The Rewind a look back at Week 6’s Game of the Week

Tequila @ Cincinnati - The Sunrise have lost their rushing attack. This team has to find an identity and quick. The fans are restless, management is at a loss, they have made moves but nothing is panning out for them right now. Meanwhile Cincinnati is killing it. Having an amazing time racking up wins, outside of New Whiteland. Christian McCaffrey did get injured this weekend, let's see if he can answer the bell in week 7.

 

Welcome back to the IFFL. Week 5. It's a glorious day as there are no winless teams in the IFFL. Let’s get to the Power Rankings.

1. New Whiteland Chicken Pluckerz  (4-1) New Whiteland will try the #1 spot again.
2. Los Angeles Lords (4-1) Ja’Marr Chase might be just what the doctor ordered.
3. Cincinnati Bagels (4-1) Took out arch nemesis, Tabbi’s Kats.
4. Tabbi’s Kats (3-2) Took the L in a hard fought game, Josh Allen its football season.
5. South Carolina Scarecrows  (3-2) Beat the tar out of SA, & got Nico Collins.
6. San Antonio Mexican’ts (3-2) Needs to find a battered womans shelter ASAP.
7. Taipei Personality (3-2) Even losing to the lowly Subs can’t send this team out of the top 7.

Players of the Week

Offensive Player of the Week - DJ Moore (Pit) This was one hell of a performance against the Dark Side. 230 yards and 3 TD’s for 24 points.

Defense of the Week -  Los Angeles Lords - 15 points scored 4 Sacks, 3 FR’s, 1 Safety & a TD, showed the Lords dominance over the Whale

Special Teams Player of the Week - Jake Elliott from Phi - Knocked home 3 FG’s and 2 XP’s to keep the PB Balls at bay.

The Look Ahead to Week 6’s Game of the Week

Tequila @ Cincinnati- This might be it, a last gasp chance for Tequila to prove they are better than their record shows. If they can come out and cream the Bagels they have a chance at redemption. For the Bagels they are flying high at 4-1, and like last year, they are somehow flying under the radar. This team needs to keep the status quo though and cloud the Sunrise.

The Rewind a Look Back at Week 5’s Game of the Week

San Antonio @ South Carolina - South Carolina who is the perennial underdog in this matchup came in and flexed their muscles and fists, showing her who was boss. This is not your typical Trevor, this was 1950’s backwoods, alcoholic Trevor and he sent a message to the IFFL.

Welcome back to the IFFL. Week 4. Let’s get to this week’s power rankings.

1. Tabbi’s Kats (3-1) Kats just keep winning
2. San Antonio Mexican’ts (3-1)  The team is ready for the Domestic Violence Bowl
3. New Whiteland Chicken Pluckerz (3-1) Got blown out by San Antonio, meaning that after 4 weeks there are no perfect teams any longer
4. Los Angeles Lords (3-1) Joe B better get right soon, second week in a row we call this out
5. Taipei Personality  (3-1) Cruising along tied with San Antonio and Los Angeles for the lead in the west
6. Cincinnati Bagels  (3-1) Creamed their way to another win
7. Indy Animals  (2-2) Lost a close one to LA this week
   

Players of the Week

Offensive Player of the Week - RB Christian McCaffrey (Cin) Ran for 177 yds and 4 TD’s Looks to take out the Kats this week on the road.

Defense of the Week -  Pittsburgh PB Balls  17 total points, 2 sacks, FR, 2 Ints, 2 TD’s sunk the Scarecrows in Chocolate sauce.

Special Teams Player of the Week - K Brandon Aubrey (LA)  Hit 3 FG’s and 3 xp’s to help calm the Animals.

The Look Ahead to Week 5’s Game of the Week

San Antonio @ South Carolina- The league's annual domestic violence bowl is a must on the football calendar.  The Mexican’ts come into this game the favorite for a change. Can the Scarecrows make the Mexican’ts need a hospital?

The Rewind a look back at Week 4’s Game of the Week

San Antonio at New Whitelandi -  New Whiteland got bitch slapped by San Antonio with 12 4th quarter points causing the Mexican’ts to almost rise to #1 in the power poll for the first time ever this week.

Welcome back to the IFFL. Week 3  was action packed and fun. Let’s get to this week’s power rankings.

1. New Whiteland Chicken Pluckerz (3-0) 3 weeks in and a new number one to lose in week 4.
2. Tabbi’s Kats (2-1) Kats just keep winning.
3. San Antonio Mexican’ts (2-1)  They didn’t lose any players this week.
4. Los Angeles Lords (2-1) Joe B better get right soon.
5. Indy Animals (2-1) Beat Philly like a drum.
6. South Carolina Scarecrows (2-1) They better watch out, they might just keep winning.
7. Philadelphia Dark Side (2-1) Lost to Indy and that's something they do alot of, lose to the Animals.

Players of the Week

Offensive Player of the Week - Raheem Mostert (NW) Ran for 142 yds and 4 TD’s this Boiler is chugging.

Defense of the Week -  Hartford Whalers  21 total points, 9 sacks, FR, 4 Int and a TD led the Whale to a victory.

Special Teams Player of the Week - Animals K Jason Myers who hit 5 FG’s and 2 xp to help his team defeat the Dark Side.

The Look Ahead to Week 4’s Game of the Week

San Antonio @ New Whiteland - Can the Mexican’ts defeat the last of the undefeated teams this week or will the Chicken Pluckerz be the first team to stay at number one for 2 straight weeks?

The Rewind a look back at Week 3’s Game of the Week

New Whiteland at Cincinnati -  New Whiteland bitch slapped Cincinnati behind 25 points from Tua and Raheem Mostert and guess what 50 was only half of their final total for the week.

 

Welcome back to the IFFL. Week 2  was so much fun, we still have some amazing teams that are winless, and a few surprises sitting 2-0. Let’s get to this week’s power rankings.

1. Los Angeles Lords (2-0) The Lords squeaked out a win against Taipei, lets see if they can make it 3 in a row and kill the curse.
2. New Whiteland Chicken Pluckerz (2-0) This team will go as far as Tua can take them.
3. Philadelphia Dark Side (2-0) At least this week they didn't lose another QB.
4. Cincinnati Bagels (2-0)  Blew out Indy on the strength of their defense.
5. Tequila Sunrise (1-1) That top spot was totally cursed for them.
6. Tabbi’s Kats (1-1) Moving up one spot are the defending champion Kats. At least Josh Allen was back to normal.
7. San Antonio Mexican’ts (1-1) Grabbed the victory over Tequila, even though they lost Nick Chubb.

Players of the Week

Offensive Player of the Week - Jared Goff, Philadelphia, 323 yards 3 TD’s, Looking good in a dominant performance against the hated Subs.

Defense of the Week -  Cincinnati Bagels -  The Bagels had 6 sacks, 3 Fumble Recoveries, an INT and 2 TD’s to lead the team back to beat the Animals in the 4th Quarter.

Special Teams Player of the Week - New Whiteland Rookie K Jake Moody, 3 FG’s and 3 XP’s provided the cushion they needed to beat the Ditka’s

The Look Ahead to Week 3’s Game of the Week

New Whiteland at Cincinnati - It’s week 3 and there are only 4 undefeated teams remaining.  This match up is for the top spot in the Central for one more week knowing that the Kats are on their tails.

The Rewind a look back at Week 2’s Game of the Week

Taipei at Los Angeles -  Somehow, someway the Lords put the beat down on Taipei, 8 4th Quarter Blake Grupe points helped survive the 8 points Deshaun Watson got in the 4th quarter for Taipei. The Personality really need to figure out how to beat LA, who they have lost to 3 straight times now.

Welcome back to the IFFL Week 1 was very disappointing week for some and for others it was very shocking.

1. Tequila Sunrise (1-0) Let’s see if the top spot is a curse again this year
2. Indy Animals (1-0) Dominating win over South Carolina
3. Los Angeles Lords (1-0) After a wire to wire winning performance against the Kats the Lords make a huge impact on the top 7
4. Taipei Personality (1-0)  Smashed the Peanut Butter Balls in Pittsburgh
5. New Whiteland Chicken Pluckerz (1-0) Opened at home with a 700 yard performance Chicago didn’t know what hit them.
6. Philadelphia Dark Side (1-0) Proving people wrong is the best part of this job.
7. Tabbi’s Kats (0-1) Might be a little harsh but there were some really impressive performances.

Honorable Mention

Cincinnati (1-0) beat a  very good San Antonio team in double OT this week they are on the cusp if they keep winning.

San Antonio (0-1) see above but in reverse. Back it up!

Players of the Week

Offensive Player of the Week - Tua Tagoviola 471 yards and 3 TDs all while leading the team to a huge divisional win.

Defense of the Week -  Pittsburgh without a question this defense with 32 points was the best of the week, too bad the rest of the team blew donkey.

Special Teams Player of the Week - Los Angeles rookie kicker Blake Grupe 3 FG’s and an XP helped cement the Lords victory.

The Look Ahead to Week 2’s Game of the Week

Taipei at Los Angeles -  This matchup of my #3 and 4 teams in the league this week is another early season ballbuster for the Lords and their mission to try to repeat.

Welcome back to the 2nd season of the Endowed 7.  To toot my own horn this column correctly picked the winner of last year's super bowl. Let’s see if we can do it again without further adieu.

The Endowed 7 Preseason Edition

1. Tabbi’s Kats - Last season's champion is back for more having tasted the title game 2 years in a row.
2. San Antonio Mexican’ts - This passing attack should be the best in the league, let's see how long Anthony Richardson stays at QB1. Also I'm interested to see if they put in a waiver claim on Kyler Murray, that team could be dangerous.
3. Chicago Fightin’ Ditka’s - This team is going with a young QB and a loaded backfield, Aaron Jones and JK Dobbins will provide the team the long game, while Zeke Elliott will give them a short yardage back they need.
4. Tequila Sunrise -  The 3 headed monster of Dameon, Javonte, and Bijan with a Lil Cooper Kupp and Sun God receiving corps should bring the Sunrise back to prominence.
5. Hartford Whalers - The class of the East somehow they will continue to win.
6. Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls - 2nd best in the East if they can keep Lamar healthy they can go far.
7. Indy Animals - They look strong, a very balanced team should be able to keep up with the Ditka’s and challenge for 2nd place.

Sorry no honorable mention this week, the rest of the league has some questions to answer first.

Players of the Week

MVP - This award could go to quite a few players, but we will start with saying we believe it's a 2 player race. Josh Allen will either repeat his performances of the last 2 years or Patrick Mahomes will reclaim the title. I said what I said and I'm not ashamed.

Defense of the Year - I feel like this year may just belong to the Los Angeles Lords, the entire team can’t be complete rubbish right?

Special Teams Player of the Year - Hartford’s Evan McPherson might just finally take this spot from Chicago’s Justin Tucker.  Dark Horse candidate is Los Angeles' Blake Grupe who has blown the team away this preseason so far.

The Look Ahead to Week 1’s Game of the Week

Tabbi’s at Los Angeles - Rematch of the Super Bowl, if Los Angeles is going to do anything at all this year they have to come out and hit the Kat’s in the face, which will draw the ire of the Kat’s owner.

Welcome to the IFFL! The Semifinal round did not fail to keep us entertained. The Kats defended their home turf while the Whalers failed and lost in the Semi Final round once again.

The Endowed 7 Week Semi Final Edition

1. Tabbi’s Kats (12-2)
2. Los Angeles Lords (9-5)
3. Cincinnati Bagels (10-4)
4. Hartford Whalers (9-5)
5. Taipei Personality (9-5)
6. New Delhi Subs (8-6)
7. Philadelphia Dark Side (8-6)

The Bagels were good until the onslaught from the Kats in the 3rd quarter, a 22 point effort which saw the Kats go from 13 down to 7 up in the frame and held in the 4th. The Whalers on the other hand didn’t have a chance, the Lords took the lead early and held it throughout.

Players of the Week

Offensive PotW –Joe Burrow, Los Angeles 380 yards 3 TD’s. Someone is trying to singlehandedly win his team a Super Bowl this season.  Burrow will be under the spotlight next week against the Kats.

Defensive PotW – Tabbi’s Kats – A 16 point 3rd quarter started by the Kats defense’s 6 sacks, 3 INT’s, FR, and TD, proved this team was not as dead as some had said at halftime.

Kicker of the Week – Jason Sanders, Los Angeles 2 FG and 2 XP helped keep the whalers at bay in the 3rd quarter this week.

Game of the Week – Cincinnati @ Tabbi’s – “Now son, let me teach you a lesson,” that is how the story should start if the Kats win the championship.  This team is molded in the image of their owner,  tough as nails with a huge heart. This will be a very difficult team to beat in the Super Bowl.  Burrow and friends better be ready.

The Look Ahead Super Bowl XXVII (27) –

Los Angeles @ Tabbi’s – The game is set, the venue is ready, the teams are in LA, the away team has an advantage of familiar field advantage and its almost game time.  This seasons Super Bowl is bound to be a good one. It’s a replay of a week 4 game in which the Lords prevailed 60-30. The Kats will need to play a lot better than they did in the earlier game. As for the Lords they just need Joe Burrow to stay hot, and the rest should take care of itself. They are built for this game, this is why the immediate future was mortgaged during the season. We will find out the winner of the game at the end of the 4th quarter. The Kats have been the favorite for the entire season. The Lords are one of the hottest teams in the league.  Going out on a limb the winner will be….

Welcome to the IFFL! The home teams won the Wild Card games this week, now we move onto the final 4 with a trip to the Superbowl on the line!

The Endowed 7 Week 14 Edition

1. Tabbi’s Kats (12-2)
2. Cincinnati Bagels (10-4)
3. Hartford Whalers (9-5)
4. Los Angeles Lords (9-5)
5. Taipei Personality (9-5)
6. New Delhi Subs (8-6)
7. Philadelphia Dark Side (8-6)

New Delhi lost 5 straight games to finish the season that has to hurt, Taipei also lost 5 of 6 to finish the season.

Players of the Week

Offensive PotW –Joe Burrow, Los Angeles 208 yards 4 TD’s and a 2 pt conversion, Just like he did in the regular season Burrow carved up the Sub defense. This time he threw all 4 TD’s in the second half, to be precise. I bet the Subs are elated not to play Burrow again.

Defensive PotW – Taipei– I know they lost this week but lets call out how truly amazing this defense has been this season. When they need a stop or sack or interception this defense was there to make sure it happened.

Kicker of the Week – Jason Sanders, Los Angeles 3 FG and 2 XP leading to a huge 1st quarter lead for the Lords. Could Sanders prove to be the difference maker again this week?

Game of the Week – New Delhi @ Los Angeles – New Delhi played a heck of a game but in the end their defense was not strong enough to stop the Lords, and the offensive weapons in Los Angeles cam out to play.

The Look Ahead Semi Final Games of the Week –

Los Angeles @ Hartford – It’s going to be cold this week, and we mean like really, really cold. This game may come down to rushing attacks as Burrow and Mahomes should perform. So let’s see how well the runners do, LA has Dobbins, Sanders, & Ekeler going against Kamara, Stevenson, and Jacobs for the Whalers. Amazingly this is the first time these teams have met this season.

Cincinnati @ Tabbi’s – Round 3 of this family affair is for all the marbles, and in the words of the Kats Owner, “I love that boy with my whole heart, but I’m going to tan his hide this weekend, its time for the Kats to hold the trophy."  The teams split the regular season meeting, they are pretty evenly matched and it might just come down to the kicker and defensive matchups.

Welcome to the IFFL! This season has been wild and crazy (but not 2 crazy guys, as #1 is a woman and #2 is someone who thinks women belong in the kitchen baking him pie) and has now come to an end.  Tequila will draft first in August, and our number 7 team below will draft 8th overall, Wild Card weekend is upon us now lets get back to work and premier the Endowed 7 Playoff Edition.

The Endowed 7 Week 14 Edition

1. Tabbi’s Kats (12-2)
2. Cincinnati Bagels (10-4)
3. Hartford Whalers (9-5)
4. Los Angeles Lords (9-5)
5. Taipei Personality (9-5)
6. New Delhi Subs (8-6)
7. Philadelphia Dark Side (8-6)

New Delhi has lost 4 straight, Philadelphia lost their QB on the 3rd play of the game or it might be Philly instead of New Delhi in the playoffs today.

Players of the Week

Offensive PotW – Evan Engram, Cincinnati – 162 yards and 2 TD’s, the big lumbering TE scored 24 individual points to pace the Bagels over Taipei in what would become a Wildcard preview.

Defensive PotW – Los Angeles –  TD, 6 sacks and 2 ints gave the Lords the cushion they would need to keep Philadelphia at bay.

Kicker of the Week – Jake Elliott, Phildelphia – In a losing effort Elliott had 2 FG’s and 6 XP’s to help the Dark Side keep it close in the first half against Los Angeles.

Game of the Week – Tabbi’s @ San Antonio – While there were better games on the schedule that meant more, we should always take time out to celebrate the women of the IFFL and discuss the Fine Lady Bowl. For the Kats, Josh Allen came out and made it his mission to whip Dak Prescott into submission which is just what he did. CeeDee Lamb and Nick Chubb were held in check the entire game. Really, the players that did score for SA weren't too exciting.  Allen and Henry are a daunting task in the playoffs for whoever faces them. I kind of feel sorry for the winner of Cincinnati/Taipei, or New Delhi as that will be a real beast of a game in the Litter Box.

The Look Ahead Wild Card Games of the Week –

New Delhi @ Los Angeles –  On paper this game should be very evenly matched, but as we all know the game is not played on paper.  I see Los Angeles coming out and taking an early lead, but the Subs will fight their way back into the game and at the end its anybody’s guess as to who will come out on top. Slightest of edges to Los Angeles at QB.

Taipei @ Cincinnati – This game will be a knock down, drag out game that I have no idea who will win.  With the teams coming off a fresh 86-37 Cincinnati drubbing I expect tempers to be high and emotions to run wild during this game. I think Cincinnati is a little better than Taipei at this point in the season, so I give them the slight edge.

A jumbled mess heading into the playoffs! The Subs lose again, the Whalers win again. Six teams in a dead heat racing toward the playoffs. Welcome to the IFFL!

The Endowed 7 Week 13 Edition

1. Tabbi’s Kats (11-2)
2. Cincinnati Bagels (9-4)
3. Philadelphia Dark Side (8-5)
4. Taipei Personality (9-4)
5. Hartford Whalers (8-5)
6. Los Angeles Lords (8-5)
7. New Delhi Subs (8-5)

New Delhi has lost 3 straight, Los Angeles has lost 2 straight, Taipei finally wins again after losing 4 of 5 and Philadelphia and Hartford have won 3 straight, oh and the only one of these teams to clinch the playoffs is Taipei.

Players of the Week

Offensive PotW – Jalen Hurts, South Carolina – 392 yards and 4 TD’s willing his team to try to come back against Hartford and play spoiler, he literally came up 8 yards short.

Defensive PotW – Cincinnati Bagels – 3 Defensive TD’s puts them in the playoffs and confirms the Sunrise will pick number one overall.

Kicker of the Week – Brandon McManus, Tabbi’s – 3 FG’s to help the team to victory #11.

Game of the Week – New Delhi @ Taipei – The foreign language bowl 2022 was pretty tight thru 3 quarters but then in the 4th Taipei blew it open with Brady throwing 2 TD’s in the frame.

The Look Ahead Week 14 Game of the Week –

Tabbi’s @ San Antonio – It's not really crucia,l except for the fact that I get to say Fine Lady Bowl 2022 in print and it will be here forever for anyone to read.  Tabbi’s can win 12 games this year which would tie the league record for number of wins in a season.  San Antonio can compete for one more week then this dismal season will come to an end.

Another wild week 11! Where Taipei loses their 3rd straight game and 4 in the last 5. Los Angeles wins again. Philadelphia without a QB beats New Delhi. Welcome to the IFFL!

The Endowed 7 Week 11 Edition

1. Tabbi’s Kats (9-2)
2. Los Angeles Lords (8-3)
3. New Delhi Subs (8-3)
4. Cincinnati Bagels (7-4)
5. Taipei Personality (7-4)
6. Philadelphia Dark Side (6-5)
7. Hartford Whalers (6-5)

New Delhi’s loss knocks them from the top spot. Tabbi’s and Los Angeles are in the byes. We are inching closer to playoff football.

Players of the Week

Offensive PotW – Joe Burrow, Los Angeles – 360 yards and 4 TD’s helping to secure an unsurmountable lead in the 4th quarter against the upstart Bagels.

Defensive PotW – South Carolina Scarecrows – Allowing only 163 yards, getting 7 sacks and a Fumble Recovery led to 11 points for the Scarecrow defense leading them to their 5th win on the season and keeping playoff hopes, no matter how slim alive.

Kicker of the Week – Tyler Bass, Hartford – 6 FG’s and an XP leading to 19 points lead the way for the Whalers to beat Pittsburgh and stay in contention for the playoffs.

Game of the Week – New Delhi @ Philadelphia – New Delhi came into the game on a high note, but Philadelphia had something up their sleeve, RB Jamal Williams, scoring 3 TD’s on the day and 2 additional TD’s from Amari Cooper made it so that it didn’t matter that the Dark Side had no QB.

The Look Ahead Week 12 Game of the Week –

Thanksgiving Week 2022

Philadelphia @ South Carolina– Can the Scarecrows keep giving their fanbase hope of a postseason run? Can the Dark Side keep moving up and finally surpass the Whalers and move into a playoff position?  Will both teams ultimately fail and miss out on the postseason like they have thought for most of the year? Tune in this week to find out the answers to the most important questions.  Also Jalen Hurts needs to have a great week to move the Scarecrows up the division standings.

Another wild week where Taipei barely loses to Los Angeles and Cincinnati, New Delhi, and Tabbi’s win again. Welcome to the IFFL!

The Endowed 7 Week 10 Edition

1. New Delhi Subs (8-2)
2. Tabbi’s Kats (8-2)
3. Los Angeles Lords (7-3)
4. Cincinnati Bagels (7-3)
5. Taipei Personality (7-3)
6. Indy Animals (6-4)
7. Hartford & Philadelphia Dark Side (5-5)

Hartford and Philadelphia try to grasp on to the 7th spot. Does anyone want it?  

Players of the Week

Offensive PotW – Patrick Mahomes, Hartford – 4 TD’s and 370 yards yielding 27 individual points and along with K Tyler Bass made the Whalers hopes of beating the Subs a near reality.

Defensive PotW – Los Angeles – The Lords defense gets the nod this week for the late sack which proved to be the winning margin.

Kicker of the Week – Cameron Dicker, New Delhi 3 FG’s and an XP was the difference in bringing down the Whalers and keeping their repeat hopes alive.

Game of the Week – Taipei @ Los Angeles – Los Angeles halts a 4-game losing streak to Taipei by grabbing a late sack on QB Tom Brady securing a 37-36 win.

The Look Ahead Week 11 Game of the Week –          
                                  
New Delhi @ Philadelphia – Round 2 this time it may just be the difference between playoffs or staying home.  The Dark Side have made major strides to put themselves in positions to win these games late in the season that have playoff implications.

Another wild week where San Antonio wins again. Welcome to the IFFL!

The Endowed 7 Week 9 Edition

1. New Delhi Subs (7-2)
2. Tabbi’s Kats (7-2)
3. Taipei Personality (7-2)
4. Los Angeles Lords (6-3)
5. Indy Animals (6-3)
6. Cincinnati Bagels (6-3)
7. Philadelphia Dark Side (5-4)

Hartford makes a case to get back in the list but the Dark Side hold on to the 7th spot.

Players of the Week

Offensive PotW – Joe Mixon, New Dellhi – 5 TD’s and 211 yards yielding 36 indiviual points almost singlehandedly gives the Subs a victory over South Carolina.

Defensive PotW – Hartford Whalers – scoring 23 points, which is almost unheard of for a defense, powered the Whalers past the undermanned Fightin’ Ditka’s.

Kicker of the Week – Ryan Succop, San Antonio 3 FG’s and an XP was the difference in bringing down the IFFL’s best team, by one of the more disappointing teams.

Game of the Week – Cincinnati @ Tabbi’s- This family affair was one for the ages and came down to some 4th quarter play. The Kats got a late score from Isiah Likely to secure the victory.

The Look Ahead Week 10 Game of the Week –

Taipei @ Los Angeles – Round 2. This time it will result in the lead for the division.  Los Angeles has built this roster for this game and although they will be missing Joe Burrow, they still have one of the most potent offense’s in the league led this week by Russell Wilson. Taipei will probably just keep going, having beaten the Lords 4 straight times coming into this game.

Another wild week 8! Finally San Antonio win moving into a tie with Tequila for the 1st overall draft choice.  Welcome to the IFFL!

The Endowed 7 Week 9 Edition

1. Taipei Personality (7-1)
2. Cincinnati Bagels (6-2)
3. New Delhi Subs (6-2)
4. Tabbi’s Kats (6-2)
5. Los Angeles Lords (5-3)
6. Indy Animals (5-3)
7. Philadelphia Dark Side (4-4)

Hartford screwed themselves out of the list by benching Alvin Kamara for some stupid reason, their lineup decisions this season are just plain idiotic.

Players of the Week

Offensive PotW  – Jalen Hurts, South Carolina, 295 yards 4 TD’s and 24 individual points led the Scarecrows to a win over Los Angeles.

Defensive PotW – South Carolina Scarecrows- 4 sacks, 1 FR, TD, back to back weeks for the Scarecrow defense and  2 straight wins make this team dangerous going into the stretch run.

Kicker of the Week – Nick Folk, New Delhi, 5/5 FG’s, and 1/1 extra points make this game his best this season.

Game of the Week – Philadelphia @ Indy- Boy oh boy! The Dark Side put up 92 points last week behind the stellar connection of QB Kyler Murray to WR AJ Brown.  A career game from Tony Pollard didn’t hurt much either

The Look Ahead to Week 9 Game of the Week –

Cincinnati @ Tabbi’s – Round 2, this time it will result in the lead for the division.  Cincinnati is on a good run since McCaffery has stayed healthy this season.  Lets see if Derrick Henry and Josh Allen can carve up the Bagel defense.

Another wild one in week 7; where South Carolina, Chicago, and Pittsburgh win to try to get away from the #1 overall pick.  Welcome to the IFFL!

The Endowed 7 Week 8 Edition

1. Taipei Personality (6-1)
2. Los Angeles Lords (5-2)
3. Indy Animals (5-2)
4. Cincinnati Bagels (5-2)
5. New Delhi Subs (5-2)
6. Tabbi’s Kats (5-2)
7. Hartford Whalers (4-3)

The top 7 stays the same just a little shuffling amongst the leaders.  The Bagels drop to #4 after another loss on the season.  Taipei suffered their first loss but they stay at #1.

Players of the Week

Offensive PotW  – Joe Burrow, Los Angeles, QB Burrow accounted for 48 individual points in the game after torching the Sub defense for 501 yards and 4 TD’s on the day.

Defensive PotW – South Carolina Scarecrows- 5 sacks, 3 FR, 2 Ints, while allowing only 312 yards to the Sunrise mean this team is finally being talked about this season… for something other than losing.

Kicker of the Week – Cairo Santos, Chicago, 4/4 FG’s, and 3/3 extra points make this game his best of the season.

Game of the Week – New Delhi @ Los Angeles- Boy, oh Boy! The Lords put up 83 points last week behind the stellar leadership of QB Joe Burrow and RB Ezekiel Elliot.

The Look Ahead Week 8 Game of the Week –

Philadelphia @ Taipei – The Dark Side are looking for a win after 2 straight losses. They head to Taipei who have to be angry about their first loss of the season. Expect the Personality to be taking their anger out on Philadelphia.

The Bagels, Personality, Lords, and Animals all win in Week 4.  Welcome to the IFFL!

The Endowed 7 Week 4 Edition

1. Taipei Personality (4-0)
2. Cincinnati Bagels (4-0)
3. Indy Animals (3-1)
4. Los Angeles Lords (3-1)
5. New Delhi Subs (3-1)
6. Tabbi’s Kats (2-2)
7. Philadelphia Dark Side (2-2)

The Subs have finally come back to the Endowed 7.  The Bagels drop to #2 after an impressive performance by Taipei.  Los Angeles doubles up the Kats, and Indy beats an injury riddled Tequila.

Players of the Week

Offensive PotW  – TJ Hockenson, Taipei Personality 179 yards and 2 TD’s, a 2pt conversion & 38 individual points sent Taipei screaming towards 100 points this week.

Defensive PotW –  Hartford Whalers 7 sack, 1 fumble recovery, 1 interception returned for a TD.  This is how the Whalers are supposed to play football.

Kicker of the Week – Greg Joseph, Cincinnati Bagels- Hit 5/5 FG attempts to give the Bagels a comfy cushion.

Game of the Week – Tequila at Indy The Animals came out ready to play.  The Sunrise settled in the sky and then lost Javonte Williams, his loss was something that even Cooper Kupp couldn’t help Tequila overcome.  It may be a long season in New Mexico now.

The Look Ahead Week 3 Game of the Week –

Indy at Cincinnati. The Animals travel down I-74 to play the Bagels this weekend. This is our game of the week and its for early control of the Central Division.  Can the Animals put together another awesome performance or will the Bagels continue to play at heights never before achieved.

As soon as I think I have this season figured out, The Kats play the Bagels and completely screw everything up.  Welcome to the IFFL!

The Endowed 7 Week 3 Edition

1. Cincinnati Bagels (3-0)
2. Taipei Personality (3-0)
3. Tabbi’s Kats (2-1)
4. Indy Animals (2-1)
5. Philadelphia Dark Side (2-1)
6. Los Angeles Lords (2-1)
7. Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls (2-1)

The Subs were close to making the list after taking out the Whalers.  The Bagels move up to 1 after their shellacking of the Kats.   Will the top spot be a curse for the Bagels or will the team continue to flourish?

Players of the Week

Offensive PotW  – Lamar Jackson, Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls 325 yards and 5 TD’s for Lamar Propelling the team to a huge victory this week.

Defensive PotW – Taipei Personality, 9 sacks, 1 FR’s, this defensive performance is why the Sunrise are now 1-2 in the West. 

Kicker of the Week – Matt Prater, Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls- Hit 4/4 FG attempts to give the PB Balls an insurmountable lead.

Game of the Week – Cincinnati at Tabbi’s The Kats came out strong against the Bagels, but it was the Bagels closing strength and ground game that ultimately gave them the victory.

The Look Ahead Week 4 Game of the Week –

For the 1st time all season this space doesn’t include the Kats. Tequila @ Indy is the game to watch in week 4.  Both teams will be looking to correct course after week 3 losses. The Sunrise need a win to stay in the hunt for the playoffs while the Animals are looking to take the division.

Another wild week in the IFFL is in the books, week 2 was just as unpredictable as week 1,

The Endowed 7 Week 2 Edition

1. Tabbi’s Kats (2-0)
2. Indy Animals (2-0)
3. Taipei Personality (2-0)
4. Cincinnati Bagels (2-0)
5. Philadelphia Dark Side (1-1)
6. Los Angeles Lords (1-1)
7. Hartford Whalers (1-1)

The Whalers got cut by the buzzsaw that is the Kats this week and Los Angeles lost a barn burner to Taipei. They will be back though, the same might not be able to be said for Chicago, New Whiteland and San Antonio.

Players of the Week

Offensive PotW – Lamar Jackson, Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls 437 yards and 4 TD’s from Lamar carried the team to victory.

Defensive PotW – Indy Animals, 6 sacks, 2 FR’s, 3 Int’s, a TD and a partridge in a pear tree, is what propelled the Animals to a vital division win over rival Chicago.

Kicker of the Week – Brandon McManus, Tabbi’s Kats- Back-to-back weeks of 10 point games for McManus is the type of consistency the Kats need to bring home the championship.

Game of the Week – Tabbi’s @ Hartford Another great game of the week until the 4th quarter when Josh Allen exploded to lead the Kats to 25 un answered points and an 18 point victory.

The Look Ahead Week 3 Game of the Week –

For an unprecedented 3rd straight week the Kats are in the spotlight, this time against the upstart Bagels who will be trying not to get burned by Josh Allen and Co. If the Bagels have any shot this week, Trevor Lawrence, Christian McCaffery and team have to play the games of their lives this week.

Football is back and week 1 of the 2022 IFFL season is in the books and oh, baby, what a week it was!

The Endowed 7 Week 1 Edition

1. Tabbi’s Kats (1-0)
2. Philadelphia Dark Side (1-0)
3. Los Angeles Lords (1-0)
4. Hartford Whalers (1-0)
5. Indy Animals (1-0)
6. Taipei Personality (1-0)
7. Cincinnati Bagels (1-0)

DO NOT under no circumstances write off the South Carolina Scarecrows. Tequila will be better than advertised as well.

Players of the Week

Offensive PotW  – Patrick Mahomes, Hartford, 365 yards and 5 TD’s gives the Whalers the franchise QB they drafted Lamar Jackson to be but that he failed to develop the traits.

Defensive PotW – Philadelphia Dark Side, 7 sacks, 4 interceptions and a pick 6, and a fumble recovery, not a bad week against Lamar Jackson and the PB Balls offense.

Kicker of the Week – Ryan Succop, San Antonio 4/4 FG and an XP, unfortunately he was all of the offense for the Mexican’ts.

Game of the Week –
New Delhi @ Tabbi’s This proved to be a hell of a matchup, just as the league schedulers predicted when they drew up the schedule.  The Kat's appear ready to take the next step to a League championship.

The Look Ahead to the Week 2 Game of the Week –
This time we are going to Hartford v Tabbi’s.  The Kats have a loaded schedule during the first half of the season, and this is just another challenge to see if they are ready to win it all come January.

For three quarters, Tecumseh looked ready to walk into Indianapolis, beat the defending champions, move to 3-0 and spend another week telling the rest of the IFFL how wonderful they are.

Then Pat Bryant happened.

In a Central Division grudge match that lived up to its billing, Indy rallied behind Jahmyr Gibbs, welcomed Brock Bowers back into the offense, and got the final eight points of the game from Bryant to knock off previously unbeaten Tecumseh, 56-48.

The Raiders leave at 2-1, the Animals improve to 2-1 and suddenly the Central Division is starting to resemble a bar fight with better accounting.

GIBBS KEPT INDY ALIVE

If Indy was going to respond after getting embarrassed by Tabbi's in Week 2, somebody needed to take control.

That somebody was Jahmyr Gibbs.

Gibbs exploded for 164 yards and three touchdowns, producing 21 IFFL points and carrying the Animals through stretches where the rest of the offense wasn't giving them much.

Justin Herbert managed only 243 yards and one touchdown for six points, Ashton Jeanty finished with 93 yards and zero, Emmett Johnson scored zero, Quentin Johnston scored zero, and Gibbs didn't care.

Every time Tecumseh threatened to create separation, Gibbs dragged Indy back into the fight.

Kevin "Q" Ryburn wasn't interested in making the performance sound bigger than it was.

"Jahmyr was tremendous, and we needed every bit of it," Ryburn said. "We weren't great everywhere, but good teams find different ways to win. We're still figuring out exactly what this team needs to become."

Coming from Q, that's about as close as you're going to get to pounding the podium.

BROCK BOWERS IS BACK

After all the bizarre preseason discussion surrounding Brock Bowers and his knee, Indy finally got its star tight end back.

He immediately reminded everyone why the Animals missed him.

Bowers finished with 116 yards and a touchdown, scoring nine points and giving Indy another legitimate weapon in the middle of the lineup. His return changes the shape of this offense. Gibbs doesn't have to do everything.

The receivers don't have to be perfect and Herbert finally has another player capable of producing both touchdowns and IFFL yardage bonuses.

For an Indy team already considering whether another move may eventually be necessary, getting Bowers healthy might have been the first acquisition and it probably won't be the last.

TECUMSEH DIDN'T PLAY LIKE A FLUKE

Let's get something straight.

Tecumseh didn't lose because Week 2 was a mirage. The Raiders played well enough to win.

Jaxon Smith-Njigba continued his ridiculous start with 142 yards and two touchdowns, scoring 13, Dak Prescott added eight, Javonte Williams produced 103 yards and a touchdown for seven and Jake Ferguson scored again. Matt Gay kicked in 11.

Tecumseh put 48 points on the defending champions one week after hanging 83 on Pittsburgh.

The Raiders are real.

Owner Kevin Julbert certainly seems to agree.

"They needed a three-touchdown game from Gibbs, Bowers coming back from the dead and some kid scoring eight points at the end just to beat us by eight," Julbert said. "If that's supposed to scare me, somebody needs to explain which part."

There's the graciousness we've come to expect. Asked whether losing to the defending champions changed his opinion of where Tecumseh stands in the Central, Julbert reportedly laughed.

"We lost one game. I'm not scheduling a candlelight vigil. We're still better than most of these teams, and half the league would trade rosters with me before I finished this sentence."

Subtle.

THEN CAME PAT BRYANT

With the game hanging in the balance late in the fourth quarter, the biggest play didn't come from Gibbs, it didn't come from Bowers and it didn't come from Herbert.

It came from Pat Bryant.

Bryant finished the game with only 44 yards, but those yards included a touchdown, and he added a two-point conversion for eight IFFL points. More importantly, they were Indy's final eight points of the game.

Tecumseh had spent the afternoon trading blows with the champions and Bryant delivered the knockout.

Touchdown. Two-point conversion. Game.

That's the kind of contribution that disappears if you just scan yardage totals, but in a game decided by eight?

It was everything.

Q KNOWS THIS TEAM MAY NOT BE FINISHED

Indy is 2-1. Bowers is back. Gibbs looks dominant. The Animals just beat one of the highest-scoring teams in the league. Everything should feel comfortable.

It doesn't.

The injuries and inconsistent receiver production have left the defending champions thinner than Ryburn would probably like.

Q isn't panicking, but he isn't pretending the roster is perfect either.

"We like our team, and I don't want to overreact to three weeks," Ryburn said. "But if there's something out there that makes us better and gives us a better chance to defend this thing, we have to look at it. Trophy four is the goal. We're not going to pretend otherwise."

That's about as aggressive as Ryburn gets. No declaration. No promise. Just a quiet acknowledgement that the defending champions might eventually go shopping, and the rest of the league should probably pay attention when they do.

THE CENTRAL DIVISION IS GETTING UGLY

Tabbi's is 3-0.

Tecumseh is 2-1.

Indy is 2-1.

Wakarusa is 2-1.

Four teams are separated by one game, and Chicago is standing off to the side wondering what happened to all its quarterbacks.

This division is not going to be decided anytime soon. Tecumseh proved it can score with anybody. Indy proved it can still survive a heavyweight fight and Tabbi's remains the only undefeated team in the entire league. Nobody has control, but everybody thinks they do.

Perfect.

THE CHAMPS ARE STILL THE CHAMPS

Indy needed this one. Not because a Week 3 loss would have ended the season, but because championship teams eventually have to remind people who they are.

A week after Tabbi's beat them by 21, the Animals got punched again by one of the league's hottest teams. This time they answered. Gibbs carried them, Bowers returned, Bryant finished it, and the defending champions walked away 2-1.

Tecumseh can talk. Tabbi's can keep winning. Everybody else can make their case but until somebody takes the trophy out of Indianapolis, it still belongs to the Animals.

FINAL

Tecumseh Raiders 48
Indy Animals 56

Tecumseh lost its perfect record.

Indy found its response.

And Pat Bryant found eight points at exactly the right damn time.

Week 3 left the IFFL scrambling for replacements, awaiting MRI results and, in Tequila, confronting the cruel finality of a season ending in one play.

Tequila’s De’Von Achane suffered a torn ACL in his left knee and is out for the season.
There is no hopeful Week 6 target, no chance to tough it out Sunday. His year is over.

“The hardest part is knowing they’re going to keep playing and I can’t go with them,” a devastated Achane said. “I wanted to help this team win something. Now I have to watch.”

Jeff Dixon promptly called Rachaad White during the Los Angeles game to fill the vacancy, an urgent response to a crushing loss.

“We need Rachaad ready,” Dixon said. “You’re trying to solve the lineup while feeling sick for the kid. De’Von put everything into this season. Finding someone to take his spot doesn’t make losing him hurt any less.”

Chicago’s Baker Mayfield dislocated his right thumb and is expected to miss two-four weeks, leaving the Fightin’ Ditka’s without an available quarterback. Shadd Wright now faces the least enjoyable shopping trip in fantasy football: finding a passer when every other owner knows you desperately need one.

“We’re working the phones,” Wright said. “If you’ve got a quarterback available, call me. Preferably before you decide he’s worth three first-round picks.”

A trade for another team’s backup could be coming. The waiver wire will get a thorough inspection. Chicago’s immediate game plan currently begins with acquiring someone capable of taking the snap.

Philadelphia’s Justin Jefferson suffered a right high ankle sprain, with an unsettling two-to-eight-week absence possible. An MRI expected today should provide a clearer picture. Having just traded A.J. Brown to Los Angeles, the Dark Side suddenly faces another major change at receiver. Two weeks would be survivable. Eight would consume a painful chunk of the remaining season.

Los Angeles lost Breece Hall to a quadriceps injury, with a three-to-four-week return timeline. Braelon Allen will slide into the starting lineup. The Lords had barely finished addressing Jaxson Dart’s season-ending injury when another cornerstone went down. Jason Beaver’s roster construction is starting to resemble emergency plumbing: fix one leak, hear another pipe burst.

Wakarusa’s Mike Evans has a rib injury and a zero-to-three-week outlook. The encouraging part is the zero. Evans’ toughness leaves open the possibility that he won’t miss a game, although his availability remains uncertain. For Pete Shaunki, “possibly nothing” qualifies as an unusually attractive injury update.

Tabbi’s Josh Allen suffered a minor injury, but his status for Week 4 against Wakarusa may take several days to become clear. With the Kats’ owner no longer speaking to the media, useful information remains scarce.

LOS ANGELES — Faced with twelve games without Jaxson Dart, Jason Beaver decided the Lords’ season deserved more than a sympathetic injury report.

Late Friday evening, September 25, Los Angeles and Philadelphia agreed to a deal sending running back Josh Jacobs and LA’s 2027 second-round draft pick to the Dark Side in exchange for quarterback Matt Stafford and wide receiver A.J. Brown. With Dart set to be placed on injured reserve following his season-ending knee injury, the Lords addressed their quarterback situation and receiving corps in one transaction.

They also acquired a little uncertainty of a different kind.

Stafford’s lone start for Philadelphia came in Week 1, when he delivered a goose egg. Brown managed just 26 yards before suffering a high ankle sprain and is scheduled to return in IFFL Game Week 4. The names are impressive. The early returns have been considerably less glamorous.

“We needed another quarterback option, and we needed help at receiver,” Jason Beaver said. “This deal gives us both. Matt’s first game didn’t produce, and A.J. needs to get healthy, but we believe in what they can bring over the rest of the season. There are twelve games left. That’s a lot of football to give up on.”

For Los Angeles, the calculation is straightforward: Jacobs has provided no points while sitting on the Commissioner’s Exempt List, where he was placed just before the season began. There remains no word on when he might be removed and become eligible for activation. Trading him converts an indefinite wait into an available quarterback option and a receiver with a projected return date.

That doesn’t make the transaction painless. A second-round pick is meaningful currency, and a healthy, eligible Jacobs could eventually make Philadelphia very happy. Brown’s ankle also means LA’s receiving upgrade will require patience.

“Kirk Cousins is still part of this team,” Beaver added. “Adding Matt gives us another option at the most important position. When A.J. returns, he gives the lineup another serious scoring threat. We paid a price because we think this roster still has something to accomplish.”

Across the negotiating table, Avan Beaver accepted a different timetable.

Philadelphia gets Jacobs’ potential impact and an early 2027 selection, but no assurance of immediate running-back help. The pick gives the Dark Side a tangible return even if Jacobs’ absence drags on; the player gives them considerable upside if his status changes.

“We understand the uncertainty with Josh,” Avan Beaver said. “Nobody has given us a return date, and we’re planning with that in mind. But we liked the opportunity to add him and a second-round pick. That gives us options for this season and next year.”

Philadelphia also announced the signing of Michael Penix Jr., adding another quarterback option following Stafford’s departure.

That development supplied an especially entertaining footnote to criticism from one unnamed South Carolina source:

“Man LA is just stupid, they already have Kirk and they could go out and sign FA Michael Penix Jr, I guess they just like coming to the draft and not participating, dumbasses.”

Philadelphia has now removed that particular suggestion from the free-agent menu. Apparently, the Dark Side was listening.

“Moving Matt meant we wanted another option at quarterback,” Avan said. “Signing Michael was part of addressing that. We’re looking at the whole roster and trying to improve our flexibility.”

The immediate pressure falls on Los Angeles. Stafford needs to turn opportunity into points, and Brown needs to return close enough to full strength to justify the investment. If both happen, the Lords have a credible path back into the playoff conversation after losing Dart.

Philadelphia’s payoff could take longer. Jacobs remains an unanswered question, while the second-rounder strengthens its position for 2027. His eventual availability could determine whether this becomes a useful asset trade or a major win.

The Lords will have one fewer turn at next year’s draft. They’re betting on having more meaningful Sundays before then.

LOS ANGELES — The Lords have lost quarterback Jaxson Dart for the remainder of the season. Dart will undergo surgery to repair the MCL, PCL and meniscus in his left knee, sidelining him for the final 12 games of the IFFL regular season.

“It’s devastating,” Dart said, “You spend the offseason getting ready to help this team win, and suddenly you’re missing the last 12 games. That’s twelve opportunities I don’t get back. I’ll support these guys every way I can, but watching instead of playing is going to hurt.”

For owner Jason Beaver, the injury turns quarterback depth into an immediate priority. Kirk Cousins represents the in-house option, but the trade market deserves a long look.

“We still have players who can win us games,” Beaver said. “Breece Hall, TreVeyon Henderson, Sam LaPorta, Brandon Aubrey—there’s talent here. We believe in this roster. We’ll evaluate Kirk, work the phones and make a move if it makes us better. Nobody in this building is packing up the season.”

Where might those calls go? Three possibilities stand out:

• Matthew Stafford, Philadelphia: With Jalen Hurts also on Avan Beaver’s roster, a Beaver-to-Beaver negotiation (Yes, he said "Beaver to Beaver") makes sense. A hypothetical offer built around Woody Marks and a future draft pick could open discussions, giving Philadelphia another running-back option and LA a veteran quarterback.
• Brock Purdy, Wakarusa: With Patrick Mahomes anchoring Pete Shaunki’s QB room, Purdy is worth asking about. The likely obstacle is price: Shaunki could seek a substantial running-back contribution or premium draft capital. LA would have to weigh the upgrade against the hole created elsewhere.
• Sam Darnold, Tabbi’s: With Josh Allen leading the Kats, a future-pick offer for Darnold could provide another avenue without dismantling LA’s starting lineup. Whether Tabbi Brewer would surrender that insurance is another question.

At 1–1, the Lords still have time to recover. Hall, LaPorta and Aubrey provide a foundation, while stronger contributions from Henderson and the receivers would ease the burden on Dart’s replacement. Stabilize quarterback without sacrificing too much scoring elsewhere, and a wild-card push remains plausible. Let the position become a weekly scramble, and the playoff margin gets thin quickly.

The Lords still have a season to save. Unfortunately, every IFFL owner holding an extra quarterback just discovered the emergency-pricing button.

There are regular-season wins… and then there are wins that make the rest of the division pay attention.

Tabbi’s Kats got one of those in Week 2.

The Kats welcomed the defending champion Indy Animals into town, watched Josh Allen go completely nuclear, and walked away with a convincing 52-31 victory in an early Central Division grudge match.

Tabbi’s is now 2-0. Indy is 1-1, and for at least one week, the defending champs are looking up at somebody else.

JOSH ALLEN OWNED THE NIGHT

This game really wasn’t complicated. Josh Allen was the best player on the field.

By a lot.

Allen threw for 317 yards and five touchdowns, scoring 31 IFFL points and accounting for nearly 60 percent of Tabbi’s entire team total. He was everything the Kats needed and then some.

Indy simply never found an answer.

Every time the Animals looked like they might settle into the game, Allen created another touchdown and pushed the margin farther away.

For Tabbi Brewer, the performance was obviously exciting, but she wasn’t interested in turning one Week 2 win into a championship parade.

“Josh was unbelievable, but this was really a team win,” Brewer said. “Indy is the defending champion for a reason. We knew we had to play well, and fortunately we did. It’s a good win, but it’s still only Week 2.”

That is the kind of quote coaches give when they’re trying very hard not to smile too much.

KELCE GIVE TABBI'S ANOTHER WEAPON

Allen wasn’t completely alone. Travis Kelce delivered his first major performance of the season, finishing with 101 yards and a touchdown for nine IFFL points. Derrick Henry added another six with 87 yards and a score.

That meant Allen, Kelce and Henry combined for 46 of Tabbi’s 52 points.

The rest of the offense? Not much.

Bucky Irving: zero. Kyle Monangai: zero. Rome Odunze: zero. Deebo Samuel: zero, and yet Tabbi’s still scored 52.

That may be the most encouraging part of the entire afternoon.

If even one or two of those players start contributing consistently, the Kats suddenly become extremely difficult to match point-for-point.

Brewer, naturally, kept things positive.

“We’re happy with where we are, but nobody here thinks we’ve arrived,” she said. “Indy is going to be right there all year. Kevin has built a great team, and we know we’ll probably have to deal with them again.”

That sounded respectful.

Which, by IFFL standards, is practically suspicious.

INDY NEVER FOUND ENOUGH ANSWERS

The Animals didn’t completely disappear.

Stefon Diggs delivered two touchdowns and scored 12 points, Jahmyr Gibbs added 113 yards with a touchdown for seven and Justin Herbert threw one touchdown.

But that was basically it.

Ashton Jeanty: zero. Emmett Johnson: zero. Jayden Reed: zero. Colston Loveland: zero, and Jacksonville’s defense: one.

Indy finished with only 31 points. Against an opponent getting 31 from its quarterback alone, that simply wasn’t going to work.

Kevin “Q” Ryburn wasn’t hiding his disappointment afterward.

“We got beat,” Ryburn said. “There’s really no reason to dress it up. Tabbi’s played better than we did, and Josh had one of those games where you tip your cap and move on. We expect better from ourselves.”

That’s the bad news. The more serious concern for Indy, though, is Jayden Reed.

Reed finished with only four yards before leaving with what the Animals fear could be a spinal injury, putting football completely secondary to his health.

Ryburn’s tone changed noticeably when asked about it.

“The loss bothers me, but Jayden is what we’re thinking about right now,” Q said. “Football is football. You can fix a bad week. When you’re talking about something involving the spine, all you care about is the person being okay. We’ll know more when we know more.”

That is the part of Week 2 that matters beyond the standings.

THE CENTRAL JUST GOT A LOT MORE INTERESTING

Coming into the season, Indy was the obvious measuring stick. That happens when you are defending champions. Win the title, and everyone spends the next year trying to knock you down.

Tabbi’s just took its first swing and landed it. The Kats are now 2-0 with 127 points scored through two games. Josh Allen has been spectacular, Derrick Henry remains dangerous, Kelce just reminded everybody what he can do and Tabbi’s has now beaten the defending champions by 21.

That doesn’t decide the Central in September. Not even close, but it does change the conversation.

Tabbi’s is no longer just having a nice start, Tabbi’s is a problem.

INDY HAS BEEN HERE BEFORE

The temptation after a loss like this is to start asking whether something is wrong with the defending champions. It’s probably a little early for that. This is still a team with Gibbs… and Jeanty… and Diggs… and Herbert… and an owner who has won three championships in the last ten years.

Indy knows how long the season is. They also know that one loss doesn’t mean much unless it becomes two, then three, then a trend.

Ryburn sounded disappointed but hardly shaken. The Animals are not rebuilding. They are not panicking. They are simply 1-1.

For now.

THE MESSAGE FROM TABBI'S

The best thing Tabbi’s could have done in Week 2 was beat Indy.

The second-best thing? Beat them convincingly. There was no controversial finish, no tiebreak, no lucky defensive touchdown deciding things late.

Tabbi’s simply had the best player in the matchup and made fewer mistakes. That matters, because eventually, if you want to win the Central, you have to go through Indy.

Tabbi’s just proved it can. At least once.

FINAL

Indy Animals 31
Tabbi’s Kats 52

The defending champions leave Week 2 with questions.

Tabbi’s leaves 2-0., and somewhere in the Central Division standings, things just got a lot more uncomfortable.

 

If this was supposed to provide San Antonio with closure, somebody forgot to tell Indy.

Nine months after the Animals beat the Mexican’ts 33-23 in IFFL Super Bowl XXX, the two teams opened the 2026 season by picking up almost exactly where they left off.

San Antonio came looking for revenge.

Indy came looking like the defending champion.

And after 54 points, 501 offensive yards, two Kenneth Walker touchdowns, and enough offense to beat almost anyone else in the league, Tanya Harless still walked away with exactly what she had after the Super Bowl.

A loss to Q.

Indy 58, San Antonio 54.

The Animals are 1-0.

The Mexican’ts are 0-1.

And San Antonio’s new 2026 motto — “Believe and Win or Else” — apparently reached the “or else” portion of the program a little earlier than expected.

THE REMATCH LIVED UP TO IT

The original championship game was methodical.

This one was a shootout.

San Antonio scored 54 points, generated 501 total offensive yards, and received exactly the kind of performance it needed from the centerpiece of its offense.

Kenneth Walker III was tremendous.

Walker piled up 191 yards and two touchdowns, good for 15 IFFL points, and repeatedly gave San Antonio the kind of explosive production that made the Mexican’ts believe this roster could finally finish what it started last season.

C.J. Stroud added 289 yards and two touchdowns, scoring 12.

CeeDee Lamb found the end zone.

Brenton Strange found the end zone.

Harrison Butker contributed seven points.

Kansas City’s defense allowed only 176 yards, added three sacks, an interception and a fumble recovery, and produced eight IFFL points.

San Antonio did almost everything right.

Which made Harless even less interested in hearing about moral victories afterward.

“Fifty-four points should be enough to win a damn football game,” Harless said. “I’m not hanging a banner that says ‘Almost Beat Indy Again.’ If anybody in this organization is satisfied with 54 and a loss, they can go play somewhere else.”

That sounds very much like Believe and Win or Else is not just something somebody printed on a T-shirt.

INDY’S BACKFIELD ANSWERED EVERY CHALLENGE

San Antonio had Kenneth Walker.

Indy had two answers.

Jahmyr Gibbs finished with 186 yards and two touchdowns, matching Walker with 15 points.

Then Ashton Jeanty, whose Week 1 availability had been in question leading into the game, delivered the kind of performance that makes defending champions exceptionally difficult to kill.

Jeanty totaled 147 yards, scored twice, and added 13 points.

Between Gibbs and Jeanty alone, Indy produced:

333 yards.
Four touchdowns.
28 IFFL points.

That is a fairly convenient way to compensate for an offense missing Brock Bowers and getting almost nothing from several other spots.

Kevin Ryburn sounded considerably less surprised than everyone else.

“We knew those two guys could carry a lot of the load for us,” Q said. “San Antonio is a really good team and they made us earn everything. We just kept playing and found enough points.”

“Enough points” being 58.

Very understated.

Very Q.

ZAY FLOWERS CHANGED THE GAME

The biggest receiving performance belonged to Indy’s Zay Flowers.

Flowers exploded for 150 yards and a touchdown, giving the Animals nine points and supplying the explosive receiving production they badly needed with Brock Bowers unavailable.

That mattered because the rest of Indy’s pass-catching lineup contributed almost nothing.

Jayden Reed: 20 yards, 0 points.

Wan’Dale Robinson: 38 yards, 0 points.

Colston Loveland: 0 yards, 0 points.

Justin Herbert threw for only 238 yards and one touchdown, finishing with six points.

In other words, Indy scored 58 while getting zero combined points from three receivers and its tight end.

That should probably concern the rest of the league more than it concerns Indy.

The Animals didn’t play a particularly balanced offensive game.

They just had enough stars blow up to cover the holes.

Again.

SAN ANTONIO’S RECEIVERS LEFT POINTS EVERYWHERE

If Tanya Harless wants something to be angry about — and indications are that Tanya Harless generally does — she can start with the wide receivers.

Outside of Lamb’s touchdown, the group produced very little.

DK Metcalf: 40 yards, 0 points.
Michael Pittman Jr.: 58 yards, 0 points.
Keenan Allen: 32 yards, 0 points.

That is three starting wide receivers combining for 130 yards and zero IFFL points.

In a four-point loss.

San Antonio didn’t need much more.

One touchdown.

One yardage bonus.

One explosive performance from any of the three.

Instead, Walker did the heavy lifting, Stroud did enough, the defense played well, and the rest of the roster watched Indy slip away again.

Harless was not in a charitable mood when asked whether there were positives to take from the performance.

“Sure. We learned we can score 54 and still find a way to piss me off,” she said. “That’s useful information. Indy keeps getting the benefit of us leaving points on the field. At some point we stop helping them.”

Somewhere in Indianapolis, Kevin Ryburn probably nodded politely.

THE DEFENDING CHAMPIONS STILL KNOW HOW TO WIN

There was nothing dominant about this victory.

And that may be the most impressive part.

Indy surrendered 54.

Herbert didn’t have a big game.

Bowers didn’t play.

Four starters scored zero.

Jacksonville’s defense allowed 272 yards, although its five sacks, interception and fumble recovery still generated seven points.

And yet the Animals finished with 507 offensive yards and 58 points.

Good teams can win when everything goes right, championship teams tend to win when several things go wrong.

Ryburn wasn’t interested in making Week 1 sound bigger than it was.

“It’s one win,” Q said. “We’ve got things to clean up, and I’m sure San Antonio does too. But anytime you beat a team like that, especially when they’re playing well, you feel good about it and move on.”

That is probably exactly why Indy has three championships in the last ten seasons.

No parade for Week 1.

No panic when half the receiving lineup disappears.

Just score 58 and go home.

SAME RESULTS, DIFFERENT WARINING

The scoreboard says Indy won again. That part looks familiar, but this did not feel like Super Bowl XXX.

San Antonio was much more dangerous.

Walker looked like one of the premier backs in the league and Stroud was solid. The Kansas City defense was excellent and despite receiving almost nothing from three starting receivers, the Mexican’ts were still four points from beating the defending champions in Indianapolis.

That should encourage San Antonio. Unfortunately, “encouraged” does not appear to be one of the acceptable emotional states inside Mexican’ts headquarters.

They didn’t come into 2026 looking for respectable losses, they came into 2026 under a very simple mandate:

Believe and Win or Else.

Week 1 delivered plenty of belief, the winning part will have to wait.

For Indy, the message was just as simple.

Everyone spent the offseason talking about San Antonio getting better, Tequila remaining dangerous, Hartford rising, South Carolina lurking, and the rest of the IFFL trying to close the gap.

Then the season started and the Animals did what they usually do. They won.

FINAL

San Antonio Mexican’ts 54
Indy Animals 58

Super Bowl XXX: Indy.

Week 1 rematch: Indy.

San Antonio wanted revenge, instead, they got another reason to want it.

Indy begins its title defense while Philadelphia, Tequila and a crowded field line up for a shot at the Riesbeck Trophy

The 31st season of the IFFL is ready to begin, which means 14 owners have spent the last several days staring at their rosters and somehow reaching the exact same conclusion:

This is definitely my year.

For approximately half of them, reality should arrive by Week 3.

The 2026 season opens with defending champion Indy Animals carrying the Riesbeck Trophy — assuming Kevin “Q” Ryburn remembers where he left it — and once again looking like the team everyone else has to catch.

Indy begins its title defense in Week 1 against San Antonio, an immediate rematch of last season’s championship game. Tanya Harless finally gets her opportunity to avenge being the IFFL’s defending first loser, although trying to claim the trophy after Q forgot it at Dogwood Springs apparently did not count as an official victory.

The revised schedule wastes no time elsewhere. Philadelphia travels to South Carolina in Week 1, immediately giving the East two teams with legitimate division-title expectations.

The East may prove to be the league’s most entertaining race.

Philadelphia enters with perhaps the most obnoxious collection of wide receivers in the IFFL — Justin Jefferson, A.J. Brown and Puka Nacua — and our preseason projection has the Dark Side finishing 9–5. South Carolina and Hartford both project 8–6, and both have favorable schedules based on last year’s opponent records.

That makes Philadelphia’s divisional dates especially important. The Dark Side gets Hartford in Weeks 3 and 10 and South Carolina in Weeks 1 and 11. If Avan Beaver wants the East crown, he probably has to survive those four games without setting anything important on fire. The Central still belongs to Indy until someone proves otherwise.

The Animals project 10–4, the best record in the league, and the schedule is hardly unfair to them. Their biggest divisional threat should be the newly relocated Wakarusa Wookiees, projected at 8–6.

Those two meet in Weeks 6 and 12.

Pete Shaunki brings Patrick Mahomes, Kyren Williams and Ja’Marr Chase into the new Wakarusa era, and if the Wookiees are going to announce themselves as something more than New Delhi wearing a different costume, beating Indy at least once would be an excellent start. The Central also gives us the newest natural rivalry: Wakarusa and Tecumseh.

Pete Shaunki and Kevin Julbert moved their franchises during the same offseason, apparently because doing anything separately would violate some longstanding personal agreement. They open against each other in Week 1 and meet again in Week 10. Out West, Commissioner Jeff Dixon and Tequila Sunrise remain the favorite.

Tequila projects 9–5, but the West remains unpleasant. Los Angeles, San Antonio and Taipei all have enough talent to ruin somebody’s Sunday, and divisional games arrive repeatedly throughout the schedule.

Tequila gets San Antonio in Weeks 2 and 9, Los Angeles in Weeks 3 and 5 and Taipei in Weeks 7 and 10.

The league’s best non-divisional matchup arrives in Week 8 when Indy visits Philadelphia. Our projected 10–4 team versus our projected 9–5 team. Defending champions versus projected East champion.

If somebody wants to start printing “IFFL Bowl Preview” shirts, this is the week to irresponsibly do it.

Week 9 brings the Honey Mustard Rivalry, with Wakarusa visiting Hartford. The names and cities may change, but Pete Shaunki and Chad Allen apparently remain contractually obligated to dislike each other over condiments.

Week 12 gives us the Fine Lady Bowl, Tabbi’s Kats at San Antonio. Tabbi Brewer has owned the rivalry so far, while Tanya will presumably have several explanations prepared in advance should history repeat itself.

And then comes the closing stretch.

Week 13 gives us Indy at South Carolina, potentially enormous for playoff seeding, followed by Week 14’s Wakarusa at Tequila, a matchup between two projected playoff teams that could decide a division race, wild-card position or first-round bye.

IFFL Crystal Ball 2026
	Team	Prediction
1.	Indy Animals	10-4
2.	Philadelphia Dark Side	9-5
3.	Tequila Sunrise	9-5
4.	Hartford Whalers	8-6
5.	South Carolina Scarecrows	8-6
6.	Wakarusa Wookiees	8-6
7.	Tabbi's Kats	7-7
8.	Cincinnati Bagels	6-8
9.	Chicago Fightin' Ditkas	6-8
10.	Taipei Personality	6-8
11.	Los Angeles Lords	6-8
12.	Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls	6-8
13.	Tecumseh Raiders	5-9
14.	San Antonio Mexican'ts	5-9

Projected division champions: Philadelphia, Indy and Tequila.

Projected wild cards: Hartford, South Carolina and Wakarusa.

Projected IFFL Bowl champion: Indy Animals.

Yes, we’re taking Ryburn to repeat.

The Animals remain deep, the schedule is manageable and nobody else has done enough yet to knock the defending champions off the top of the preseason mountain.

Of course, this is the IFFL.

By October, half these predictions will look stupid, somebody will lose because of one defensive yard, Tanya will blame something on menopause, Commissioner Dixon’s newly liberated scalp will be shining under stadium lights, and some owner currently planning a championship parade will be calculating what draft pick he owns next year.

Wouldn’t have it any other way.

 

Dogwood Springs survives another gathering of the league’s finest football minds — using the term “finest” generously

BLOOMFIELD, Ind. — The IFFL held its 31st Annual Draft on August 29 at Dogwood Springs in Bloomfield, Indiana, bringing together another collection of owners convinced they had just assembled championship rosters despite three decades of evidence suggesting most of them have absolutely no idea what they’re doing.

It was everything an IFFL Draft should be: football, insults, bad decisions, old grudges, questionable selections, and Commissioner Jeff Dixon arriving with considerably less hair than he possessed the last time many owners saw him.

Dixon apparently spent the offseason engaged in an increasingly one-sided battle with male-pattern baldness.

Male-pattern baldness won.

Rather than continue sending individual hairs into combat without reinforcements, the Tequila Sunrise owner finally accepted the inevitable and shaved his head. The Commissioner now has less hair to manage, giving him additional time to ignore trade complaints and explain rules everyone should have learned 20 years ago.

The room included Hartford’s Chad Allen, Los Angeles owner Jason Beaver, defending champion Kevin “Q” Ryburn of the Indy Animals, defending first loser Tanya Harless of the San Antonio Mexican’ts, South Carolina’s Trevor Harless, Philadelphia’s Avan Beaver, Tabbi Brewer of Tabbi’s Kats, Dixon, Pete Shaunki representing the newly named Wakarusa Wookiees, and Kevin Julbert representing the Tecumseh Raiders.

Andrew Wang of Taipei Personality and Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls owner Matt Howell drafted virtually, proving modern technology can now allow owners to make terrible selections from hundreds of miles away.

Tanya Harless, meanwhile, arrived armed with something even more versatile than a draft sheet: menopause.

Bad pick? Menopause.

Forgot something? Menopause.

Said something completely irrational? Menopause.

At some point it became apparent that menopause had become Tanya’s version of an NFL injury report: questionable for absolutely everything.

Eventually, however, actual football players had to be selected.

Cincinnati opened the first round with Jeremiyah Love, adding another weapon to a keeper foundation featuring Christian McCaffrey, Chase Brown and Nico Collins. Chicago followed with Jadarian Price, while Philadelphia somehow added Puka Nacua to a receiving corps already featuring Justin Jefferson and A.J. Brown — because apparently Avan Beaver decided defensive coordinators weren’t suffering enough. Pete Shaunki’s Wakarusa Wookiees made their new identity immediately relevant by taking Ja’Marr Chase fourth overall. Chase joins Patrick Mahomes, Kyren Williams and Mike Evans, giving Wakarusa a roster dangerous enough that Shaunki might accidentally stumble into competence.

Hartford surrounded its keeper running backs Quinshon Judkins, RJ Harvey and Omarion Hampton with Malik Nabers, Chris Olave and Garrett Wilson. Chad Allen may have built one of the deepest young rosters in the league, which naturally means somebody’s hamstring will explode approximately 11 minutes before Week 1.

Taipei added Cam Skattebo alongside Saquon Barkley and James Cook, while Tecumseh entered its new era with Jaxon Smith-Njigba, Rashee Rice and Trey McBride already protected and Javonte Williams added in Round 1.

Dixon’s Tequila Sunrise added Bhayshul Tuten to Bijan Robinson and De’Von Achane, giving the newly aerodynamic Commissioner another terrifying backfield. Tabbi’s Kats paired Bucky Irving with Derrick Henry and Kyle Monangai, South Carolina landed Tetairoa McMillan, and San Antonio selected Zach Charbonnet as Tanya prepared for another season of blaming anything short of a championship on hormonal fluctuation. Then came defending champion Indy.

Ryburn returns Ashton Jeanty, Jahmyr Gibbs and Brock Bowers, then added Colston Loveland, Zay Flowers, Justin Herbert and Trevor Lawrence around them. The Animals look perfectly capable of defending their title.

They just need their owner to remember where he puts it.

Because the best moment of the entire draft came after Ryburn left Dogwood Springs. Wanting to get home to his grandson, Q packed his things, said his goodbyes and departed.

There was only one minor problem.

He left the Riesbeck Trophy behind. The actual championship trophy. The trophy he spent an entire season winning.

Naturally, Tanya Harless immediately attempted to lay claim to it.

This is understandable in one respect. San Antonio finished second last season, and apparently Tanya decided if she couldn’t win the Riesbeck Trophy through conventional methods — scoring more points and winning the championship game — perhaps she could acquire it through abandoned-property law.

Nice try. Menopause cannot be invoked here.

The Riesbeck Trophy does not transfer via squatter’s rights, adverse possession or “Kevin forgot it, therefore it’s mine.”

Besides, there is a fairly simple IFFL etiquette rule Tanya apparently needs explained:

Don’t touch something you didn’t win.

Ryburn may have temporarily forgotten the trophy, but Tanya still hasn’t earned the right to forget where she put it.

With that, another IFFL Draft entered the history books. Fourteen franchises now begin the annual process of convincing themselves their rookies will hit, their veterans will stay healthy, their sleepers will awaken and Commissioner Dixon’s head will eventually stop reflecting overhead lighting.

Thirty-one drafts down.

One Riesbeck Trophy temporarily misplaced.

Approximately fourteen owners who believe they’re winning the next one.

Good luck to all of the IFFL participants in the coming season.

Subs Leave India for Wakarusa, ChickenPluckerz Finally Escape to Tecumseh

Two franchises relocate, two new identities emerge, and apparently Pete Shaunki and Kevin Julbert still can’t do anything separately

The IFFL map officially changed this offseason, although in one case the paperwork apparently changed about nine years ago and nobody bothered to notice.

Two longtime franchises have new homes and new identities heading into the 2026 season. Pete Shaunki’s New Delhi Subs have relocated from New Delhi, India, to Wakarusa, Indiana, and will now compete as the Wakarusa Wookiees. Meanwhile, Kevin Julbert’s New Whiteland ChickenPluckerz have moved to Tecumseh, Indiana, where the franchise has been reborn as the Tecumseh Raiders.

For Shaunki, the decision to abandon the IFFL’s international experiment came down primarily to economics.

And tariffs.

Lots and lots of tariffs.

According to Shaunki, the federal administration’s “stupid and ignorant” approach to tariffs made shipping team merchandise from India to the United States increasingly expensive, turning what was already an unusual fantasy-football operation into an international supply-chain headache.

Apparently there is only so much money one man is willing to spend importing New Delhi Subs shirts into Indiana before he begins wondering why the hell his fantasy football team is headquartered 7,500 miles away in the first place.

It also didn’t help that American football never exactly captured the imagination of the Indian sporting public.

Shaunki gave it a shot.

The IFFL tried expanding its global reach.

The Subs planted the IFFL flag overseas.

India collectively shrugged.

Shaunki weakened the greatest rivalry in all of sports, The Honey Mustard rivalry v Hartford

Maybe Pete should try baseball next.

It’s basically cricket with shorter games, fewer tea breaks and significantly more Americans arguing about statistics.

So the Subs are gone, and the Wakarusa Wookiees are born.

The move brings Shaunki’s operation much closer to the rest of the league, eliminates the international merchandise issue, and presumably reduces the number of times Pete has to explain to confused people in India why grown adults in Indiana are spending August arguing over backup tight ends.

The Julbert relocation, meanwhile, required considerably less international diplomacy.

It simply required someone to find the paperwork.

The ChickenPluckerz had apparently submitted an application to relocate to Tecumseh all the way back in 2017.

Nine years later, the request was finally discovered buried in a stack of documents scheduled to be shredded.

That seems about right for the IFFL.

There are government agencies with nuclear secrets stored more efficiently than this league handles relocation paperwork.

Once the long-lost application surfaced, Julbert’s request was finally forwarded to committee, reviewed, and approved. Julbert was said to be ecstatic that after nearly a decade, his franchise was finally permitted to complete the move he apparently thought had been working its way through official channels since the Trump administration’s first term.

In reality, it had been sitting approximately three inches away from becoming confetti.

Commissioner Jeff Dixon’s office has declined to explain exactly how a franchise relocation request could remain untouched since 2017, although the league has reportedly begun an extensive modernization effort involving revolutionary new technologies such as folders.

With approval finally granted, the New Whiteland ChickenPluckerz are no more.

Welcome the Tecumseh Raiders.

For Julbert, the move represents a fresh start for a franchise that has carried the ChickenPluckerz name for years. For opposing owners, however, the timing of the relocation immediately became the more entertaining part of the story.

Because, naturally, Pete Shaunki and Kevin Julbert moved at essentially the same time.

That fact did not escape the rest of the league.

There was reportedly some grumbling — and considerably more joking — among IFFL owners that Pete and Kevin apparently do everything together.

Same offseason.

Same relocation cycle.

Same fresh-start energy.

The two couldn’t even move their fantasy football teams independently.

One owner reportedly wondered whether Shaunki waited until Julbert’s 2017 paperwork was finally discovered before deciding he felt comfortable relocating himself.

Another suggested the league should probably check whether Pete and Kevin submitted matching change-of-address forms.

Whatever the reason, the IFFL enters 2026 with two new identities but the same ownership personalities underneath them.

Pete Shaunki trades New Delhi for Wakarusa, international tariffs for Indiana driving distances, and the Subs for the Wookiees.

Kevin Julbert finally gets the move he asked for when Barack Obama was still recently out of office, leaving New Whiteland behind and taking up residence in Tecumseh as the Raiders.

And somewhere inside IFFL headquarters, there is undoubtedly another important document from 2017 waiting to be discovered five minutes before someone feeds it into a shredder.

Two moves.

Two new franchises.

And, naturally, Pete and Kevin managed to do it together.

 

Indy Returns to the Championship; Leaves with Title #3

The 2025 Indy Animals didn’t just win a championship—they won the kind of championship that becomes a franchise signature: messy, chaotic, injury-riddled, and somehow inevitable. When the dust settled, Indy held the Reisbeck Trophy again, claiming their third title in the last 10 years, and proving that the Animals’ brand isn’t “pretty football.” It’s “survive everything, then win anyway.”

The season started with a bizarre note that could’ve derailed a lesser organization: Indy used an 11th-round pick on injured, disgruntled WR Brandon Aiyuk—and promptly discovered they had drafted a player who had no intention of showing up.

Aiyuk later admitted that he told the Animals he would not report in the 11th round. And to their credit, Indy treated the drama like paperwork. They added him to the reserve list and moved on. Owner Kevin “Q” Ryburn gave the most Ryburn quote possible when asked about it:

“He told us he wasn’t reporting, and then he didn’t report. At least he was honest. We didn’t win this thing by waiting on someone who doesn’t want to be here.”

That became the organizational tone for the year: no whining, no excuses—just solutions.

The regular season: division control, winning on muscle memory

Indy’s path wasn’t a fluke. They went 10–4 overall and 6–2 in the Central, matching last year’s record and divisional finish. And in the IFFL, winning the division in consecutive seasons is its own achievement—because familiarity breeds scouting, rivals circle your games, and everyone spends the offseason trying to copy your formula.

Indy didn’t care. They just kept winning. Not always pretty. Not always comfortably. But consistently.

A league executive described it as “the Animals are the only team that can look shaky for three quarters and still feel inevitable in the fourth.” That’s a culture thing. That’s coaching. That’s also having enough talent to keep the floor high even when the ceiling isn’t showing.

The in-season adds: Indy found value where everyone else found excuses

If the Aiyuk situation could’ve been an early distraction, Indy responded by quietly assembling one of the best midseason reinforcement packages in the league:

• Rookie TE Harold Fannin Jr.
• Rookie RB Woody Marks
• And the headline trade: Davante Adams and TE Tucker Kraft (short-lived but impactful) in exchange for rookie WR Matthew Golden and a 2nd-round pick (28th overall)

Those were the kind of moves that don’t just “add depth.” They change the shape of a season. Fannin Jr. gave Indy an extra weapon in the middle of the field. Marks gave them more RB flexibility. And the Adams/Kraft trade gave them veteran production at the exact time contenders start separating from pretenders.

Ironically, by the time the championship game rolled around, Fannin Jr. was the only one of those additions able to play—injuries sidelined the others at the worst possible time. But even then, the moves mattered. They helped Indy get to the dance. And once you’re in the championship, anything can happen.

The injury demon comes for the QBs… and Indy laughs in its face

Indy came into the year thinking quarterback was settled: 2nd-year Jayden Daniels was the guy, and drafting rookie Jaxson Dart felt like smart insulation. The IFFL injury demon took that insulation and lit it on fire. Both Daniels and Dart missed significant stretches, and suddenly Indy was staring at the most dangerous situation in fantasy football: a contender without a quarterback.

Enter Jacoby Brissett—journeyman, stabilizer, professional adult. Brissett didn’t just keep Indy alive. He stole the show, saving the season and ultimately taking home Championship Game MVP honors.

After the title win, Brissett delivered an all-time quote that sounded like it was stamped on a lunch pail:

“I just came out here and did my job. I am job, and now job complete.”

Then, with the calm of a man who has seen every locker room in America, Brissett added that he hopes his performance leads to something next season—because he still wants to play—but if not, he can hold his head up knowing he’s a champion.

“If this is it,” he said, “I’m good. I did something that lasts.”

That’s the kind of line that makes even rival owners nod.

The championship: a win built on survival

Indy’s title wasn’t a straight-line domination. It was a series of adaptations: draft drama shrugged off, injuries endured, roster churn turned into roster advantage. They beat San Antonio when it mattered and proved that in the IFFL, the best team isn’t always the healthiest or most hyped—it’s the one that can keep producing when the plan changes.

2026: the repeat chase begins, and the protection debate gets real

Now it’s full steam ahead for Ryburn’s front office, and league insiders already believe the Animals are built for another run. The projected core is as strong as any team’s:

• Jahmyr Gibbs
• Ashton Jeanty
• Davante Adams

The harder questions come after that. How do you value Daniels and Dart after the injuries? Do you protect a QB for stability? Or do you lock in a weapon like Garrett Wilson or a positional advantage like Brock Bowers? Indy has options, and that’s the point. Ryburn can’t afford to overthink it, though—because in this league, too much thinking is how you talk yourself out of a repeat.

And there’s one guarantee heading into Week 1: when Indy raises the banner, San Antonio will be on the other sideline, hunting revenge with a smile that says they haven’t forgotten a thing.

Bring on the offseason for the Animals. The champs are still standing—scraped up, battle-tested, and already acting like they’re not done.

Mexican’ts Maybe They Can

The 2025 San Antonio Mexican’ts season will be remembered as the year the franchise finally kicked the door down—hard. For the first time ever, Tanya Harless led San Antonio to the championship game, and even though it ended in a 33–23 loss to the Indy Animals, the season was still a breakthrough. The Mexican’ts didn’t just make a run. They made a statement, carved their name into league lore, and did it in the most San Antonio way possible: through chaos, audacity, and one very specific form of family violence. All this after finishing 8-6 and just sneaking into the playoffs by 38 points in a tiebreaker with New Whiteland.

Because the defining moment of the year wasn’t the title game. It was the playoff win that sent them there: the first-ever Domestic Violence Bowl in the postseason, on the road, against Trevor Harless and the South Carolina Scarecrows. The game ended 62–62, and San Antonio advanced via tiebreaker—after already beating South Carolina earlier in the year in Week 7, 41–38.

Tanya didn’t bother with subtlety either:

“I own his ass. 20 years and counting.”

That quote hit the family group chat like a brick through a window. And the worst part for South Carolina? Nobody could really argue with it.

A season defined by the middle: the Kenneth Walker III pivot

San Antonio’s roster wasn’t perfect. It didn’t roll out of August as a clear favorite. But it evolved at the exact right time, and the turning point was a midseason trade with New Delhi that quietly became one of the most important deals of 2025: the Mexican’ts acquired RB Kenneth Walker III, sending their 2026 3rd-round pick and WR Wan’Dale Robinson to the Subs.

At the time, it looked like a reasonable “contender add.” By December, it looked like the move that stabilized the entire offense. San Antonio needed a real back because Isiah Pacheco didn’t really work out as the workhorse they hoped for. Walker gave them a dependable engine, and in the IFFL, that’s everything. You can survive inconsistency at the edges if you can bank RB production.

Tanya framed it like a coach, not a GM: “We didn’t need pretty. We needed carries.” Walker delivered exactly that.

The rookie find: Tetairoa McMillian becomes “that guy”

Every deep playoff run has a surprise hero, and for San Antonio it was rookie RB Tetairoa McMillian—a draft pick that looked like a nice upside swing in August and turned into an obvious league-wide “how did we let that happen?” by midseason.

As the year went on, the league realized McMillian wasn’t just good for a rookie—he was one of the top rookies in the entire IFFL. He brought juice, he brought balance, and he gave the Mexican’ts another way to win when the offense wasn’t clicking cleanly.

A rival executive said it best: “San Antonio didn’t just find a rookie. They found a weekly problem.” McMillian, for his part, kept it simple: “I just run hard. If they don’t like it, tackle me better.”

The head-scratcher: letting Stafford walk… and watching him shine elsewhere

Not every decision was a masterstroke. The biggest head scratcher of the year was San Antonio letting QB Matthew Stafford go midseason, only for Stafford to go on and have an amazing season for the Los Angeles Lords.

It’s the kind of move that makes sense only if you’re seeing something behind the scenes—fit, vibes, roster direction, whatever. But from the outside, it looked like San Antonio donated value to a rival. One scout joked, “They cut Stafford and he immediately turned into a revenge novel.”

Tanya didn’t sound regretful, just blunt: “We made the call we needed to make. We didn’t come here to play safe.” That’s believable—because the Mexican’ts never do.

The title game: close, but not close enough

In the championship, San Antonio ran into the Indy Animals and fell 33–23. It wasn’t a blowout. It was the kind of game where you’re within striking distance and still feel the gap—the difference between a team making its first title appearance and a team that looks like it belongs there every year.

Still, the Mexican’ts left the season with credibility. They proved they can win road playoff games. They proved they can survive weird, tight, high-pressure moments. And they proved that the league’s most famous rivalry—Tanya vs. Trevor—still belongs to Tanya when it counts.

2026 protections: impossible to predict… but the league has a guess

San Antonio is notoriously unconventional with guaranteed contracts, which makes forecasting their next move a dangerous hobby. David Montgomery looked a step or two slow at times in 2025, but he still brings veteran presence, and there’s a real argument that he deserves one more year.

But don’t be surprised if Tanya does something unorthodox—like leaving Montgomery off to lock in a WR pairing like DK Metcalf + CeeDee Lamb, or something even weirder that makes the league gasp and then complain.

Most rival executives and observers, though, land on the “logical” protection trio:

• RB Kenneth Walker III
• WR D.K. Metcalf
• WR Tetairoa McMillian

That makes sense: Walker is the only true RB cornerstone they can trust right now, and Metcalf/McMillian give them youth with bite—one proven, one ascending.

What’s next: the franchise first that’s still missing

San Antonio has done almost everything now… except win it all. And that’s the new standard.

Will recent history keep repeating itself in 2026—only this time ending with the Mexican’ts setting a new franchise first with their first title?

Up next is the IFFL Draft on August 29, 2026. And if you’re the rest of the league, here’s the terrifying part: Tanya Harless finally knows what a championship run feels like.

And she doesn’t sound like someone who plans on doing it just once.

As she put it, smiling like a villain: “We’re not done.”

…And the Band Played On: The 2025 South Carolina Scarecrows

The 2025 South Carolina Scarecrows season should’ve been the one that ended the jokes, silenced the group chat, and finally retired the phrase “regular-season champions.” Instead, it became the most South Carolina outcome imaginable: the best team all year, the #1 seed, a first-round bye, home field throughout… and then a playoff exit so painful it expanded their championship drought to 22 years.

South Carolina didn’t just lose. They lost in the first-ever Domestic Violence Bowl playoff edition—against San Antonio—on a tiebreaker after a 62–62 tie. The Scarecrows had already lost to Tanya Harless’s Mexican’ts in Week 7 (41–38), so there was a cruel symmetry to it: you couldn’t beat her in the regular season, and you couldn’t beat her when it mattered most.

Trevor Harless summed it up with the kind of quote that only happens in this league:

“I love my wife but this team needs to figure out how to consistently beat her… team.”

That line is going to live forever.

The regular season: dominance with a few weird scars

If you isolate the regular season, South Carolina was a machine. They finished 11–3, scored 697 points, and looked like the league’s most complete roster for long stretches. They dominated the division at 7–1, and the only divisional loss was an absolute fluke: a stumble against Philadelphia, a team that seemed allergic to winning in 2025 but managed to become South Carolina’s one divisional blemish anyway. That single result didn’t change the standings, but it fed the South Carolina tradition of “one inexplicable game per year.”

The Scarecrows also checked off a few long-running demons:

• The annual tie vs Pete Shaunki’s New Delhi showed up again, because of course it did. But in a twist, South Carolina won the tiebreaker this time—one of those quiet wins that matters in the bigger picture.
  
  
• They finally solved the Lamar Jackson curse, sweeping that matchup and winning a second tiebreaker in Week 11. In prior seasons, that game was where things got weird. In 2025, South Carolina stayed composed and took the points they needed.

And then there was the moment everyone remembers: Week 10 vs Hartford, when South Carolina detonated for a league-high 93 points. That was the week the Scarecrows stopped being “best record” and started being “oh, they can bury you.” A defensive coach on Hartford reportedly muttered afterward, “We got hit by a tsunami wearing shoulder pads.”

Drake Maye: the unexpected engine that made it all work

The most important development of 2025 wasn’t a trade. It wasn’t a matchup. It was the emergence of 2nd-year QB Drake Maye as a genuine IFFL force. For years, South Carolina’s offense had stars, but it didn’t always have the weekly quarterback edge that separates “contender” from “favorite.” In 2025, Maye changed that.

He played with the kind of calm that makes a roster dangerous—quick decisions, big plays when needed, and fewer of the “what are you doing?” moments that sink teams at this level. A teammate described it simply: “Drake stopped playing like a rookie and started playing like a problem.”

Maye himself kept it understated: “I’m just trying to make it boring for us and stressful for them.” It worked.

The Egbuka trade: expensive, dramatic, and… useless in the short term

Midseason, South Carolina made the kind of move that screams “title or bust,” trading for Philadelphia rookie WR Emeka Egbuka. The price was steep: South Carolina gave up their 2026 2nd and 3rd round picks to Philly. At the time, the deal looked like a final piece—one more weapon to complete the puzzle.

It didn’t work that way. Egbuka hit the proverbial rookie wall almost immediately, and his impact on the offense was minimal. In the coldest terms possible: South Carolina paid premium draft capital for a rental player who did not deliver the trophy.

That’s why the 2026 protection conversation has such gravitational pull. You don’t give up that much capital for nothing and then let the asset walk. As one league executive put it: “You don’t light picks on fire and then throw away the match.”

Jonathan Taylor: the one lock, the season’s true MVP

If there is one player who feels like a guaranteed contract, it’s Jonathan Taylor. For most of the year, Taylor was the best RB in the league by a wide margin, and his midseason run was absurd: 15 touchdowns in seven games. That’s not just production—that’s structural dominance. It allowed South Carolina to control game scripts, shorten games, and still post huge totals.

Trevor Harless called Taylor “a cheat code with shoulder pads,” and nobody argued.

2026: the protection philosophy gets tested

After Taylor, the decisions get interesting. Historically, South Carolina hasn’t always prioritized protecting the QB—but Maye may have played his way into that slot. And because the team traded away their 2026 2nd and 3rd, they’re incentivized to keep what they already paid for.

That’s why most league observers expect the 2026 core to be:

• QB Drake Maye
• Jonathan Taylor
• Emeka Egbuka

There are other possibilities—franchise favorite Marvin Harrison Jr., and outsiders like Travis Etienne—but the logic of roster-building (and the Egbuka trade price) pulls hard toward Maye/Taylor/Egbuka.

The recap in one sentence

South Carolina’s 2025 season was dominant, historic, and championship-caliber—until it ended in the most painful way possible: a tied Domestic Violence Bowl playoff game decided by tiebreaker, extending a 22-year drought.

And that’s what makes 2026 so charged. The Scarecrows don’t need a rebuild. They need closure. They need to beat Tanya when it matters. They need to turn 93-point explosions into banners.

As Harless said, eyes narrowed, already thinking about next year: “We’re done being the best team that didn’t win.”

IFFL Bully Tequila Gets Their Karma

The 2025 Tequila Sunrise season started with the kind of ambition that makes the rest of the league roll their eyes: Tequila came in hunting title number eight and a back-to-back banner, the sort of goal that sounds reasonable only if you’ve already lived the life of a dynasty. And for most of the year, it looked like they might actually pull it off again—steady wins, a roster that felt built for the IFFL’s grind, and just enough swagger to make every opponent treat their matchup like a personal referendum.

Then the playoffs arrived, and the Sunrise learned the same lesson everyone eventually learns: the IFFL doesn’t care about your résumé. It cares about what happened this week.

Tequila finished 9–5, won the West on a tiebreak over Los Angeles, and put up 703 points, one of the league’s best totals. That’s not a disappointing season on paper. But when your standard is trophies, anything short of a parade feels like a failure.

The identity: a backfield built to bully people

The Sunrise were, once again, defined by two things: elite running back play and a roster that understood who they were. Bijan Robinson and De’Von Achane gave Tequila the kind of weekly floor that makes a season stable. They weren’t just productive—they were predictable in the best way. When your RBs can keep you competitive even on “bad” weeks, you start the game with an advantage before anyone else touches the lineup screen.

Owner Jeff Dixon didn’t pretend it was complicated: “We’re a running team. Always have been. It’s not glamorous, it’s just… effective.” That’s Tequila in a sentence.

And the protection outlook for 2026 is basically written in ink already: Bijan and Achane should not be changing addresses. Those are cornerstone players, the type you build around for years, and the type your rivals complain about in private.

The third protection slot: the only real debate

The only real drama is the third protected player, and even that is a “good problem.” Right now it’s either RB Javonte Williams or WR Amon-Ra St. Brown.

Amon-Ra has been part of the Tequila core that’s worked for years: two elite RBs plus an elite WR anchor is a lineup philosophy that turns into wins. And it’s hard to argue with results. As Amon-Ra put it after one of Tequila’s midseason statement wins, “I don’t need 12 targets to matter. I just need the moments.” Tequila has built a mini-empire on those moments.

But Javonte presents a different kind of temptation: protect three RBs and dare the league to survive it. If Tequila thinks the league is trending toward RB scarcity, the “three backs” move is the kind of cold-blooded roster decision that keeps dynasties alive. Dixon, when pressed, didn’t reveal much—just smirked: “You’ll know what we’re doing when everyone gets mad.”

That might be the best indicator they keep Amon-Ra. People always get mad when Tequila keeps winning the same way.

The only major injury: Brock Purdy, and the veteran patchwork

What’s almost unfair about Tequila’s season is how little catastrophic injury chaos they dealt with compared to most of the league. The one major hit was QB Brock Purdy, and while losing your starting QB can derail a contender, Tequila survived it because they had something most teams don’t: competence behind him.

Mac Jones and Sam Darnold stepped in and provided exactly what Tequila needed—steady veteran leadership, fewer turnovers, and a willingness to take the points the defense gave them instead of chasing hero plays. Darnold joked after a gritty win, “I’m not here to be famous. I’m here to hand the ball off and get yelled at less.” That’s the Tequila QB job description in an emergency.

Dixon praised both, calling it “professional football,” which is the highest compliment he gives anyone not named Bijan.

The two weak spots heading into 2026

Tequila’s offseason priorities are clear, and they’re refreshingly practical for a contender.

1) Slot receiver.
Tequila needs more juice in the middle of the field—someone who can turn short throws into long gains and punish teams that sell out to stop the run. The outside pieces and the RB engine work. The slot is where the offense can evolve into something even nastier.

2) Tight end… even after the gamble paid off.
The Tequila tight end story in 2025 was essentially one long argument with themselves. Colston Loveland was a gamble. Early on, it looked like it might be a bust. He was quiet, inconsistent, and had the kind of stat lines that made you question why you believed.

Then the stretch run happened, and Loveland started to look like the player Tequila drafted—impactful, useful in the red zone, and capable of giving the offense another dimension. Loveland summed it up simply: “I didn’t forget how to play. I just… took a minute.” Tequila will take that minute if it turns into December production.

The recap in one sentence

Tequila’s 2025 season was strong, stable, and championship-caliber—until the playoffs reminded them that stability isn’t the same thing as inevitability.

Now the Sunrise heads into 2026 with the league’s best kind of problem: a clear protected core (Bijan + Achane) and a single high-stakes choice (Javonte or Amon-Ra) that will define whether they stay the same dynasty… or evolve into an even scarier one.

And if history tells us anything, Tequila will choose whichever option makes the rest of the league groan the loudest.

Tabbi’s Kats From Powerful Predator to Helpless Prey

Tabbi’s Kats entered the 2025 season the same way they enter every season: as the perennial Central Division favorites, with the same target on their backs and the same league-wide assumption that if you want to win anything meaningful, you eventually have to go through Tabbi Brewer. For six weeks, that assumption looked like gospel. Then Week 7 happened, the engine started sputtering, and by the time the postseason arrived the Kats weren’t roaring into January—they were, as one rival personnel guy put it, “limping in like they’d just run a marathon in dress shoes.”

The final record was still strong at 9–5, and the point total (658) was still high enough to remind the league this roster is never far from terrifying. But 2025 wasn’t their year. Not because they lacked talent. Because the timing was wrong, the losses came in clumps, and the team that looked invincible in September turned mortal in October.

The first six weeks: “Are they ever going to lose?”

The early-season version of the Kats looked like an IFFL cheat code. Josh Allen was doing Josh Allen things—turning broken plays into points, and points into inevitability. “King” Derrick Henry was the weekly blunt-force weapon, the type of running back who makes defensive coordinators look like they’re trying to stop a freight train with a traffic cone.

After the draft, which insiders called “strong and clean,” the Kats opened the season like a team on rails. Everything worked. The lineup choices were obvious. The ceiling was ridiculous. And for a moment the league genuinely wondered if the Kats were about to run the table.

Henry, when asked about the hot start, had the most Henry answer possible: “I don’t count wins. I count snaps.” A pause. “And I like snapping people.” The man remains a brand.

Week 7: the turn, and the spiral that followed

Then the season pivoted hard. Starting in Week 7, Tabbi’s hit the wall: three straight losses, and then four losses in six games. Suddenly the Kats weren’t steamrolling. They were chasing. And the thing about the Kats is they’re built to play from strength—control the game, control the pace, make opponents panic. When they started playing from behind, the offense looked a little less like a machine and a little more like a collection of great players trying to brute-force their way through bad weeks.

Tabbi Brewer didn’t sugarcoat it, but she didn’t panic either:

“We know most years we just need to make it to the playoffs and we have a chance… especially with Joshua at the helm.”

That’s the Kats’ philosophy in a nutshell. Get in. Let Allen tilt matchups. Let Henry grind people into dust. Trust the brand.

The only problem is that “just get in” becomes dangerous when you’ve clearly lost momentum. And in 2025, the Kats limped into the postseason carrying more questions than swagger.

The roster-building philosophy: draft-first, almost to a fault

Around the league, personnel folks point to one thing that makes the Kats both admirable and occasionally frustrating: they mostly build through the draft. They’re not heavy traders. They don’t churn the waiver wire. They add pieces in August, then trust their evaluation for four months.

In 2025, that approach showed up again: the Kats made only a handful of waiver claims, and largely stood pat even when the midseason skid started. Some teams would’ve overreacted. Tabbi didn’t.

Trades, of course, are essentially taboo in Tabbi’s world—an institutional scar from the legendary 2002 disaster that still lives in her head rent-free. When asked about why the Kats never deal, Brewer deadpanned:

“That hasn’t been in the realm of possibility since the ill-fated Donovan McNabb, Brian Griese, Marvin Harrison debacle of 2002. I’m still a little salty at those involved and they know who they are.”

The league knows who they are too. And they’re still hearing about it 23 years later. That’s consistency.

The bright spots: Los Angeles owned, pride intact

If there was one matchup that brought the old Kats energy back, it was Los Angeles. Tabbi’s didn’t just beat the Lords in 2025—they swept them, and in doing so managed to eliminate them with a smile. Los Angeles did not take it well. The Kats, meanwhile, treated it like a civic duty.

“We don’t really think about LA,” Henry allegedly said, grinning. “We just… handle it.”

Looking ahead to 2026: the protection list writes itself

For August 2026, expect the Kats to do what they always do: come back with their stars and dare the division to stop them.

You can expect Josh Allen and Derrick Henry to return, and DeAndre Swift is “more than likely” the third protected piece. It’s a familiar core, and it still works. The question isn’t whether they have a foundation—it’s whether they have enough passing-game juice behind Allen to turn “playoff team” into “title team.”

They hold the 11th pick in the draft, and they didn’t gain or lose picks via trade. So the mission is obvious: find a top-tier target for Allen—someone who can win weekly and create the kind of explosive aerial ceiling that makes the Kats feel inevitable again.

Tabbi put it bluntly in her end-of-season wrap: “We need one more guy who scares people.” That’s what pick 11 is for.

The recap in one sentence

The 2025 Kats weren’t a failure—they were a reminder that even the league’s most stable powerhouse can wobble when the season turns—and that wobble was just enough to keep them from the top of the mountain.

Now 2026 is revenge season. The Central is still theirs to reclaim, the roster still has its crown jewels, and if they hit on a true WR weapon in August, the league might finally get what it’s been flirting with for years: the first Fine Lady Bowl Super Bowl.

And if that happens? Los Angeles will probably still lose to Tabbi on the way there.

Los Angeles the Battle has Just Begun

The 2025 Los Angeles Lords season began with the kind of swagger you only get when you’re convinced you “won the offseason”—and for a while, they were right. Hopes were high, the roster looked stacked, and the West felt like it was finally going to have to deal with a fully armed Lords machine. But then reality arrived in the form of injuries, midseason scrambling, and the kind of playoff ending that makes a fanbase stare at the wall in silence. The Lords made it to the postseason, only to have those hopes officially dashed in the Wild Card round, the football equivalent of getting dressed up for a party and being told at the door that it ended an hour ago.

Draft Day: the big swing that set the table

The Lords’ season story starts with Jason Beaver’s Draft Day headline: a trade with Philadelphia that sent WR Justin Jefferson to the Dark Side in exchange for RB Josh Jacobs. It was a bold, identity-shaping move—Jefferson is a franchise WR, but Jacobs filled the biggest hole on the roster: a true franchise running back.

“We needed a bell-cow,” one Lords staffer said. “You can’t run an empire on vibes alone.”

And once Jacobs was in, Beaver and the scouting department executed a draft that they considered borderline perfect:

• RBs: Trey’Veon Henderson, Kaleb Johnson, Cam Skattebo, J.K. Dobbins, Bhayshul Tuten
• WRs: Michael Pittman, Ricky Pearsall
• TE: Cole Kmet

Those additions, paired with QB Joe Burrow, WR Ja’Marr Chase, and the newly acquired Jacobs, looked like a roster built to bully the division.

“We knew all along that we would have to wait for the rookie RBs to get acclimated to the league,” Beaver said. “We missed on RB Omarion Hampton who went to Hartford, but we were able to pivot to Henderson with ease.”

That line—pivot—became the defining word of the Lords’ season.

The season turns: Burrow goes down, and the plan changes instantly

Weeks 1 and 2 went exactly as scripted: a win and a loss, no panic, everything on track. Then late in Week 3, disaster hit: Joe Burrow suffered a Grade 3 turf toe injury, was placed on IR, and his season was over. For a team built around Burrow’s weekly ceiling, that injury didn’t just lower the ceiling—it lowered the entire building.

Beaver didn’t hesitate. He immediately opened the trade market and dealt with Hartford, sending an 8th-round pick for QB Trevor Lawrence. It was an emergency acquisition, the kind of move you make when your title hopes are bleeding out and you need a tourniquet.

Lawrence wasn’t Burrow, and nobody pretended he was. But he kept the Lords alive, and that mattered. As Ja’Marr Chase put it in a locker room moment that leaked into the group chat: “I don’t need perfect. I need functional.”

More injury pain: Skattebo breaks his ankle, Beaver pivots again

Just as the Lords were adjusting to life without Burrow, Week 8 delivered another gut punch: RB Cam Skattebo broke his ankle. “Cam was hitting his stride, really playing some nice ball, running with force and the most important scoring TD’s” said Beaver. Once again, Beaver pivoted—this time with a blockbuster. Los Angeles acquired RB Breece Hall from Cincinnati in a package deal that included TE Brenton Strange, sending out LA’s 1st-round pick and WR Ricky Pearsall.

It was expensive, but it was the move of a contender. Beaver wasn’t content to survive. He wanted to win the West even without Burrow. “First-rounders are nice,” a Lords assistant said, “but points in November are nicer.”

The New Delhi deal: more tools for the playoff push

Later, still looking for an upgrade at receiver and defensive bite, Beaver called New Delhi and landed WR George Pickens plus defenders Jared Verse and Nate Landman, giving up a package that included a 4th-round pick.

Pickens gave the Lords the kind of volatile, high-impact WR juice that can swing matchups—especially when your QB situation is less than ideal. Verse and Landman added defensive teeth, the kind of additions you make when you know you may need to win ugly.

A West fight, and the rivalry wrinkle

Despite the chaos, the Lords still found ways to win the games that mattered. They split with Taipei and San Antonio, and most importantly they swept Tequila, adding a new wrinkle to that rivalry. Even without Burrow, Los Angeles showed they could punch with anyone in the division.

But in the playoffs, the margin tightens, and the Lords finally ran out of pivots. The Wild Card loss didn’t erase the season—but it ended it the way injuries often end promising years: abruptly and unfairly.

2026: the protection debate is going to be delicious

Now comes the most interesting part: the three protected players decision. Los Angeles has an unusually fun problem, because they’ve collected real RB horsepower. A core of Josh Jacobs, Trey’Veon Henderson, and Breece Hall sounds like a weekly nightmare for opponents.

But can you really leave out Ja’Marr Chase? Or Joe Burrow, assuming health? Do you protect three RBs and dare the league to keep up? Do you protect two RBs and lock in Chase as the anchor? Or do you bet on Burrow returning and protect QB + Chase + one RB?

“I will tell you now that the personnel departments are looking into those questions now,” Beaver stated, and it sounded like the rare time he was underselling it. Because this is the kind of offseason debate that determines titles.

The future is bright whatever the Lords decide to do. They survived a season-ending QB injury, two major RB hits, and still reached the playoffs. The Wild Card exit hurt, sure—but the roster looks like it’s built to contend again immediately.

And the fifth Reisbeck Trophy? Closer than you may believe. If Burrow’s toe heals and the protection choices land right, the Lords won’t need pivots next year.

They’ll need a parade route.

New Whiteland Another Disappointing Season

The 2025 New Whiteland Chicken Pluckerz season was the kind of heartbreak that doesn’t come with a punchline—just a calculator. New Whiteland finished 8–6 with 599 points, and somehow managed to be the last team eliminated from playoff contention while still feeling like they were “one normal week” away from sneaking in. The cold math is even crueler: they were 38 points shy of the 6th seed, which in IFFL terms is basically the distance between “playoff run” and “watching other people have fun” measured in one random touchdown, one defensive bonus, or one receiver remembering how hands work.

That’s what made 2025 so maddening for Kevin Julbert’s crew. This wasn’t a collapse. This wasn’t a rebuild. This was a strong season that ended with the league slamming the door an inch too soon.

The identity: competitive, steady, just not explosive enough

New Whiteland played like a real team most weeks—physical, organized, and annoying to play against. They didn’t give away many freebies. They weren’t a weekly disaster. But the difference between “good” and “playoff good” in the IFFL is usually one thing: spike weeks. New Whiteland scored, but they didn’t consistently detonate. And when the playoff cut line comes down to 38 points, what you’re really saying is: they needed one week where somebody went full video game.

A league source summed it up: “New Whiteland didn’t lose because they were bad. They lost because they were normal.” That sounds insulting until you realize it’s the most accurate description possible.

The New Delhi pipeline: “always coming together”

If New Whiteland did have a signature move in 2025, it was doing business—once again—with New Delhi. One league source nailed it:

“It seems like New Whiteland and New Delhi are always coming together on a trade.”

It’s practically a seasonal tradition at this point. And this year, it produced two key deals.

Trade #1: New Whiteland acquired TE Mark Andrews, sending New Delhi their 3rd-round selection. This was the “win-now” type of swing you make when you believe you’re in the mix. Andrews is the kind of TE who can tilt matchups in this league, especially with tight end bonuses and the way TE production can separate you from teams rolling out praying-for-50-yards types. For New Whiteland, it was a clear message: we’re not just trying to be respectable—we’re trying to qualify.

Trade #2: New Whiteland sent a 5th-rounder to New Delhi and received rookie WR Tez Johnson and K Harrison Butker. This was the more quietly important move. Johnson gave them a young, ascending piece with real weekly usability, and Butker is the kind of kicker who doesn’t win headlines but absolutely wins you weeks when the margins are tight—like, say, a season where you miss the playoffs by 38 points. It’s hard not to look back and wonder if Butker’s points were the only reason the Pluckerz stayed alive as long as they did.

Tez Johnson, for his part, reportedly loved the landing spot: “They actually have a plan here,” he said. “I’m not used to that.” (A subtle shot at New Delhi that will absolutely be screenshotted.)

The agony: 8–6 and still out

Finishing 8–6 and missing the playoffs hurts because it’s not “start over” territory. It’s “one tweak” territory. It means your roster is close. Your process is close. Your season just needed a few more points in a few more moments.

New Whiteland was the last team eliminated because they were consistently competitive—but the top of the league had more firepower. When the contenders got the big weeks from their stars, the Pluckerz got the solid weeks from theirs. Solid doesn’t get you a bracket.

2026 protections: the WR core is the plan

Now the franchise pivots to 2026 with a protection approach that basically writes itself. The expectation is New Whiteland protects three wideouts:

• Jaxon Smith-Njigba
• Travis Hunter (coming off a knee injury)
• Rashee Rice (who everyone is hoping doesn’t drag race on a public highway any more)

It’s a bold choice—protecting three WRs is a statement that New Whiteland believes the league is trending toward receiver dominance, and that the best way to compete is to stack mismatch creators and win the weekly ceiling game. The risk, of course, is depth elsewhere. But it also makes sense: protect your most valuable, most explosive assets, then use the draft to patch the rest.

And the 8th pick in the draft becomes absolutely crucial. That’s where contenders either reload or get stuck. If New Whiteland can land a difference-maker—especially at RB, TE depth, or even another weapon—they can turn “last eliminated” into “dangerous.”

At his end-of-season media session, Kevin Julbert tried to sound optimistic, but there was an edge to it—like a man who knows how close they were:

“I’m looking forward to 2026 and bringing this once proud franchise back to prominence.”

That line matters because it hints at a mindset shift. New Whiteland doesn’t want to be the “cute 8–6” team. They want to matter in December.

The recap in one sentence

The 2025 Chicken Pluckerz were the last team eliminated because they were good enough to hang around and disciplined enough to stay alive—but not explosive enough to clear the bar.

And now, with a WR-heavy protection core and the 8th pick waiting like a loaded dice roll, New Whiteland is one sharp offseason away from turning “38 points short” into “good luck stopping us.”

Taipei Personality A Year in Review

The 2025 Taipei Personality season was a ride that required Dramamine, a seatbelt, and probably a waiver signed by the league office. For two months, Taipei looked like the kind of team that could accidentally stumble into a playoff spot and then ruin someone’s entire December. For the next two months, they looked like a team that forgot where the brakes were. The collapse didn’t fully hit until the end, but the warning lights were flickering long before the final standings turned them into a 7–7 footnote in a crowded West.

And hovering over all of it, as always, was the enigmatic presence of Owner Andrew Wang—reclusive, unreachable, and operating with the energy of a man who has not attended a league meeting in at least 15 years, partially due to the U.S. government and partially due to what can only be described as a deep personal commitment to being a mystery. Wang will almost certainly draft again in 2026 from behind a monitor and keyboard in an undisclosed location, like some sort of fantasy football deep-state operative. But if the good news is anything, it’s this: Taipei’s core is real, and the offseason plan is surprisingly straightforward.

A hot start that made people pay attention

The first six weeks were the “oh, Taipei’s serious this year” stretch. Taipei won four of their first six, and for a moment the West felt like it had a fourth adult in the room. The formula was simple: steady quarterbacking, real running backs, and just enough weekly competence to outlast opponents who were also trying to figure themselves out.

A league scout described early Taipei as “not flashy, just difficult.” Dak was distributing, Saquon was imposing, and James Cook was doing that thing where he quietly piles up points while everyone argues about someone else’s highlight. The Personality didn’t look like a juggernaut—but they looked like a problem.

Then the season turned… and kept turning

But Taipei is rarely allowed a calm season, and this one eventually swerved into the ditch. After the 4–2 start, things got ugly: Taipei lost five of their last eight, and the mid-season optimism faded into a familiar frustration. The losses weren’t always blowouts, which almost made them worse—too many “close but not enough” afternoons where the roster felt one piece short.

The only win that gathered real attention late was a Week 10 win over Los Angeles, a result that briefly revived the “what if they catch fire?” conversation. Dak, reportedly, kept the quote short and blunt afterward: “We can beat anybody. We just don’t do it enough.” That pretty much became Taipei’s 2025 mission statement.

The real issue: no WR juice

The core problem was obvious by midseason: Taipei needed receiver talent in the worst way. They had power and stability at quarterback and running back, but too often the passing game lacked the kind of weekly WR punch that turns drives into touchdowns and matchups into wins.

It wasn’t that Taipei had no receivers. It was that they didn’t have enough of the right kind. Too many weeks felt like Prescott was throwing into “hope” instead of throwing into “advantage.” When the schedule tightened and opponents started posting bigger numbers, Taipei couldn’t consistently keep up through the air.

One assistant coach (who requested anonymity because Taipei assistants apparently also live in undisclosed locations) called it “an offense built like a three-legged stool.” Strong QB. Strong RBs. Missing the third leg.

Wang speaks: the saddest phone joke of the season

At his end-of-season media session—an event that, in true Wang fashion, felt like it might have been conducted through a burner phone and a tunnel—he was asked why Taipei has had such a lack of trades and free agent signings the last few seasons.

“Does the team’s Asian location make this difficult,” a reporter asked, “or maybe it’s a bad phone connection?”

Wang’s answer was vintage Andrew Wang: polite, odd, and somehow genuinely sad.

“I always answer my phone when it rings, but I just don’t get any phone calls. I think they may have lost my number… which makes me kind of sad.”

It was the most emotion anyone has gotten out of him in years, and it accidentally explained a lot. Taipei isn’t inactive because they don’t care. They’re inactive because they’re operating like a hidden submarine that only surfaces when it’s time to draft.

2026: protect the core, draft the missing piece

The encouraging part is that Taipei enters 2026 with a protection decision that’s almost too clean:

• QB Dak Prescott
• RB Saquon Barkley
• RB James Cook

That’s a legitimate core in the prime of their careers—reliable, high-floor, and capable of carrying weekly matchups. It’s also the exact type of trio that makes the rest of roster-building easier: you’re not desperate at QB, you’re not scrambling at RB, and you can use the draft to fix what’s actually broken.

And what’s broken is WR talent. Conveniently, Taipei holds the 7th pick, and that slot is a sweet spot—high enough to land a premium receiver, low enough that someone else might panic and trade up if Wang ever decides to answer a call that does come in. If the draft is “ripe with talented WRs” at that pick as expected, Taipei can finally give Prescott a real stable of weapons and turn those close losses into wins.

Wang and his staff insist they’ll be ready in August with a clear plan moving forward. Given Taipei’s history, “clear plan” probably means “Andrew Wang has already built a 47-tab spreadsheet and refuses to share it with the league.”

But the path is obvious: keep the studs, draft wideouts, and for the love of everything holy, let someone in the league find Wang’s number.

Because the 2025 Personality didn’t fall apart until the end. And if they patch the WR hole, the 2026 version might not fall apart at all.

Whalers Year in Review - What the Hell Happened Here

The 2025 Hartford Whalers season was the kind of year that makes you wonder what, exactly, Owner Chad Allen did to anger the football gods. Not “forgot to say grace” anger. Not “talked trash in a group chat” anger. This was the full biblical package: plagues, curses, and a steady drizzle of injuries that never let Hartford find traction. The Whalers still somehow finished 7–7 and 2nd in the East, but the record doesn’t tell the real story. This wasn’t a scrappy, hard-nosed overachievement. This was a team that spent four months trying to assemble a functioning lineup like they were building IKEA furniture without the instructions… or the screws.

The RB room: a three-headed problem, all of them injured or unavailable

Hartford’s entire season began with their plan at running back—and then that plan disintegrated immediately. Rookie Omarion Hampton missed nine games, which is basically an entire fantasy season in Whalers time. Rookie Quinshon Judkins was suspended for three games, and veteran Tony Pollard missed time as well. By midseason, Hartford’s RB room wasn’t a rotation, it was a weekly scavenger hunt. A league source put it bluntly:

“Hartford didn’t have a running back room. They had a waiting room.”

Allen tried to keep it optimistic, but even he couldn’t hide the exasperation as the absences stacked up: “At some point you stop asking who’s starting and start asking who’s walking.”

Bo Nix and the receiver roulette

If the running game was a disaster, the passing game wasn’t much more stable. Bo Nix had moments where he looked like a real answer—and other moments where he looked like a guy trying to win on vibes. The inconsistency extended to the pass-catchers, too. DeVonta Smith and Zay Flowers were maddeningly unpredictable: one week dialed-in and sharp, the next week dropping three balls that could’ve been touchdowns and acting surprised about it.

Flowers reportedly shrugged off one of those “how did you drop that?” afternoons with a line that Whalers fans will recognize as painfully accurate: “It hit my hands. My hands were… not on the same page.”

The depth pieces didn’t bail Hartford out either. Darnell Mooney and Jaylen Waddle were barely playable in 2025, seeing the field only a handful of times. That reality has created a very real “what if?” hovering over Hartford’s season: if Allen had it to do over again, would he have traded one of those receivers for a tight end or a running back to get through the lean, injury-riddled months?

It’s not a crazy question. In a year where Hartford’s core need was “functional bodies,” having WR depth that couldn’t crack the lineup looks less like a luxury and more like a missed opportunity.

The one trade: Trevor Lawrence out, a pick in, and the Shedeur logic

Hartford’s only real deal came early: Los Angeles sent an 8th-round pick to Hartford for QB Trevor Lawrence.

On its face, it felt like Hartford selling low on a starting QB. But Allen had an explanation that fit his worldview perfectly:

“We like Trevor, but when you can get another inexperienced rookie like QB Shedeur Sanders you make that move.”

In classic Allen fashion, that quote somehow made sense and raised more questions at the same time. The logic was clear: lean into youth, reduce redundancy, and stockpile picks. The problem was the Whalers didn’t need more philosophical alignment—they needed points. And with injuries everywhere else, moving a QB asset became another gamble in a season already drowning in them.

The lone bright spot: Puka Nacua, professional human sunlight

If Hartford had a consistent star in 2025, it was Puka Nacua. While everything else swung wildly from week to week, Puka was the one reliable pulse. He played like the guy who shows up, does his job, and doesn’t care about your excuses. In a year where the Whalers often looked scattered—some fans called it “a debilitating brain injury,” others just called it “Hartford football”—Puka was the exception.

A teammate described it best: “When everything’s chaos, Puka’s the checklist.”

The “how are they 7–7?” portion of the program

Despite all the chaos, Hartford still finished 2nd in the East at 7–7, which sounds fine until you realize they’re picking in almost the same spot as 2025 and this season was not supposed to go this way. Hartford didn’t build this roster to tread water. They built it to contend.

They did manage two highlights: sweeping the Honey Mustard Rivalry (because of course they did—spite is Hartford’s most consistent scheme), and beating Tabbi’s Kats, which was the Whalers’ one “we can still scare people” flex. Outside of those, Hartford struggled—often in games that felt winnable if the roster had simply shown up healthy and focused.

2026 protections: the future will be written here

Now the entire franchise tilts toward protected contracts, and two names feel nearly automatic: Omarion Hampton and Quinshon Judkins. Allen is going to bet on those rookie RBs, because the upside is real and the window is long.

The third slot is the real drama:

• QB Bo Nix (QB stability, if he keeps developing)
• WR Puca Nacua (the proven weekly anchor)
• RB R.J. Harvey (a rookie RB who could complete a three-RB core)

If Hartford protects the three RBs, they’d have a nasty long-term foundation, and with pick 6 they could still land an elite WR or QB prospect to complement them. If they keep Puka, they retain the one thing that worked every week. If they keep Bo, they’re committing to the quarterback timeline and hoping Year 3 turns “inconsistent” into “reliable.”

And with Chad Allen, you can never rule out the fourth option: chaos. The only certainty is that when the offseason gets stressful, he’ll be found in front of a TV during a Gilmore Girls marathon, pretending he’s not staring at draft boards between commercial breaks.

“Ahh guilty pleasures,” Allen said once, grinning. “Some people binge tape. I binge Stars Hollow. Same thing.”

Hartford’s 2025 didn’t break them. But it did expose them. Now the Whalers have to decide what they really are—because 7–7 is a record you can explain once. Twice becomes a personality.

Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls 1 Step Forward, 2 Steps Back

The 2025 Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls season will go down as the year the franchise tried to take a real step forward—and instead got dragged backwards by the kind of injury luck that makes you check if your training staff is actually just three raccoons in a trench coat. Pittsburgh won five games, which in a vacuum is respectable. In reality, it was a letdown, because the Peanut Butter Balls came into the year chasing something they’d never done: make the playoffs in back-to-back seasons for the first time in franchise history. They didn’t just miss that goal. They spent most of the season watching it drift away like a balloon tied to a broken wristband.

The injury that ended the season before it started

Everything begins and ends with Lamar Jackson missing most of the season. When your franchise is built around a dynamic QB who can erase roster flaws with two drives and a scramble, losing him doesn’t just hurt—it changes the entire identity of the team. Without Lamar, Pittsburgh wasn’t scary. It wasn’t explosive. It wasn’t even particularly unpredictable. They became a team that had to grind for points instead of generating them, and grinding is not how you win consistently in the IFFL.

A league source described it perfectly: “With Lamar out, Pittsburgh went from a nightmare matchup to a team you’re mildly annoyed you have to pay attention to.” That’s harsh… and also accurate.

The 2024 breakout guys didn’t break out again

The secondary pain was that some of Pittsburgh’s expected boosters turned into weekly question marks. Tyrone Tracy Jr. and D.J. Moore were largely ineffective after their breakout 2024 seasons. It’s not that they were unusable every week—it’s that they stopped being difference-makers. Pittsburgh needed them to carry chunks of the offense while the team weathered the Lamar situation. Instead, they delivered too many quiet stat lines that forced Howell to chase points elsewhere.

Moore’s inconsistency was the more deflating one, because he’s the type of player you want to build around: volume, explosiveness, the occasional “singlehandedly wins your week” ceiling. But in 2025, too many of those ceiling games never arrived. In one of the season’s more telling locker-room moments, Moore reportedly kept it simple after another ugly week: “I’m good. This just isn’t good.” You could basically hear the entire fanbase nodding.

The Rhamondre Stevenson trade: hope, then comedy

Midseason, Matt Howell tried to inject life into the roster with an intra-division deal that felt like a “save the season” button: Pittsburgh acquired RB Rhamondre Stevenson from New Delhi, sending a 3rd-round pick (33rd overall) the other way.

It was a classic Howell move—practical, aggressive, and aimed directly at the problem. The Peanut Butter Balls needed a steadier RB option and someone they could lean on while the QB situation was unstable. Stevenson arrives… and then immediately gets injured in practice and misses three weeks.

Howell summed up the 2025 Peanut Butter Balls experience in one quote that will probably be printed on a hoodie:

“This is so on-brand for this team this year. You just have to be happy you have a player to coach up for next season.”

That wasn’t just gallows humor. It was survival. Pittsburgh’s season became a weekly exercise in re-framing: not “how do we win now,” but “how do we keep enough of this roster intact to matter later.”

Five wins, and still a missed opportunity

Again: 5–9 isn’t a total disaster. Plenty of IFFL franchises would take that. But Pittsburgh wasn’t aiming for “not embarrassing.” They were aiming for momentum—proof that 2024 wasn’t a one-year blip. Instead, 2025 turned into a reset year dressed up as a contender year, and those are the ones that sting the most.

They had stretches where you could see the bones of a playoff team: good weeks from the receivers, a defense doing just enough, a couple matchups that swung their way. But the problem was always the same: every time Pittsburgh started to stabilize, another injury popped up or another “expected” piece didn’t deliver. The season never stayed quiet long enough to build a run.

The 2026 dilemma: protect Lamar… or prepare for the breakup?

Now the offseason opens with the biggest question Pittsburgh has faced in years: what do you do with Lamar Jackson? There’s talk he may not be happy with the team’s direction, and in the IFFL, unhappy stars don’t just sulk—they become Draft Day headlines.

If you’re projecting protected players right now, the default list looks like:

• QB Lamar Jackson
• RB Rhamondre Stevenson
• WR D.J. Moore

But it’s not that simple. Jaylen Warren is knocking on the door, and Jameson Williams is too—both are the kind of upside swings that can change a season if they hit. That’s where Howell earns his money: deciding whether to protect the “known but frustrating” pieces or the “volatile but explosive” ones. One league executive framed it this way: “Do they want a stable floor? Or do they want a new ceiling?”

And then there’s the nuclear option: Lamar gets moved. Maybe on Draft Day. Maybe early in the season. Maybe the moment a desperate contender loses their QB and Howell smells leverage. Pittsburgh has a lot of paths, but they all require choosing one quickly—because half-measures are how teams get stuck in the middle.

The Nick Chubb subplot: harsh but real

The 2025 Peanut Butter Balls were a letdown because the dream was real and the injuries made it impossible. But they’re not far off. With better health, smarter protection choices, and clarity on Lamar’s future, Pittsburgh can absolutely re-enter the playoff conversation.

The offseason question is simple: do they recommit to Lamar and reload around him… or do they flip the franchise into something new while they still can?

Either way, Pittsburgh won’t be boring. Howell doesn’t do boring. He does chaos with a spreadsheet—and honestly, that might be exactly what this franchise needs.

New Delhi Subs Business as Usual

The 2025 New Delhi Subs season played the hits again—because why write a new album when the old one still sells to the same emotionally exhausted fanbase? The script was familiar: show up to Draft Day with a mountain of picks after stripping the roster for “value,” win the offseason in a landslide, look like a contender on paper… then play actual games, start losing, and immediately turn the roster back into a pick-shaped liquid. New Delhi didn’t so much play the season as they converted it—like a human trade calculator wearing a Subs hat.

By the end, the Subs were back where they always seem to end up lately: staring at the wreckage, clutching draft capital like a comfort blanket, and insisting it’s all part of the plan. They haven’t been truly relevant since their third title in 2021, and 2025 did nothing to change that—except add more chapters to the Book of Shaunki, which is mostly written in future tense. To top it all off the Subs were swept by the Whalers in the Honey Mustard Rivalry, what a kick in the nuts.

The Pickens/Verse deal: Nostalgia with a receipt

The first major pivot came when New Delhi shipped WR George Pickens and Jared Verse to the Los Angeles Lords for LA’s 4th-round pick (51st overall) and, importantly, TE Dalton Schultz.

“We love George and hopefully in the future we can work together again,” owner Pete Shaunki said—an emotional farewell that sounded suspiciously like a man who already had the next trade dialed up before he hung up the phone.

This move was quintessential New Delhi: trade away high-profile talent, get a pick, and bring back a “useful piece” to keep the lineup from collapsing immediately. Schultz was the kind of steady TE you can sell yourself on—professional, reliable, and not likely to create problems. In other words, the perfect player to acquire right before you trade someone else.

The tight end carousel: Schultz arrives, Andrews leaves, sanity follows

Because almost immediately, the Subs turned around and traded TE Mark Andrews to New Whiteland for the Chicken Pluckerz’ 7th-round pick (92nd overall).

That’s the kind of transaction that makes rival owners blink twice and check for typos. Andrews is still Andrews—name value, usage, upside. A seventh is… a seventh. But this is New Delhi’s current identity: turning today’s production into tomorrow’s “flexibility,” even if the math makes everyone else reach for their phone to text “lol.”

Kenneth Walker III out, Wan’Dale and a 3rd in

Then came the move that officially signaled “we’re selling again,” even if nobody in New Delhi will ever call it that. The Subs swung a deal with San Antonio that sent out RB Kenneth Walker III, netting WR Wan’Dale Robinson and the Mexican’ts 3rd-round pick.

It was practical in a bleak way: Walker is a real RB asset, which means he’s also one of the few things other teams will pay for when they’re chasing a playoff run. San Antonio paid. Shaunki pocketed the pick and added a receiver who can be useful in spurts. The problem, of course, is that “useful in spurts” is basically the tagline for the Subs’ entire roster lately.

New Whiteland called back… and walked away richer again

And because no New Delhi season is complete without New Whiteland reappearing like a recurring villain, the Chicken Pluckerz called again—and left the phone conversation with WR Tez Johnson and K Harrison Butker.

New Delhi received New Whiteland’s 5th-round pick (64th overall) and veteran WR Cooper Kupp.

A league source described the exchange as “two teams trading opposite directions in time.” Kupp is the kind of name you can sell to your fanbase—“We got a proven guy!”—while the pick is the kind of asset Shaunki can sell to himself—“We got flexibility!” Meanwhile, New Whiteland got younger and more stable at two positions. Everyone stayed on brand.

The in-division “help me” call to Pittsburgh

Wanting to make an in-division trade (because suffering should always be local), Shaunki called Pittsburgh owner Matt Howell to help salvage Pittsburgh’s season. After that conversation, RB Rhamondre Stevenson was gone, shipped to Pittsburgh for the Peanut Butter Balls’ 3rd-round pick (33rd overall).

Howell, reportedly, kept it simple: “You can’t salvage it. You can only decide what you want it to become.” Shaunki chose “another third-rounder.”

Mahomes goes down: protection chaos

Then, in Week 14, the season got a cruel twist with actual stakes: Patrick Mahomes suffered a torn ACL, putting the start of his 2026 season in jeopardy and throwing New Delhi’s protected-player conversation into total chaos.

The best guess right now is that the Subs protect Mahomes, RB Kyren Williams, and WR Courtland Sutton—but that’s not exactly a confidence-inspiring trio. Williams has been inconsistent. Sutton has been inconsistent. Mahomes’ health is a giant question mark. It’s the kind of protection list that screams “we’re one bad August away from a reset.”

The Shaunki experience: steals, blunders, and vibes

To Shaunki’s credit, he did find some value on the margins. His best free-agent steal was rookie TE Oronde Gadsden II, a legitimate bright spot and the rare “hey, this actually worked” move in a season full of roster churn.

But there were also the blunders—most notably cutting RB Blake Corum for RB Kaleb Johnson, who didn’t see the field for the Subs. A rival owner joked, “That move was like trading a lottery ticket for a scratch-off that says ‘try again.’”

Same ending, new offseason

So New Delhi goes back to the drawing board… again. A team that once looked like a mini-dynasty (three titles, last in 2021) now feels stuck in an endless loop: win Draft Day, lose September, sell October, cope November, and pray the draft fixes everything in August.

As Shaunki put it late in the year, staring at yet another spreadsheet of picks and possibilities: “We’re not rebuilding. We’re… reloading.” A pause. “Repeatedly.”

What else does the offseason have in store for the Subs? Probably trades. Definitely rumors. Possibly a full reset. And almost certainly another Draft Day where New Delhi looks unbeatable—right up until the games start.

Stay tuned.

Mission: Impossible your 2025 Philadelphia Dark Side

If the 2025 Philadelphia Dark Side set out to lose games, frustrate their fanbase, and leave everyone yelling “what are we doing here?” into the void, then congratulations: mission accomplished. The Dark Side finished 4–10, tied in record with New Delhi but somehow managing to feel louder about it—because Philly didn’t just lose. Philly lost with conviction, with chaos, and with just enough weekly competence to make the collapse feel optional.

Owner Avan Beaver spent the season serving a very specific vibe: part frustrated visionary, part sleep-deprived day trader, part guy who insists the plan is fine while the kitchen is actively on fire. And to be fair, his plan wasn’t entirely wrong. It just needed a running back room. Which Philadelphia did not have. Like… at all.

The Josh Jacobs-for-Jefferson gamble that broke the spine

The moment that sealed Philadelphia’s fate happened before the season really even started: the head-scratching Draft Day trade that brought in Justin Jefferson from Los Angeles for Josh Jacobs. On paper, it’s the kind of deal that makes the group chat explode—Jefferson is a franchise WR, the sort of weekly advantage that can carry matchups. But roster construction isn’t a highlights reel. You can’t field five receivers and wish your way into a run game.

By making that move, Philly walked into 2025 with a star-studded receiving room and a backfield described best as “a whole lot of nothing.” It wasn’t just thin; it was functionally nonexistent. And in the IFFL, where lineup formats still demand real production out of RB slots, Philly essentially tried to win a demolition derby with a Ferrari that had no tires.

That meant Jalen Hurts had to be perfect. A.J. Brown had to be dominant every week. Justin Jefferson had to be a cheat code. And even when those guys did their jobs, the roster was still asking for 25–35 points of RB production that simply wasn’t there. The result: a team that could look terrifying for stretches, then lose anyway because the offense had no balance and no floor.

The Egbuka trade: from “idiotic” to “actually… fine?”

The rare bright spot of the season came from a trade that initially looked like Philly had wandered into a negotiation without their glasses. Philadelphia dealt WR Emeka Egbuka to South Carolina for the Scarecrows’ 2nd-round pick (26 overall) and 3rd-round pick (42 overall).

And the funniest part is how the narrative flipped. As you put it: “This is a trade that looked idiotic when A. Beaver made the deal but this trade ended up great, as Egbuka really hit the rookie wall.” Exactly. At the time, Philly looked like they were selling a shiny new toy too early. By the end of the season, it looked like Avan had accidentally stumbled into value—turning a rookie who cooled off late into premium mid-round capital in a league where picks are basically currency and psychological warfare.

Those picks matter now because they give Philly options: they can move up, they can move around, they can take multiple bites at a deep class, and—most importantly—they can finally address the one position group that turned 2025 into a prolonged public apology.

The only thing Philly did consistently: keep it close

Here’s what made the Dark Side so uniquely irritating (for their fans and their opponents): they weren’t a total pushover. Philly proved they were better than a few teams assumed, and they showed it early by beating South Carolina, which is the kind of win that makes you think, “Oh… maybe this team has something.”

They also spent the season orbiting the playoff conversation like a moth around a porch light—staying annoyingly close to qualifiers like Los Angeles, Tabbi’s, and Tequila in certain stretches. Not close enough to matter, but close enough to keep hope alive just long enough to maximize emotional damage. The Dark Side weren’t good, but they were competent enough to ruin someone else’s week, and that counts for something in IFFL culture.

2026 protection: the stars are locked in

The foundation for a rebound is obvious, because Philly can protect three players who are basically the entire identity of the franchise right now: Jalen Hurts, A.J. Brown, and Justin Jefferson are the odds-on favorites to get protected contracts for 2026.

That’s a legitimate “start here” trio. Hurts gives weekly ceiling. Brown gives bully-ball production. Jefferson gives you the kind of WR advantage that forces opponents to chase. If Philly does nothing else, they at least enter 2026 with elite cornerstone talent at QB and WR.

Now they just need… running backs. Like, plural.

The bright future (and the funniest quote of the year)

And that’s where the offseason becomes Philadelphia’s Super Bowl. Between the three protected stars and the additional draft ammo from the Egbuka trade (26 and 42 overall), the Dark Side are positioned to attack what should be a draft rich with RB prospects.

Avan Beaver even laid it out in a quote that sounds like it was written by a man who watched his RB box scores for 14 straight weeks and saw only sadness:

“This offseason we are going to do nothing but research and scout RB’s.”

And the fan goes wild… that fan is his mother.

But jokes aside, the approach is correct. Philly doesn’t need another receiver. They don’t need more theoretical upside at the edges. They need reliable RB touches—guys who exist, play, and produce. If they hit even one real starter and add one more usable back through the draft or a bargain trade, suddenly the entire roster makes sense again. With Hurts/Brown/Jefferson as the spine, Philly doesn’t need perfection. They just need competence in the RB room, and 2025 proved that absence alone was enough to sink them.

The recap in one sentence

The 2025 Dark Side were a frustrating failure because they built a terrifying top-end passing arsenal and then forgot to field running backs—but the combination of three elite protections and extra draft capital gives them a very real runway to fix it fast.

Now comes the best part of any IFFL disaster season: the offseason, where everyone swears they’ve learned their lesson… until Draft Day hits and somebody trades a future for “a feeling.”

Chicago’s Asleep at the Wheel, a 2025 Review

The 2025 Chicago Fightin’ Ditka’s season had the unmistakable scent of a team that thought it was turning the corner… and then immediately drove into a construction zone, popped two tires, and tried to convince everyone it was “part of the plan.” The final record (4–10) says “rebuild,” but the week-to-week experience felt more like “reveal,” as in: Chicago revealed new and creative ways to lose games they had no business losing. And in a league where point spikes matter and momentum is everything, the Ditka’s spent too many Sundays stuck in neutral.

The promise (and pain) of Year 2 Caleb

The headline story was still Caleb Williams, and credit where it’s due: he was better. He looked like a quarterback who belongs. The problem is he looked like that… sometimes. Chicago got improved but inconsistent play—electric stretches followed by head-scratching stalls, big drives followed by long spells of “punt, shrug, repeat.” In a league like the IFFL, inconsistency isn’t a minor flaw; it’s a season killer. If you’re not reliably stacking points, you’re not just losing matchups—you’re losing leverage.

Owner Shadd Wright spent the year oscillating between chest-thumping optimism (“We’re building something!”) and that quiet, familiar rage that comes from watching a young QB learn on your record. But the one thing the league believes he’s absolutely serious about: Caleb will be protected. Not debated. Not negotiated. Protected. That’s the franchise, and Shadd knows it.

When the supporting cast didn’t support

The next big issue was that Brian Thomas Jr. never consistently became the weekly hammer Chicago needed him to be. The flashes were there—enough to keep hope alive—but the inconsistency matched the QB’s, which is how you end up with an offense that keeps promising fireworks and delivering sparklers. You could see the blueprint: Williams + Thomas as the core of a modern, aggressive attack. But too often the connection felt like it was still being negotiated in real time.

Then the season took a very predictable, very cruel turn: James Conner went down, and Chicago’s offense lost what little stability it had. Conner wasn’t just a running back; he was the “fine, we’ll take the easy yards” button. Without him, Chicago became overly dependent on the passing game to be perfect, which is a hilarious ask for a young QB still learning how to survive a full IFFL season.

And of course, we can’t ignore the most Chicago detail of all: oversleeping on draft day. There are teams that get unlucky. There are teams that get outplayed. And then there are teams that lose an edge before the season even starts because someone’s alarm clock got treated like an optional suggestion. Did it directly cause 4–10? No. Did it fit the vibe perfectly? Unfortunately, yes.

The Davante Adams pivot (and what it signals)

The clearest indicator that Chicago accepted reality came via the deal with Indy: Chicago traded WR Davante Adams and TE Tucker Kraft to the Indy Animals for WR Matthew Golden and Indy’s 2nd-round pick.

On the surface, that’s Chicago choosing timeline over nostalgia. Adams is still a “win-now” weapon, and Kraft has real utility. But Chicago is not a Davante Adams away from a title right now. They’re a depth chart away. They’re an “everyone develops at once” away. So they moved proven production for a younger WR piece (Matthew Golden) and extra draft capital—the kind of move that looks painful for a week and smart for three years.

Golden’s arrival matters because he gives Chicago an additional young pass-catcher to grow with Williams, and the extra second-rounder adds flexibility: take another piece, move up, move around, or—because it’s the IFFL—accidentally trade it at 2 a.m. after Shadd sees a “league source” tweet something cryptic.

The #2 overall pick: hope with a countdown timer

The best part of a disappointing year is the reset button, and Chicago has a big one: the #2 overall pick. That’s premium oxygen for a franchise that desperately needs more impact players on rookie contracts and more upside at the top of the roster. And with Williams entering Year 3, the organization can finally shift the message from “patient development” to “results.”

Because here’s the uncomfortable truth: after Williams, the protection list is a lot less obvious.

A league source put it bluntly: “I could see a Brian Thomas Jr. and Matthew Golden taking those other two protected player slots… or maybe even Luther Burden III. Williams really grew to love him this season. Maybe you make a draft-day trade to get that third player?”

That quote is doing a lot of work because it captures Chicago’s entire offseason reality: the core is taking shape, but the depth is thin and the decisions are sharp. Protecting Williams is automatic. After that? You’re picking between upside, chemistry, and future value. Thomas Jr. is the logical bet. Golden is the new investment. And Luther Burden III—whether by draft, trade-up, or pure IFFL chaos—represents the kind of receiver who could accelerate the whole timeline if Chicago gets him in the building.

The recap in one sentence

Chicago’s 2025 season was disappointing because the team improved in the places that matter, but not consistently enough to win—then injuries and thin depth exposed how far the rebuild still has to go.

But the future is sitting right there: Caleb Williams in Year 3, a clear commitment to protecting him, a young receiver room that can actually grow together, and the #2 overall pick waiting to either fill a major hole or light the fuse on a draft-day trade that makes the entire league group chat melt down.

Ahhh, the amazing offseason in the IFFL.

Cincinnati Bagels Pain and Suffering in 2025

The 2025 Cincinnati Bagels season ended the way most bad seasons do: not with one catastrophic moment, but with a slow drip of “wait… that’s it?” every Sunday until the standings finally put everyone out of their misery. The Bagels finished 3–11, dead last in the Central, and the only thing they led the league in was the weekly emotional whiplash of expecting competence and getting a shrug.

And the frustrating part is that Cincinnati wasn’t supposed to be a three-win team. This roster had the outline of a contender: a legit QB, star power at RB, and enough receiving talent to put up numbers even when game scripts went sideways. Instead, it turned into a season-long group project where everyone quietly assumed someone else was doing the work.

The offense that never arrived

Start at quarterback, because that’s where the optimism lived in August and where it died by October. C.J. Stroud was underwhelming—full stop. Not “bad enough to bench,” not “good enough to carry.” Just stuck in that fantasy purgatory where he’d flash for a quarter, then disappear for two. Cincinnati needed him to be the weekly engine that made everything else easier. Instead, he was often the guy keeping the car idling in the driveway while the rest of the roster stood around asking who had the keys.

And it wasn’t only Stroud. Nico Collins, normally the kind of receiver who can erase mistakes with one play, never became the weekly advantage the Bagels needed. Whether it was inconsistency, matchups, or just the vibes of a season gone stale, Collins was too often a “pretty good” WR in a league where “pretty good” doesn’t win you anything. When your team is already teetering, you can’t afford your stars to be polite.

Then came the running back chaos. Joe Mixon didn’t play a snap due to injury, which is the kind of absence that doesn’t just remove production—it forces every other decision to get worse. Instead of building game plans and lineups around stability, Cincinnati spent the year trying to improvise offense out of duct tape. Chase Brown was also underwhelming, and that stung, because he was supposed to be the high-energy counterpunch. The Bagels kept waiting for the breakout stretch that never really showed up.

The irony is that this team had the RB talent to be terrifying, but 2025 turned it into a collection of “in theory” guys. Christian McCaffrey still represents the kind of weekly ceiling that changes matchups, but even having him couldn’t save a season when the rest of the offense kept failing to cash in.

The trade that admitted reality

Midseason, Cincinnati did the thing struggling franchises eventually do: they accepted the year was cooked and started playing chess instead of checkers. The defining move was shipping Breece Hall and Brenton Strange to Los Angeles for WR Ricky Pearsall and LA’s 1st-round pick (9th overall).

That trade is going to be argued about in group chats for months, because it’s a classic “pain now, hope later” deal. Giving up Breece is surrendering a proven weekly hammer—exactly the kind of player you spend years trying to acquire. But Cincinnati wasn’t one player away. They were multiple stabilizers away. So they leaned into the future: a first-rounder and a young receiver with runway.

Ricky Pearsall is the kind of piece that matters for a rebuild: not because he instantly becomes your WR1, but because he can grow into a role while the rest of the roster gets rebuilt around him. He’s also the kind of player you can pair with a rookie (or a newly unlocked Stroud) and actually develop an identity. Cincinnati didn’t just add a receiver—they added a plan.

The best part of 3–11: leverage

Here’s the real silver lining: Cincinnati didn’t just get the 9th overall pick from LA. They also secured the #1 overall choice.

That’s how you flip a disappointing season into a power position. The Bagels now have options—real ones. They can take the best player on the board at 1.01. They can trade back for a haul if someone gets desperate. They can double-dip at premium positions with 1.01 and 1.09 and change the trajectory of the franchise in one weekend.

And this is where the future gets genuinely interesting: Cincinnati is positioned to protect Christian McCaffrey, Chase Brown, and Rico Dowdle for 2026. That’s not just sentimental—it’s strategic. McCaffrey gives you elite upside. Brown still has a path to relevance if the offense improves and the usage cooperates. Dowdle is the kind of depth back who becomes extremely valuable when injuries hit and bye weeks get ugly. Protecting those three means Cincinnati can spend the draft fixing other problems—like adding an offensive centerpiece, strengthening the receiving group, or even building insulation around Stroud so the offense can stop feeling like a weekly coin flip.

The recap in one sentence

The 2025 Bagels were disappointing because they had enough talent to be respectable, but not enough execution to be dangerous—and injuries made sure the margin for error didn’t exist.

But the 2026 Bagels? They’re walking into the offseason with two premium first-round picks, a new young receiver, and a protectable RB core that can still scare people if the roster around it starts acting serious. Three wins feels awful—until you realize it bought Cincinnati the most valuable thing in the IFFL: control over what happens next.

After a myriad of delays (and Commisioner Dixon challenging himself to wait until the absolutely last possible second) the 2026 IFFL draft is upon us. The draft will be held on August 29th at approximately 2:00pm at Dogwood Springs in beautiful (and flooded) Greene county Indiana.

Submit your protected players HERE

The prices on your team pages have been updated to reflect any player who will be under a new contract if protected this season.

More news will be coming in the next couple of weeks including an announcement about team moves and division realignments, possible rules changes to be voted on and some new logo debuts!

By The IFFL Insider News Desk
(Season 30 • Founded 1996 • Still somehow getting louder every year)

The 2025 IFFL season is officially in the books, and Season 30 delivered exactly what the league has built its reputation on for three decades: powerhouse teams, petty rivalries, generational performances, and just enough emotional damage to keep the group chat active until August.

At the center of it all stood the Indy Animals, who captured the championship and hoisted their third title in the last 10 years, defeating the upstart San Antonio Mexican’ts in the IFFL Bowl, 33–23. It was a season defined by resilience, roster creativity, and the kind of clutch moments that separate champions from “almosts.”

Owner Kevin “Q” Ryburn didn’t overcomplicate the achievement afterward, “We took hits. We adjusted. We kept playing. That’s what champions do.”

Division Champs: Kings of Their Corners

Three teams emerged as divisional champions, each with a path that told its own story:

• Central Division Champions: Indy Animals (10–4)
  
  
• Eastern Division Champions: South Carolina Scarecrows (11–3)
  
  
• Western Division Champions: Tequila Sunrise (9–5)

Indy’s repeat division title confirmed what the league already suspected: the Animals aren’t just good — they’re built to stay good.

South Carolina’s 11-win juggernaut once again proved dominant in the regular season, while Tequila reminded the West that even in a “down year,” the Sunrise never stop threatening the summit.

Commissioner Jeff Dixon summed it up with his usual warmth and excitement (none), “Congrats to the champs. Congrats to everyone who didn’t forget to set a lineup. See you next season.”

The Rivalry Headlines: Fine Lady, Domestic Violence, and Honey Mustard

No season recap is complete without acknowledging the rivalries that gave 2025 its signature flavor.

The Fine Lady Bowl once again sat at the center of league mythology — the idea that the league could one day crown its champion through a matchup featuring both Tanya Harless and Tabbi Brewer still hangs over the IFFL like prophecy. It didn’t happen this year… but the league can feel it coming.

Then came the main event of tabloid football:

The First-Ever Domestic Violence Bowl (Playoff Edition)

San Antonio’s postseason win over South Carolina is already cemented in IFFL history. The Mexican’ts advanced via tiebreaker after a 62–62 tie, stunning the top-seeded Scarecrows on their own field.

Tanya Harless delivered the quote of the season with zero hesitation, “I own his ass. 20 years and counting.”

Trevor Harless was equally blunt, in the exhausted tone of a man who has lived this nightmare too long, “I love my wife… but this team needs to figure out how to consistently beat her team.”

Meanwhile, the Honey Mustard Rivalry once again played its role as the league’s most stubborn grudge match — Hartford and New Delhi refusing to allow peace, joy, or stability to exist for more than four quarters.

Awards Season: The League’s Best Get Their Flowers

If the championship was Indy’s moment, the awards show was the league’s reminder of who defined Season 30.

MVP / Best QB — Drake Maye (South Carolina Scarecrows)

No player rose faster in 2025 than QB Drake Maye, who evolved from “interesting” to “terrifying.” Maye drove the Scarecrows to the league’s best record and turned their offense into weekly artillery.

A league insider said it best, “Maye didn’t just win games. He changed what South Carolina is.”

Rookie of the Year — TE Harold Fannin Jr. (Indy Animals)

The Animals’ title run included a critical midseason find: Harold Fannin Jr. His emergence gave Indy flexibility, red-zone punch, and another weapon when injuries forced the lineup into chaos.

Ryburn called him “a pro already,” and the league agreed.

General Manager of the Year — Tanya Harless (San Antonio Mexican’ts)

The Mexican’ts reached the title game for the first time ever, and the roster-building—especially the midseason stabilization—earned Tanya the GM crown. She built a finalist, beat the #1 seed in the most infamous playoff game ever, and gave San Antonio a new identity: real contender.

Kicker of the Year / Best K — Brandon Aubrey (Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls)

Even in a season mired by injuries, Pittsburgh had one thing automatic: Brandon Aubrey. Cold weather, bad matchups, ugly weeks — none of it mattered. Aubrey was cash and earned the hardware.

Best RB — Jahmyr Gibbs (Indy Animals)

Indy’s championship formula had a heartbeat, and it was Jahmyr Gibbs. Explosive, consistent, and impossible to ignore — Gibbs was the league’s most complete RB, the player who turned Indy’s weekly floor into a weekly advantage.

Best WR — Jaxon Smith-Njigba (New Whiteland Chicken Pluckerz)

New Whiteland missed the playoffs by only 38 points, but Jaxon Smith-Njigba was a monster all year. Route technician, volume king, and the kind of WR every owner wishes they had when the schedule gets tight.

Best TE — Brock Bowers (Indy Animals)

Yes, Indy also had the league’s best TE. Because of course they did. Brock Bowers delivered a positional edge every week, the kind that turns close games into wins and wins into trophies.

Best Defense — South Carolina Scarecrows (Seattle Seahawks)

South Carolina’s defense played like a championship unit all year — physical, opportunistic, and consistently suffocating. Even in heartbreak, the Scarecrows proved they were built correctly.

2026 IFFL Draft Order — Round 1

1. Cincinnati Bagels
2. Chicago Fightin' Ditkas
3. Philadelphia Dark Side
4. New Delhi Subs
5. Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls
6. Hartford Whalers
7. Taipei Personality
8. New Whiteland Chicken Pluckerz
9. Cincinnati Bagels (via Los Angeles Lords)
10. Tequila Sunrise
11. Tabbi's Kats
12. South Carolina Scarecrows
13. San Antonio Mexican'ts
14. Indy Animals

Looking Ahead: Draft Day Returns

The league now turns its eyes to the future.

2026 IFFL Draft
Dogwood Springs
August 29th, 2026
More information to be announced

Commissioner Dixon issued a brief statement (and somehow made it sound like a warning), “Dogwood Springs. August 29th. Be on time. Or don’t. I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

Thank You, IFFL!!!

San Antonio Mexican’ts @ Indy Animals
San Antonio’s first shot at immortality. Indy chasing ring number three.

Merry Super Bowl 30 week. Let the best team win… and, as one league owner put it, “I am currently hoping for outside interference.”

We’ve got a perfect narrative clash:

• San Antonio Mexican’ts – first-ever appearance, fresh off slaying Tequila and South Carolina after sneaking into the playoffs on total points.
  
  
• Indy Animals – going for their third Riesbeck Trophy, with a roster purpose-built for this scoring system.

San Antonio: One Win From “World Champions of the World”

The Mexican’ts roll in with a fully formed identity:

• QB: Jared Goff
  
  
• RB's: David Montgomery, Kenneth Walker III
  
  
• WR's: CeeDee Lamb, Tetairoa McMillan, Alec Pierce
  
  
• TE: Dallas Goedert
  
  
• K: Cameron Dicker
  
  
• DEF: Houston Texans

They’re sorta healthy, battle-tested, and just won a semifinal on yardage math. DK Metcalf getting suspended for punching a South Carolina fan last week has to be payback for scoring in the WC game against Commissioner Dixon’s Sunrise defense

“We didn’t come this far for a feel-good story,” Tanya Harless said. “One more win and they can call us whatever they want. I prefer ‘champions.”

Goff vs Indy’s pass rush, and whether CeeDee can find his usual bonus gear, will decide how loud this offense roars.

Indy: Built for Bonuses, Missing a Hammer

The Animals counter with:

• QB: Jacoby Brissett
  
  
• RB's: Jahmyr Gibbs, Ashton Jeanty
  
  
• WR's: Ladd McConkey, Wan’Dale Robinson
  
  
• TEs: Darren Waller, Harold Fannin Jr.
  
  
• K: Harrison Mevis
  
  
• DEF: Denver Broncos

The bad news: Brock Bowers is out, a massive blow to Indy’s passing attack.

“You don’t replace Bowers,” Q admitted. “You just ask everyone else to give you five more yards and one more play.”

The good news: Gibbs and Jeanty might be the most dangerous RB duo left, and if either hits a 100+ yard bonus game, Indy can control pace and scoreboard.

The Pick is In

Indy has the pedigree. San Antonio has the momentum and zero fear.

Call it: Indy 54, San Antonio 51… but if the Mexican’ts finally become “World Champions of the World,” nobody who watched this run will be surprised.

The final stretch of the 2025 IFFL season has arrived, and with three weeks to go the league has descended into complete, glorious, spreadsheet-melting pandemonium. Twelve teams still have a mathematical pulse, three are clinging to life with the strength of damp tissue paper, and one franchise (looking at you, Cincinnati) has unofficially pivoted to scouting the 2026 Purdue Pro Day.

The owners are nervous. Fans are delusional. And the playoff scenarios? Deliciously stupid.

EASTERN DIVISION: CHAOS, FEAR, & DESPERATION

South Carolina Scarecrows (8–3)
Trevor Harless has his foot on the gas. “Clinching early would be nice,” Harless said, “but emotionally destroying Hartford again would be nicer.”

They clinch the East with a win + Hartford loss, or a playoff berth with virtually anything positive happening. They cannot be eliminated this week. Of course they can’t.

The 4–7 Bermuda Triangle

Philadelphia (4–7)
New Delhi (4–7)
Pittsburgh (4–7)

All three are alive.
All three should not be alive.
One will almost certainly die this week.

Pete Shaunki of New Delhi offered this on his fate:

“Season slipping fast
Draft winds blowing through my halls
Rebuild starts anew.”

Philadelphia owner Avan Beaver was more direct, “We’re not dead until someone tells us we’re dead…and even then, maybe check again.”

Pittsburgh’s Matt Howell? “Honestly, I’m shocked we’re not eliminated already.”

Most likely to survive: Philadelphia
Most likely to be sacrificed to the football gods: Pittsburgh

CENTRAL DIVISION: TABBI's vs. THE WORLD

Tabbi’s Kats (8–3)
One more win nearly locks the division, but Tabbi didn’t want to talk scenarios. “Scenarios? I play football. Not algebra.”

Indy Animals (7–4)
Q. Ryburn wants the division crown, but first wants a quarterback who isn’t concussed. “We’re on emergency QB No. 3. At this point I might start myself,” Ryburn joked.

New Whiteland (6–5) stays in the mix, and owner Kevin Julbert “refuses to die.”

Chicago (3–8) needs 17 miracles.

Cincinnati (1–10) is already lighting the draft board on fire. We are on the clock

WESTERN DIVISION: THE CAGE MATCH

Tequila, LA, San Antonio — all 7–4.

Taipei — still breathing at 6–5.

None can clinch. None can be eliminated. Every game this week is a landmine.

LA’s Jason Beaver? “We’re winning the West. Write it down.”

Tequila's Jeff Dixon shot back instantly: “We beat everyone with a pulse. Except LA. Twice.”

San Antonio’s Tanya Harless kept it classy: “I just want to beat LA in the playoffs again.”

Meanwhile, Taipei’s Andrew Wang sounded exhausted: “We need a win. Any win. Please.Can I schedule LA again?”

IF PLAYOFFS STARTED TODAY

1. South Carolina
2. Tabbi's Kats
3. Tequila Sunrise
4. Los Angeles Lords
5. Indy Animals
6. San Antonio

First Ones Out

• Taipei
• Hartford

FINAL WORD

As Tabbi summed it up exiting her Tuesday press conference, “Everyone’s panicking. I’m not panicking. Should I be panicking?”

Yes, Tabbi. We all should.

Because Week 12 isn’t just football — it’s survival.

The rebuild rolls on in New Delhi — and the Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls may have just added a key piece for their late push.

This afternoon the New Delhi Subs and Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls agreed to a one-for-pick deal involving a once-heralded running back who’s spent more time on injury reports than box scores this year.

Trade Details

Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls Receive:

• RB Rhamondre Stevenson

New Delhi Subs Receive:

• Pittsburgh’s 3rd Round Pick in the 2026 IFFL Draft

Context & Reaction

Stevenson, who has been battling his usual annual assortment of ankle / foot / hip / space-time continuum injuries, now gets a fresh start in Pittsburgh — where they are desperately trying to avoid another season of "Lamar or Bust."

Pittsburgh owner Matt Howell sounded optimistic, if guarded:

“We believe Rhamondre still has RB1 talent. We also believe in modern medicine. And ankle tape. A whole lot of ankle tape.”

New Delhi owner Pete Shaunki, mid-rebuild and possibly mid-nap, issued his usual fire sale proclamation:

“If you play football, or you know someone who does— call me. We’re dealing..”

League insiders are already penciling Stevenson into the classic Pittsburgh RB workload: 12 carries for 45 yards, constant limping, but somehow two touchdowns.

Player Reactions

Rhamondre Stevenson, when reached for comment, sounded hopeful:

“I feel good. I always say I feel good. But this time I might actually mean it. Maybe.”

The trade also ends Stevenson’s tenure as part of the New Delhi 'Please Just Get Healthy' support group, which has recently lost members Oronde Gadsden, Kyren Williams, and the entire fanbase.

What It Means

• Pittsburgh is taking a swing… and hoping it doesn’t hit the turf like Stevenson’s ankle.
  
  
• New Delhi continues their 2026 Vision Plan, which currently involves:
  -Collecting picks
  -Offloading skill players
  -Pretending it’s all intentional

The trade deadline is Tuesday 11/11 at 11:59 PM ET.

More deals are expected.

Shaunki’s voicemail box remains full.

The New Delhi liquidation sale continues — and the New Whiteland Chicken Pluckerz are apparently buying in bulk.

This afternoon, the New Delhi Subs and New Whiteland Chicken Pluckerz agreed to a multi-player trade that has the league buzzing… and laughing… and also slightly confused.

Trade Details

New Whiteland Chicken Pluckerz Receive:

• WR Tez Johnson
• K Harrison Butker

New Delhi Subs Receive:

• WR Cooper Kupp
• New Whiteland’s 5th Round Pick in the 2026 IFFL Draft

Immediate Reactions

This marks the second transaction between these two franchises this week, prompting league analysts, rival owners, and one confused UPS delivery driver to ask:

"...Is New Whiteland just trying to become New Delhi?"

Meanwhile, Chicken Pluckerz owner Kevin Julbert defended his “Acquire All Subs Players” strategy:

“We think changing the jerseys will fix everything. If it worked for the Los Angeles Lords, why can’t it work for us? Don’t worry about it. Trust the process. Our process. A new process. Well… a process.”

League insiders are calling it “The Shaunki-Julbert Pipeline.” It is expected to remain active through the trade deadline, through the offseason, and possibly until one of them moves to a different ZIP code.

Player Quotes

Cooper Kupp, upon learning he is now a Sub:

“Yeah… I mean… sure. I guess. Let me know where to report. Do they have turf?”

Tez Johnson, now a Chicken Plucker:

“I’m just excited to be part of whatever is happening over here. Seems like something is happening. I think.”

Harrison Butker, who did not seem surprised:

“Kickers are portable. I’ll see myself out.”

What It Means

• New Delhi: Continues a textbook rebuild — acquiring picks, clearing salary, emotionally detaching from players, preparing a 3-year plan they will abandon in 14 months.
  
  
• New Whiteland: Is trying to speedrun culture, strategy, chemistry, cohesion and vibes by importing an entire roster from a losing team. Bold. Very bold.

Buckle up. The Subs are not done. And the Chicken Pluckerz still have room on the roster for at least 6 more former New Delhi players.

This afternoon, the New Delhi Subs and the New Whiteland Chicken Pluckerz finalized a trade that sends one of the league’s premier tight ends to a contender looking to level up:

Trade Details

New Whiteland Chicken Pluckerz Receive:

• TE Mark Andrews

New Delhi Subs Receive:

• New Whiteland’s 7th Round Pick in the 2026 IFFL Draft

In a corresponding roster move, New Whiteland has released TE Isaiah Likely to make room on the active roster.

Reactions Around the League

New Delhi Owner Pete Shaunki addressed the move directly:

“We’re hitting the reset button. Andrews is a hell of a player, but we’re looking toward 2026 and beyond. I’ll miss watching him hurdle linebackers, but it’s time to reload.”

Shaunki was later seen calculating how many picks he could acquire if he traded his office chair, two practice footballs, and the team mascot.

Meanwhile, New Whiteland Owner Kevin Julbert struck a noticeably different tone:

“We believe we can win the Central. Adding Mark strengthens our starting lineup immediately. The time is now. No more ‘maybe next year’ talk.”

Sources say the Chicken Pluckerz have been quietly circling the tight end market for two weeks, waiting for the exact moment Shaunki opened the fire sale garage door.

What It Means

New Whiteland now fields the Andrews–McBride tight end room that keeps coordinators awake at night. This is a clear “we are going for it” move as they battle Tabbi’s Kats and Indy in a suddenly chaotic division.

New Delhi officially enters Asset Collection Mode™ as they continue shifting eyes to 2026. Expect more outgoing calls.

The New Delhi Subs have officially slammed the “CLOSED FOR 2025” sign on the storefront window and started stocking draft capital for the future.

The San Antonio Mexican’ts, meanwhile, are not going quietly into that West Division night.

In a deal agreed to late Wednesday night, San Antonio has acquired RB Kenneth Walker III from New Delhi in exchange for WR Wan’Dale Robinson and a 2026 3rd-round pick.

This move comes as San Antonio clings to the crowded, chaotic West Division playoff chase, where every team seems determined to finish 9–5 or 7–7 and cause emotional distress.

San Antonio’s Side: “We’re Not Dying Yet.”

Mexican’ts owner Tanya Harless made her intentions very clear:

“We didn’t come this far just to fade into the background. Walker gives us that burst and toughness we've lacked. I’m not missing the playoffs because of a few bad weeks — absolutely not.”

Walker, who has spent the last month alternating between breakout runs and existential confusion in New Delhi’s offense, seemed more than ready for the change:

“I just want the ball,” Walker said. “Preferably before the team is down 21 points.”

Wan’Dale Robinson, who now boards a flight to join Shaunki and the Subs’ Rebooting Initiative (™), was diplomatic:

“I guess I’m part of the rebuild. Cool. I’ll bring snacks.”

New Delhi’s Side: The Rebuild Has Begun (Again)

Subs owner Pete Shaunki didn’t dress the move up:

“We’re calling it. It’s time to build for 2026. Maybe 2027. Possibly 2028. Who can say? Wan’Dale gives us someone to evaluate, and the pick gives us ammo. This is strategic suffering.”

League insiders note this is the third straight midseason rebuild for New Delhi — a franchise that has made the teardown-and-hoard-picks strategy a seasonal tradition, like pumpkin spice, or the Chicago Ditkas losing.

One rival GM texted the IFFL Insider:

“It’s not the IFFL autumn until New Delhi sells off a starter or four.”

League Impact:

• San Antonio now rolls out a backfield of: David Montgomery, Isiah Pacheco (when healthy), Kenneth Walker III

Meanwhile, New Delhi now has:

• A young WR to evaluate
  
  
• More draft picks
  
  
• And absolutely no shame in losing out for seeding efficiency.

Final Word

San Antonio is pushing in to stay alive.

New Delhi is pushing out to stay sane.

The trade deadline is in full swing — and the West Division fire is just getting started, but we didn’t start it.

Tequila, NM - With the IFFL trade deadline officially looming at 11:59 PM Eastern on Tuesday, November 11, owners across the league are sharpening pencils, refreshing group chats, and pretending to "just check in" on rival rosters. Everyone knows what that means: smoke, rumors, panic, and at least one regrettable trade proposal sent at 11:58.

Deal or No Deal: The Burning Questions

Could Chicago continue to make moves?

Don’t count out Shadd Wright, the self-proclaimed “Ambien Architect.” After sending Davante Adams and Tucker Kraft to Indy, Wright says,

“I’m not done yet — I’ve been watching Draft Day on repeat, and I think I’m getting the hang of this.”

Rumor has it the Ditkas are shopping a package involving “players who haven’t yet ruined his Sunday.”

Will Philadelphia stay open for business?

Avan Beaver’s “Open for Business” banner might as well be neon at this point. After moving Emeka Egbuka to South Carolina, Beaver admitted,

“We’re not rebuilding. We’re just... reorganizing our long-term chaos.”

Insiders say he’s still fielding offers on veteran pieces as the Dark Side pivots toward 2026 — and possibly a working offense.

When does the tear-down begin in New Delhi?

The Subs are hanging by a thread, and that thread is frayed. Sources in New Delhi tell The IFFL Insider that owner Pete Shaunki is “listening, not selling.” But everyone knows that’s code for “please, someone offer me a second-rounder for a tight end.” One rival GM joked,

“At this point, he’s just waiting for the right offer... or divine intervention.”

Pittsburgh: Buy or Sell?

The Peanut Butter Balls are in the middle of an existential crisis. Lamar Jackson’s return has Pittsburgh fans buzzing, but the front office is torn. Owner Matt Howell said,

“We’re evaluating all options — and by that, I mean we’re waiting to see if Lamar can walk without limping.”

If they win in Week 10, Howell may push chips in. If not, the “For Sale” sign goes up faster than a Steelers towel wave.

Could San Antonio or Taipei make a push?

Both sitting at 5–4, Tanya Harless (San Antonio) and Andrew Wang (Taipei) are staring down the same dilemma: double down or die trying.

Harless told reporters,

“We’re not standing pat. If there’s a move that helps us win the division, I’ll make it — unless it involves trading Kelce. Then it’s a no.”

Taipei’s Wang, meanwhile, simply smirked,

“We’re always a move away. Whether that move works is another story.”

Who's Buying?

• Los Angeles Lords (6–3) Jason Beaver has already made two massive trades this season and might not be done. “We’re always evaluating talent,” he said, while polishing his fifth coffee of the day.
  
  
• South Carolina Scarecrows (6–3) Trevor Harless has turned into the league’s ultimate opportunist. After landing Egbuka, one GM described him as “a polite shark — he’ll thank you while he’s biting your leg off.”
  
  
• Indy Animals (5–4) Ryburn’s all-in mentality continues after acquiring Adams and Kraft. “We’re not done building. We’re still hungry,” he said, moments before checking his trade notifications again.

The Clock is Ticking

By this time next week, half the league will claim they “stood pat with confidence,” and the other half will be nursing buyer’s remorse like a fantasy hangover. As one anonymous owner put it:

“This deadline’s gonna get messy — and someone’s about to make a move they’ll regret by kickoff Sunday.”

Stay tuned. Midnight oil and mild panic are the official sponsors of IFFL Trade Deadline Night 2025.

Los Angeles, CA - In a move that signals “all chips in” for another championship run, the Los Angeles Lords have acquired WR George Pickens and the Los Angeles Rams Defense from the New Delhi Subs in exchange for TE Dalton Schultz, Baltimore Ravens Defense,  and a 2026 4th-round pick, league sources confirmed Tuesday evening.

This marks the third major roster shake-up in Los Angeles this season, as owner Jason Beaver continues his aggressive march toward a potential fifth IFFL title.

“We’re in win-now mode,” Beaver said bluntly. “Pickens gives us another vertical threat and keeps defenses honest. Plus, he’s got that edge — and this team thrives on edge.”

The move comes just days after the Lords traded Ricky Pearsall and a future first to Cincinnati for RB Breece Hall, a blockbuster that strengthened their ground game. Now, with Pickens joining Ja’Marr Chase, Christian Watson, and Michael Pittman Jr., LA’s receiving corps looks downright terrifying.

Pickens, ever confident, offered his take in true George Pickens fashion:

“I’m built for the spotlight. LA’s got big lights, and I like big lights.”

Meanwhile, the New Delhi Subs appear to be entering familiar territory — the annual late-season fire sale that fans have come to expect once playoff hopes fade.

Owner Pete Shaunki didn’t deny it.

“Look, we’re being realistic,” Shaunki admitted. “Schultz gives us a steady target at TE, and the pick helps us build for 2026. As for Pickens… he’s a great talent, but it was time to reshuffle the deck.”

League insiders weren’t surprised. One anonymous GM quipped,

“It’s that time of year again — when Pete trades half his starters and blames the football gods.”

Dalton Schultz, who now becomes the Subs’ top tight end, was characteristically professional:

“I’ve been traded before. You just show up, block, catch, and try not to cry on the plane.”

As the clock ticks toward the November 11 trade deadline, one thing’s clear — the Lords are done waiting and ready to dominate, while New Delhi may be prepping the yard sale sign yet again.

If this is the beginning of the Subs’ annual meltdown, at least they started it early enough to get good value.

The Indiana Fantasy Football League trade wire exploded this morning as Central Division rivals struck two seismic deals that could reshape the playoff race — and possibly the future.

Animals Go All In

The Indy Animals have officially acquired WR Davante Adams and TE Tucker Kraft from the Chicago Fightin’ Ditkas in exchange for rookie WR Matthew Golden and Indy’s 2026 2nd-round pick.

Owner Kevin “Q” Ryburn didn’t mince words after the trade:

“We’re building to win now. I love Golden’s potential, but adding a route technician like Davante and a tough TE like Tucker gives us a different gear. I want my offense to scare people again.”

Adams, ever the professional, smiled when asked about the move:

“Q called me before the ink was dry. Said he wants dogs, not projects. That’s all I needed to hear.”

Meanwhile, Kraft added with a grin,

“I’m just happy to be on a team where the QB doesn’t spend half the game running for his life. Feels good to block for someone under 40.”

Ditka's Hit Reset Button

Chicago owner Shadd Wright released a statement that was equal parts apology and redemption arc:Chicago owner Shadd Wright released a statement that was equal parts apology and redemption arc:

“2025 has been a disappointment — between oversleeping on draft day (kids, Ambien is dangerous) to what we’ve put on the field, it just wasn’t good enough. We tried for a running back deal, but this was the best one I could find. We’ll return to glory!”

Sources close to the Ditkas confirm that the team had been in deep discussions with Los Angeles about sending Adams and Kraft to the Lords in exchange for a running back, but the deal fell apart following Cam Skattebo’s gruesome ankle injury last weekend.

Analysis: A Win-Win (For Now)

Indy fills its two biggest holes — a go-to wideout and a reliable tight end — while Chicago stockpiles youth and draft capital to start reshaping its roster after a rocky first half.

The Central race just got spicy. And with Shadd Wright promising, “We will return to glory,” the only real question is whether that glory arrives before or after his next accidental nap.

Philadelphia, PA - Just hours after the LA-Cin deal, the South Carolina Scarecrows and Philadelphia Dark Side executed another headline-grabbing deal. South Carolina sent its 2026 2nd- and 3rd-round picks to Philadelphia for WR Emeka Egbuka.

Scarecrows owner Trevor Harless said, “We needed more playmakers. Egbuka’s got speed, hands, and, most importantly, he’s not married to Tanya.” Dark Side owner Avan Beaver grinned while counting his draft picks: “I’m not saying we’re rebuilding, but… yeah, we’re definitely rebuilding.”

Egbuka commented simply, “I’m just excited to go somewhere that doesn’t call every route a ‘devil’s option.’”

Los Angeles, CA - The Los Angeles Lords are once again showing they’ll stop at nothing to keep their title window open. In a stunning move, L.A. traded WR Ricky Pearsall and their 2026 1st-round pick to the Cincinnati Bagels in exchange for RB Breece Hall and TE Brenton Strange.

Lords owner Jason Beaver told reporters, “We’re trying to build a complete offense — and apparently, that means collecting every running back who’s ever been in a State Farm commercial.”

Cincinnati’s Les Paul Couch, meanwhile, appeared thrilled: “Look, we needed a future. Pearsall’s got hands, and I just got a 1st-round pick. Maybe I’ll even use it right this time.”

Breece Hall, when reached for comment, said, “It’s L.A. — I already bought sunglasses and started an acting class.”

It was a bruiser of a Sunday, and the transaction wire’s already smoking. Here’s the rapid-fire roundup:

Cincinnati Bagels: WR suffers catastrophic knee injury (all the ligaments)

A Cincinnati wide receiver dislocated his knee and tore the ACL, MCL, PCL, and LCL during the Week 4 loss—season-ending and then some. “It’s a mountain, and I like mountains,” the injured wideout said, adding, “I’ll attack rehab the same way I attack press coverage—one step, then another.” A stoic Bagels executive noted, “We’ll support him every day and adjust the plan—we’ve built this roster to survive storms.”

Los Angeles Lords: Ricky Pearsall ruled out for Week 5 (knee)

Ricky Pearsall will miss Week 5 with a knee issue after his Week 3 breakout. “I’ll be back making cuts that make cameras dizzy—just not this week,” Pearsall said. Owner Jason Beaver added, “Next man up, full stop. We believe in Indiana Jones at QB, and we’ll keep the ball moving while Ricky gets right.”

Tequila Sunrise: Brock Purdy ruled out for Week 5 (toe)

Brock Purdy is out for Week 5 with a toe injury. “I’d play on one foot if Jeff let me,” Purdy joked, “but smart beats stubborn—see you soon.” Owner Jeff Dixon kept it blunt: “We don’t panic; we plan. If Rodgers starts, he hands it to our track team and we go win a football game.”

Tabbi’s Kats: Jauan Jennings ruled out for Week 5 (knee)

Jauan Jennings will sit Week 5 after knee soreness cropped up postgame. “MRI was kind, schedule isn’t—one week to sharpen and I’m back,” Jennings said. A smiling voice from Tabbi’s front office: “We’ll lean on Allen and the kids—Odunze, Kincaid—Jauan’s swagger returns soon enough.”

Taipei Personality: Malik Nabers out for the season (ACL)

Crushing blow: Malik Nabers tore his ACL and is out for the season. “I’ll make this the best comeback story you’ve read—bookmark it,” Nabers said. Owner Andrew Wang stayed upbeat: “We rally around him, we evolve the playbook, and we’ll still be there in December. Malik’s future is star-bright.”

Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls: Lamar Jackson out Week 5 (hamstring)

Lamar Jackson will miss Week 5 with a pulled hamstring. “Smart sprint, not a dumb race—I’ll be back firing soon,” Lamar said. Owner Trevor Harless added, “We’ll steal a week with scheme and special teams. Lamar’s long season matters more than one Sunday.”

Daniel “Indiana” Jones remains Week 3 starter vs. New Delhi; Hartford rolls with Bo Nix, will add a replacement

LOS ANGELES, California — The Los Angeles Lords have traded for quarterback Trevor Lawrence from the Hartford Whalers in exchange for an 8th-round draft pick, both teams announced. The move comes days after the Lords confirmed Joe Burrow will miss roughly three months with a Grade 3 turf toe injury.

Lords owner Jason Beaver said the deal is about depth, not drama.

Beaver: “We believe in Indiana Jones—he’s starting Sunday versus New Delhi. But we need to make sure we’ve got a proven closer on the roster who can come in and finish a game if needed. Trevor does that for us. We’ll still explore upgrades everywhere, but the hat and the whip are Dan’s this week.”

Per team officials, Daniel Jones will start Week 3, with Lawrence active as the primary backup once he clears onboarding. The staff expects to tailor a quick-game + play-action package either way, keeping the ball with Josh Jacobs/J.K. Dobbins and leveraging timing routes to Ja’Marr Chase, Michael Pittman Jr., and Zach Ertz.

Hartford, meanwhile, is leaning fully into Bo Nix after his three-TD performance in Week 2 and will use the roster spot to sign a replacement.Hartford, meanwhile, is leaning fully into Bo Nix after his three-TD performance in Week 2 and will use the roster spot to sign a replacement.

Chad Allen, Hartford owner: “We’re all-in on Nix. The 8th gives us flexibility, and we’ll add a player to round out the room. Good luck to Trevor in L.A.—just not when they play us.”

What It Means

• Lords QB room (now): Daniel Jones (starter, Week 3), Trevor Lawrence (active backup), Joe Burrow (IR).
  
  
• Whalers QB room (now): Bo Nix (starter), open spot to be filled via free agency.
  
  
• Compensation: Los Angeles sends Hartford an 8th-round pick.

Bottom line: L.A. buys insurance without touching Sunday’s starting plan. Hartford pockets a pick, backs Nix, and shops the free-agent aisle. The fedora stays on Jones for Week 3; the safety net arrived wearing a sunshine-state haircut.

LOS ANGELES, California— The Los Angeles Lords confirmed Monday that quarterback Joe Burrow has suffered a Grade 3 turf toe injury and will undergo surgery, sidelining him for approximately three months. In fantasy terms: grab your comfort snacks and your waiver priority.

“Not exactly how I drew it up,” Burrow said, standing at the podium in a soft shoe and a hard stare. “I’ve played through a lot, but this one needs the full fix. I’ll attack rehab and be back before the credits roll.”

The setback detonates the early-season blueprint for a team that just re-centered its offense around Josh Jacobs and efficiency points from Tyler Loop. With Burrow shelved, owner Jason Beaver says the Lords will explore trades and free-agent options, but there’s no mystery about Week 3.

Jason Beaver, Lords owner: “We’ll kick the tires across the league—if there’s a move that makes us better, we’ll make it. That said, there is no doubt: Indiana Jones is our starting QB in Week 3 vs. New Delhi.” (Translation for the uninitiated: Daniel Jones is putting on the fedora.)

Next Man Up: The Indiana Jones Era (for now)

Daniel “Indiana” Jones takes the whip—er, reins—starting Week 3 vs. the New Delhi Subs, followed by a treacherous stretch (@ Tabbi’s, vs. Chicago, @ Pittsburgh, @ Tequila). Expect the film to feature fewer 40-yard lasers and more quick game, designed movement, and a heavier dose of Jacobs + J.K. Dobbins to keep the script on schedule.

Ja’Marr Chase, grinning through it: “I told Joe I’m saving him a deep ball for the playoffs. Until then, me and Indy—sorry, Daniel—got routes to run and chains to move.”

Zach Ertz, on becoming every QB’s security blanket: “Hooks, seams, stick—if it’s a high-percentage throw, I’m basically a weighted blanket with hands.”

What Grade 3 Turf Toe Means (the non-gross version)

Grade 3 = full disruption of the big toe’s plantar complex, usually requiring surgical repair and a multi-month timeline. The medical summary: power off the push-off foot plummets, accuracy mechanics get weird, and lunatic edge rushers become even less fun than normal. Surgery now aims to restore stability for a potential late-season or postseason return.

Schedule Pressure (Weeks 3–8)

• Wk 3: vs New Delhi — Mahomes on the other sideline. Bring ball control and caffeine.
• Wk 4: @ Tabbi’s — Allen/Henry/Kincaid. Earplugs advised.
• Wk 5: vs Chicago — kicker cosplay game; protect the ball, take the threes.
• Wk 6: @ Pittsburgh — hostile, humid, chaotic.
• Wk 7: @ Tequila — the margarita factory does not do mercy.

If the Lords can split this stretch and keep the division within reach, a late-December return for Burrow turns into a movie montage payoff.

The Locker Room Soundtrack

Burrow: “Surgery is Chapter 3, not the epilogue. Save me a headset and a seat in QB meetings. I’ll be back.”

Chase: “Tell defenses the go route didn’t retire. It’s just napping.”

Ertz: “We’ll keep the pilot light on. Red zone’s still open for business.”

Beaver: “We built this roster to be flexible. Trades? Free agents? We’re evaluating everything. But Week 3 is simple: Indiana Jones starts. Bring your fedora, and leave your whips in the bedside table please.”

Bottom line: The Lords lose style points without Burrow, but the identity—run game, controlled shots, veteran hands—travels. If Daniel “Indiana” Jones avoids booby traps and keeps the boulder rolling, L.A. can hold the fort until QB1 sprints down the tunnel again.

Grade: C+ | Cap: 21.07 / 23.00 (1.93 left) | Open spots: 2 | Projection: 6–8

CHICAGO, Illinois— The alarm is blaring on the lakefront—and Chicago might actually be reaching for the answer button this time. The Fightin’ Ditka’s left the 2025 IFFL Draft with star power at WR, dual-threat stability at QB, and a throwback, three-deep RB room that plays in any weather. There’s work to do, but this looks more ready than “what-if.”

What Pops

• QB room with real ceiling: Kyler Murray gives immediate dual-threat production while Caleb Williams brings weekly top-5 upside once the lights slow down. Two ways to win.
  
  
• WRs who tilt coverage: Davante Adams is still a route professor; Chris Olave at that price is daylight robbery; Brian Thomas Jr. adds size/speed shock; Jerry Jeudy is a clean separator.
  
  
• Blue-collar backfield: James Conner, Aaron Jones, Najee Harris, Tyjae Spears—four playable paths to 15+ touches, with Spears as the change-of-pace lightning.
  
  
• TE leverage without paying retail: Jake Ferguson is a steady chain mover; Tucker Kraft offers YAC and goal-line teeth.
  
  
• Smart cap posture: 1.93 in space and two open roster spots to pounce in FA/waivers.

Best values/steals: Olave (0.42) is a heist; Brian Thomas Jr. (0.50) has WR1 traits; Ferguson (0.30) is pure ROI.


What Could Bite

• Aging RB floor: Conner/Jones/Najee are pros—but they’re miles, not maybe. Manage workloads and keep Spears warm.
  
  
• TE is good, not terrifying: You’ll win weeks elsewhere; that’s fine—just keep the targets steady.
  
  
• D/ST streaming plan needed: Chargers are playable; don’t be sentimental on bad matchups.

Positional Snapshot

QB: A- | RB: C+ | WR: B+ | TE: C | K/DEF: C


Two Moves to Silence the Alarm

1. Add a WR floor piece (7–9 targets/week) with one open slot; it smooths rookie volatility.
   
   
2. Pick up a rotational D/ST for the midseason road stretch (Weeks 9–12).

Bottom line: Chicago finally drafted with a plan that fits the weather and the wallet: two QBs who can win, veteran runners who finish games, and a WR room that steals Sundays. The draft could’ve been better if they had filled out the last 2 roster spots. The alarm’s ringing; this roster actually has a hand on it. Now—answer it.

NEW DELHI, India — The Subs left the 2025 IFFL Draft looking like a contender and sounding like a flea market—ready to wheel and deal at the first squeak. With 22.91 of the 23.00 cap spent (0.09 remaining), New Delhi built a win-now core headlined by Patrick Mahomes and a “why not both?” tight end tandem of Mark Andrews and Evan Engram. In IFFL formats that allow two-TE sets, both can start—and that’s a weekly advantage.

The plan: ride a deep RB room—Kyren Williams, Kenneth Walker III, Rhamondre Stevenson, Blake Corum —and let a big-bodied WR group bully coverages: Mike Evans, Courtland Sutton, plus juice from Xavier Worthy, George Pickens and chain-mover Jakobi Meyers. Special teams stay premium with Harrison Butker/Jake Bates and streaming options on defense (Eagles/Patriots/Cardinals).

Big Questions (because it’s the Subs)

• How soon until everyone’s trade bait? With 0.09 cap left, expect at least one “optimization” as soon as free agency opens—most likely consolidating a surplus D/ST or kicker to free space.
  
  
• RB health/usage? Depth reduces risk; Corum’s low salary cushions variance.
  
  
• Is Evans ageless or mortal? He doesn’t need to carry the room—Worthy/Pickens add weekly explosion, Sutton/Meyers steady the floor.
  
  
• Andrews + Engram together? Yes. The 2-TE set is live every week here.
  
  
• Cholera? None, thank you—the only thing contagious in New Delhi is trade chatter.

Why A-?

Strengths: Elite QB, two startable TEs, four playable RBs, red-zone WRs, strong specialists.

Dings: Thin cap, WR age watch on Evans, and the Subs’ well-known urge to mash the trade button at 2 a.m.

Best values/steals: Blake Corum (0.40) for insulated RB depth; Engram (0.40) as TE2 with TE1 weeks; Pickens (0.68) as a low-cost spike-week machine; Patriots D/ST (0.07) practically free.

To-Do List

1. Consolidate surplus D/ST or a kicker to open cap + a roster slot.
   
   
2. Monitor RB usage hold Corum/Stevenson as stabilizers if Kyren/Walker workloads wobble.
   
   
3. Shop WR depth only if value comes to you—don’t force it.

Bottom line: The Subs drafted like a contender with built-in trade ammo. If they resist the urge to blow it up by Halloween, this build—Mahomes + two TEs + four RBs—has a clean path to January. The wheels only fall off if they loosen them themselves. This teams feels like 9-5 but could easily be 5-9 if they make the wrong decisions.

Grade: D+ | Cap: 23.98 / 23.00 (–0.98) | Roster spots: 0 | Projection: 3–11

NEW WHITELAND, Indiana — The Pluckerz came to the draft with a plan; the cap came with a calculator. New Whiteland leaves over budget by 0.98 with no open roster spots, which means the first big play of 2025 must be a cut or trade before free agency even starts. Gloomy? A little. Manageable? If they move fast.

Why the Grade is Stuck in the Mud

Quarterbacks (Tua 2.10, Baker 3.90, Herbert 2.85): Three QBs, one starting slot, and 9.0 of cap tied up in existential questions. Herbert is a weekly ceiling, Tua can be fireworks at home, Baker is an expensive third wheel. Something’s got to give—preferably via trade.

Running Backs (Brian Robinson 1.82, Bucky Irving 1.72, Chuba 1.88, Emanuel Wilson 1.38): This is a lunch-pail committee without a clear hammer. Robinson is now a back-up, Irving has real juice but still learning, Chuba is role-dependent, and Wilson is a luxury at 1.38 you probably can’t afford.

Wide Receivers (JSN 0.98, Travis Hunter 0.50, Rashee Rice 0.55, Cooper Kupp 0.95, Quentin Johnston 1.55): There’s talent—and a lot of “if.” JSN looks ready to pop, Kupp can still win when upright, Hunter is thrilling but unproven, Rice has usage volatility, and Quentin Johnston at 1.55 is a faith purchase.

Tight Ends (Trey McBride 0.72, Isaiah Likely 0.98): The bright spot. Two startable TEs give New Whiteland weekly leverage… assuming they aren’t forced to liquidate one for cap relief.

K/DEF (Moody 0.40, Shrader 0.30, Bills D 1.40): Fine at K; Bills D is solid but pricey for a team that’s already over the line.

Cap Triage (Pick at Least One Before Free Agency)

• Trade Baker Mayfield and ride Herbert + Tua (saves the cap, simplifies life).
  
  
• Cut/Shop Emanuel Wilson to get compliant immediately.
  
  
• Shop Quentin Johnston if WR depth holds and you need wiggle room.
  
  
• If desperate, move from two premium TEs to one—not recommended, but it’s a lever.

Great Values (Yes, there are some)

• Trey McBride (0.72): weekly advantage.
  
  
• Jaxon Smith-Njigba (0.98): runaway breakout.
  
  
• Cooper Kupp (0.95): still a technician’s nightmare when healthy.

Positional Snapshot

QB: B (expensive surplus) | RB: C (committee, no clear alpha) | WR: B- (upside + fragility) | TE: A- (two playable starters) | K/DEF: B

There’s a good team hiding in here—if New Whiteland stops paying for three quarterbacks and starts paying the cap bill. Make one decisive move (two would be better), stick with Herbert as the north star, and hope JSN/McBride carry the weekly floor while Bucky/Kupp spike. Until then, it’s umbrellas and grim smiles.

Grade: A | Cap: 18.63 / 23.00 (4.37 left) | Roster spots: 0 | Projection: 7–7

HARTFORD, Connecticut— The Whalers showed up to the draft with a wrench and used it. Playing spoiler early, they jumped outside their usual lane to snag RB Omarion Hampton —and doubled down by adding RJ Harvey —turning a good backfield into a weekly problem. Pair that with a loaded WR room (Puka Nacua, DeVonta Smith, Zay Flowers, Jaylen Waddle) and elite TE value (T.J. Hockenson at 0.37!), and Hartford crafted one of the most balanced, deep rosters in the league.

What Hartford Got Right

• QB stability with ceiling: Bo Nix and Trevor Lawrence give you a steady floor and matchup flexibility.
  
  
• RB room with layers: Tony Pollard plus the Hampton/Harvey/Judkins/Guerendo mix lets Hartford win with power, perimeter, or screen games on demand.
  
  
• WR quartet from a video game: Nacua–Smith–Waddle–Flowers means separation, YAC, and red-zone answers every week.
  
  
• TE leverage: Hockenson at 0.37 is highway robbery; David Njoku as the insurance policy is unfair.
  
  
• Specialists/Defense: Two reliable legs in Matt Gay and Daniel Carlson along with two playable D/STs (Steelers, Packers) enable true matchup streaming.

Best values/steals: Hockenson at 0.37, Waddle at 0.62, Hampton/Harvey both at 0.70—that’s premium production at thrift pricing.

Why not A+? Carrying two premium D/STs eats a bit of cap flexibility, and there’s no open roster spot for early waiver pouncing. Minor quibbles.

Position Spotlight

QB: A- | RB: A | WR: A | TE: A+ | K/DEF: B+

What the "Spoiler Picks" Mean

Snatching Hampton (and Harvey) early didn’t just needle rivals—it defined Hartford’s 2025 identity: dictate matchups. With elite WRs and a top-tier TE already in place, those RB adds let the Whalers choose how to win each week rather than react.

Bottom line: Spoiler moves, star power, and depth at every level. Hartford didn’t just ace the draft; they built a January blueprint.

 

LOS ANGELES, California— After a roller-coaster 2024 defined by weekly instability at running back, the Los Angeles Lords exited the 2025 IFFL Draft with an A+ grade and a 12–2 projection, reshaping their identity around a fortified ground game. A draft-day blockbuster sending Justin Jefferson out for Josh Jacobs gives L.A. the every-week RB anchor it lacked, while a wave of rookies — TreyVeon Henderson, Kaleb Johnson, Cam Skattebo and Byayshyl Tuten — offers breakout upside. A healthy J.K. Dobbins would elevate the room from solid to scary.

The passing core remains intact: Joe Burrow still pilots the offense with Ja’Marr Chase as the headliner, supported by chain-movers Michael Pittman and Christian Kirk, plus depth in Ricky Pearsall and Josh Palmer. At tight end, Cole Kmet provides volume while Zach Ertz supplies reliability. Special teams and defense are efficient and inexpensive, highlighted by the Ravens D/ST with kickers Tyler Loop and John Parker Romo.

Position Snapshots

QB: A+, RB: A+, WR: A-, TE: B+, K/DEF: A.

The club spent 16.99 of the 23.00 cap and retains a whopping 6.01 with all roster spots filled, positioning L.A. to add a veteran WR, a pass catching TE, and a low-cost QB3 as needed.

Owner Jason Beaver labeled 2025 “playoffs or bust.” With Jacobs stabilizing scripts, Burrow-to-Chase back on schedule, and multiple rookie RB lottery tickets, the Lords’ bounce-back bid looks credible — and a fifth Riesbeck Trophy is firmly on the table.

Grade: A | Cap: 17.79 / 23.00 (5.21 left) | 1 spot open | Projected Record: 9–5

COLUMBIA, South Carolina— The Scarecrows didn’t rebuild—they rearmed. Chasing their third Riesbeck Trophy, South Carolina drafted with swagger and surplus, then somehow walked out with 5.21 in cap space and a roster that looks both mean and modern.

And yes, the headline writes itself: Marvin Harrison Jr. steps into the same colors where his father once ruled this league’s imagination. Is the mantle heavy? Maybe. Is he built to wear it? Absolutely. Pair MHJ with Stefon Diggs, Adonai Mitchell, and Chris Godwin and you’ve got route craft, size, and after-catch punch from every angle.

Why This Draft Sings

• Backfield Thunder & Lightning: Jonathan Taylor + Travis Etienne headline a room that also trots out Rachaad White and Zach Charbonnet. That’s four legit starters who win in different ways, with D.J. Giddens as the power bonus. December football approves.
  
  
• The Harrison Handoff: Junior doesn’t need to be mythic—he just needs to be himself. With Diggs commanding attention underneath and Godwin erasing third downs, MHJ’s clean releases and radius are going to feel unfair on Sundays.
  
  
• Sophmore Rocket Room at QB: Drake Maye and Michael Penix give you weekly ceiling without salary strain. If one pops early, this offense graduates from efficient to explosive.
  
  
• Red-zone adulting at TE: Hunter Henry is the definition of bankable; Elijah Arroyo is a cheap lottery ticket behind him.
  
  
• Special Teams & D/ST Optionality: Evan McPherson and Chase McLaughlin steady the margins; Seahawks and Buccaneers let you play the matchup game.

Best values/steals: Diggs at 0.70 is highway robbery, Henry at 0.58 is free red-zone equity, and Mitchell at 0.50 gives you a Year-1 spike week generator.

Postiional Snapshot

• QB: B+/A- upside — two cannons, low cap, high ceiling.
  
  
• RB: A — four startable backs plus depth; matchups are your playground.
  
  
• WR: A — MHJ headline act, veterans to tilt coverage, rookie juice.
  
  
• TE: B+ — floor + touchdown equity every week.
  
  
• K/DEF: B+ — reliable legs; stream D/ST with confidence.

Use That 5.1 + Open Roster Spot

1. Veteran QB3 with a steady floor for tricky road weeks.
   
   
2. Speed edge rusher D/ST stack for playoff streaming (Weeks 12–14).
   
   
3. Late-season WR flyer in case Mitchell’s role spikes and you want redundancy.

The Harrison Question, Answered

Is it too much to ask Marvin Harrison Jr. to carry the banner his father once did? Not here. This build doesn’t need him to be a superhero; it gives him the space to become one—on schedule, without forcing it. If the rookies at QB settle quickly, this offense will feel like destiny.

Bottom line: The Scarecrows drafted like a team that knows the road to a third Riesbeck Trophy. Deep backfield, star-ready receiver room, young cannons at QB, and money left to fix anything that squeaks. The window isn’t open—it’s a wind tunnel.

CINCINNATI, Ohio— The Cincinnati Bagels exited the 2025 IFFL Draft with a B grade and a 6-8 projection, assembling star power across the roster while inviting scrutiny at quarterback. The club spent 21.01 of the 23.00 cap, leaving 1.99 and one open roster spot for in-season moves.

The offense is headlined by Tyreek Hill (can he return to his former glory). A premium backfield of Christian McCaffrey (can he stay healthy) and Breece Hal, with Sam LaPorta providing weekly leverage at tight end. Depth pieces Chase Brown and Austin Ekeler bolster the run game, while Joe Mixon is out at least the first four weeks. At receiver, Nico Collins complements Hill; Marvin Mims, Romeo Doubs and Jayden Higgins supply rotational upside.

The question mark is under center: C.J. Stroud leads a high-ceiling attack, but any dip from elite form exposes the lack of proven depth behind rookie Cam Ward. Special teams are steady with Jason Sanders, Graham Gano and the Vikings D/ST —playable but streamable in tougher spots.

A game-by-game outlook projects Cincinnati at 6–1 at home and 4–3 on the road, with statement wins versus San Antonio and Tequila, and road stumbles at New Whiteland, Indy, Chicago and Pittsburgh.

Best values: Hall at 0.70, LaPorta at 1.10, and Hill at 0.92.

Why not a B: Thin QB insurance, early Mixon absence, and a rotating WR3.

What’s next: Use the remaining cap and open slot on a QB3 with a stable floor, add a possession WR for bye weeks, and stream D/ST against vulnerable offensive lines. The ceiling is championship-level if the quarterback play holds serve, and Hill and McCaffery can return to for dominance and glory.

Grade: C- | Cap: 22.66 / 23.00 (0.34 left) | Projection: 3-11

TAIPEI, Taiwan— Congratulations to Taipei for drafting a team that looks amazing on paper… the same place championships famously aren’t played. With 0.34 in cap space (couch-cushion money), the plan appears to be “pray nothing breaks” and hope the waiver wire accepts IOUs.

Offense: Please Proceed With Caution

• QB (Dak 2.10, Love 2.90): Two steady starters who scream “top-10-ish,” which is code for “you’ll still be chasing points on Monday night.”
  
  
• RB (Saquon 1.90, Cook 1.12, Kamara 1.78, Ray Davis 1.48): Four names, one recurring question: who actually closes games? Saquon can, Kamara might, Cook sometimes, Ray Davis if the script remembers he exists.
  
  
• WR (Nabers 0.50, London 2.00, McLaurin 3.00, Keenan 1.05, Downs 0.80, Legette 0.70): Six deep and terrifying… if the ball actually gets there. Also, 3.00 for McLaurin means you’re driving a luxury sedan with a 1-gallon gas tank. Nabers is a thrill ride; London is an alpha audition; Keenan is Father Time’s favorite route runner.
  
  
• TE (Warren 0.30, Jonnu 1.30): Warren is “maybe soon,” Jonnu is “definitely now-ish,” together they form one tight end you’ll believe in every other week.
  
  
• Specialists: Koo prints points while Chad Ryland is a faith-based initiative. Colts D/ST is fine until you face an offense that knows how to block.

Why the Grade Isn't Lower

• Actual depth at WR (shocking).
  
  
• Two starting QBs who won’t tank you (delightful, if dull).
  
  
• RBs who can all catch, which pairs nicely with “we’re trailing.”

Why the Grade Isn't Higher (You knew this was coming)

• 0.34 salary left means any fix requires a trade or a bake sale.
  
  
• Kamara in the 2nd round, the nursing home called looking for their resident.
  
  
• Paying a premium at WR while the RB room argues about whose week it is.

To-Do List (A.K.A . "Find Quarters Under the Sofa")

1. Kick the tires on a low-cost veteran TE the first time someone panics.
   
   
2. Package a depth WR for cap relief so you can fix something in November.
   
   
3. Stream D/ST aggressively on the road; Indy’s fine, not sacred.

Final Word: Taipei drafted a team that will look gorgeous on the scoreboard ticker and maddening in the standings. The ceiling’s right there; the floor is a trap door labeled “TE usage + road games.” Enjoy the ride—just don’t check the cap balance.

 

Grade: B+ | Cap: 19.96 / 23.00 (3.04 remaining) | Projected Record: 8–6

TISKAWA, Indiana— Tabbi’s Kats drafted like a team that wants to matter in January: an elite quarterback, a bully-ball ground game, a modern tight end, and rookie receivers with star traits. There’s some volatility baked in (by design), but the ceiling is real.

Why B+ (and knocking on A-)

• Franchise QB secured: Josh Allen (4.00) gives you weekly top-3 upside and covers a multitude of sins. Bryce Young (2.65) is pricey insurance, but it’s insurance.
  
  
• RB room with styles: Derrick Henry (1.98) still closes games; D’Andre Swift (1.80) adds chunk plays; Tank Bigsby (1.60) and Tahj Brooks (0.70) give usable depth; Chris Rodriguez (0.78) is the battering ram.
  
  
• WRs are young—and dangerous: Deebo Samuel (0.75) is the multipurpose engine; second year players Keon Coleman (0.75) and Rome Odunze (0.65) bring red-zone prowess and alpha traits; Jauan Jennings (0.90) and Adam Thielen (0.85) steady the floor.
  
  
• Tight end leverage: Dalton Kincaid (0.48) is a weekly mismatch. Mason Taylor (0.30) is a developmental swing.
  
  
• Specialists: Jake Elliot and Cairo Santos are bankable; Lions D/ST (0.65) is a pressure unit you can ride.

Why not an A? You’re betting big on two second year WRs hitting fast, RB depth is more “usable” than explosive after Henry/Swift, and QB2 cost trims flexibility. Still: the core is playoff-grade.

Best Values/Steals

• TE Kincaid (0.48): premium TE usage without paying premium TE price.
  
  
• WR's Odunze (0.65) & Coleman (0.75): day-one roles with year-one touchdown equity.
  
  
• Deebo (0.75): underpriced weekly spike machine.

To Do List (with 3.04 in cap space)

1. Add a veteran WR for bye-week stability (insurance behind the rookies).
   
   
2. Kick the tires on an RB pass-catcher as a matchup tool.
   
   
3. DEF streaming plan for a few road weeks (Hartford, Taipei, Cincy).

Bottom line: This is a contender’s skeleton with upside muscle. If one of Odunze/Keon blossoms by midseason, the Kats jump a tier—and nobody will want to see Allen/Deebo/Kincaid in December.

 

SAN ANTONIO, Texas— The San Antonio Mexican’ts exited the 2025 IFFL Draft with a D grade and a bleak outlook, despite a narrow championship window. With 22.59 of the 23.00 cap spent, analysts cited aging stars, thin depth, and questionable resource allocation as the primary concerns.

As for roster construction its looking like its either now or never for the Mexican’ts. San Antonio committed heavily to Jared Goff (3.60) and Matthew Stafford (2.60) at Quaterback, a veteran tandem short on upside and durability insurance. A running back by committee without a clear lead: Isiah Pacheco brings hard yards, David Montgomery touchdown reliance, Jerome Ford committee usage, and rookie Trevor Etienne uncertain year-one impact. The strength of the roster—CeeDee Lamb and D.K. Metcalf headline—but depth behind them is limited (Tetairoa McMillan, Wan’Dale Robinson). Name recognition more than certainty is alive and well at Tight End—Travis Kelce’s decline risk and Dallas Goedert’s availability questions loom. On Defense and Special Teams spending 2.5 on Cameron Dicker and Ka’imi Fairbairn drew criticism, as did carrying both Houston and Kansas City defenses without a clear matchup strategy.

Salary cap & roster construction model: Heavy spend, little flexibility, and minimal long-term stability prompted skepticism about short-term contention.

Season forecast: 4–10, with a ceiling of 6–8 and a floor of 2–12. The Mexican’ts are projected to struggle through a tough midseason stretch and may settle into spoiler mode by December.

Bottom line: Star power at WR and Kelce’s pedigree prevent a failing grade, but absent a midseason fix at RB and QB depth, San Antonio’s 2025 profile looks closer to reset than run.

Final Word

The Mexican’ts look like they drafted with one eye on the retirement home and the other on the waiver wire. Star power at WR and Kelce’s name recognition will keep them from total embarrassment, but this is not a playoff roster. At best, they’re playing spoiler in December.

Draft Grade: D — the only thing saving this from an F is Lamb and Metcalf.

 

Grade: C- | Projection: 7–7 | Cap Spent: 17.73 / 23.00 (5.27 remaining)

PHILADELPHIA, Pennsylvania— The Dark Side just built a sports car and forgot the spare tire. The top is blinding—Jalen Hurts throwing to A.J. Brown and Justin Jefferson, with Emeka Egbuka waiting to shred CB3s and Kyle Pitts threatening to finally be That Dude again. And then there’s the part where someone has to run the ball.

The Situation

• QB insurance isn’t… insurance. If disaster strikes, Kurtis Rourke is a lottery ticket, not a policy.
  
  
• RB room = duct tape and wishful thinking. JaCory Croskey-Merritt, Dylan Sampson, Will Shipley, Justice Hill, Miles Sanders, Marshawn Lloyd—that’s a committee of committees. You can piece together matchups, but there’s no weekly anchor.
  
  
• Kickers are stable, which is the nicest thing you can say about kickers. (Reichard, Karty)
  
  
• Defense is fine, not fearsome. Bears D/ST is playable; it’s not winning you weeks.

The saving grace is that the WR room is illegal in 12 states: Jefferson + A.J. + Egbuka means the Run ’n Gun (1 RB / 4 WR / 1 TE) is probably the default—because starting a second RB on purpose feels like charity.


The Good

• Justin Jefferson (0.95) and A.J. Brown (1.45) together is a weekly DEFCON alert.
  
  
• Emeka Egbuka (0.50) at that price is future WR2 production now.
  
  
• Kyle Pitts (0.78) + Cade Otton (0.85) = ceiling + floor at TE without paying retail.

The Bad

• No bankable RB1, unclear RB2.
  
  
• Thin QB2.
  
  
• Defense that needs the offense to spot it leads.

Bottom line on the draft: elite stars and clean values at WR/TE, but the “how do we close games when we’re ahead?” question is going to echo all season. Hence the C-.

You can win like this. You just won’t, See 2024 LA Lords season...

To-Do List (use that 5.27 cap)

1. Buy an actual RB1 - the first time a contender gets itchy—pay a premium if you must.
   
   
2. Add a veteran QB3 who can keep the lights on for a week.
   
   
3. Stream D/ST vs. turnover-prone QBs; don’t get sentimental about the Bears.

Verdict: The Dark Side will look terrifying on the big plays and suspicious on the small ones. If a real running game doesn’t show up by Thanksgiving, this C- becomes an F in a hurry. If not… enjoy the fireworks and the coin-flips.

INDIANAPOLIS, Indiana — The Indy Animals exited the 2025 IFFL Draft with a clear blueprint and an A- grade, projecting to 10–4 and a January berth. The front office spent 17.76 of the 23.00 cap, preserving 5.24 for in-season upgrades.

Indy stacked two bargain bellcows—RB Jahmyr Gibbs (0.70) and RB Ashton Jeanty (0.70)—behind dual-threat QB Jayden Daniels (1.50), with Jaxson Dart (1.50) as developmental depth. The receiver room is matchup-proof: Garrett Wilson (1.50), Brandon Aiyuk (0.50), Ladd McConkey (1.35), and Calvin Ridley (0.82). At tight end, Brock Bowers (0.30) headlines with veteran insurance in Darren Waller (0.30).

A robust RB bench—Trey Benson (0.64), Jordan Mason (1.16), Braelon Allen (1.04)—fortifies bye weeks. Tyler Bass (0.85) and Chris Boswell (2.00) steady special teams; Broncos D/ST (1.50) is playable while the team shops for value.

Why not a full A? Slight volatility behind Daniels and a costlier K/DEF pairing than necessary—both fixable with the remaining cap.

Best values. Aiyuk (0.50) as a WR1-priced-like-WR3; Bowers (0.30) for weekly positional leverage; explosive depth in Benson/Wright; instant separator McConkey.

Positional snapshot. QB B+, RB A, WR A, TE A, K/DEF B.

The Animals optimal weekly line-up look should be the Standard 1 line-up:

QB - Jayden Daniels
RB - Jahmyr Gibbs
RB - Ashton Jeanty
WR - Garrett Wilson
WR - Brandon Aiyuk (when healthy)
WR - Ladd McKonkey/Calvin Ridley
TE - Brock Bowers
K - Tyler Bass
DEF - Denver Broncos

Projection: Indy is forecast 7–0 at home, 3–4 away. Expected road/elite-matchup speed bumps: at Tequila (Week 1), at Cincinnati (Week 9), at Taipei (Week 12), at Philadelphia (Week 14). Otherwise, speed, separation, and TE leverage carry the slate.

Next steps: Add a veteran QB3, stream DEF opportunistically, and reserve a bench slot for a late-season WR riser.

Bottom line: Indy drafted like a grown-up contender—top-end skill, real depth, and budget to patch any squeaks. Pencil the Animals into the postseason picture.

 

TEQUILA, New Mexico — Fresh off a title and drafting like it, the Tequila Sunrise drew an A grade in the 2025 IFFL Draft and are projected to finish 11–3, positioning themselves as West favorites with No. 1 or No. 2 seed potential. Tequila spent 19.97 of the 23.00 salary cap, leaving 3.03 for in-season upgrades.

Built around two cut-rate superstars at running back—Bijan Robinson (0.70) and De’Von Achane (0.70)—the Sunrise added a bargain QB1 in Brock Purdy (2.80) and a high-upside flier in Shedeur Sanders (1.50). The receiver room is deep and matchup-proof: Amon-Ra St. Brown leads a group that includes Tee Higgins (2.20), Jayden Reed (1.20), Jordan Addison (2.10) and floor piece Michael Wilson. December insurance arrives via a stacked RB bench—Javonte Williams (1.34), Ollie Gordon (0.70), Tyler Allgeier (1.14) and Jaydon Blue (0.70)—while Wil Lutz/Brandon McManus handle kicking and the Jets defense (0.25) brings weekly pressure.

The only soft spot is tight end: rookie Colston Loveland (0.30) offers upside, and Noah Gray (0.90) supplies snaps but a modest ceiling. Even so, positional grades skew elite: QB A-, RB A, WR A, TE B-, K B+, DEF A-.

Tequila’s optimal line-up most weeks:

QB -Brock Purdy
RB - Bijan Robinson
RB - Devon Achane
WR -Amon-Ra St. Brown
WR -Tee Higgins
WR - Jayden Reed or Jordan Addison
TE -Colston Loveland
K - Wil Lutz
DEF - New York Jets.

A four-WR “Run ’n Gun” variant remains in play when matchups tilt pass-heavy.

A game-by-game outlook pegs Tequila at 7–1 at home, 4–2 on the road, with likely stumbles at Taipei (Week 2), Hartford (Week 4), and versus Cincinnati (Week 12). Everywhere else, depth and speed carry the day.

What’s next: With 3.03 in cap space, the front office is expected to shop early for a veteran TE, stash a late-season WR riser, and manage bye weeks by flexing into the four-WR set. Bottom line: it’s a title-defense build—fast, deep, and flexible.

PHILADELPHIA, PA & LOS ANGELES, CA — The IFFL just detonated its offseason. The Philadelphia Dark Side have dealt RB Josh Jacobs to the Los Angeles Lords for WR Justin Jefferson—a straight-up, stars-for-stars swap that rearranges two Super Bowl-caliber fantasy blueprints.

• To Los Angeles: RB Josh Jacobs — fresh off 1,313 yards and 12 TDs last year, a true-volume anchor the Lords didn’t have last season as they went with “RB-by-prayer” became a lifestyle brand.
• To Philadelphia: WR Justin Jefferson — delivered 1,195 yards and 7 TDs last season and was a vital piece of the Lords’ 2023 championship run. Reunite Jefferson with A.J. Brown? That’s a weekly fireworks permit.

Why LA Did It

Because the Lords’ offense has been “Burrow to Jefferson/Chase: The Sequel” for two seasons—and the RB room kept cosplaying as a rumor. Jacobs gives Jason Beaver a set-and-forget bellcow who absorbs 20+ touches and lets the WRs win on efficiency instead of life support. This turns LA from video-game passing attack into… a balanced, adult football team. Terrifying.

Owner Jason Beaver: “We love JJ forever. But championships are won when your RB1 isn’t a TED Talk about adversity.”

Why Philly Did It

Because Avan Beaver looked at Hurts + A.J. Brown and thought, “What if we became a supernova?” Jefferson unlocks “pick your poison” every Sunday. Yes, losing Jacobs stings—but Philly’s scheme can patch RB by committee, while Jefferson tilts matchups before the coin toss.

Owner Avan Beaver: “If defenses double A.J., fine. If they double Jefferson, also fine. If they double both, I’ll draft a third one.”

Owner Jason Beaver: *Shakes head* "Been there, done that. The boy just doesn't learn."

Instant Grades (Because Overreaction Is Tradition)

• Lords (LA): A-
  
  They solved their loudest flaw with a blue-chip solution. You don’t replace Jefferson’s ceiling—but you might not need to if Jacobs turns 2nd-and-8 into 2nd-and-3 all year.
  
  
• Dark Side (PHI): A
  
  Two WR1s who both demand WR1 coverage. Hurts MVP agenda intensifies. RB becomes a scavenger hunt, but points are points.

Quotes From the Blast Radius

• Jefferson: “I loved my time in LA. New city, same plan: get open, stay open.”
  
  
• Jacobs: “Feed me. Then feed me again.”
  
  
• League Commissioner Dixon (deadpan): “Trade approved. Also, please stop submitting deals with the note ‘for vibes.’”

Bookmark it: this is the trade we’ll circle in December when someone’s holding a trophy and someone else is Googling “what happened to my season.”

Bloomington, IN — Friday night. IFFL Commissioner Jeff Dixon took a hard spill while leaving Pizza X with the owners’ Friday-night meal. Witnesses say Dixon caught his foot on a patch of wobbly concrete and face-planted on the sidewalk.

League sources say Dixon is being evaluated for a possible concussion; early checks indicate no broken bones.Because the Lords’ offense has been “Burrow to Jefferson/Chase: The Sequel” for two seasons—and the RB room kept cosplaying as a rumor. Jacobs gives Jason Beaver a set-and-forget bellcow who absorbs 20+ touches and lets the WRs win on efficiency instead of life support. This turns LA from video-game passing attack into… a balanced, adult football team. Terrifying.

The moment was unintentionally narrated by Indy Animals owner Kevin “Q” Ryburn, who, mid-conversation, reportedly looked up and said, “oh my, Jeff fell.” (Accurate, if not medically expansive.)

Draft activities briefly turned into a sideline of ice packs and awkward thumbs-ups as officials checked on the Commissioner. Dixon was alert and responsive, and—per usual—more worried about the food order than his own face.

This is a developing story and may be updated as more information becomes available.

Welcome to Draft Day, where hope is undefeated, mock drafts are “laser accurate,” and at least one owner forgets how waivers work by Round 3. Based on team need (and unshakable hubris), the opening fireworks look set:

• 1) Indy Animals: RB Ashton Jeanty — Q’s been whispering “balanced offense” to his reflection all offseason. Jeanty gives Indy a bellcow to pair with the chaos engine at QB. “I’m not saying I’ll sprint to the podium,” Q says, “but stretch first.”
  
  
• 2) New Delhi Subs: QB Patrick Mahomes — Pete Shaunki sees a generational arm and a generational brand. Also: a generational excuse to text the Honey Mustard rivals at 2 a.m. “This is fine,” Pete promises, holding a flamethrower labeled ‘trade up for a tight end later.’
  
  
• 3) New Whiteland Chicken Pluckerz: WR Mike Evans — Because “big, mean, and open” still plays. Kevin Julbert loves a bully-ball WR who averages a first down just by tying his cleats.

Official Draft Order (Round 1)

1. Indy Animals (From Chicago)
2. New Delhi Subs
3. New Whiteland Chicken Pluckerz
4. Hartford Whalers
5. Los Angeles Lords
6. South Carolina Scarecrows
7. Cincinnati Bagels
8. Taipei Personality
9. New Delhi Subs (From Pittsburgh)
10. San Antonio Mexican'ts
11. Tabbi's Kats
12. Hartford Whalers (From Philadelphia)
13. Indy Animals
14. Tequila Sunrise

Team-by-Team Panic Meter & Draft Gossip

1. Indy Animals (also 13):
   Needs: a weekly RB anchor and a defense that doesn’t moonlight as a turnstile. Plan: Jeanty at 1, then a value WR or TE at 13.
   
   Quote (Q): “If no one calls to overpay, I’ll just draft good players. Terrifying, I know.”
   
   
2. New Delhi Subs (also 9):
   Needs: stability at QB and the courage to stop collecting wideouts like Funko Pops. Plan: Mahomes at 2, Eat that Whalers; at 9, either OL-in-spirit (i.e., a volume RB) or the flashiest WR available because Pete can’t help himself.
   
   Quote (Pete): Spreadsheet of chaos, “Not Overthinking” it claims, thirty-four tabs deep."
   
   
3. New Whiteland Chicken Pluckerz:
   Needs: red-zone bully and Sunday night drama. Plan: Mike Evans, then immediately claim it was their plan “all along,” even if pick 2 had gone weird.
   
   Quote (Julbert): “If contested catches were a currency, we’d be the Federal Reserve.”
   
   
4. Hartford Whalers:
   Needs: someone to make “Mahomes forever” more than a screensaver; plus an RB who doesn’t require weekly pep talks. Plan: BPA at 4 (WR/RB), then at 12 plug whatever positional fire the first three hours set ablaze.
   
   Quote (Chad Allen): “If Rory Gilmore is somehow available at 12, we’re taking her route-running.”
   
   
5. Los Angeles Lords:
   Needs: actual running back production, not vibes. Plan: RB if one with a pulse remains; otherwise, just draft another WR and dare the universe to stop you.
   
   Quote (Jason Beaver): “Our new logo can block. Our RB room cannot. Working on one of those.”
   
   
6. South Carolina Scarecrows:
   Needs: someone to keep the chains moving while the WR room cooks. Plan: value RB or TE; bonus points if he also returns punts and makes coffee.
   
   Quote (Trevor Harless): “If anyone low-bridges my draft board, I’m filing a grievance.”
   
   
7. Cincinnati Bagels:
   Needs: a third-down solution and a pass catcher who doesn’t disappear when it rains. Plan: hybrid RB/WR range; expect a “safe” pick that produces points and zero headlines.
   
   Quote (Les Paul Couch): “We’re boring. You’ll hate how consistently we beat you.”
   
   
8. Taipei Personality:
   Needs: a passport stamp and a field-stretching WR to pair with Nabers/Saquon chaos. Plan: best WR available… assuming someone reads the pick on Zoom.
   
   Breaking (Travel) News: Owner Andrew Wang is battling visa issues and may not be allowed by the government to join the draft proceedings in person. “If customs asks why I’m carrying 14 laminated depth charts,” Wang said, “tell them it’s for ‘cultural exchange.’”
   
   League Office: “If Andrew gets stuck, we’ll accept picks via skywriting, ravens, or—fine—FaceTime.”
   
   
9. New Delhi (again):
   Needs: resist shiny WR; select trench RB. Plan: see above; ignore above.
   
   
10. San Antonio Mexican’ts:
    Needs: balance and a WR who punishes single-high like it owes him money. Plan: big-target WR or TE.
    
    Quote (Tanya Harless): “We’re improving fast—unless we go all New Delhi Subs on it. Then we’re improving loudly.”
    
    
11. Tabbi’s Kats:
    Needs: depth behind Josh Allen and a WR who won’t ghost in December. Plan: WR/TE value, then gloat about efficiency.
    
    Quote (Tabbi Brewer): “We draft grown-ups. You draft TikTok trends. See you in Week 12.”
    
    
12. Hartford (via Philly):
    Two firsts = two opportunities to say “that’s exactly how we drew it up” no matter what happens.
    
    
13. Indy (again):
    This is where Q either doubles down on balance or re-enacts a fireworks display with a gadget WR.
    
    
14. Tequila Sunrise:
    Needs: more rich-people problems: depth. Plan: luxury pick—best player available, probably someone we’ll call “unfair” in November.
    
    Quote (Jeff Dixon): “We don’t draft for need. We draft for seasonal affective joy.”
    

Rumor Mill, Unreliable Edition

• Trade Watch: Los Angeles poking around the RB aisle with “future considerations” and a brand-new helmet decal.
  
  
• Quiet Desperation: South Carolina dangling a mid-rounder to climb for a favorite TE.
  
  
• Hartford’s Board: labeled “Operation Gilmore,” color-coded by pop-culture references.
  
  
• Taipei Contingency: If Andrew can’t appear live, the pick will be announced by a pre-trained AI that only says “value” and “upside.”
  

A Special 7 Things I Think I Think I Think: Draft Night Edition

1. I think Jeanty at 1 is the rare pick that makes everyone nod and hate it simultaneously.
   
   
2. I think Mahomes at 2 will break the New Delhi group chat and the Honey Mustard rivalry in one keystroke.
   
   
3. I think Mike Evans at 3 is the least cute and therefore the smartest move New Whiteland can make.
   
   
4. I think the Lords either fix RB tonight or we get 14 weeks of “Burrow to Jefferson/Chase… again.” No one’s mad.
   
   
5. I think Hartford leaves Round 1 convinced it outfoxed math. Might be right.
   
   
6. I think Taipei drafts from an airport lounge and still snipes someone’s sleeper. Aviation alpha.
   
   
7. I think Tequila’s pick at 14 will be described as “luxury” by everyone except the poor soul facing them in Week 1.

Cue the music, hide your sleeper lists, and please—someone—check on Andrew’s Wi-Fi.

By The IFFL Insider., Senior Fantasy Football Correspondent

Welcome back, fantasy faithful. The 2025 IFFL season is here, and the stakes are higher than Trevor’s blood pressure during a kicker run. Rivalries are simmering, rosters will be locked and loaded (mostly), and the annual pilgrimage to Dogwood Springs is just days away.

DRAFT DAY DETAILS

• Date: Saturday, August 23
• Time: 2:00pm
• Location: Dogwood Springs
• Remote Option: Fandraft.com (Use your login and password. No excuses. No auto-drafting five defenses.)

RIVALRIES TO WATCH

Honey Mustard Bowl

New Delhi Subs vs Hartford Whalers (Week 4 & Week 12) - The condiment feud continues.
Pete Shaunki, ever the poet, offered this:

Trade winds stir again,
Kyren burns like Autumn leaves,
Spicy, no regrets

Domestic Violence Bowl

South Carolina Beavers vs San Antonio Harlesses (Week 7) - Trevor vs Tanya. Marriage meets matchup.

“I love her,” Trevor said, “but I’m not above benching Jonathan Taylor just to prove a point.”

Father vs. Son

Los Angeles Lords vs Philadelphia Dark Side (Week 8) - Jason vs Avan. Legacy vs rebellion.

“I taught him everything he knows,” Jason said. “Unfortunately, he ignored most of it.”

Grandma vs. Grandson

Tabbi’s Kats vs Cincinnati Bagels (Week 5) - Tabbi Brewer vs L.P. Couch.

“I’ll bake him cookies after I beat him,” Tabbi said. “But they’ll be gluten-free. That’s punishment enough.”

KEY GAMES TO CIRCLE

• Week 1: Indy @ Tequila Sunrise - A rematch of the 2024 IFFL Super Bowl. Can Indy avenge the heartbreak?
• Week 6: Philadelphia @ Tequila Sunrise - Jalen Hurts vs De’Von Achane. If Achane’s brain stops bouncing, this could be electric.
• Week 14: New Whiteland @ New Delhi - Longtime trade partners face off. Kevin Julbert, ever the tactician, said: “I’ll beat Pete, then trade him a broken WR,” Kevin Julbert said. “It’s tradition.”

Pete replied, naturally:

Broken wideout, yes
But upside lives in the fog
Trust the chili burn

SOUND BITES FROM THE SIDELINES

• Chad Allen (Hartford): “I’m just here to watch Gilmore Girls and pretend I know what a flex position is.”
• Josh Allen (Tabbi’s Kats): “I’m not concussed. I just play like it sometimes.”
• Drake Maye (Los Angeles Lords): “I’m honored to be signed. I just hope I don’t get dropped for Gardner Minshew again.”

FINAL THOUGHTS

The IFFL is more than a league. It’s a lifestyle. A soap opera. A slow-motion car crash with spreadsheets. And as we head into 2025, remember:

• Don’t trust Pete’s trades.
• Don’t let Chad near the kicker tab.
• And don’t underestimate Tabbi’s gluten-free vengeance.

See you at Dogwood Springs, or on FanDraft. Just don’t be late — the trash talk waits for no one.

By The IFFL Insider., Senior Fantasy Football Correspondent

In a world where fantasy football is religion and questionable trade decisions are gospel, the IFFL has flipped the switch on another glorious season. That’s right—the 2025 IFFL Season has officially kicked off today with the shiny, possibly bug-riddled launch of the updated IFFL website.

"It's like the NFL, but with more bitterness and group texts," said one anonymous league source while uploading a profile pic that hasn’t changed since 2017.

Mark Your Calendars: Draft Day is August 23rd at Dogwood Springs

The annual pilgrimage to Dogwood Springs is once again upon us. August 23rd is the date when dreams will be made, rivalries reignited, and someone will inevitably draft a kicker in the 7th round “just to mess with people.”

“I plan to wear the same shirt I wore during my 2023 Runner-Up season,” said Cincinnati Bagels owner Les Paul Couch, sipping from a “World’s Okayest GM” mug.

What’s Live on Draft Central:

• 2025 Draft Order (Spoiler: Indy Animals start us off… thanks, Chicago)
• Updated Price Guide (Yes, Travis Kelce still costs more than your rent)
• Protected Players Link  (Click it. Love it. Curse it.)

Keeper Deadline: August 14th — Don’t Be That Guy

League Commissioner and perennial Draft Day taco hog, Jeff Dixon, has issued the warning:

“Submit your keepers by August 14th or I’ll assign you two retired players and a punter. I’m not kidding.”

Some GMs are already feeling the pressure. “I’m still deciding between protecting Tyreek Hill or my dignity,” said Taipei Personality owner Andrew Wang. “I may not be able to keep both.”

A Disaster Remembered: The Chicago Blunder

Let’s not forget how we got here. The Indy Animals are sitting pretty at No. 1 overall in the draft—all thanks to a catastrophic 2024 trade with the Chicago Fightin’ Ditkas that will live in infamy. Some say it involved Caleb Williams, four tubs of protein powder, and a promise that “Courtland Sutton was due.”

“Honestly, I blacked out mid-trade,” admitted Ditkas owner Shadd Wright. “Next thing I knew, I had Ben Sinnott and a future full of regret.”

Let the Trash Talk Begin

With 14 owners, 1 new season, and infinite bad decisions to come, the IFFL 2025 campaign is officially off and running. Stay tuned for more updates, previews, drama, and of course… screenshots of text messages taken wildly out of context.

Welcome back, degenerates. The IFFL is alive.

Let the countdown to the IFFL Draft start now.

• Our Chicago source says Shadd Wright was still watching quarterback tape late Tuesday night trying to figure out who exactly is going to play quarterback in Week 4. Caleb Williams remains medically uncleared with the hamstring injury, and his replacement Baker Mayfield promptly responded by dislocating his right thumb. Two weeks. Two quarterbacks. Two injuries. Wright has reportedly exhausted the normal medical options and is now trying to bring Mr. Miyagi back from the dead so he can rub his hands together, slap Caleb’s hamstring and scream, “Daniel-san, run!” No progress yet, but sources say Wright remains more confident in necromancy than the current free-agent quarterback market.
  
  
• Los Angeles apparently watched Chicago’s quarterback disaster and decided there was no reason to participate. With Jaxson Dart’s knee still being evaluated and an ACL tear confirmed, the Lords went out and found Matthew Stafford, who immediately threw for 403 yards and two touchdowns in Week 3. Naturally, LA still lost 60-31 because basically everyone around Stafford decided touchdowns were optional. Breece Hall is now dealing with a quad injury and could miss 3-4 weeks, TreVeyon Henderson managed 29 yards, and Joshua Palmer recorded the always impressive zero yards, zero points performance. Jason Beaver finally found a quarterback. Unfortunately, he may now need the other eight positions.
  
  
• Things in Taipei have reached the “second opinion from Doctor Nick” stage, which is generally not where you want your franchise quarterback situation to be. Jayden Daniels’ dislocated left elbow could become season-ending if surgery is required, and apparently somebody thought Springfield’s finest medical professional deserved a look before making that decision. Jared Goff filled in admirably with 12 points against Cincinnati, so maybe Taipei survives. But if Daniels hears “Hi everybody!” when he walks into the examination room, Andrew Wang should probably start preparing the IR paperwork.
  
  
• Philadelphia is apparently still working the phones, and this time there may actually be a trade that makes sense. Our anonymous source tells us the Dark Side have been looking hard at South Carolina RB Aaron Jones, with TE Tyler Warren and a draft pick potentially going back to the Scarecrows if talks become serious. Philadelphia desperately needs running-back production, while South Carolina has Jonathan Taylor, Travis Etienne and Jones but could stand to upgrade its tight-end room. Avan Beaver has tight ends and picks to spend. Trevor Harless has running backs. Somebody please lock these two in a room until they accidentally improve both teams.
  
  
• Indy may have beaten Tecumseh, but Kevin “Q” Ryburn probably shouldn’t close the trade window just yet. Jayden Reed is expected to miss 8-12 weeks with the spinal injury, and Pat Bryant becoming a fourth-quarter folk hero does not magically fix the receiving depth. Bryant’s eight late points won the game, which was fantastic. Quentin Johnston’s zero was less fantastic. The Animals have Gibbs, Jeanty and a suddenly healthy Brock Bowers, but another receiver injury could leave Q diagramming routes for himself. Trophy Four may require a shopping trip.
  
  
• Tequila won by 29 and somehow the biggest story might still be the running-back room. De’Von Achane is done for the season with a torn ACL, and Commissioner Dixon reportedly wasted approximately twelve seconds before getting Rachaad White on the phone as a replacement. Bijan Robinson then responded with 213 yards, two touchdowns and 18 points, which is one way of telling everyone to calm down. Still, between Achane’s knee and the Josh Jacobs commissioner-exempt controversy hanging around the league, Dixon has somehow managed to be commissioner, contender and conspiracy theory all at once. Very efficient.
  
  
• And finally, Wakarusa has won two straight, which has created the most dangerous condition Pete Shaunki can experience: optimism. Mike Evans is dealing with a rib injury and could miss time, yet the Wookiees still beat San Antonio behind Patrick Mahomes, Kyren Williams, Ja’Marr Chase, Terry McLaurin and seven points from the Houston defense. The Fire Sale Watch may be frozen for now, but everybody should remember what happens when Pete starts believing. One three-game losing streak and half this roster will be photographed boarding separate planes with “future considerations” listed as their destination.

• The quarterback injury apocalypse has officially arrived. Los Angeles has Jaxson Dart undergoing tests on his injured knee with the organization fearing an ACL tear. Chicago expects Caleb Williams to miss roughly 2-4 weeks with a hamstring injury. Taipei has Jayden Daniels seeking another opinion on a dislocated left elbow that could potentially end his season if surgery is required. Daniels is reportedly seeking that second opinion from Doctor Nick in Springfield, which seems less like a medical plan and more like Taipei has simply accepted its fate. “Hi everybody!” probably isn't what Andrew Wang wants to hear when the examination begins.
  
  
• Our Indianapolis source says the Animals aren't particularly worried about being 1-1, but they are very worried about Jayden Reed. Reed is expected to miss 8-12 weeks with a spinal injury, which turns one of Indy's already-thin receiving groups into something resembling a Craigslist ad. Stefon Diggs scored twice against Tabbi's, Jahmyr Gibbs continues to produce, and the defending champs still have plenty of talent. But if another receiver gets hurt, Kevin “Q” Ryburn may have to start himself. At least Q would probably describe his own 17-yard performance as “something we can build on.”
  
  
• An anonymous source tells us Los Angeles is already looking very hard at Philadelphia's quarterback room. The Lords desperately need insurance with Dart's knee being evaluated, while Philadelphia is 0-2 and once again appears to be fielding running backs selected from people standing outside the stadium. We're told Matthew Stafford could be a target for LA, with Breece Hall potentially being discussed going the other way. It actually makes uncomfortable amounts of sense: the Lords get a veteran quarterback, Philadelphia gets a legitimate running back, and Jason Beaver gets to make a trade before his medical staff declares martial law.
  
  
• Wakarusa won, so everybody please reset the fire-sale countdown clock. Patrick Mahomes threw for 399 yards and three touchdowns, Ja'Marr Chase scored twice, and the Wookiees handled Chicago 46-26. Pete Shaunki is reportedly feeling “very good about the direction of the franchise,” which is beautiful because approximately seven days ago we were wondering which players would be available by Week 3. One win apparently changes everything. Please preserve this paragraph for when Wakarusa loses two straight and Mahomes mysteriously becomes “available for the right price.”
  
  
• Chicago's Week 2 offense provided strong evidence that Caleb Williams may actually be the entire franchise. Williams scored zero before the hamstring issue, and everyone besides Davante Adams apparently decided to honor him by also doing absolutely nothing. Jadarian Price, Rico Dowdle, Brian Thomas, Luther Burden and Harold Fannin Jr. combined for zero IFFL points. Adams had 195 yards and two touchdowns while the rest of the offense looked like it had received an evacuation order. With Caleb sidelined, Shadd Wright's Week 3 offensive game plan may simply read: “Davante, please save us.”
  
  
• Philadelphia may want to check whether several players actually made it onto the team bus. Jonathon Brooks had 11 yards. Kaelon Black had 25. Makai Lemon had nine. Cole Kmet managed the rare and majestic zero yards, zero points performance. Justin Jefferson scored zero too, although at least he produced 55 yards while doing it. Maybe some of these guys were banged up. Maybe they missed practice. Maybe the Dark Side simply constructed an offense whose primary strategic goal is making Jalen Hurts feel alone. Whatever the reason, 24 points against Cincinnati is not exactly screaming “playoff rebound.”
  
  
• And finally, San Antonio has reached 0-2 in the most San Antonio way imaginable. The Mexican'ts have scored 91 points, more than several teams with winning records, yet Tanya Harless remains winless and presumably one minor inconvenience away from declaring war on the league office. C.J. Stroud threw for 382 yards in Week 2 and somehow scored only three IFFL points. Kenneth Walker produced 178 yards and also scored three. Meanwhile CeeDee Lamb and Harrison Butker carried most of the scoring burden in a four-point loss to Tequila. San Antonio's motto is “Believe and Win or Else.” After two weeks, we're becoming increasingly interested in learning exactly what “else” means.

• We hear the Los Angeles medical staff may already need its own salary cap. Calvin Ridley finished Week 1 with zero yards, TreVeyon Henderson didn’t make it onto the field, and Josh Jacobs remains stuck in Commissioner Dixon’s version of football purgatory. One anonymous Lords source told us, “At this point we’re just trying to find enough healthy running backs to form a carpool.” Jason Beaver reportedly remains furious, which narrows absolutely nothing down.
  
  
• A little birdie in Chicago tells us several Ditkas skill players may have been playing hurt—or perhaps simply observing Caleb Williams from very expensive seats. Brian Thomas Jr., Rhamondre Stevenson, Jadarian Price, Luther Burden, Davante Adams and Hunter Henry combined for exactly zero points, while Williams personally dragged Chicago to a 37-35 win with 25. If this continues, Shadd Wright may want to change the team name to the Chicago Fightin’ Calebs and save everybody the trouble.
  
  
• Our Wakarusa source insists there is still absolutely no fire sale happening. None. Definitely not. Please stop asking. Patrick Mahomes scored 18, but Ja’Marr Chase gave the Wookiees 12 yards and zero points, Terry McLaurin had 14 yards, and Mark Andrews contributed nothing. We were assured Pete Shaunki remains “patient.” We asked how long that patience might last. The source replied, “Do you count Thursday as Week 2?”
  
  
• Someone in Philadelphia may want to check whether the running back room exists. Jonathan Brooks managed 62 yards and zero points while the Dark Side again leaned almost entirely on their wide receivers, with Justin Jefferson supplying 14 of Philadelphia’s 29 points. An anonymous league source tells Whispers that Philadelphia has been looking hard at Pittsburgh RB D’Andre Swift, who just scored 19 points, and that Puka Nacua could potentially be the name going back the other way if talks ever became serious. Pittsburgh has Swift and David Montgomery, while Philadelphia has enough premium receivers to open a small dealership. Sometimes the trade makes so much sense that both owners immediately refuse it.
  
  
• Hartford won, which is wonderful, because most of the Whalers offense apparently forgot there was a game. RJ Harvey and Quinshon Judkins combined for 91 yards and zero points, Malik Nabers scored zero, and Omarion Hampton’s touchdown was doing a lot of heavy lifting. We’re told there is “no concern” inside Hartford. Naturally, that is exactly what teams say shortly before announcing somebody is questionable with an injury nobody knew existed.
  
  
• Tequila’s Week 1 offense looked like Bijan Robinson and Amon-Ra St. Brown were attempting a group project with classmates who never opened the Google Doc. De’Von Achane, Bhayshul Tuten, Courtland Sutton and Tucker Kraft combined for 230 yards and zero IFFL points, while Bo Nix managed six. Commissioner Dixon may want to spend less time putting Los Angeles players on exempt lists and more time figuring out why half his own lineup appears exempt from scoring.
  
  
• And finally, South Carolina won 33-29, which means Trevor Harless can spend another week explaining that everything is perfectly fine. Jonathan Taylor carried the offense with 13 points, but Emeka Egbuka, Tetairoa McMillan, Josh Downs and Travis Etienne combined for 253 yards and zero points. That is an impressive amount of yardage to accomplish absolutely nothing with. The Scarecrows are 1-0, so nobody can complain yet. But if four starters keep combining for zero, January may arrive several months early this season.

The season hasn’t even kicked off yet, and apparently the back rooms, front offices, legal departments, and anonymous text chains are already working overtime.

As always, Whispers from Around the IFFL is fueled by rumor, innuendo, questionable sourcing, and people who definitely said, “You didn’t hear this from me.”

Take none of this to court.

• THE WOOKIES ARE DEFINITELY NOT HAVING A FIRE SALE. DEFINITELY.
  We hear there is absolutely no truth whatsoever to the rumor that Wakarusa has already started quietly identifying trade partners for some of its perceived assets.

  None. Zero. Fake news.

  In fact, one team insider assured Whispers that the newly relocated Wookies are committed to seeing what this roster can do before making any drastic decisions. “We’re going to give it some time,” our source said. Apparently, two or three weeks qualifies as “some time.”

  So everybody relax. Pete Shaunki is absolutely not preparing another fire sale. At least not until Week 3.

• BOWERS INJURY APPARENTLY CAME WITH DISH DUTY
  The strangest injury story of the preseason may belong to Indy tight end Brock Bowers.

  According to one highly questionable source circulating around Animals headquarters, Bowers’ knee problem supposedly had nothing to do with football at all.

  The story? Bowers was carrying dishes to the kitchen, tripped over his dog, twisted his knee, and eventually required surgery.

  Again, that's the story making its way through the IFFL rumor mill. If true, that is an absolutely brutal way for the defending champions to lose one of their biggest weapons entering Week 1.

  Somewhere, Kevin Ryburn is presumably purchasing paper plates in bulk.

• LORDS NOT PLEASED WITH HENDERSON
  Our source inside Los Angeles says the organization is extremely disappointed that running back TreVeyon Henderson wasn't able to complete his rehab in time to play Week 1 against Chicago.

  And apparently the frustration goes beyond simply missing one game.

  One person around the Lords allegedly questioned whether Henderson has shown enough urgency during the rehab process, with concerns already being raised about what he'll have to do to regain the trust of the coaching staff once he returns.

  That seems slightly aggressive considering we haven't even played a game yet.

  But patience has never exactly been a celebrated virtue inside Lords headquarters.

  Henderson may eventually return to the lineup.

  Apparently he'll also need to return with a notarized apology.

• LORDS LAWYERS CIRCLING COMMISSIONER DIXON
  And that wasn't the most interesting thing our LA source had to say.

  We are also hearing that the Lords and their legal department are taking a very hard look at Commissioner Jeff Dixon following the league's decision to place Los Angeles running back Josh Jacobs on the Commissioner's Exempt List following his offseason issues.

  The Lords reportedly view the move as little more than a league-created quasi-suspension and are privately furious about how the situation has been handled.

  But here's where things get spicy.

  Los Angeles apparently believes Commissioner Dixon's own Tequila Sunrise roster stands to benefit from Jacobs being unavailable.

  Which has led to some very predictable questions inside Lords headquarters.

  Conflict of interest? Abuse of power? Commissioner overreach? Or just Jason Beaver being Jason Beaver?

  Our source described the entire situation using a technical legal phrase,“Complete BS.”

  Expect this one to get louder if Jacobs misses meaningful time, and if Los Angeles loses games because of it?  Commissioner Dixon might want to stop answering his phone.

• CHICAGO STILL BELIEVES CALEB IS THE GUY
  Our little birdie in Chicago tells us the Fightin' Ditka's are continuing to evaluate quarterback Caleb Williams very closely. The organization wants to be absolutely certain it has found its long-term answer at quarterback. Based on the way Williams finished last season, however, there appears to be considerable optimism inside the building that the answer is yes.

  Chicago saw enough development late in the year to believe Williams may finally be ready to take the next step.

  Of course, this is the IFFL.

  Three touchdowns in Week 1 and he's a franchise quarterback.

Two interceptions and the scouting department will be studying the 2027 draft class by Tuesday morning.

• TECUMSEH WOULD LIKE SOMEONE TO EXPLAIN THE RELOCATION PROCESS
  Finally, our source in Tecumseh would apparently like someone from league headquarters to explain exactly how relocation applications are processed, preferably using small words.

  According to the source, Tecumseh submitted its relocation proposal four seasons ago, but the league finally voted on and approved the move this offseason.

  Meanwhile, New Delhi submitted its relocation request and was apparently approved in essentially the same offseason, allowing the Subs to become the Wakarusa Wookies almost immediately.

  Understandably, Tecumseh officials are wondering why one application apparently traveled by horse and buggy while the other arrived by overnight delivery,  “There just doesn't seem to be any consistency in the timelines,” our source said.

  Perhaps there is a perfectly reasonable explanation. Perhaps the paperwork was complicated. Perhaps there were procedural differences.

  Or perhaps somebody found Tecumseh's application underneath a stack of old waiver claims four years later and said, “Oh hell, were we supposed to vote on this?”

Welcome back, everyone.

The IFFL hasn't played a single game yet and somehow the league office is already under investigation.

• We hear there might be a team in the IFFL Eastern Division quietly exploring a move. No one’s saying where, no one’s saying when, but multiple sources have mentioned “stadium talks,” “market viability,” and one quote that simply read: “If we move, it’s going to break the map—and I can’t wait.” Will they cause chaos within the divisional structure? Oh, absolutely. If there’s one constant in IFFL history, it’s that anytime a team picks up and moves, chaos follows. Schedules get weird, rivalries get scrambled, and at least two owners claim the league is “unrecognizable” now while still setting their lineups every week.
  
  
• Whispers out of South Carolina say the coaching staff gave Drake Maye a “mental reset game” in Week 14. One anonymous teammate said: “We thought it’d be Week 4 or 5, not the last game of the year.” They still won, still locked the best record, and now the league is asking: what does a fully rested Maye look like in the playoffs? Unfair, probably.
  
  
• Tequila staff are reportedly “beyond done” with the injury report. Achane’s ribs, Higgins’ brain, Amon-Ra’s ankle—every time they think they’ve got the death lineup, someone limps off. One staffer allegedly said: “If we ever have everyone healthy on the same day, we’re hanging 90.” San Antonio is watching that report like it’s a weather radar.
  
  
• Word around the Lords’ facility is that the Matt Stafford signing might turn into a longer marriage than anyone expected. One front-office type hinted: “We didn’t bring him in as a rental. We brought him in as a banner plan.” If they make another deep run, good luck prying him out of LA.
  
  
• Rival execs can’t decide if New Delhi is going to be dangerous in the upcoming draft or if they just wait around and pick players then go rent from the Subs when they inevitably fall apart.  One rival owner said he has a better chance at winning the lottery than he does winning the IFFL with that so-called strategy.
  
  
• Rumors out of Pittsburgh, say the Peanut Butter Balls are actually considering moving on from QB Lamar Jackson, this season was a disappointment not as much of a disappointment as Philadelphia or Cincinnati’s seasons but bad nonetheless, speculation is that owner Matt Howell is looking into the league by-laws to see if he is allowed to keep K Brandon Aubrey, or if he has to release him to the draft pool again.
  
  
• Word out of Hartford says that Whalers owner is petitioning the league to let him pass on playing Philadelphia next season, says a team source “There is absolutely no truth to that rumor, however, it's not a bad idea, someone let Chad know so he can call commissioner Dixon pronto.” Hartford had their 2 worst games against Philadelphia this season which ultimately cost them a playoff spot.

• “The Sun God Rises Again?” Whispers out of Tequila Sunrise suggest that Amon-Ra St. Brown — who sprained his ankle in Week 13 — is expected to return for Week 14. One rival GM texted: “Of course he is. He probably taped it himself. Dude’s built like a Peloton instructor with abandonment issues.”
  
  Tequila staff insists he’ll be on a snap count… but also hinted that “snap counts are suggestions, not laws.
  
  
• Hartford Gets Its Hammer Back After eight full weeks of ankle rehab, Hartford RB Omarion Hampton is finally slated to return. A scout who attended Whalers practice reported: “He looked fresh. Like, too fresh. Like he hasn’t been touched since September.” Considering Hartford’s playoff prayer requires actual miracles, Hampton’s return may arrive exactly one week too late — which is also the Whalers’ brand.
  
  
• Lamar Watch: Crisis or Conspiracy? Three straight subpar weeks from Pittsburgh QB Lamar Jackson has the entire league asking: “What’s wrong with Lamar?” League insiders are split: Some say he’s hurt. Some say he’s sick.One anonymous owner claimed “he’s been replaced by a body double who prefers checkdowns.” Another source insists: “He hasn’t looked right since the Kats game. I’m starting to think he’s allergic to the color pink and sky blue.”All we know for sure?The Peanut Butter Balls have gone from fringe playoff team to top-3 pick trajectory faster than you can say “mock draft simulator.”
  
  
• Trouble in Taipei? Drake London missing Wednesday practice was the whisper heard ’round the West. Taipei officials called it “precautionary,” but insiders described it more as:  “Yeah, he couldn’t go. He tried. He said nope.” If London sits Week 14, Taipei’s playoff hopes take a hit so large it might require league insurance approval.

• We hear in Indy, that QB Jacoby Brissett walked out of Taipei with a noticeable limp, though team officials insist it’s “just soreness.” One veteran Animals player whispered, “Soreness? He threw 337 yards with no protection. I’d be sore too.” With Jayden Daniels still out, all attention now turns to Jaxson Dart who will see if he can clear the IFFL concussion protocol in time for the Lords game in week 13, if not, Indy may once again be holding emergency QB tryouts… yes, again.
  
  
• Our sources in Los Angeles tell us RB TreVeyon Henderson left the stadium with a wrap on his left ankle. LA trainers downplayed it as “tightness,” but as one anonymous Lord put it: “Nothing is ever tightness here. It’s ‘tightness,’ then it’s a boot, then Jason signs another running back.” We wonder if that was the reason for the sporadic Henderson usage on Sunday.
  
  
• We hear in New Whiteland that WR Rashee Rice will undergo imaging after taking two big hits against LA. Kevin Julbert reportedly slammed a clipboard so hard afterward that it set off a car alarm outside the PluckerDome.
  
  
• In Tequila, coaches were overheard grumbling about De’Von Achane’s workload. One staffer said, “We want to use him like a sports car, but we’re driving him like a U-Haul.” Sunrise fans insist this is “fine.”
  
  
• Sources in San Antonio say owner Tanya Harless is ecstatic about Kenneth Walker’s renewed production, loudly declaring in the facility hallway, “See?! He just needed to get away from New Delhi’s cursed injury aura!”
  
  
• Speaking of New Delhi, Pete Shaunki reportedly emerged from his office long enough to offer this  about Kyren Williams’ latest modest stat line:
  
  Winter sun is cold
  Hope drifts like leaves in the wind
  Trade winds blow again
  
  
• In Pittsburgh, RB Jaylen Warren was seen giving side-eye to newly acquired Rhamondre Stevenson. One locker room source told us: “Warren keeps asking how many picks they gave up for him. No one answers.”
  
  
• And in Hartford, whispers say owner Chad Allen hasn’t slept since the Whalers' near-elimination scare. One staffer said, “He keeps muttering ‘six seven, six seven… it’s not over… it's not over…’” as he reviews playoff chart combinations like he’s mapping a moon landing.

• Indy QB Crisis: “Dart is out, Daniels is still out, and our best option might be bribing a UPS driver,” one source said.Instead of the UPS driver the Animals will go with Tua again and pray he doesnt get injured or it really will be the UPS driver.
  
  
• Our sources in LA tell us that JK Dobbins mid foot sprain will need surgery and he will be out until the Super Bowl if he would even be able to play is not known at this time, just another reason that Lords owner Beaver took 5 other RB’s in the draft this year, Death, Taxes, and JK Dobbins on the IL are the only sure things in life.
  
  
• New Whiteland IR Shuffle: Rookie Travis Hunter headed to IR after knee surgery. Brutal hit for the rookie that was stringing together some really good performances.
  
  
• Philadelphia Still Trying to Trade AFTER Deadline: Owner Avan Beaver was reportedly still making calls at 7:45pm Wednesday. In his post game interview he was also asking for other owners to call on his players.
  
  
• Pittsburgh’s Confused RB Room: “We gave up a pick for Stevenson so we could… run Warren more?” one player asked.Stevenson missed his first game with the team after the trade in week 11, but all signs point to him playing in week 12, and not a moment too soon as they take on the Whalers in a must win scenario.
  
  
• Taipei Ankle Watch: Andrew Wang insists James Cook’s ankle is “only resting.” “James will be ready in week 12 against Indy and I will go ahead and predict a TD this week as well,” said Wang.
  
  
• After the Stevenson deal: Shaunki came out and had this to say about his RB room and their availability or lack thereof for practe. “Grass bends in cold wind / My running backs leave again / Autumn steals them all.” Our sources believe this is the derangement that is Shaunki in now his 4 straight season where the playoffs look to be a distant memory.

• We hear the quarterback room in Indy looks like a triage tent. QB Jaxson Dart is out for Week 11 with a concussion, and Jayden Daniels is still sidelined with a dislocated elbow. Sources tell us the Animals brought in a few “veterans with working arms” for try-outs—one onlooker described it as “The Island of Misfit QBs.” Owner Kevin Q. Ryburn reportedly muttered, “I don’t care if it’s Blake Bortles, just someone who can hand the ball to Gibbs.”
  
  
• Out west, LA got a mixed-bag report on RB J.K. Dobbins’ mid-foot sprain. After a second opinion, the timetable was upgraded to 1-6 weeks. “See? I’m fine,” Dobbins told reporters while leaving in a walking boot. Owner Jason Beaver was more measured: “No IR, no problem—unless he can’t walk, then we’ll reconsider.”
  
  
• Meanwhile in New Whiteland, rookie WR Travis Hunter’s knee surgery officially landed him on IR, a brutal blow after back-to-back breakout weeks. One teammate was overheard saying, “He finally figured out the playbook… then the doctor figured out his knee.” The Chicken Pluckerz front office insists they’re still “froggy” enough to make moves before the stretch run.
  
  
• Philadelphia owner Avan Beaver is once again working the phones like a man late for a fire sale. He’s reportedly offering everyone, including QB Jalen Hurts—though sources say that offer came at 7:45 PM Wednesday, long after the trade deadline. As one rival owner quipped, “That tracks.”
  
  
• In Los Angeles, TE Brenton Strange is finally cleared to practice, marking a small victory for the depth chart. Beaver (again, this time the Los Angeles one) said, “We’ll see if he plays this week or next. Or never. You never know with tight ends.”
  
  
• After acquiring RB Rhamondre Stevenson, Pittsburgh shocked its locker room by announcing more carries for Jaylen Warren. When confused offensive players asked owner Matt Howell why they traded a 3rd-round pick for Stevenson, Howell only shrugged and said, “I’m in trouble.”
  
  
• And finally, in Cincinnati, sources claim Rico Dowdle is limping through a quad issue but insists he’ll play. One insider sighed, “When a Bagel says he’ll play Sunday, it usually means he’s out till Thanksgiving.”

• Sources in Indy We’re hearing QB Jayden Daniels will likely miss the remainder of the regular season with that dislocated elbow. The Animals medical staff is apparently holding out hope for a miracle playoff return, but as one insider put it: “It’d be easier to teach Chris Boswell to play QB.”
  
  
• Meanwhile, newly acquired TE Tucker Kraft did tear his ACL in his Indy debut — and despite immediate conspiracy theories, no, Chicago owner Shadd Wright did not stealth-tackle him from the shadows.
  
  Just horrific luck — something Indy fans are deeply familiar with.
  
  
• Sources inside Chicago RB Aaron Jones Sr. is expected to miss 1–2 weeks with a sprained AC joint. When asked how Shadd was taking the news, one assistant said: He’s been staring at the waiver wire like it owes him money.”
  
  
• In New Whiteland Our intel says the Chicken Pluckerz are very close to a deal. The target? TE, WR, or both, depending on how “froggy” owner Kevin Julbert feels when he wakes up.League exec to Insider:“If Julbert starts scrolling at midnight… somebody’s season is ending.”
  
  
• In Cincinnati QB CJ Stroud could miss two weeks with a concussion. One Bagels staffer admitted:“It just hasn’t been his year. Or our year. Or the city’s year.”But wait — it gets worse.RB Rico Dowdle has a quad issue and is “expected to play.”  Bagels insiders clarified what that actually means: “He’ll probably miss a month. Minimum.”
  
  
• In South Carolina WR Chris Godwin still is not practicing. After last season’s devastating leg injury, he has only played two games this year. One trainer whispered: “He wants to play. His leg said no.”
  
  
• In Taipei RB James Cook missed practice with an ankle issue, but owner Andrew Wang told reporters:“It’s just rest. We need him. Like, need-need him.”The phrase "If he sits, we fold" may or may not have been uttered.
  
  
• In New Delhi We hear RB Rhamondre Stevenson did not practice and is likely out again. When asked for comment, owner Pete Shaunki reportedly said: “The season is still going? Like… we’re still doing this?”
  
  
• Final Whisper:The Trade Deadline hits Tuesday 11/11 at 11:59 PM ET. Phones are ringing. The owners are sweating. Rebuilds are being denied publicly and accepted privately.

• We hear at least one team lurking for RB Christian McCaffrey, came in with an offer of 2 players and at least 2 consecutive 1st round choices, ultimately the Bagels decided against trading CMC and LA swooped in and secured Breece Hall and Brenton Strange.
  
  
• We hear that Cam Skattebo’s surgery went perfectly, and the rookie RB / resident chaos agent is already back to lifting spirits. The Lords reportedly sent him pizza and cheesesteaks the next day—both of which rank above “game film” on his recovery checklist.
  
  
• Sources tell us that Philadelphia was indeed hunting for a 1st-rounder before finally settling with South Carolina for a 2nd and 3rd in 2026. “We were close,” one insider said. “Then Trevor Harless remembered he doesn’t hand out 1st-round picks like Halloween candy.”
  
  
• We hear that TE Brock Bowers might finally return this week for the Indy Animals—if not now, then Week 10 for sure. Owner Kevin Ryburn has reportedly been staring at his lineup for three straight nights whispering, “Please, Brock, just one catch.”
  
  
• Sources close to Taipei WR Malik Nabers confirm the young star finally underwent successful ACL repair after trying “alternative recovery methods.” Our source added, “He was waiting for a miracle—unfortunately, divine intervention is not covered under IFFL insurance.”
  
  
• Our man in Hartford tells us rookie RB Quinshon Judkins is day-to-day with a mild AC joint sprain. Owner Chad Allen texted a gif of Luke Danes saying “I’m fine.” Translation: He’s definitely not fine.
  
  
• Sources in Chicago insist that WR Brian Thomas Jr. is NOT on the trade block. But given Shadd Wright’s history—see: the Austin Ekeler trade of 2022—we’re treating that statement with the same credibility as his “diet starts Monday.”
  
  
• Back to Hartford where sources tell us that WR Puka Nacua has had his fill of Gilmore Girls seasons, and pop quizzes after from Owner Chad Allen, Nacua was recently heard saying put me out there with Prime Ray Lewis, Ronnie Lott, Troy Polumalu anyone but just get me out of that office I cant handle Loralei/Rory drama any longer.
  
  
• Multiple Lords sources tell us that Josh Jacobs and Christian Watson were both limited participants in practice today but that both plan on being available Sunday against San Antonio. Jacobs was quoted as saying I wouldn't miss that game for any reason other than death or amputation.
  
  
• Sources inside Cincinnati tell us that WR Nico Collins who missed last week against San Antonio was a limited participant in practice Wednesday afternoon, leading some to believe he will return this week, however; our guy tells us that will probably not be the case.  We are looking at Nico sitting again this week and then coming back in Week 10.