Welcome back to the IFFL. Wild Card weekend where the quest to IFFL Champion 30 gets underway.. Let’s get to the Power Rankings.

1. South Carolina Scarecrows (11–3) Best team in the league in 2025, searching for title #3 in the 30th season, can keep their collective cool during the bye week, and stay hungry for the title?
   
   
2. Indy Animals (10–4) Secured the bye and the 10th win of the season against the Dark Side in week 14 now they get to wait to see who they play on Semi-Final Weekend.
   
   
3. Tequila Sunrise (9–5) Crushed Chicago in week 14 giving them a West division title and a 3rd matchup against the Mexicants, who they will attempt to solve.
   
   
4. Los Angeles Lords (9–5) Beat Hartford to finish 9-5, however they were unable to run up the score enough to overtake Tequila at the top of the West Division, a battle against Tabbi’s was their prize a team they struggle against each time they match up.
   
   
5. Tabbi’s Kats (9–5) They play LA in the game that will tell us who is officially the IFFL’s most lethal team in the league, this is also a rematch of the 2022 IFFL Championship game.
   
   
6. San Antonio Mexican’ts (8–6)  Lost Fine Lady Bowl 3 but was still able to make the playoffs, now the Mexican’ts get a chance to win their first title.
   
   
7. New Whiteland Chicken Pluckerz  (8–6) 38 points shy of the playoffs, 3 points a week and they could play for the title instead they get to sit at home, and watch on TV like 7 other IFFL teams.

Players of the Week

• Offense
  
  Josh Allen - Tabbi's Kats
  Josh Allen picked Fine Lady Bowl III to drop a nuclear statement game. Allen shredded San Antonio for 329 yards, 4 passing TDs, and a 2-point conversion, racking up 27 IFFL points and powering Tabbi’s Kats to a 51–36 win. In a week where Jahmyr Gibbs (19), Sam Darnold (18), and Matthew Stafford (18) all had big days, Allen simply outgunned everyone. If the Kats make a deep playoff run, we’ll circle this game as the moment their offense officially went from “dangerous” to “terrifying.”
  
  
• Defense
  
  Cincinnati Bagels
  On a 3–11 team that did “absolutely nothing” in the big picture, the defense was a lone bright spot in Week 14. The Bagels posted 13 points in a 42–41 win over Pittsburgh, thanks to 206 yards allowed, 2 sacks, 2 interceptions, 1 fumble recovery, and a shutout bonus. In a season where Cincy wasted a healthy Christian McCaffrey, it’s fitting their defensive unit steals one last headline on the way out.
  
  
  
• Kicker
  
  Tyler Loop - Los Angeles Lords
  Tyler Loop matched him with 1 extra point and 3 field goals for 10 points, critical in the Lords’ 51–47 shootout win over Hartford to secure a home playoff game.

The Look Ahead: Wild Card Week's Game of the Week

San Antonio Mexican’ts (8–6) @ Tequila Sunrise (9-5)
Round 3. Winner advances. Loser tilts into February

We’ve reached the good stuff.

For the third time this season, San Antonio and Tequila square off—only this time, someone’s season ends. The teams split the regular-season series, with San Antonio stealing the first meeting in Tequila, and Sunrise returning the favor later in the year. Now we get the rubber match with playoff tension, injury drama, and two owners who very much want to be the one still talking on Monday.

Tequila Sunrise: Explosive… but Banged Up

On paper, Tequila has the firepower to blow this open. Bijan Robinson, De’Von Achane, Javonte Williams, Amon-Ra St. Brown, and Tee Higgins is a joke of a skill group in this scoring system.

The problem? Two of those names might be in street clothes.

• De’Von Achane (ribs) – at best questionable
  
  
• Tee Higgins (concussion) – also questionable

“We’ve got the dudes,” owner Jeff Dixon said. “I just need the universe to let them actually play at the same time for once. If 28 [Achane] and [Tee] are both active, we’re a problem for everybody.”

Tequila will likely ride Sam Darnold again after his three-TD Week 14 outburst, with Amon-Ra as the steady chain-mover and bonus hunter. If Higgins can clear protocol, the Sunrise pass game becomes terrifying. If not, the margin for error shrinks in a hurry.

San Antonio Mexican’ts: Fully Healthy, Fully Dangerous

While Tequila is wrapped in ice packs and questionable tags, San Antonio comes in “healthy as a horse.”

• Jared Goff running the show
  
  
• Isiah Pacheco, David Montgomery, and Kenneth Walker III rotating at RB
  
  
• CeeDee Lamb and DK Metcalf forming one of the nastiest WR duos in the league
  
  
• Travis Kelce and Dallas Goedert giving Tanya a 2-TE nuclear option if she wants it

“They better not forget—we already went in there and beat them once,” CeeDee said. “If they line up, we light up. Simple.”

Owner Tanya Harless was even blunter, “We didn’t show up just to be a cute 6-seed. I like my roster, I like my health, and I love the idea of knocking Tequila out in their own building again.”

If this turns into a track meet, San Antonio has the weapons to keep up—and if Achane/Higgins sit or are limited, they might even have the edge.

Prediction

If Achane and Higgins were fully healthy, Tequila would be the clear favorite. But with both “at best questionable” and San Antonio rolling in at full strength?

This feels like a fourth-quarter heartbreak special.

San Antonio 48, Tequila 44

Kelce steals it late, and Tanya Harless walks out of Sunrise Country grinning like she owns the place.

The Rewind: A Look Back at Week 14's Game of the Week

Tabbi'sKats 51, San Antonio Mexican'ts 36
The only true IFFL rivalry game delivered again

In Fine Lady Bowl III, Tabbi’s Kats defended their crown with a 51–36 win over the San Antonio Mexican’ts, completing yet another chapter in the league’s most gloriously petty tradition.

Josh Allen was unstoppable, throwing for 329 yards, 4 TDs, and adding a 2-point conversion to blow the game open. “She told me this one mattered more than the playoffs,” Allen joked afterward. “So yeah… we emptied the clip.”

San Antonio moved the ball, but never matched the kill shots. Jared Goff threw for 307 and a score, while David Montgomery added a TD on the ground, and DK Metcalf and CeeDee Lamb both cleared 120 yards. But too many drives stalled into Cameron Dicker field goals (16 points worth), and not enough ended in the end zone.

On the other sideline, Tabbi was already thinking bigger, “Fine Lady Bowl is personal,” she said, trophy in hand again. “Three of these in a row? At this point, it’s a dynasty.”

Tanya Harless, never shy, kept it real postgame, “I hate losing this game. Hate it. But we’re still in the playoffs, and if we see them again? Oh, it’s on.”

Fine Lady Bowl III: Kats keep the crown. The rivalry only gets louder.

Welcome back to the IFFL. Week 14 where without a miraculous comeback the playoffs are basically set, now to figure out the champion in the Central and West. Let’s get to the Power Rankings.

1. South Carolina Scarecrows (10–3) They walk into your house, raid the fridge, and leave with your dignity. Another 60-burger, another beatdown. The Scarecrow Playoff Bye Curse is the only thing that can stop them now.
   
   
2. Indy Animals (9–4) Brock Bowers is awake, Davante Adams is awake, Jacoby Brissett (?) is awake, and Kevin Ryburn suddenly looks like the league’s most dangerous man. LA walked in—Indy kicked them down the stairs.
   
   
3. Tequila Sunrise (8–5) They lost…but still climbed into first in the West. Tequila is the drunk raccoon in the dumpsters behind the stadium—messy, unkillable, and somehow always eating good.
   
   
4. Los Angeles Lords (8–5) Stafford is doing everything except physically carrying the running backs like grocery bags. The RB room is a crime scene. Jason Beaver is one more loss away from calling for a league-mandated investigation.
   
   
5. Tabbi’s Kats (8–5) They play like they’re trying to get sponsored by Six Flags. Up, down, up, down, nausea, panic, hope. Week 14 will determine whether they’re a coaster or the kiddie train.
   
   
6. San Antonio Mexican’ts (8–5)  Wasted a perfect opportunity to gain ground. Week 13 was their “clean your room” reminder from the universe. Tanya Harless’ team is still terrifying, but the discipline is… wobbly.
   
   
7. Hartford Whalers  (7–6) Another tiebreaker win. Another existential crisis. Chad Allen survives again, whispering to himself: “Gilmore Girls reruns are keeping us alive.”

Players of the Week

• Offense
  
  Drake ‘DrakeMaye’ Maye South Carolina Scarecrows
  In a low scoring week Maye’s 12 points take the honor of player of the week.  It was a team effort in defeating the Sunrise. Maye leads off in the clean sweep for South Carolina this week.
  
  
• Defense
  
  South Carolina Scarecrows
  You want a statement win? How about 162 yards allowed, 4 sacks, 4 INTs, a shutout and a defensive TD against the defending champs. South Carolina turned Tequila’s repeat dreams into a cautionary tale. Trevor Harless just grinned: “If the offense forgets the end zone, the defense will find it.”
  
  
• Kicker
  
  Evan McPherson South Carolina Scarecrows
  Six field goals. Six. Plus two extra points. McPherson basically kicked Tequila out of the 1-seed conversation by himself. “Three’s more than enough,” he joked. “But six feels rude.” South Carolina might build him a statue. Or at least a golden kicking tee.

The Look Ahead: Week 14's Game of the Week

San Antonio Mexican’ts (8–5) @ Tabbi’s Kats (8–5)
The 3rd Annual Fine Lady Bowl - Where elegance meets violence.

Some rivalries are built on history. Some are built on playoff implications. This one?

This one was built on spite, sass, and a group chat that should honestly be subpoenaed.

The Fine Lady Bowl, now in its 3rd glorious, dramatic, unnecessarily glamorous year, pits two of the IFFL’s most iconic owners — Tanya Harless and Tabbi Brewer — in a showdown dripping with playoff tension and glitter-coated hostility.

Both teams sit at 8–5, both are fighting for seeding, and both have very strong opinions about what the word “Fine” really means.

Tabbi’s Kats: The Feral Elegance

Tabbi enters Week 14 with a team that feels like a runway model carrying a chainsaw.

Josh Allen has been her do-everything superweapon, scoring like a quarterback who refuses to care about safety or decorum. Derrick Henry has rediscovered his inner winter monster, and Deebo Samuel continues to play football as if he’s trying to collect souls.

Tabbi has never won the Fine Lady Bowl — a fact Tanya brings up more often than Derrick Henry stiff-arms people. A win here not only keeps the Kats in control of playoff destiny, it finally gives Tabbi the trophy she photoshops herself holding every February.

San Antonio Mexican’ts: The Chaotic Glamour

Tanya lives for this week. Lives for it. If the Fine Lady Bowl had an entrance ramp, she’d walk down it with pyro and a tiara.

Tanya’s vibe this week: “Win or lose, I will be dramatic about it.

Prediction

Tabbi’s Kats 48 – San Antonio 43

A fourth-quarter Deebo Samuel bonus-yard explosion tilts the game.
Tabbi claims her first Fine Lady Trophy.
Tanya immediately declares the results “under review.”

The Fine Lady Bowl:

Beautiful. Messy. Everything the IFFL stands for.

The Rewind: A Look Back at Week 13's Game of the Week

South Carolina Scarecrows 64, Tequila Sunrise 41

In a clash that felt like a playoff preview, the league-leading South Carolina Scarecrows marched into the desert and delivered a statement win over the defending champion Tequila Sunrise, 64–41. It wasn’t just a win—it was a declaration: The road to the IFFL title runs through South Carolina.

From the opening whistle, the Scarecrows played like a team offended that anyone questioned their No. 1 ranking. Drake Maye was poised and punishing, throwing for 294 yards and 2 touchdowns with the calm of a ten-year veteran. But the real hammer came from SC’s backfield, where Jonathan Taylor (121 yards) and Zach Charbonnet (52 yards, 1 TD) kept the chains moving, softening Tequila’s front as the night wore on.

But the story—oh, the story—was the Seattle Defense, which unleashed a historic avalanche: 4 sacks, 4 forced fumbles, 1 interception, a safety, a defensive touchdown, and just 162 yards allowed. That’s 25 fantasy points without the defensive touchdown included. As one Sunrise assistant put it postgame,  “It felt like the field was tilted. Like we were running uphill the whole night.”

Tequila, for its part, showed heart. Bijan Robinson (193 yards, TD) and De’Von Achane (134 yards, TD) punched back every time the Scarecrows threatened a knockout. But with Sam Darnold mustering only 128 empty passing yards, the Sunrise offense never found the balance it needed.

After the game, Scarecrows owner Trevor Harless was all business, “We play for January. Nothing else.”

Tequila owner Jeff Dixon, hands on hips, summed it up with a sigh, “You can’t beat a team scoring 64 when their defense plays like the ’85 Bears on steroids.”

Both teams remain firmly in the playoff picture, but one thing is crystal clear after Week 13: South Carolina looks terrifying—and the rest of the league knows it.

Welcome back to the IFFL. Week 13 where dreams end and nightmares begin. Let’s get to the Power Rankings.

1. South Carolina Scarecrows (9–3) Continued to cruise in week 12 but week 13 shows his enemy in the building as Tequila arrives.
   
   
2. Tequila Sunrise (8–4) Won a tight defensive battle against Cincinnati this week a team that we all agree has under performed this season.
   
   
3. Los Angeles Lords (8–4) Stafford led the team to a comeback victory down 32 points in the 3rd, he inspired a 33 point quarter for the comeback victory.
   
   
4. Tabbi’s Kats (8–4) Josh Allen is either exceptional or cold as ice there is no inbetween in 2025.
   
   
5. San Antonio Mexican’ts (8–4) Defense rules and finally the Mexican’ts show they can play some. This team could be dangerous if they keep playing in a few weeks.
   
   
6. Indy Animals (8–4) Gibbs explodes and gives the team hope of a Division Title.
   
   
7. Hartford Whalers  (6–6) Sometimes they look like world-beaters, sometimes like they’ve never played football. But The Gilmore Girls give them strength.

Players of the Week

• Offense
  
  Jahmyr Gibbs - RB, Indy Animals 264 yards, 3 TDs — 30 points Gibbs unleashed a nuclear performance against Taipei, turning the Animals offense into his personal highlight reel. Indy owner Kevin “Q” Ryburn simply said: “This is why you never trade talent. Ever.”
  
  
• Defense
  
  Los Angeles Lords 193 yards allowed, 4 sacks, 2 INT, 1 TD — 15 points A pure beatdown. LA’s defense flipped the entire game in the third quarter. “We were tired of watching Stafford bail everyone out,” one defender quipped.
  
  
• Kicker
  
  Tyler Loop – Los Angeles Lords (11 points) - Every point was crucial in the New Whiteland game and LA Kicker Loop came thru with points everytime he was called upon.  “Its a great feeling,” said Loop.

The Look Ahead: Week 13's Game of the Week

Tequila Sunrise (8-4) at South Carolina Scarecrows (9-3)
“Winner gets the inside track; loser gets the antacids”

COLUMBIA, S.C. — The lights will burn a little brighter on Saturday night when the Tequila Sunrise travel east for a heavyweight tilt with the South Carolina Scarecrows — a clash that could decide not only the IFFL East and West races, but the entire complexion of the playoff bracket heading into the season’s final two weeks.

This isn’t just a game. This is a message-sending opportunity.

South Carolina: The Machine Rolls On

The Scarecrows enter at 9–3, winners of three straight and carrying the league’s most balanced roster. Jonathan Taylor has shaken off his early-season wobble, Travis Etienne has rediscovered burst, and TE Hunter Henry is suddenly catching touchdowns like he’s being paid per spike.

Owner Trevor Harless, never shy about expectations, said, “We don’t panic here. Other teams panic. We hydrate, game plan, and win football games.”

But Harless also knows Tequila is no easy out, “Achane scares the hell out of us. I’m not ashamed to say it.”

Tequila Sunrise: Back in Rhythm

Tequila sits at 8–4, winners of two straight and looking like the offensive buzzsaw expected back in Week 1.

Brock Purdy’s return has stabilized the passing game, Bijan Robinson has been on a tear, and Amon-Ra St. Brown is stacking 100-yard performances like parking tickets. Tee Higgins remains the biggest X-factor in fantasy football: quiet one week, volcanic the next.

Owner Jeff Dixon summed it up in his usual understated tone, “We score points. They score points. Let’s find out who cries first.”

Vegas has the Scarecrows as -2.5 favorites, but nobody would call this anything less than a coin flip.

Prediction

Two elite offenses enter. One elite defense (South Carolina) exits.

Scarecrows 62, Tequila 55

Expect fireworks. Expect yelling. Expect one owner to post an unhinged victory GIF before midnight.

The Rewind: A Look Back at Week 12's Game of the Week

Indy Animals 71, Taipei Personality 40
Gibbs Runs Wild as Indy Overpowers Slipping Taipei in a Crucial Playoff Showdown

TAIPEI — In a game dripping with playoff implications, the Indy Animals marched into Taipei and delivered one of their most complete performances of the season, steamrolling the Personality 71–40 behind a nuclear meltdown of production from superstar RB Jahmyr Gibbs.

The multi-threat dynamo racked up 264 yards and 3 TDs, leaving Taipei defenders grasping at air and questioning life choices. “I told the fellas before kickoff: feed me and get out of the way,” Gibbs said after the game. “Luckily they listened.”

Backup-turned-QB-for-the-week Jacoby Brissett delivered a surprisingly steady performance, throwing for 337 yards and a TD in relief of the injured Jaxson Dart and Jayden Daniels. Indy owner Kevin “Q” Ryburn praised the veteran, “Brissett wasn’t pretty…but he was pretty effective. And considering my QB room right now looks like a triage tent, I’ll take it.”

Taipei, meanwhile, continues its late-season slide despite Dak Prescott throwing for 363 yards and 3 TDs, keeping the Personality afloat until the fourth quarter collapse. “Man, we’re close… but ‘close’ doesn’t show up in the standings,” Prescott said.

Owner Andrew Wang sounded considerably less optimistic, “Every week it feels like someone leaves their ability at home. I might start checking bags myself.”

The loss is devastating for Taipei, who fall to 6–6 and risk slipping out of the playoff picture entirely. Indy, now 8–4, not only strengthens its postseason hopes but positions itself as the hottest team outside Los Angeles.

Indy DL Brock Bowers summed up the team’s mindset perfectly, “We’re not scared of anybody. Just point us at the next victim.”

For Taipei, the road narrows. For Indy, the engines are just now roaring.

Welcome back to the IFFL. Week 12 where chaos ensues, and everyone knows your name. Let’s get to the Power Rankings.

1. South Carolina Scarecrows (8–3) Still the bully on the block. Taylor + Maye + that defense = weekly misery for anyone in their path.
   
   
2. Tabbi’s Kats (8–3) Josh Allen just hung 39 on someone’s grandkids. Order restored in Tabbi-town.
   
   
3. Tequila Sunrise (7–4) Explosive, terrifying, unpredictable. Purdy back + Achane unleashed = DEFCON-2 for the West.
   
   
4. Los Angeles Lords (7–4) Stafford magic hit one pothole, but LA is still the deepest, most dangerous roster in the league. The Breece Era has begun.
   
   
5. San Antonio Mexican’ts (7–4)  Goff steady, Tetairoa electric, the defense opportunistic. A top-tier West team that won’t go away.
   
   
6. Indy Animals (7–4) Injury apocalypse but Gibbs + Jeanty + Bowers keep dragging them uphill. The most resilient team in the IFFL.
   
   
7. New Whiteland Chicken Pluckerz (6–5) Sometimes they look like world-beaters, sometimes like they’ve never played football. But the trade frenzy gives them juice.

Players of the Week

• Offense
  
  Josh Allen – QB, Tabbi’s Kats (39 points) - Josh Allen detonated on the Bagels like a one-man natural disaster, throwing six touchdowns and casually racking up 357 yards in a performance that reminded the league why Grandma Tabbi sleeps soundly at night. Allen quipped afterward, “Sometimes you just feel bad for the opponent… today was not one of those days.” Tabbi simply nodded: “Good character leads to good football. Also… winning by 27 helps.”
  
  
• Defense
  
  Jacksonville Jaguars – Taipei Personality (11 points) - Taipei didn’t get much right in Week 11—but the defense came to play. Three sacks, an interception, and only 135 yards allowed kept them competitive and in the end provided the difference in the game.
  
  
• Kicker
  
  Wil Lutz – Tequila Sunrise (16 points) - When Tequila needed points, Lutz delivered like a man trying to win back custody of a lost dog—five field goals and an extra point, single-leg carrying his squad to 60 on the scoreboard. Lutz deadpanned, “I like kicking. I like scoring. I like being important. This week I got all three.” Owner Jeff Dixon added, “Some teams have a bell cow. We have a bell-kicker.”

The Look Ahead: Week 12's Game of the Week

Indy Animals (7–4) @ Taipei Personality (6–5)
 “From Cornfields to Crosswinds” Edition

TAIPEI — Week 12’s Game of the Week isn’t just a matchup of fringe playoff contenders—it’s a clash of franchises sprinting toward the postseason with very different vibes.

On one sideline stand the Indy Animals, a team that has spent the last three weeks signing, promoting, duct-taping, and spiritually manifesting quarterbacks into existence. After losing Jayden Daniels (elbow) and Jaxson Dart (concussion), Indy stumbled into Week 11 with Tua Tagovailoa, who reportedly had no idea he was even on the roster until Saturday evening. One assistant coach was overheard saying, “At this point, if you can throw a ball more than 12 yards without wincing, we’ll put you in the QB room.”

Now they pack their bags—and their backup bags—for a 19-hour travel day to Taiwan. The IFFL Insider has confirmed that the Animals will cross eight time zones, endure three layovers, and land at an hour in which their bodies will believe it's Thursday, next month. Travel fatigue could be a real issue.

Meanwhile, the Taipei Personality are in desperation mode. At 6–5, they sit one game back in the hyper-volatile IFFL West. They need this win—not want, not hope, need—to avoid slipping further behind San Antonio, Tequila, and Los Angeles. Owner Andrew Wang summed it up Tuesday: “We’re still in this thing… but another loss and we’ll need a calculator, a prayer, and a small miracle.”

Taipei brings momentum after nearly upsetting the Lords last week, powered by Dak Prescott’s late-game eruption and a revitalized receiving corps.

Indy brings… Jahmyr Gibbs, Davante Adams, and half a functioning elbow in the QB room.

Prediction

Taipei uses its home-field advantage, rested roster, and competent quarterback play to outlast an exhausted Indy squad.

Taipei 48, Indy 37

But if Indy pulls it off? It may go down as the greatest jet-lag win in league history.

The Rewind: A Look Back at Week 11's Game of the Week

Philadelphia Dark Side 19, Hartford Whalers 15
"Whalers’ Playoff Hopes Hit the Pavement… Hard"

HARTFORD — On a chilly Week 11 afternoon, the Philadelphia Dark Side marched into Gilmore Girls Country and delivered a crushing blow to the Hartford Whalers, winning 19–15 in a game that somehow felt even uglier than the score suggests.

This was supposed to be the Whalers’ bounce-back week. A chance to erase the memory of last week’s public dismantling at the hands of South Carolina. Instead, the Whalers put out an offensive performance that could best be described as “a polite whimper.”

Bo Nix threw for 303 yards but found the end zone as often as a Gilmore Girls character finds functional communication: never. Daniel Carlson did his best to drag Hartford toward relevance with 10 points, but it wasn’t enough to save a team that simply refused to score touchdowns.

Philadelphia didn’t exactly sparkle either, but they did something Hartford didn’t: the bare minimum. Jalen Hurts tossed a single TD, and Xavier Legette contributed the brightest moment of Philly’s afternoon with an 83-yard, 6-point performance. Will Reichard added five more, and the Chicago Defense, likely confused about which franchise they were actually playing for, chipped in with a strong showing.

After the loss, Hartford Owner Chad Allen took to reporters with the defeated energy of a man who had just dropped his prom corsage in a puddle.

“This is… not great,” Allen muttered. “I thought we’d score touchdowns today. Turns out that was optimistic.”

Philadelphia Owner Avan Beaver, meanwhile, looked like someone who had just discovered that winning actually feels pretty nice.

“Honestly, I don’t know how we won either,” Beaver admitted. “But we’ll take it. And also, yes, everyone is still for sale. Please call me.”

Even players were stunned by the game's tone.

Dark Side WR A.J. Brown shrugged postgame: “We played mid and still won. That’s crazy. Hartford’s gotta figure some things out, man.”

For Hartford, the loss is catastrophic. Their playoff hopes, once flickering, are now smoldering in the gutter like a used firework on New Year’s Day.

Chad Allen again summed it up best:

“A playoff dream dying
All we are is dust in the wind
Field goals can’t save me.”

The Whalers now sit three games behind South Carolina with only three to play, needing not just wins, but miracles. Philadelphia? They get a win that means little for this season but at least staves off total humiliation.

For one week, the Dark Side rose again. For Hartford… winter came early.

Welcome back to the IFFL. Week 9 where no one wants to run the league, so we try a new team this week.  Let’s get to the Power Rankings.

1. Los Angeles Lords (7-3) The Lords take the lead in the West the next question is how long can they hold on to it.
   
   
2. South Carolina Scarecrows (7-3) Put an absolute beatdown on Hartford this week scoring 93 the tops in the league this season.
   
   
3. Tabbi’s Kats (7-3) Finally gets a win, this team needs to right the ship before the playoffs. This team wants a second Riesbeck trophy.
   
   
4. Tequila Sunrise (6-4) Lost to LA, we hear it was not a fun flight home even though it was short.
   
   
5. San Antonio Mexicants (6-4) Gets a much needed win against Taipei, and stays playoff relevant.
   
   
6. New Whiteland Chicken Pluckerz (6-4) Proved at least for another week they deserve to be on this list by beating the Kats.
   
   
7. Indy Animals (6-4) Just keeps chugging along but now it gets difficult after Daniels and Dart go out with injuries.

Players of the Week

• Offense
  
  RB Jonathan Taylor – South Carolina Scarecrows
  Taylor stampeded Hartford for 286 yards and 3 touchdowns, single-handedly turning the Whalers into roadkill. “That’s the guy we drafted,” said owner Trevor Harless, grinning through barbecue sauce. “When JT’s rolling, I start clearing mantle space for another trophy.” Taylor merely added, “I told the O-line if they opened holes that big again, I’d buy ’em all tractors.”
  
  
• Defense
  
  South Carolina Scarecrows
  As if Taylor’s outburst weren’t enough, Seattle piled on with 5 sacks, 2 TD’ss, and 19 fantasy points, helping South Carolina post 93 total. “They played like caffeine-addled raccoons in a dumpster,” said defensive coordinator (also Harless). Hartford QB Bo Nix declined comment while still being sacked.
  
  
• Kicker
  
  K Tyler Loop – Los Angeles Lords
  Loop nailed four field goals and an extra point for 13 points, calmly burying Tequila Sunrise and handing LA its sweep of the West rival. “I just try to stay in my Loop,” he quipped. Lords owner Jason Beaver added, “When your kicker outscores half the league’s running backs, you start printing playoff tickets.”

The Look Ahead: Week 11's Game of the Week

Philadelphia Dark Side @ Hartford Whalers
“One Needs a Bounce Back… The Other Just Needs Something to Go Right.”

HARTFORD — Week 11 brings us a matchup dripping with desperation, sarcasm, and the faint aroma of impending fire sales as the Philadelphia Dark Side travels to face the Hartford Whalers in what might as well be titled “The We Need This One More Than You Do Bowl.”

The Whalers enter the week licking fresh wounds from last Sunday’s beatdown at the hands of South Carolina—a game in which Jonathan Taylor personally outscored half the division. Hartford owner Chad Allen, visibly exhausted from explaining why his team “totally wasn’t looking past SC,” said, “Last week was a speed bump. A… very large speed bump. Like a curb. Or a retaining wall. But this week we right the ship.”

Hard to blame him for the optimism—Bo Nix, Puka Nacua, and Zay Flowers have quietly turned Hartford into a rollercoaster capable of both thrilling highs and stomach-churning drops. After scoring 93 last week, the Whalers desperately need to show accountability, functionality, and perhaps a pulse.

But across the field stand the Philadelphia Dark Side, who enter Week 11 with all the enthusiasm of a yard sale that won’t end. Owner Avan Beaver has spent the last 10 days trying to trade anything not bolted down—then accidentally offering Jalen Hurts after the deadline, because of course he did.

“I don’t know who’s actually playing,” Beaver admitted Wednesday. “I traded half the roster in my head, but apparently that doesn’t count.”

Yet somehow, somehow, the Dark Side always shows signs of life, usually in the form of AJ Brown refusing to let the franchise fully collapse. Philadelphia may be 3–7, but they’ve become the league’s chaotic neutral force—the team that could ruin someone’s playoff hopes simply by stumbling into a 55-point game out of nowhere.

This week? They’d love nothing more than to kick Hartford while they’re down.

Owner Talk

Hartford’s Allen: “We’re still in the East race. But if we lose to Philadelphia? Just put us behind the Gilmore Girls rerun schedule on the stadium TV and call it a season.”

Philadelphia’s Beaver: “Look, we’re unpredictable. That’s our strength. Or maybe a weakness. I honestly stopped keeping track”

Prediction

Hartford 41, Philadelphia 33

Why?

Because Hartford is desperate, home, and still recovering from last week’s SC bludgeoning—and desperate home teams tend to show up. Also because Philadelphia specializes in giving opponents hope before inevitably running out of gas at the worst moment.

Prepare yourselves. Week 11’s Game of the Week may not be pretty—but it’ll definitely be funny.

The Rewind: A Look Back at Week 10's Game of the Week

Los Angeles Lords (6-3) @ Tequila Sunrise (6-3)

LOS ANGELES — It was billed as the battle for the soul of the IFFL West. Instead, it turned into Matthew Stafford’s weekly masterclass in “Oh yeah, I can still absolutely sling it.”

The Los Angeles Lords took down the Tequila Sunrise 53–34, sweeping the season series and planting their flag atop the West. With the win, LA moved to 7–3 and left Tequila staring at second place like someone who just realized they left their wallet at the bar.

Stafford Torches Sunrise (Again)

Stafford delivered his third straight four-touchdown performance since signing in LA—13 TDs in 3 games. “I just show up and throw touchdowns now,” Stafford joked afterward. “It’s a new thing I’m trying.”

Tequila head coach and owner Jeff Dixon was less amused.

“We doubled him. We disguised coverages. We prayed. Nothing worked,” he said. “I don’t even think he broke a sweat.”

Breece Hall Debuts, Achane Goes Wild

Tequila’s RB De’Von Achane tried to single-handedly keep the Sunrise in it with 225 yards and two scores, running like a man who took LA’s trade for Breece Hall personally.

“I saw they traded for Breece,” Achane said. “So I figured I better remind folks that I still exist.”

But LA’s counterpunch was simply too powerful. Newly acquired RB Breece Hall posted 125 yards and a TD in his Lords debut.

“Welcome to the machine, kid,” Stafford told Hall after the game. “You’ll fit right in.”

Defense? Anyone? Anyone at All?

Both defenses… showed up. Technically.

New England allowed 371 yards for Tequila; LA’s Rams unit allowed nearly 400. But it was the tiny plays—one turnover here, one big Rams stop there—that swung the scales.

Tequila K Brandon McManus didn’t help, managing just 1 point. “Listen,” McManus said, “I kicked it. The points just didn’t… go in the thing. What more do you want?”

Jeff Dixon Takes the Loss... Sarcastically

“I’m thrilled,” Dixon said, stone-faced. “Just delighted. Nothing brings me joy like losing to the Lords twice in a season. Maybe next week I’ll lose by 40 instead of 20—just to change the vibe.”

Jason Beaver, Lord of Los Angeles, All-In

After the win, LA owner Jason Beaver couldn’t resist.

“Look, we don’t rebuild. We reload. Then we reload the reload,” Beaver said. “Stafford’s throwing like he’s 28, Breece is here, the defense is improving, and we might even get Dobbins back at some point. I like our odds.”

When asked if the team was officially pushing its chips all in, Beaver shrugged.

“We pushed them in weeks ago. We’re playing with house money now.”

Final Word: Sunrise Stuck in the Shadows

Tequila falls to 6–4, watching LA surge ahead in the division race.

“We’ll see them again,” Achane said. “Maybe in the playoffs. Maybe in Jason Beaver’s nightmares.”

After Week 10, one thing is clear:

The West runs through Los Angeles… and Stafford is driving the bus at full speed.

Welcome back to the IFFL. Week 9 where no one wants to run the league, so we try a new team this week.  Let’s get to the Power Rankings.

1. Los Angeles Lords (6-3) the Lords are making moves and trying to put their playoff future in their own hands.
   
   
2. Tequila Sunrise (6-3) Beat Taipei to keep pace in the East.
   
   
3. South Carolina Scarecrows (6-3) Has literally given every other east team a chance to win the division playing like crap week in and week out.
   
   
4. New Whiteland Chicken Pluckerz: (6-3) Proved at least for another week they deserve to be on this list by beating the Kats.
   
   
5. Tabbi’s Kats (6-3) This is 3 straight losses. Let’s hope the Kats get back on track before Tabbi does something she might regret, like forget to have a background check run on a potential Free Agent Signing.
   
   
6. San Antonio Mexicants (5-4) Close losses still count as losses.
   
   
7. Hartford Whalers (5-4) 3 wins in a row and knocking on the door of the East mountaintop.

Players of the Week

• Offense
  
  QB Joe Flacco – Philadelphia Dark Side
  469 yards, 4 TD, 1 Two-Point Conversion
  
  Yes… that Joe Flacco. Fresh out of the football crypt, he dropped the single biggest QB performance of the season and reminded everyone that elite never dies, it just naps. “I just needed the right lighting and some warm-up throws,” Flacco said while adjusting his bifocals and firing lasers.
  
  
• Defense
  
  Indy Animals 4 sacks.
  
  Not alot to choose from this week so we will take the best of the worst.
  
  
• Kicker
  
  Cam Little (Chicago) — 4 FG (12 pts)
  
  A 68 yard FG in regulation helped to seal the Fightin Ditka’s 2nd win of the season.

The Look Ahead: Week 10's Game of the Week

Los Angeles Lords (6-3) @ Tequila Sunrise (6-3)
“The Battle for Temporary Control of the West”

If the IFFL West were a neighborhood, this would be that moment when two dads in cargo shorts lock eyes at the end of the cul-de-sac and both know someone is walking away with custody of the patio grill.

Both the Los Angeles Lords and Tequila Sunrise enter Week 10 at 6–3, white-knuckling their playoff aspirations while pretending not to feel the hot breath of San Antonio and Taipei breathing down their necks like a Golden Corral sneeze guard during brunch rush.

Los Angeles: A Team on a Mission

The Lords have won five straight and recently added Breece Hall to a backfield that was already featuring Josh Jacobs, J.K. Dobbins, and whichever RB Jason Beaver dug out of a grain silo in Iowa.

QB Matthew Stafford is playing the part of “old guy at open gym who calls perfect fouls and never misses a mid-range jumper.” He has one goal: Championship #5.

Or as Beaver calls it: “Re-establishing order in the West.”

Then again, LA still starts Daniel Jones occasionally, so the universe remains in balance.

We’ll know by halftime.

Bijan Robinson and De’Von Achane remain the most terrifying yet fragile RB duo in the league — like a Ferrari powered by hummingbirds.

Tee Higgins is now apparently healthy, mad, and dunking on people again.

Dixon said this week:

“We’ve been here before. We know how to win the big ones. And also the small ones. And also the medium ones.”

LA’s Jason Beaver responded:

“We respect them. But they know what we’re doing. We’re not hiding it. We’re trying to ruin everyone’s season.”

Prediction

This one feels like points. It feels like yelling. It feels like someone blowing a lead and refusing to speak to the group chat for 36 hours.

Final Score Prediction: Los Angeles 57 - Tequila Sunrise 52

The Lords’ new toy Breece Hall does something extremely rude on national television, and Jason Beaver spends the postgame smirking like he knew the entire time.

The Rewind: A Look Back at Week 9's Game(s) of the Week

Los Angeles Lords (38) @ San Antonio Mexican’ts (33)

The Los Angeles Lords continued their scorching-hot midseason run, picking up their fifth straight win on the road in San Antonio. The Lords were led by QB Matthew Stafford who turned in a four-touchdown performance and promptly reminded the league that he is not here to babysit:

“I told them I wasn’t washed. I told them. Look at me. LOOK AT ME.” — Matthew Stafford, while staring directly into a camera.

Meanwhile, Josh Jacobs rolled into town with his own lunch pail, punching in 100 yards and a score like it was a contractual obligation.

Owner Jason Beaver (LA) was seen exiting the stadium wearing sunglasses after dark, daring anyone to say anything:

“We’re pushing the chips. All of them. I'm redecorating the trophy case. Again.”

Across the aisle, San Antonio may be spiraling.

QB Jared Goff did what he could (284 yards, 2 TD), but the offense looked like it had just rolled out of a Chili’s at 3:47 AM.

Owner Tanya Harless said after the loss:

“We are fine. Everything is fine. (Pauses) DOES ANYONE KNOW WHERE ISIAH PACHECO IS?”

Travis Kelce was unavailable for postgame comments; he was reportedly already on a private jet to accompany Taylor Swift on her European tour.

GAME OF THE WEEK (PART Deux)

Tequila Sunrise (52) @ Taipei Personality (41)

This one had the feel of a playoff preview — until Tequila decided to drop the hammer.

QB Sam Darnold unleashed 330 yards and 4 touchdowns, delivering one of the most surprising shreddings since that one time you tried to “just check your credit score one time” and your life fell apart.

Asked about his performance, Darnold simply said:

“People forget. I don’t.” He then stared off into the distance for an uncomfortable amount of time.

Tee Higgins also made his presence known, scoring twice and shouting “PAY ME!” toward the sideline.

Owner Jeff Dixon (Tequila) was fired up after the game:

“We needed this one. Darnold is HIM. Higgins is HIM. Everyone is HIM. Except our defense. They are very much NOT HIM.”

The Taipei sideline was more… reflective.

Drake London, whose 3 TD day was wasted, told reporters:

“I balled out. The defense did cardio. I don’t know man.”

Owner Andrew Wang added:

“We’re still in the mix. Look at the standings. Everyone’s 5–4 or 6–3. The division is basically a raffle drawing at this point.”

Welcome back to the IFFL. Week 8 where the Kats are no longer at the top of the league. Let’s get to the Power Rankings.

1. South Carolina Scarecrows (6-2) Back in the win column and now into the 2025 trading season to increase his odds of bringing home the 3rd Riesbeck trophy for the franchise.
   
   
2. Tabbi’s Kats (6-2) This is 2 in a row, in a bad way, one more and that could be devastating. The Kats should get back on track this week.
   
   
3. Los Angeles Lords (5-3) This last game was special, family affairs always mean more especially when the parent beats the child and CPS is not involved.
   
   
4. Tequila Sunrise (5-3) Who says losing breeds losing, the Sunrise snapped that 2 game streak to put the Subs in their place.
   
   
5. San Antonio Mexicants (5-3) Beats the hapless Bagels to keep pace in the West.
   
   
6. Taipei Personality (5-3) Ran (literally) all over a Lamar-less Pittsburgh squad.
   
   
7. New Whiteland Chicken Pluckerz (5-3) Welcome to the big boy club.  Too bad the Kats are waiting in the wings.

Players of the Week

• Offense
  
  Bo Nix (Har) 246 yards, 4 TD’s. Big Game, Bo Nix shows up to surgically dissect the league leading Kats.
  
  
• Defense
  
  South Carolina - 275 yds allowed, 5 Sack, 2 FR, 2 Ints A week after getting beat by the SA defense the Scarecrow D took their frustration out on the Animals.
  
  
• Kicker
  
  Cameron Dicker (San Antonio) — 4 XP, 3 FG (13 pts). Wow, just wow, the way this Mexican’ts team wins games is abnormal and most of the time that luck runs out before winning a championship.

The Look Ahead: Week 9's Game(s) of the Week

Tequila Sunrise (5–3) @ Taipei Personality (5–3)
“When Cool Collides with Chaos”

It’s a clash of offensive philosophies: Tequila’s methodical, stat-padding machine vs. Taipei’s explosive unpredictability.

Owner Jeff Dixon’s Sunrise come in looking to reassert dominance after a midseason wobble. QB play has stabilized, the RB room remains stacked, and the team that once looked tired now looks terrifying again. “We’re built for the stretch run,” Dixon said. “And if anyone doubts that, they can come try running through Bijan.”

On the other sideline, Andrew Wang’s Personality are quietly becoming everyone’s least favorite matchup — too talented to overlook, too erratic to prepare for. Saquon Barkley and James Cook form one of the league’s deadliest one-two punches, while Tyreek Hill and Malik Nabers make every game a track meet.

Wang kept it short with reporters, “Tequila talks a lot about sunrise. We’re more of a sudden lightning strike.”

The analytics say Tequila’s consistency wins championships; the vibes say Taipei might just blow them off the field.

Prediction

Tequila 52, Taipei 48

The Sunrise survive, but barely.

Los Angeles Lords (5–3) @ San Antonio Mexican’ts (5–3)
“Battle of the Brave”

When these two owners face off, it’s not just football — it’s a feud. Jason Beaver’s Lords have been the hottest team in the league, winners of four straight behind Daniel Jones and an offense that’s been firing even without the injured Ricky Pearsall. But losing Cam Skattebo to that gruesome leg injury leaves the backfield thin. “We’ll adjust,” Beaver said. “We always do. We have Breece Hall now — and he’s bringing some much-needed hydration to our offense.” How do the Lords react after the midweek trade that sent Pearsall to Cincinnati?

On the San Antonio side, Tanya Harless’s Mexican’ts are grinding out wins the old-fashioned way — tough defense, balanced attack, and CeeDee Lamb doing whatever he wants. “Jason’s team is scary,” Tanya admitted. “But not as scary as me when I lose.”

Expect tension, fireworks, and at least one controversial call to spark arguments across the Harless–Beaver households of the IFFL.

Prediction

San Antonio 46, Los Angeles 44

The Mexican’ts’ defense bends but doesn’t break, handing the Lords a humbling end to their streak.

The Rewind: A Look Back at Week 8's Game of the Week

Tabbi’s 53 @ Hartford 59
“The Character Clash Turns into Chaos in Connecticut”

In a game billed as a clash of morals as much as talent, the Hartford Whalers took down the previously pristine Tabbi’s Kats 59–53 in Week 8’s IFFL Game of the Week — handing Tabbi Brewer her second straight loss and giving Hartford their biggest win of the season.

Owner Chad Allen strutted out of the Whalers’ locker room postgame, latte in hand, declaring, “Maybe character’s overrated. I’ve got guys who skip chapel and still score touchdowns.”

He wasn’t wrong. QB Bo Nix was surgical, throwing for 246 yards and 4 touchdowns, while RB RJ Harvey emerged as an unlikely hero, punching in three scores of his own. “Coach told me to ‘be the difference,’” said Harvey. “So I was. Mainly because Pollard wasn’t.”

Tabbi’s Kats, long considered the league’s model of discipline and clean play, suddenly looked rattled. Josh Allen tried to keep the game close with 3 touchdowns, but the Hartford defense — yes, Hartford’s defense — made just enough stops to secure the win.

“We preach integrity and focus,” said Brewer. “But it’s hard to stay focused when Bo Nix looks like he’s been possessed by the ghost of Joe Montana.”

Even Derrick Henry’s 2-touchdown performance couldn’t save the Kats, who have now fallen from 6–0 to 6–2. Around the league, whispers of “the curse of clean living” have begun circulating.

As for the Whalers, the win keeps their playoff hopes alive and gives Chad Allen all the ammo he needs for his next Snapchat bitmoji story. “We’re built on chaos,” Allen said. “And sometimes chaos wins.”

Next week: Hartford looks to keep the redemption arc going, while Tabbi’s Kats try to remember what losing doesn’t feel like.

Welcome back to the IFFL. Week 7 where the Kats and Scarecrows both lose but hold their grip on the league. Let’s get to the Power Rankings.

1. Tabbi’s Kats (6-1) Well it happened. The Kats imploded, however they were missing Josh Allen, Derrick Henry, and Dalton Kincaid, I would hope they get back to their winning ways this week.
   
   
2. South Carolina Scarecrows (5-2) Lost again in the Domestic Violence Bowl if this was a less common occurrence I would be afraid that Trevor would snap.
   
   
3. Los Angeles Lords (4-3) 2 game winning streak leads the Lords to Tequila.
   
   
4. Indy Animals (4-3) Got back into the win column against the Kats last week.  A Jahmyr Gibbs 4th quarter for the ages sealed the win.
   
   
5. Tequila Sunrise (4-3) Lost a blowout to LA who is finally showing their potential.
   
   
6. San Antonio Mexicants (4-3) Masta got the Scarecrows working in the fields.
   
   
7. Taipei Personality (4-3) Lost a close game to New Whiteland, still a very hard team to put away.

Players of the Week

• Offense:
  
  Matt Stafford (LA)
  183 yards, 5 TD’s. Big Game, Bigger Play from Stafford who is quickly connecting with the Lord’s Receivers
  
  
• Defense:
  
  San Antonio Mexican’ts
  95 yds allowed, 1 Sack, 1 FR, S/O Absolutely amazing performance against the Scarecrows, ultimately it did them in.
  
  
• Kicker:
  
  Will Reichard (Philadelphia)
  1 XP, 5 FG (16 pts). Kicked his team into a victory and a very confusing trade deadline for team brass.

The Look Ahead: Week 8's Game of the Week

Tabbi's @ Hartford
Character Clash on the IFFL Gridiron

This week’s marquee matchup isn’t just about records, yardage, or playoff positioning—though there’s plenty of that at stake. Tabbi’s Kats (6–1) host the resurgent Hartford Whalers (3–4) in what can only be described as a philosophical collision, a culture clash, and perhaps even a minor morality play staged in cleats.

On one sideline stands Tabbi Brewer, owner of the Kats, whose team identity has long been built on discipline, stability, and an absolutely ironclad “no knuckleheads” policy. Her players show up early, hydrate properly, speak politely, and probably volunteer at local youth flag football clinics in their spare time.

They also win. A lot.

Tabbi's oft-quoted motto — “Good character means good play on the field” — has been tested but never disproven, as her team once again sits atop the Central Division standings with a 6–1 record and the confidence of a team that expects to be in the league semifinals as a matter of routine.

Across the line of scrimmage, wearing the slightly rumpled hawaiian shirt of a man who is very much aware that the rest of the league is judging him, stands Hartford Whalers owner Chad Allen.

Allen’s roster is a swirling experiment built on the premise that talent trumps public relations, locker room harmony, and possibly even sleep. From Bo Nix slinging YOLO balls to DeVonta Smith’s ice-cold sideline demeanor to Quinshon Judkins scoring while ignoring all media interactions, Hartford fields a lineup that looks like it was assembled in a dimly lit poker room, without x-ray tables or glasses, while the words “I can fix him” echoed softly in the background.

When asked about his team-building philosophy this week, Allen shrugged:

“Look, I’m not running a church youth league. I’m running a football team. If a guy can get open, I don’t really care if he once keyed somebody’s car at a Waffle House.”

Tabbi, in contrast, was diplomatic—but also very not:

“I believe the way you live is the way you play. We don’t do chaos. We don’t do ‘projects.’ And we certainly don’t do Waffle House incidents.”

The Whalers’ path to victory lies in creating chaos, forcing shootout tempo, and letting the talent cook. The Kats’ strategy is simple: play clean, play efficient, play stable, and dare Hartford to self-destruct before the fourth quarter.

Prediction

Tabbi’s Kats 38, Hartford Whalers 31

Tabbi’s structure and discipline withstand Hartford’s offensive volatility—though not without a few sideline moments where Chad Allen loudly insists someone else blew the coverage.

And afterward, regardless of the score, one thing is guaranteed:

Chad Allen will still swear he was one player away.

The Rewind: A Look Back at Week 7's Game of the Week

San Antonio 41 @ South Carolina 38 - Domestic Violence Bowl*
*The Harless Household Cup (working title the league’s lawyers prefer)

COLUMBIA, S.C. — The 20th installment of the famously chaotic Domestic Violence Bowl delivered everything it has become known for: emotional chaos, questionable play-calling, household bribery, lawn-chair tailgating, and one very split Harless family living room.

The San Antonio Mexican’ts edged out the South Carolina Scarecrows 41–38 on Sunday, improving their all-time record in the rivalry and making sure the Harless household remains tense for at least another week.

The story of the day was Jonathan Taylor’s herculean effort for South Carolina. The Scarecrows’ star back ran for 132 yards and 3 touchdowns, accounting for nearly half their point total. Despite the performance, the Scarecrows couldn’t fend off the steady efficiency of San Antonio QB Jared Goff, who completed just enough throws—especially to CeeDee Lamb (110 yards and a score)—to keep the Mexican’ts ahead late.

“I told everyone we weren’t folding today,” Goff said after the win. “And also that we packed our own lunch because I'm not eating whatever was going on at the Harless house this morning.” I bet it wasn’t waffles!

On the other side, rookie QB Drake Maye was sharp, throwing for 284 yards and 2 touchdowns, and mostly avoiding mistakes—a small miracle in a game historically known for “emotional interceptions.” But a late drive stalled at midfield, sealing South Carolina’s fate.

San Antonio’s defense—specifically the Kansas City D/ST—came up enormous, forcing turnovers and holding South Carolina to just enough field goals instead of touchdowns. They walked away with 16 fantasy points, making them the unsung MVPs of the afternoon.

As for the heads of household:

San Antonio Owner Tanya Harless, sipping victory coffee, smiled and said,

“I mean, tradition is tradition. I just enjoy winning. Especially in front of him.”

South Carolina Owner Trevor Harless stared into the middle distance and muttered,

“We had it… we had it… somebody turn off the lights.”

With the win, San Antonio climbs back into the thick of the Western Division race, while South Carolina—still leading the East—must regroup fast in a suddenly crowded playoff picture.

But as always, the real story isn’t just the standings. It’s that the Harless family won’t be speaking calmly to one another until at least Wednesday.

Welcome back to the IFFL. Week 6 where the ups and downs are extra wild. Let’s get to the Power Rankings.

1. Tabbi’s Kats: (6-0) The Kats came out victorious, again.  Who beats this Kats team? I only see them beating themselves.
   
   
2. South Carolina Scarecrows: (5-1) Must change their luck against the Mexican’ts this week.
   
   
3. Tequila Sunrise: (4-2) Faces a red hot Lords team in week 7 to stay atop the West.
   
   
4. Taipei Personality: (4-2) Sneakily moving up the charts but for how long?
   
   
5. Los Angeles Lords: (3-3) 2 game winning streak leads the Lords to Tequila.
   
   
6. Indy Animals: (3-3) Got back into the win column against SA last week.  A nullified Goff TD was the difference.
   
   
7. San Antonio Mexicants: (3-3) 3 losses in a row but have no fear the domestic violence bowl has arrived to straighten out the ship.

Players of the Week

• Offense:
  
  Cam Skattebo (LA) 110 yards, 3 TD’s. This is the rushing attack LA envisioned when drafting so many running backs this year.
  
  
• Defense:
  
  Indy Animals - 82 yds allowed, 9 Sacks Absolutely amazing performance against the Mexican’ts.
  
  
• Kicker:
  
  Eddy Pinero (Taipei) — 1 XP, 4 FG (13 pts). Kicked his way back across the Pacific.

The Look Ahead: Week 7's Game of the Week

San Antonio @ South Carolina - Domestic Violence Bowl
AKA The Harless Household Cup (working title the league’s lawyers prefer)

COLUMBIA, S.C. — It’s that time again when the Harless living room becomes a split-screen broadcast. Tanya’s San Antonio Mexican’ts (3–3) arrive with Jared Goff throwing darts and Cameron Dicker paper-cutting opponents to death, while Trevor’s South Carolina Scarecrows (5–1) counter with a ground game that scares lawns: Jonathan Taylor, Travis Etienne, and a side of Rachaad White.

Tradition says San Antonio has taken this family feud more often than not; the present says South Carolina looks like a wagon. The kids have chosen their allegiances: Riley reportedly sided with San Antonio after “unspecified incentives” (sources: a suspicious new tablet), while Payton backed Dad, noting, “He doesn’t need more bruises or broken bones—people will start to ask questions.” We’ll call that elite locker-room awareness.

Key Matchups

• Goff vs. SC pass rush: If the Scarecrows speed Drake Maye’s practice habits into their pass rush on Sunday, Goff’s timing windows shrink.
  
  
• Taylor/Etienne vs. short fields: San Antonio’s methodical drives are great—until SC’s RBs turn every possession into a track meet.
  
  
• Kickers: Dicker vs. McPherson has “plot twist” energy if touchdowns stall.

Final Whistle Forecast

South Carolina 31, San Antonio 27. SC’s RB duo bleeds the clock and wins the explosive-play margin late, while a fourth-quarter Hunter Henry touchdown is matched by a steady diet of Taylor/Etienne chunk runs. In a house divided, the tiebreaker is yards after contact… and the Scarecrows bring more of them.

The Rewind: A Look Back at Week 6's Game of the Week

Lords Steamroll Peanut Butter Balls, 64–16

PITTSBURGH, PA— The Los Angeles Lords brought a sledgehammer to a butter knife fight, flattening the Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls 64–16 in a game that was competitive for roughly the length of the National Anthem. Matt Stafford’s steady debut (182 yards, TD) gave way to a ground avalanche: Josh Jacobs (150 yards, 2 TD) and Cam Skattebo (110 yards, three TD) turned Acrisure into a treadmill the home team couldn’t step on without flying off the back.

Justin Fields managed just 76 passing yards and a cold splash of reality, while Pittsburgh’s brightest lights were a kicker (Brandon Aubrey, 9) and a prayer. “Dear IFFL Injury Demon,” owner Matt Howell said afterward, staring into the middle distance, “please return Lamar Jackson and I’ll sacrifice my next two waiver claims, a gently used foam finger, and whatever’s left of our hamstrings.”

The Lords, who also got touchdowns from Ja’Marr Chase and Zach Ertz, looked… well, lordly. “We wanted boring competence up front and fireworks at the finish,” LA owner Jason Beaver quipped. “Mission accomplished—and no, we’re not trading for another quarterback this hour.” Stafford shrugged at the fuss: “Hand it to Josh, let Cam cook, don’t crash the bus.” Pittsburgh will try to tape the roster back together next week; Los Angeles leaves with the kind of win that makes a season feel shorter and January feel closer.

Welcome back to the IFFL. Week 5 where the ups and downs are extra wild. Let’s get to the Power Rankings.

1. Tabbi’s Kats: (5-0) The Kats came out victorious, again.  Chicago puts up little to no fight for these Kats.
   
   
2. South Carolina Scarecrows: (4-1) The slip up was not by Tabbi’s it was by the Scarecrows. Will they be buyers in the WR trade market?
   
   
3. Tequila Sunrise: (3-2) Exacted some revenge on the Mexicants in week 5.
   
   
4. San Antonio Mexicants: (3-2) 2 losses in a row has sent the Mexican’ts into a downward spiral.
   
   
5. Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls: (3-2) Loss of Lamar was no issue for this team in week 5.
   
   
6. Taipei Personality: (3-2) Sneakily moving up the charts but for how long?
   
   
7. Indy Animals: (2-3) Potential will only get you so far.

Players of the Week

• Offensive Player of the Week
  
  Sam Darnold (Tequila) — 341 yards, 4 TD (25 pts) in the 65–51 win at San Antonio.
  
  
• Defense of the Week
  
  Detroit Lions D/ST (Tabbi’s) — 322 yds allowed, 3 sacks, 3 INT, 1 safety, TD (13 pts).
  
  
• Kicker of the Week
  
  Joey Slye (Indy) — 3 FGs, 1 PAT = 13 pts (steady metronome in the Animals win).

The Look Ahead: Week 6's Game of the Week

Lords and Peanut Butter Balls
Stafford debuts for L.A.; Lamar sits as Pittsburgh leans on defense and legs

PITTSBURGH — Week 6’s marquee kicks at Acrisure, where the Los Angeles Lords (3–2) visit the Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls (3–2) in a clash thick with playoff tiebreaker juice.

The headline: Lamar Jackson is out (hamstring), pushing Pittsburgh toward a ball-control script with Nick Chubb, Jaylen Warren, and a defense that’s carried them early. K Brandon Aubrey—on a heater—may again be the home side’s most reliable scorer if red-zone trips stall.

Across the sideline, it’s the L.A. debut of Matt Stafford, freshly rescued from San Antonio’s curb and handed the keys while Joe Burrow rehabs. Expect OC to lean quick-game and play-action to Ja’Marr Chase and Michael Pittman Jr. (hamstring watch), with Josh Jacobs/J.K. Dobbins setting the table. If Stafford’s timing is in, the Ravens D/ST safety net won’t have to bail water.

Prediction: Los Angeles 27, Pittsburgh 23

Stafford does just enough with Jacobs/Dobbins setting tempo, Chase nabs a red-zone TD, and Tyler Loop’s late field goal is the difference. Without Lamar, Pittsburgh leans on Chubb/Warren and Aubrey, but one stalled fourth-quarter drive flips it to the Lords.

The Rewind: A Look Back at Week 5's Game of the Week

Sunrise 65, Mexican’ts 51
Darnold detonates, Javonte rumbles as Tequila evens season series in shootout

SAN ANTONIO — Tequila flipped the script in the Week 5 Game of the Week, torching San Antonio 65–51 behind a surprise star turn from Sam Darnold and a bruising closer from Javonte Williams.

Pressed into action, Darnold carved up the secondary for 341 yards and 4 TD (25 pts), spreading scores to Jordan Addison and Tory Horton while Amon-Ra St. Brown posted 100 yards. On the ground, Williams pounded out 139 yards and 2 TD (13 pts) with De’Von Achane adding another score. Wil Lutz tacked on 7, and the Jets D/ST chipped in 1.

San Antonio answered often but never caught up. Jared Goff threw 3 TD (18 pts), David Montgomery bullied in two (12 pts), and both Travis Kelce and Dallas Goedert found the end zone. Cameron Dicker added 4, with the Chiefs D/ST at 5.

Turning point: Up 44–38 in the third, Darnold converted a third-and-long to St. Brown, setting up an Addison TD. A quick three-and-out later, Williams cashed a short field for a two-score cushion Tequila never relinquished.

Welcome back to the IFFL. Week 4 where the injuries are more severe and the drama’s better than ever. Let’s get to the Power Rankings.

1. Tabbi’s Kats (4-0) The Kats came out victorious, again.  Now they play at home v New Whiteland Lets see if Josh can keep it rolling.
   
   
2. South Carolina Scarecrows (4-0) One slip up by Tabbi’s and the Scarecrows go to the top.
   
   
3. San Antonio Mexicants (3-1) Ruined a chance of a undefeated DV Bowl in a few weeks.  Should be deported.
   
   
4. Indy Animals (2-2) The Animals are rolling.
   
   
5. New Delhi Subs (2-2) Two wins in a row quieting the talk of tankathon 2025 for a few weeks.
   
   
6. Tequila Sunrise (2-2) Got beat in every phase of the game, it should’ve helped they were playing the Whalers.
   
   
7. Hartford Whalers (2-2) Beat the Sunrise, do you know how many times in a generation the Whalers do that?

Players of the Week

• Offensive Player of the Week
  
  Patrick Mahomes (New Delhi Subs) — 275 yards, 4 TD = 24 pts in a 68–43 win over Philadelphia. Surgical, ruthless, vintage.
  
  
• Defense/Special Teams of the Week
  
  Tabbi’s Kats — 249 yards allowed, 3 sacks, 2 INT, DEF TD = 13 pts in a 68–41 win vs. Los Angeles.
  
  
• Kicker of the Week
  
  Cairo Santos (Tabbi’s) — 4 FGs, 1 PAT = 13 pts (steady metronome in the Kats’ win).

The Look Ahead to Week 5’s Game of the Week

Game of the Week Preview: Tequila at San Antonio

Second pour, same glass? Mexican’ts took the first meeting 41–34; Tequila swears this one comes with salt and revenge.

SAN ANTONIO — Round two arrives with all the subtlety of a marching band in a library. The Mexican’ts (the league’s current connoisseurs of body blows and field goals) welcome the Sunrise, who roll into town with a track team at running back and a quarterback old enough to remember dial-up. Yes, Brock Purdy (toe) is out, and yes, Aaron Rodgers (41) is once again expected to point at safeties and hand the ball to meteors.

Mexican’ts 30, Sunrise 27.

SA’s trench work and a late Dicker field goal survive one home-run run from Achane and a vintage Rodgers two-minute drill scare. Same movie, different theater; still worth the price of popcorn.

The Rewind: A Look Back at Week 4’s Game of the Week

Scarecrows 55 v  PB Balls 20

South Carolina steamrolls behind Maye’s three TDs, six-sack defense

COLUMBIA, S.C. — South Carolina turned a hyped Week 4 showcase into a rout, thumping Pittsburgh 55–20 behind Drake Maye’s efficient line (214 yards, 3 TD) and a relentless Seattle D/ST that allowed just 253 yards and piled up six sacks with two fumble recoveries.

The Scarecrows controlled tempo from the opening series. Travis Etienne (125 yards, TD) and Zach Charbonnet (44 yards, TD) hammered between big strikes to Hunter Henry (TD) and Marvin Harrison Jr. (66 yards, TD). Even without a score from Jonathan Taylor (96 yards), South Carolina’s balance kept Pittsburgh chasing.

The Peanut Butter Balls flashed early — Lamar Jackson totaled 195 yards and a TD, and Khalil Shakir snagged a touchdown — but drives fizzled as the pass rush heated up. Brandon Aubrey added 8 kicking points; the 49ers D/ST went scoreless.

Turning point: Late first quarter, South Carolina converted a red-zone third down to Henry for six, then forced a fumble on the next series; Charbonnet punched in moments later. A tight game snapped to double digits and never returned.

Welcome back to the IFFL. Week 2 where the injuries are more severe and the drama’s better than ever. Let’s get to the Power Rankings.

1. Tabbi’s Kats: (3-0) The Kats came out victorious, again.  Now they play at home v LA which looked hopeless in week 3.
   
   
2. San Antonio Mexicants: (3-0) The Mexican’ts have a test against Taipei in Taiwan this week.
   Could we possibly see a battle of undefeated’s in the Domestic Violence Bowl in week 7?
   
   
3. South Carolina Scarecrows: (3-0) The Scarecrow’s next test is PIttsburgh and Lamar Jackson a team they haven’t been able to solve in recent memory.
   
   
4. Tequila Sunrise: (2-1) Got beat in every phase of the game, it should’ve helped they were at home.
   
   
5. Pittsburgh PeanutButter Balls: (2-1) QB Lamar Jackson is playing out of his mind right now, now he gets his favorite divisional opponent.
   
   
6. Indy Animals: (1-2)The Mac Attack gets the Animals their 1st win of the season…Finally!
   
   
7. New Delhi Subs: (1-2) Put it on the Lords in LA, now they look for sustainment.

Players of the Week

• Offensive Player of the Week-
  
  Jalen Hurts, QB — Philadelphia Dark Side
  Line: 266 yards, 4 TD (24 pts) in a 55–32 win vs Pittsburgh.
  Why: Perfect red-zone violence, zero wasted possessions.
  
  
• Defense of the Week-
  
  Cincinnati Bagels
  Line: 171 yards allowed, 4 sacks, 2 FR, 2 safeties (24 pts) in a 41–47 loss at Tabbi’s.
  Why: A basketball score from a defense. Unreal.
  
  
• Kicker of the Week
  
  Will Reichard — Philadelphia Dark Side
  Line: 6 PAT + 2 FG = 12 pts vs Pittsburgh.
  Why: Punctuated every Philly drive; cardio and points.

The Look Ahead to Week 4’s Game of the Week

Pittsburgh @ South Carolina

Headline question: Have Trevor Harless and South Carolina finally solved the Lamar puzzle?

Short answer: Kinda looks like it. Pittsburgh’s offense has gone from “Lamar, do everything” to “Lamar, do the important things,” with more on-time throws, designed keepers in the high-leverage downs, and Brandon Aubrey cleaning the ledger. That’s produced 3–4 TD spike weeks and fewer YOLO moments.

But… South Carolina is a different exam. The Scarecrows are 3–0 with scoreboard violence: Drake Maye distributing, Jonathan Taylor and Travis Etienne tilting scripts, and Hunter Henry feasting in the seams. When SC gets a lead, they squeeze possessions and dare you to trade 12-play drives for their six-play touchdowns.

Matchups to Watch

• Lamar vs. the Defense: Contain edges, spy discipline—SC thrives when QBs hold the ball.
  
  
• JT/Etienne vs.Pit run D: If Pittsburgh forces 2nd/long, Maye has to drive it outside the numbers—small victory.

Verdict on the “Lamar puzzle”: The picture’s forming—fewer hero shots, more curated violence. Now he has to hang that picture in a hostile barn against a team that hasn’t blinked yet. Buckle up.

Prediction: South Carolina 48, Pittsburgh 41

Why: The Scarecrows have been a scoreboard avalanche (30, 54, 64) with Drake Maye distributing and Jonathan Taylor finishing. Pittsburgh can keep pace in bursts with Lamar’s spike weeks and Aubrey’s leg, but SC’s red-zone ruthlessness + home field tilts the math.

The Rewind a look back at week 3’s Game of the Week

Mexican’ts 41, Sunrise 34

Monty Mashes, Dicker Drills, and San Antonio Steals One in Tequila

San Antonio leaned on trench work and timely kicks to outlast the champs. David Montgomery bulldozed for 164 yards and 2 TD (15 pts), Jared Goff stayed mistake-free (209 yards, TD), and Cameron Dicker stacked three field goals (11 pts). Tequila got 2 TD from Aaron Rodgers and a score from Amon-Ra St. Brown, but the RB avalanche—Bijan 111, Achane 91, Javonte 92—somehow produced zero rushing TDs, and that was the difference.

Jared Goff: “We played on time, let Monty do the heavy lifting, and Dicker kept cashing receipts.”

Bijan Robinson: “Yards are cool—six is cooler. We’ve got to finish drives, period.”

SA Owner Tanya Harless: “That’s our road formula: body blows, clean possessions, and our kicker closing the tab.”

Tequila Owner Jeff Dixon: “Tip your cap to them. We moved it between the 20s; we need touchdowns, not postcards.”

Welcome back to the IFFL. Week 2 where the injuries are more severe and the drama’s better than ever. Let’s get to the Power Rankings.

1. Tequila Sunrise (2-0) rolling through the 1st 2 games like it was 2024 they battle San Antonio next for the chance to stay perfect.
   
   
2. Tabbi’s Kats (2-0) The Kats came out victorious even after losing RB Derrick Henry and MVP QB Josh Allen for a few plays on Sunday.
   
   
3. Pittsburgh PeanutButter Balls (2-0) QB Lamar Jackson is playing out of his mind right now, 3-0 seems like a lock over the hapless Dark Side.
   
   
4. San Antonio Mexicants (2-0) The Mexican’ts have a test against Tequila this week. Could we possibly see a battle of undefeated’s in the Domestic Violence Bowl in week 7?
   
   
5. South Carolina Scarecrows (2-0) The Scarecrow’s battle Hartford in a division showdown Sunday.
   
   
6. Los Angeles Lords (1-1) Losing Joe Burrow for the season has hampered the Lords plan to take back the championship, but the Trevor Lawrence trade might have revitalized some.
   
   
7. New Whiteland Chicken Pluckerz: (1-1) In the pack in the always tough Central will they prevail against Indy this week?

Players of the Week

• Offensive Player of the Week:
  
  Jared Goff, QB — San Antonio Mexican’ts
  Line: 340 yards, 5 TD (31 pts) in a 57–54 win at Los Angeles.
  Why: Turned LA’s D into a dart board.
  
  
• Defense of the Week:
  
  South Carolina Scarecrows
  Line: 267 yards allowed, 3 sacks, 2 INT, 1 TD (11 pts) in a 54–18 rout of Philadelphia.
  Why: Smothered everything and brought their own six.
  
  
• Kicker of the Week:
  
  Spencer Shrader — New Whiteland Chicken Pluckerz
  Line: 5 FGs, 2 XPs (17 pts) in a 52–44 win over Chicago.
  Why: The leg was the closer.

The Look Ahead to Week 3’s Game of the Week

San Antonio Mexican’ts @ Tequila Sunrise

2–0 vs 2–0, primetime salsa — and we packed extra limes

San Antonio rolls into the margarita factory undefeated, confident, and very aware of the assignment: outscore the league’s most violent backfield and keep the Amon-Ra siren on snooze. Tequila is 2–0 behind a conveyor belt of RBs and a freshly signed QB, but the Mexican’ts just dropped 57 in L.A. and found out the passing game can carry a rivalry week on its own.

Prediction

Tequila will land shots — that backfield always does — but our passing game is humming, and the red-zone package with Kelce tips the scale. Add a Dicker edge and one takeaway, and the flight home tastes like victory.

San Antonio 31, Tequila 27
Undefeated stays undefeated — just not for both.

The Rewind a look back at week 2’s Game of the Week

New Delhi Subs 32 @ Hartford Whalers 34

The condiment feud delivered. Bo Nix played point guard, Puka Nacua caught everything but the blimp, and the Packers D/ST added just enough snark.

Patrick Mahomes kept it interesting, Kenneth Walker III ran angry, and Jake Bates registered 10 because field goals are feelings. New Delhi, now 0–2 again, is legally obligated to insist it’s “part of the process.”

Welcome back to the IFFL. The IFFL is back and was better than ever last week. Let’s get to the Power Rankings.

1. Tequila Sunrise: (1-0) beat the Animals in the same fashion in week 1 as they did during the Super Bowl by 2.
   
   
2. Tabbi’s Kats: (1-0) RB Derrick Henry and MVP QB Josh Allen took this team to a Week 1 victory.
   
   
3. Pittsburgh PeanutButter Balls: (1-0) QB Lamar Jackson picked up where they left off last year, will it be another run to the playoffs for Lamar and team?
   
   
4. Los Angeles Lords: (1-0) With Joe Burrow at QB and WR Ja'Marr Chase acting like fools on Sunday it was a total team effort to dispatch the Personality.
   
   
5. Indy Animals: (0-1) Just barely lost to the Sunrise again, can the Animals solve their Tequila problem.
   
   
6. San Antonio Mexicants: (1-0) The Mexican’ts took care of the Whalers in a hard fought defensive battle.
   
   
7. South Carolina Scarecrows: (1-0) Scarecrows outlasted the Bagels now look to take care of the Dark Side.

Players of the Week

• Offensive Player of the Week:
  
  Josh Allen QB - Tabbi's Kats
  
  Line: 424 yards, 4 TD (30 pts) in a 63–53 win at Philadelphia.
  
  Turned the opener into a fireworks inspection. When he wasn’t dropping dimes to Deebo/Kincaid, Derrick Henry was steamrolling the clock thanks to all that vertical stress.
  
  
• Defense of the Week:
  
  Indy Animals
  
  Line: 133 yards allowed, 6 sacks, 2 fumble recoveries (15 pts) in a 49–47 nail-biter at Tequila.
  
   A full-on pass-rush clinic and yardage chokehold; they just didn’t get the ball last.
  
  
• Kicker of the Week:
  
  Cam Little - Chicago Fightin' Ditaks
  
  Line: 4 FGs, 2 PATs (14 pts) in a 46–33 win over New Delhi.
  
  Lakefront kicking masterclass. Every stalled drive became three stress-free points.

The Look Ahead to Week 2’s Game of the Week

Honey Mustard #1

New Delhi Subs @ Hartford Whalers

The Honey Mustard Rivalry (since 2002): one squeeze-bottle comment, twenty-three years of petty joy

Kickoff: Sunday, in Hartford Subplot: In 2002 a Hartford (0-1) front-office wag asked Subs (0-1) owner Pete Shaunki if New Delhi even had honey mustard. Pete has been trying to drown the Whalers in condiments ever since. Welcome to the league’s most flavorful feud.

Matchups that decide the squeeze

1) Mahomes’ patience vs. Hartford’s red-zone answer key

Hartford’s Week-1 problem was their red zone; Week 2 is about solving Mahomes in your red zone. New Delhi will live in 12-personnel to manufacture windows for Andrews/Engram. If the Whalers’ linebackers pass off routes cleanly, field goals replace touchdowns—and that’s how ketchup beats honey mustard.

2) Ground truth: Pollard/Hampton/Harvey vs. Kyren/Kenneth/Rhamondre

Both teams can toggle styles: Hartford with depth and freshness, New Delhi with a battering trio that shortens games. Whoever sets first down better in the first quarter usually controls both coordinators.

Quotes from the condiment aisle

Pete Shaunki, Subs owner:

“Dijon reign begins, Hartford squeezes for a fight, jumbo pack awaits.”

Chad Allen, Hartford Owner (dry as a pretzel):

“Honey mustard pairs well with touchdowns. We’re adding more touchdowns.”

Prediction

The Subs will move it—but the Worthy absence trims the explosive bandwidth. Hartford cleans up last week’s red-zone woes just enough at home.

Whalers 27, Subs 24 (Hartford takes the Squeeze Bottle back to the trophy shelf—please refrigerate after opening.)

The Rewind a look back at week 1’s Game of the Week

Indy Animals 47 @ Tequila Sunrise 49

TEQUILA — Tequila Sunrise opened its title defense with a 49–47 win over the Indy Animals on Thursday, surviving a fourth-quarter surge behind a three-back rotation and steady quarterback play from Brock Purdy.

Tequila (1–0) won despite quiet days from Amon-Ra St. Brown and Tee Higgins, an ominous sign for opponents if the wideouts wake up. Indy (0–1) showed explosive potential but needs a sharper red-zone finish from its backs to turn shootouts into wins.

Welcome back to the IFFL Preseason Edition. The Sunrise have won #7, the Animals have reloaded, the Lords have talent at RB, New Delhi had a powerful draft. Let’s get to the Power Rankings.

1. Tequila Sunrise: Defending Champion.  Brock Purdy at QB directing the offense, not being asked for too much. Amon-Ra St. Brown w/Tee Higgins at WR to catch and Bijan and Achane carrying the load at RB.  How could you ask for more?
   
   
2. Indy Animals: Jayden Daniels with another year under his belt, Ashton Jeanty coming in and pairing with Jahmyr Gibbs at RB, this team just made a Super Bowl run they shouldn’t be this stacked again.
   
   
3. New Delhi Subs: The Subs should find themselves on this list most of the season, that is unless they lose 2 games in a row and Pete starts listening to Aiden and Evan’s advice on the rest of the season.
   
   
4. Cincinnati Bagels: With Christian McCaffrey and Breece Hall in the backfield and rising stars like C.J. Stroud at QB, this team has explosive potential. However they have to be worried about injuries, because they are not a deep team.
   
   
5. Tabbi’s Kats: RB Derrick Henry and MVP QB Josh Allen will, will this team to many victories,on their own but is it enough?
   
   
6. Pittsburgh PeanutButter Balls: QB Lamar Jackson killed the hopes and dreams of many teams last year (see the LA Lords). This year they look to do it again with a few more players.
   
   
7. Los Angeles Lords: With Joe Burrow at QB and WR Ja'Marr Chase the Lords are a force to be reckoned with, now throw in RB’s Josh Jacobs and JK Dobbins (until he gets injured) this team becomes scary good.

The Look Ahead to Week 1’s Game of the Week

Indy Animals @ Tequila Sunrise

Why: A rematch of the 2024 Championship game where the Sunrise won 65 - 63. Both teams are loaded with talent—Rb’s Bijan Robinson and De’Von Achane lead the Sunrise against the Animals rookie RB Ashton Jeanty.

The Rewind a look back at the Superbowl

Tequila Sunrise 65 vs. Indy Animals 63

The Sunrise claimed their unprecedented 7th Riesbeck trophy, on the backs of Patrick Mahomes and Bijan Robinson’s 31 combined points barely outlasting Rookie Jayden Daniels and Ladd McConkey who had 33.  Don’t feel too bad for the Animals though as they had Chicago’s #1 pick in the IFFL draft and I believe the word you are looking for is reloaded.  The Animals and Sunrise have a chance to be back in Super Bowl 30 this season.

Another week, another round of IFFL drama, glory, and shattered dreams. While some teams bask in their hard-fought victories, others are left pondering what went wrong in a season that started with so much hope and ended with a thud. But hey, that’s fantasy football—it’s the ultimate soap opera for stat nerds. Now, on to the Power Rankings!

The Endowed 7

1. Tequila Sunrise (11-3) – The #1 seed and six-time champs are looking to make history with a seventh title. Can they handle the pressure?
2. Philadelphia Dark Side (11-3) – Clinched the East, secured a first-round bye, and are seeking revenge against Indy.
3. Indy Animals (10-4) – From worst to (almost) first, Indy’s miraculous season continues with a shot at the championship.
4. San Antonio Mexican'ts (8-6) – Riding Jared Goff’s arm to the Divisional Finals, this team is no joke.
5. Tabbi's Kats (9-5) – A tough loss to San Antonio, but at least they have the 10th overall pick to soften the blow.
6. Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls (7-7) – An MVP-level season from Lamar wasn’t enough, but they’re set for a strong draft.
7. Los Angeles Lords (6-8) – They didn’t make the playoffs, but with Joe Burrow and Ja’Marr Chase, their future is bright.

Players of the Week:

• Offensive Player: Jared Goff (San Antonio Mexican’t's) – 507 yards, 5 TDs, and a legendary performance to keep the season alive.
• Defensive Player: San Antonio Mexican’t's Defense – Dominated Tabbi's with 11 fantasy points, proving defense still wins games.
• Kicker of the Week: Chase McLaughlin (Indy Animals) – 4-for-4 on field goals, including a clutch one late, to seal Indy’s victory.

Looking Back: Wild Card Week Game of the Week

San Antonio Mexican't's 77, Tabbi's Kats 45 In a rematch of the Fine Lady Bowl, Jared Goff took a flamethrower to the Kats' defense with 507 yards and 5 touchdowns. Meanwhile, Tabbi's star QB Josh Allen delivered a solid 4-touchdown performance, but his supporting cast forgot it was the playoffs. The Kats head to the offseason with the 10th overall draft pick, while San Antonio sets their sights on Tequila in the Divisional Finals. Can they keep the magic alive?

Looking Ahead: Divisional Week Game of the Week

Indy Animals (10-4) at Philadelphia Dark Side (11-3) The stakes couldn’t be higher as the Dark Side hosts the Animals in a revenge game for their Week 1 loss. Philly has dominated all season, but Indy’s Cinderella story and explosive offense make this matchup a toss-up. Both teams are desperate to punch their ticket to IFFL Bowl 29. Will Jayden Daniels continue his rookie heroics, or will Jalen Hurts and Josh Jacobs prove too much for the Animals to handle?

With Tequila gunning for a record-breaking seventh championship, the pressure is on for everyone else to stop them. Buckle up, folks—Divisional Week is going to be a wild ride!

Welcome back, IFFL faithful, to the final regular-season edition of The Endowed 7. The playoffs are upon us, and the stakes are higher than ever. Some teams are basking in the glory of clinching a playoff spot, while others are left wondering why their roster decisions looked like they were made on a dare. But hey, that's fantasy football for you!

Now, on to the Power Rankings, where the elite stand tall and the rest just watch.

The Endowed 7

1. Tequila Sunrise (11-3)
   Clinched the #1 seed and home-field advantage. Patrick Mahomes is warming up like a fine tequila shot.
   
   
2. Philadelphia Dark Side (11-3)
   The East champs dominated with Jalen Hurts and Josh Jacobs, looking like Sith Lords ready to strike.
   
   
3. Indy Animals (10-4)
   Rookie QB Jayden Daniels is back and ready to rumble. They’ve risen from worst to first in the Central.
   
   
4. Tabbi's Kats (9-5)
   Josh Allen put the team on his back in the Fine Lady Bowl. Can he keep carrying them?
   
   
5. San Antonio Mexican'ts (8-6)
   Sneaking into the playoffs, but can Jared Goff and company handle the pressure?
   
   
6. Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls (7-7)
   Backed into the playoffs but still have Lamar Jackson in their arsenal. A wildcard in every sense.
   
   
7. Taipei Personality (7-7)
   Saquon Barkley and Matthew Stafford have kept Taipei in the conversation. They just missed the postseason?

Players of the Week

• Offensive Player of the Week: Josh Allen (Tabbi's Kats)
  Six touchdowns, 424 yards, and an MVP-worthy performance. Allen was unstoppable, making the Fine Lady Bowl his personal highlight reel.
  
  
• Defensive Player of the Week: Chicago Fightin’ Ditka’s
  The Chicago defense had 7 sacks and 11 fantasy points best in the league even in a losing effort. Too bad the offense didn’t show up to help them.
  
  
• Kicker of the Week: Jason Sanders (New Whiteland Chicken Pluckerz)
  Four field goals and 12 points. Sanders was the sole bright spot in a tight loss.

Looking Back: Week 14 Game of the Week

Tabbi's Kats 59, San Antonio Mexican'ts 44

The Fine Lady Bowl lived up to its billing, with Josh Allen stealing the show. Six total touchdowns and 424 yards later, Allen left no doubt that the Kats are legit contenders. San Antonio’s Jared Goff tried to keep pace, but his three-touchdown day wasn’t enough.

The teams will meet again in Wild Card Weekend, setting up an epic rematch. Can San Antonio make the necessary adjustments, or will Allen drop another fantasy nuke?

Looking Ahead: Wild Card Week Game of the Week

San Antonio (8-6) at Tabbi’s (9-5)

It’s déjà vu all over again! The Mexican’ts travel to Tiskawa for the rematch no one can wait to see. CeeDee Lamb and Jared Goff will need to step up if San Antonio wants to avoid back-to-back losses to their division rivals. Meanwhile, Josh Allen is ready to send the Mexican’ts home and punch Tabbi’s ticket to the semifinals.

Will San Antonio get revenge, or will Allen make this the Fine Lady Sweep? Stay tuned as Wild Card Weekend unfolds!

They say the IFFL season is a marathon, not a sprint—but for some teams, it looks more like they’ve been crawling through quicksand. We’ve hit the home stretch, and as playoff hopes heat up, a few teams are sweating bullets while others are sitting pretty.

Now, without further ado, let’s dive into this week’s Power Rankings:

1. Philadelphia Dark Side (9-3)
   Clinched the East and have been marching through their competition like they’re auditioning for The Mandalorian.
   
   
2. Indy Animals (9-3)
   Jayden Daniels looks like the rookie whisperer’s dream. Can they finish their worst-to-first story in the Central?
   
   
3. Tequila Sunrise (9-3)
   Patrick Mahomes keeps sipping victory margaritas while the rest of the IFFL wonders if they’ll ever hit a slump.
   
   
4. Tabbi’s Kats (8-4)
   Tough loss to Los Angeles, but they remain a Central power with claws sharp enough to challenge anyone.
   
   
5. San Antonio Mexican’ts (7-5)
   Quietly putting together their best season ever. Playoff football feels within reach if they can avoid tripping over themselves.
   
   
6. Taipei Personality (6-6)
   Saquon Barkley dragged them kicking and screaming into contention. Let’s see if they can stay alive.
   
   
7. Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls (6-6)
   Still alive, still dangerous. The PB Balls  have a flair for high scoring affairs, but do they have enough talent to pull off a championship run?

Players of the Week

• Offensive Player of the Week:
  Saquon Barkley (Taipei Personality)
  302 yards and 2 TDs? Saquon turned Week 12 into his personal highlight reel.
  
  
• Defensive Player of the Week:
  Los Angeles Lords Defense
  This unit was lights-out against Tabbi’s, holding their offense in check and snagging critical sacks when it mattered most.
  
  
• Kicker of the Week:
  Cameron Dicker (San Antonio Mexican’ts)
  With 11 points, Dicker the Kicker carried San Antonio to a vital win. Who says kickers don’t matter?

Look Back: Week 12 Game of the Week

Tabbi’s Kats 26, Los Angeles Lords 27

Mark Andrews delivered a dramatic late-game touchdown to seal the win for the Lords. Drake Maye had a solid showing, while Tabbi’s felt the sting of a game slipping through their claws. “We needed that one,” said Jason Beaver, Los Angeles owner. “They don’t call us the Lords for nothing—we own crunch time.”

Tabbi’s Owner Tabbi Brewer was less amused: “I hope Beaver chokes on his next Waffle House order.”

Look Ahead: Week 13 Game of the Week

San Antonio Mexican’ts (7-5) vs. Cincinnati Bagels (6-6)

This matchup screams playoff football, with both teams fighting to keep their postseason dreams alive. A loss for either could spell disaster. Will Cameron Dicker’s leg propel San Antonio to another win, or will Cincinnati’s star-studded offense find the spark they need?

Prediction: San Antonio 28, Cincinnati 27 (on a last-second Dicker field goal, naturally).

Welcome to another edition of The Endowed 7, where the standings are hot, and the players…well, some are definitely lukewarm. This week’s edition features an offensive explosion, defenses that might need a pep talk. Now, on to the Power Rankings.

The Endowed 7

1. Tequila Sunrise (9-2):
   The Sunrise keep blazing through opponents with Patrick Mahomes and their high-octane offense. Clinching the West is just a matter of time.
   
   
2. Tabbi's Kats (8-3):
   Quietly lethal and still hunting for the Central crown. Their matchup with LA could secure their top-tier status—or spark a Hollywood comeback.
   
   
3. Indy Animals (8-3):
   Jahmyr Gibbs is eating up defenders, and their playoff hopes are as sturdy as Cooper Kupp’s hands (well, when Jayden Daniels can actually find him).
   
   
4. Philadelphia Dark Side (8-3):
   Jalen Hurts keeps the ship steady, but their Week 11 loss exposed some cracks. Can they close out strong, or will the Dark Side crumble under pressure?
   
   
5. Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls (6-5):
   Joe Mixon is carrying this team on his back, and Lamar Jackson is finally getting into playoff form. Don’t count them out yet.
   
   
6. San Antonio Mexican'ts (6-5):
   Sure, they lost a barnburner to Tequila, but Jared Goff and CeeDee Lamb are proving they’re a force in the West.
   
   
7. South Carolina Scarecrows (6-5):
   Hanging around and waiting for that late-season magic. The Scarecrows need more consistency, but the talent is there.

Players of the Week

• Offensive Player of the Week: Matthew Stafford, Taipei Personality
  
  Stafford went full video game mode with 295 yards and four touchdowns. Too bad Taipei isn’t playoff-bound—this was a masterclass in QB play.
  
  
• Defensive Player of the Week: Tequila Sunrise
  
  Denver’s defense racked up 6 sacks, a fumble recovery, and a touchdown in their shootout win. Sometimes, defense really does win championships.
  
  
• Kicker of the Week: Matt Gay, Tabbi's Kats
  
  Mr. Consistency nailed three field goals to keep Tabbi’s on top. A kicker might not win the glory, but they sure do win games.

A Look Back: Week 11 Game of the Week

Tequila Sunrise 68, San Antonio Mexican'ts 60
The showdown of the week didn’t disappoint. Patrick Mahomes tossed three TDs, Amon-Ra St. Brown lit up the scoreboard, and J.K. Dobbins found the end zone twice. On the other side, Jared Goff’s 433 yards and 4 touchdowns nearly pulled off the upset for San Antonio, but it wasn’t enough.

Quote of the Week:
Tequila owner Jeff Dixon: “We don’t just win games—we win barnburners. Someone get me a fire extinguisher.”

Looking Ahead: Week 12 Game of the Week

Tabbi’s Kats (8-3) @ Los Angeles Lords (4-7)
LA’s playoff hopes are hanging by a thread, and the defending champs need a miracle to stay in the hunt. Tabbi’s, meanwhile, is eyeing the Central crown and can’t afford a slip-up against a desperate Lords squad.

Key Storyline:
Will LA’s Joe Burrow and Ja’Marr Chase deliver a Hollywood ending, or will Tabbi’s stomp on their playoff dreams like a giant mechanical Kat?

Prediction:
Tabbi’s 42, Los Angeles 35.

Welcome to another edition of The Endowed 7, where the standings are hot, and the players…well, some are definitely lukewarm. This week’s edition features an offensive explosion, defenses that might need a pep talk, and teams making big moves (or perhaps mistakes) as the trade deadline inches closer. Now, on to the Power Rankings.

The Endowed 7

1. Philadelphia Dark Side (8-2) – They’ve stormed the East and are looking darker and more unstoppable than ever.
2. Tequila Sunrise (8-2) – Quietly climbing the charts while keeping the West under their firm, sun-kissed grip.
3. Tabbi's Kats (7-3) – Clawing up the standings, one win at a time.
4. Indy Animals (7-3) – Playing consistently strong with eyes on the prize.
5. Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls (6-4) – A delicious surprise this season, they’re spreading fear in the East.
6. San Antonio Mexican'ts (6-4) – Showing they’re more “can” than “can’t,” and aiming for Tequila.
7. South Carolina Scarecrows (5-5) – Still lurking in the standings, one ominous crow at a time.

Players of the Week

• Offensive Duo: Joe Burrow & Ja'Marr Chase (Los Angeles Lords)
  
  The pair combined for a jaw-dropping offensive display with Burrow tossing the ball for 434 yards and 4 touchdowns, while Chase did his best superhero impression with 264 receiving yards and 3 TDs. LA may be struggling in the standings, but these two put on a masterclass worthy of a championship.
  
  
• Defense of the Week: Los Angeles Lords
  
  The Lords’ defense was nothing short of ruthless, with a total of 14 points on sacks, interceptions, and a stunning safety. They may have poured all their luck into one game, but what a game it was!
  
  
• Kicker of the Week: Parker Romo (Philadelphia Dark Side)
  
  Romo’s leg was pure magic, nailing four field goals for 12 points and propelling Philadelphia to victory. Apparently, in Romo’s world, every kick is a scoring opportunity.

Look Back at Week 10’s Game of the Week: Philadelphia 46, South Carolina 40

This high-stakes showdown was everything IFFL fans hoped for—big plays, nail-biting moments, and just the right amount of trash talk. Philadelphia came out on top with a 46-40 win, despite South Carolina’s best efforts. Jalen Hurts put on a show with 4 touchdowns, while Kyler Murray tried to keep the Scarecrows in the hunt with his own impressive 3 TDs. But Philly’s defense proved too much, and Parker Romo’s golden leg made all the difference. Rumor has it, South Carolina owner Trevor Harless was overheard muttering, “If only our kicker had legs like Romo...”

Look Ahead to Week 11’s Game of the Week: Tequila Sunrise(8-2) vs San Antonio Mexican't (6-4)

Buckle up, folks! The battle for the West heats up as Tequila Sunrise faces off against the surging San Antonio Mexican'ts. Tequila has been a powerhouse all season, but if San Antonio wants respect, now’s the time to take down one of the league’s best. Can the Mexican'ts finally prove they’re more than just playoff hopefuls? Or will Tequila keep their seat at the top? It’s make-or-break time for San Antonio—and they’ll need every ounce of fight they’ve got to take down the Sunrise.

Welcome to another edition of The Endowed 7, where the standings are hot, and the players…well, some are definitely lukewarm. This week’s edition features an offensive explosion, defenses that might need a pep talk, and teams making big moves (or perhaps mistakes) as the trade deadline inches closer. Now, on to the Power Rankings.

The Endowed 7

1. Philadelphia Dark Side (7-2) – With a perfect home and division record, Philly’s steamrolling right into the Riesbeck Trophy conversation.
   
   
2. Tequila Sunrise (7-2) – Running on high spirits and even higher scores. They’re staying on Philly's heels, ready to take a shot at the top.
   
   
3. Indy Animals (7-2) – Fresh off their big win against Pittsburgh, they’re clawing their way into the playoff mix with style.
   
   
4. Tabbi’s Kats (6-3) – Still ferocious with 491 points, they’re coming off a huge victory over the Bagels and sitting pretty in the Central.
   
   
5. San Antonio Mexican'ts (6-3) – Even without CeeDee Lamb, they’re scrapping their way to wins, proving their playoff-worthy grit.
   
   
6. Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls (5-4) – With Lamar Jackson back in action, Pittsburgh remains dangerously close to the top despite their recent setback.
   
   
7. South Carolina Scarecrows (5-4) – Barely holding onto playoff hopes, but somehow still in the hunt with their fearless (and frequently injured) roster.

Players of the Week

• Offensive Player of the Week: Josh Allen, QB, Tabbi’s Kats – Allen’s 242-yard, 3-touchdown extravaganza made sure the Bagels were extra crispy this week.
  
  
• Defensive Player of the Week: Philadelphia Dark Side – With six sacks, two forced turnovers, and a defensive score, Philly's D really showed up, proving their commitment to doing all the work so their offense could take a little breather.
  
  
• Kicker of the Week: Cairo Santos, Tabbi’s Kats – Santos was the ultimate closer, nailing all three field goals and leaving no points on the field. If only every player on Chicago could kick like that.

Look Back: Week 9 Game of the Week – Indy Animals 56, Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls 40

Indy came out swinging in Week 9, with Jayden Daniels posting a respectable 12 points, and Chase Brown going wild with 157 yards and a score. Pittsburgh, despite a valiant 18-point effort from Lamar Jackson, just couldn’t keep up. As Indy's owner said after the game, “When you’ve got our lineup and Pittsburgh only has two healthy wide receivers, you like your odds.”

Pittsburgh fans were left with more questions than answers. “What’s the plan here?” one fan wondered aloud. “Are we supposed to rely on peanut butter and a prayer?” With Pittsburgh still in the playoff picture, they might want to consider trading for, you know, players who can actually play.

Look Ahead: Week 10 Game of the Week – Philadelphia Dark Side (7-2) at South Carolina Scarecrows (5-4)

This week’s showdown is sure to be electric. Philly is charging full-speed toward the Riesbeck Trophy, while South Carolina fights to keep playoff hopes alive. Jalen Hurts has been unstoppable lately, but with South Carolina’s sometimes-healthy roster, they could make this interesting if they can get through all four quarters without another injury.

As South Carolina’s owner put it, “We’re like the unbreakable spirit of an old scarecrow – falling apart but still out there somehow.” Philly, on the other hand, is focused, and you can bet they’re aiming to make a statement and tighten their grip on the East. If South Carolina wants a win, they’ll need to pull off a miracle – or at least hope Philly forgets to show up.

Will Philly march toward the Riesbeck with another dominant win, or can South Carolina pull an upset and keep their playoff dreams alive? One thing’s for sure: this game could be the nail-biter of the season – or at least a solid four-quarter workout for Philly’s offense. Stay tuned!

Welcome to The Endowed 7, the only column bold enough to ask the tough questions like, “Is anyone really playing defense?” and “Has anyone seen Pete Shaunki’s dignity?” Now, without further ado (and trust me, there’s been enough ado this season), here are your IFFL Power Rankings:

The Endowed 7 Power Rankings

1. Philadelphia Dark Side (6-2): Desperate trade strategies be damned; Philly’s holding onto that top spot like a toddler clings to their favorite toy.
2. Tequila Sunrise (6-2): Winning Week 8’s game of the week just proves that sometimes tequila does solve all your problems.
3. Indy Animals (6-2): Jayden Daniels might have a rib injury, but Indy keeps pushing forward, probably fueled by sheer spite.
4. San Antonio Mexican’ts (6-2): Is this their year, or just another mirage? Only time—and maybe a few questionable calls—will tell.
5. Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls (5-3): The only team named after a sticky snack that’s actually tough to beat.
6. Tabbi's Kats (5-3): With an explosive offense, they’re still just one tight hamstring away from chaos.
7. South Carolina Scarecrows (5-3): Surviving a season of injuries and WR nightmares. Harless is probably Googling "curse removal services" as we speak.

Players of the Week

• Offensive Player of the Week: Kirk Cousins (New Whiteland) – In a twist that has Pete Shaunki cursing into his morning coffee, Cousins proved that trading him away was a mistake. “The grass is always greener where I play next,” said Cousins.
  
  
• Defense of the Week: Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls 12 points providing the breathing room that the team needed during a very close matchup with Cincinnati.
  
  
• Kicker of the Week: South Carolina’s Brandon McRapist – When the game needs saving, sometimes it's the kicker who steps in with 12 points. Harless said, "He’s the only one whose ACL is still intact, so yeah, we’re grateful."

The Look Back: Week 8’s Game of the Week Recap

Hartford Whalers (35) vs. Tequila Sunrise (52)

What happens when the team that can’t decide if they’re trading their star QB faces a squad that treats game day like a fiesta? You get Week 8’s game of the week. Tequila’s Bijan Robinson ran the ball like he was personally offended by every Hartford player, while Hartford’s Patrick Mahomes whispered to himself, “It’s not me; it’s them.”

Owner Chad Allen’s post-game comment: “I thought we were fine until the kickoff. That’s when I knew we were in trouble.”

Look Ahead: Week 9’s Game of the Week

Indy Animals (6-2) at Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls (5-3)

Buckle up, folks! This matchup is sure to be a wild ride. Indy’s coming in hot, and Pittsburgh is ready to prove they’re not just here for the peanut butter puns. “We’re going to give it our all and maybe throw a few trick plays their way,” said Pittsburgh’s owner, Matt Howell, who’s definitely not desperate at all. Meanwhile, Indy’s owner, Q, said, “Win or lose, I’ll be shouting louder than their fans.”

Can Indy hold on to the top spot, or will Pittsburgh get revenge and climb up the rankings? Tune in to find out, and don’t forget to check your blood pressure medication—this one’s going to be close.

Well, folks, here we are again, another week of IFFL action that leaves us all questioning why we invest so much time in this. Whether it’s South Carolina thinking they’re elite or Los Angeles losing games they really shouldn’t, it’s safe to say this season is all about making everyone feel “special.” Anyway, enough of the preamble—let’s get to what you’re really here for: the Power Rankings!

The Endowed 7: Power Rankings

1. Tabbi's Kats (5-2)
   Because who doesn’t love a team that rides Josh Allen and Derrick Henry like they’re the last stars in the sky?
   
   
2. Tequila Sunrise (5-2)
   Consistency in a league where that’s basically a myth. Good job, guys.
   
   
3. San Antonio Mexican'ts (5-2)
   They might not be able to spell “can’t” correctly, but they sure can win games.
   
   
4. South Carolina Scarecrows (5-2)
   Their record screams contender, but their play screams “We’re barely hanging on.”
   
   
5. Indy Animals (5-2)
   Somehow scraping wins together despite their quarterback’s tendency to exit early.
   
   
6. Philadelphia Dark Side (5-2)
   Baker Mayfield’s rollercoaster ride continues—now with extra flair in the 4th quarter!
   
   
7. Cincinnati Bagels (4-3)
   It’s not easy being on the outside looking in, but hey, at least they’re not New Whiteland.

Players of the Week

• Offensive Player of the Week: Lamar Jackson (Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls)
  5 touchdowns, and a win. Imagine having an offense that works. Wild concept.
• Defensive Player of the Week: Tequila Sunrise
  When your defense scores 14 points, you know your offense can take a nap and still win. Well done.
• Kicker of the Week: Cameron Dicker (San Antonio Mexican'ts)
  5 field goals. Someone give this guy a raise. It’s like the Lords couldn’t be bothered to even try stopping him.

The Look Back: Week 7 Game of the Week - South Carolina Scarecrows vs. Tabbi's Kats

In what was billed as a battle for the ages but played out more like a slap-fight at a family reunion, the South Carolina Scarecrows pulled off a 51-45 victory over Tabbi’s Kats. Jordan Love finally remembered he’s a professional quarterback, tossing 3 touchdowns. Mike Evans even managed to limp his way to the end zone before inevitably pulling a hamstring. “Hey, I gave it my best,” he said while hobbling off the field.

On the other side, Josh Allen did his part for Tabbi’s Kats, racking up 324 yards and two touchdowns, but it’s hard to win when Deebo Samuel takes the “day off” with zero yards. Tabbi’s owner was unavailable for comment, as he was seen practicing his best “I'm not mad, just disappointed” face.

The Look Ahead: Week 8 Game of the Week - Hartford Whalers vs. Tequila Sunrise

In what could be the most bittersweet game of the season for Hartford fans, the Whalers face off against the Tequila Sunrise in a matchup that’s about more than just records. With whispers swirling that this might be Patrick Mahomes' last game in a Hartford uniform, all eyes will be on the star QB to see if he can deliver one last heroic performance before possibly being shipped out for—well, who even knows at this point. Owner Chad Allen has been tight-lipped, only offering, “We’ll see what happens.” Very reassuring, Chad.

Meanwhile, the Whalers are adjusting to life without Chris Godwin, whose season-ending ankle injury leaves a huge hole in their receiving corps. But there’s some good news: the return of Puka Nacua, the rookie sensation who looks ready to step up as Mahomes’ new top target. “I’ve been waiting for this opportunity,” Nacua said. “It’s time to show what I’ve got.” And believe me, with the way the Whalers’ offense has looked lately, they’ll need every bit of what he’s got.

On the other side, Tequila Sunrise will be counting on Bijan Robinson to lead the charge. The dynamic back has been the focal point of their offense all season, and he’s poised to exploit a Hartford defense that’s been leaking yards like a sinking ship. “Bijan’s the key, no doubt,” said owner Jeff Dixon. “As long as he keeps doing his thing, we’ve got this.”

JK Dobbins, who started the season on fire, will also be looking to regain his early-season form for Tequila. After a couple of quiet weeks, Dobbins has something to prove, and the Hartford defense might just be his perfect bounce-back opportunity.

With Mahomes possibly playing his final game for Hartford and Tequila riding a wave of momentum, this clash promises drama, excitement, and—let’s be honest—probably some questionable coaching decisions.

Ah, the IFFL, where the drama is high, and the stakes are even higher (in a completely fictitious way). It’s the league where your hopes and dreams can be dashed by a 3-yard screen pass or a kicker’s missed PAT. But hey, that’s why we all love it, right? As we sail through the choppy waters of Week 6, it’s time to check in on the state of the league. Without further ado, let’s dive into the only rankings that matter (to absolutely no one but me).

The Endowed 7:

1. Tabbi’s Kats (5-1)
   When you’re sitting pretty at 5-1, you get to wear the crown. Whether it fits or not, it’s yours, Tabbi!
   
   
2. Indy Animals (5-1)
   With a roaring 5-1 start, Kevin “Q” Ryburn’s squad proves that even animals with bad records in 2023 can evolve... sort of like Pokémon but with fewer sparkles.
   
   
3. Tequila Sunrise (4-2)
   Jeff Dixon’s crew is as consistent as a hangover after a night of tequila shots—reliable and never fun. But hey, they’re getting wins, so bottoms up!
   
   
4. San Antonio Mexican'ts (4-2)
   Tanya Harless’ team is putting up points and Ws, making people wonder if it’s finally their year or just another mirage in the Texas heat.
   
   
5. South Carolina Scarecrows (4-2)
   Trevor Harless’ team was on shaky ground after a two-game losing streak. But don’t worry, they got back on track vs the Lords.
   
   
6. Philadelphia Dark Side (4-2)
   Avan Beaver’s Dark Side might be 4-2, but they’re about as intimidating as a Sith Lord in a bathrobe. Still, wins are wins.
   
   
7. Cincinnati Bagels (4-2)
   They’re 4-2, but with a name like “Bagels,” you’d expect a little more. Maybe throw some cream cheese and a touchdown or two on top, Les Paul Couch!

Players of the Week

• Offensive Player of the Week: Baker Mayfield (Philadelphia)
  A whopping 354 yards and 4 touchdowns. Apparently, Baker does not care about the haters, only about racking up fantasy points.
• Defensive Player of the Week: Philadelphia Dark Side
  With 4 sacks, 2 forced fumbles, and 3 INTs, Philadelphia showed up like they were auditioning for a new "300" movie: "This. Is. Defensive Football!"
• Kicker of the Week: Cameron Dicker (San Antonio)
  Dicker kept his team alive with 11 points, he lead his team to victory just as Madame Harless intended.

The Look Back: Week 6’s Game of the Week - South Carolina Scarecrows @ Los Angeles Lords

Oh, what a matchup it was—a classic tale of two teams going in opposite directions. The Scarecrows, desperate to avoid their third straight loss, arrived with a chip on their shoulder and Jordan Love’s golden arm ready for action. And boy, did Love deliver! Four touchdowns, 271 yards, and a smile that could melt a coach’s icy glare.

Meanwhile, the Los Angeles Lords, hot off two straight wins, seemed about as prepared for this game as a cat is for water. Joe Burrow tried his best with 263 yards and a lone touchdown, but it was like watching someone trying to put out a forest fire with a squirt gun. Mark Andrews finally chipped in with a touchdown, and Younghoe Koo did his job (shout out to his 12 points), but the Lords’ defense was as sturdy as a wet paper towel.

Final score: South Carolina 49, Los Angeles 34. And just like that, the Scarecrows get back on track while the Lords go back to the drawing board—or maybe the yoga mat for some team bonding sessions.

A Look Ahead: Week 7’s Game of the Week - Tabbi’s Kats @ South Carolina Scarecrows

Ah, yes—the clash of the titans (or at least one titan and one team that’s trying its best). The 5-1 Tabbi’s Kats are strolling into South Carolina like they own the place, while the Scarecrows are desperately searching for the brake pedal on this two-game losing skid they’ve found themselves in. Someone cue the dramatic music; it’s about to get interesting.

Tabbi Brewer, owner of the Kats, was seen lounging poolside during the pre-game interviews. “Oh, we’re feeling great. It’s not like the Scarecrows have been on a winning streak or anything,” she said while sipping what looked suspiciously like a margarita. “Honestly, we’re just here for the snacks and the highlight reel touchdowns.” Confident? Maybe. Overconfident? Probably. But when you’re 5-1 and your QB is Josh Allen, you get to sip those margaritas and talk your talk.

Meanwhile, Trevor Harless of the Scarecrows seemed... optimistic? “We’re just one win away from being back on track,” he said with the kind of smile you force when your phone battery is at 2% and you forgot your charger. Jordan Love, their QB, chimed in, “We’ve had some rough games, but it’s all about the next man up.” This would be reassuring if the “next man up” wasn’t the guy they found stocking shelves at the local grocery store last week.

As for the on-field matchup, Josh Allen has been playing like he’s in a video game—stacking up points and making defenders look like they’re running in quicksand. He’s got weapons like Derrick Henry, who basically needs a bulldozer to stop him, and Deebo Samuel, who seems to have made a hobby of torching defenses. Henry commented, “I’m just trying to have fun out there. And by fun, I mean running through people.” A heartwarming sentiment, truly.

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the Endowed 7, your go-to power rankings and musings on the wild, wonderful, and occasionally weird world of the IFFL. Much like Lamar Jackson after four touchdowns, I’m feeling myself this week, so buckle up for some award-winning commentary (or at least commentary that’s won an argument with my editor). Week 5 gave us touchdowns, tears, ties, and enough drama to make "The Bachelor" look like a knitting club.

But I digress—on to the Power Rankings!

Top 7 Teams in the IFFL (The Endowed 7)

1. Tabbi’s Kats (4-1)
   Someone get this team a cape because they are superhuman. Derrick Henry and D’Andre Swift are running through defenses like they're going for a morning jog, leaving the competition gasping for air. With a close shave against Cincinnati, they're walking the line but still on top.
2. Indy Animals (4-1)
   Indy is quietly stacking wins and making us wonder if they’re building a zoo or a championship team. Jayden Daniels isn’t flashy, but he gets the job done. And Garrett Wilson? He’s out here reminding us why he’s WR material.
3. Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls (3-2)
   The PB Balls are spreading themselves all over the competition. Lamar Jackson played like his controller was on “All-Madden” mode last week, and DJ Moore is scoring touchdowns like he’s got a bet on it. If they keep this up, their competition will be toast.
4. Tequila Sunrise (3-2)
   Tequila Sunrise is playing just like their namesake drink—dangerously potent. Justin Fields is throwing just enough touchdowns to keep the buzz going, and Isaiah Likely? He’s out here catching touchdowns like he’s auditioning for a superhero flick. Don’t sleep on these guys, or you’ll wake up with a pounding loss.
5. Philadelphia Dark Side (3-2)
   The Dark Side is strong with this one. Baker Mayfield is somehow reminding us all he can throw touchdowns like it’s 2018, and Will Reichard? He’s been kicking like he’s aiming for the Death Star’s exhaust port. Winning ugly is still winning.
6. Cincinnati Bagels (3-2)
   The Bagels narrowly missed a win last week, but hey, Roschon Johnson and Darnell Mooney kept the toaster warm. Sam Darnold may not have tossed a touchdown, but this team's bag of tricks isn’t empty yet.
7. South Carolina Scarecrows (3-2)
   They may have been buried by Pittsburgh last week, but this team is still alive and kicking. With Jordan Love playing some respectable football and the ghost of Halloween lurking, expect the Scarecrows to rise from the dead like it’s October 31st.

Players of the Week

Offensive Player of the Week: Lamar Jackson (Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls)
403 yards, 4 touchdowns
Lamar Jackson did everything but drive the team bus. This man accounted for 30 points and had defenders reconsidering their career choices. “I don’t know how I’m supposed to stop a QB who runs like Usain Bolt but throws like Aaron Rodgers,” one anonymous linebacker said while looking for a new job.

Defensive Player of the Week: Philadelphia Dark Side
420 yards allowed, 3 sack, 1 fumble recovery, 1 defensive touchdown
TheDark Side’ defense said, “We got this” and proceeded to keep Bijan Robinson and Devon Achane out of the endzone. The Defense deserves this win almost as much as Baker Mayfield. 

Kicker of the Week: Matt Gay (Tabbi’s Kats)
4 extra points, 2 field goals
Matt Gay had ice in his veins, scoring 10 points in a nail-biting win. The only thing colder than his kicks was Cincinnati’s chance of pulling off the upset. Gay practically walked off the field with a "Mission Accomplished" banner over his head.

The Look Back: Tabbi’s Kats (42) vs. Cincinnati Bagels (41) – Game of the Week Recap

Well, folks, if you like high-flying, heart-pounding action, this game had all the excitement of a car chase in a ‘90s action movie. Tabbi’s Kats narrowly escaped a loss like they were starring in an escape room thriller. Derrick Henry and D’Andre Swift did what they do best—demolish defensive lines like they’re made of paper mache. "I told the O-line, ‘just give me a crack,’ and I’ll bust through," said Henry, probably while eating an entire steak the size of a small country.

Cincinnati wasn’t going down without a fight. Roschon Johnson found the end zone twice, and Darnell Mooney pulled off two highlight-reel-worthy touchdowns. Unfortunately, it wasn’t enough. “We’re right there,” a dejected Sam Darnold said post-game. “Right there…,” he muttered, presumably while staring off into the abyss.

The game came down to Matt Gay’s leg, and as the field goal sailed through the uprights, you could almost hear the faint sound of Cincinnati fans’ hearts breaking. "Just another day at the office," Gay smirked, making sure everyone knew who the real MVP was.

The Look Ahead: Week 6 Game of the Week – South Carolina Scarecrows @ Los Angeles Lords

This Week 6 showdown pits two IFFL heavyweights on dramatically different paths. The Los Angeles Lords, riding a wave of momentum with back-to-back victories, are looking to make it three straight and further assert their dominance in the Western Division. On the other side, the South Carolina Scarecrows find themselves spiraling, coming off two consecutive losses and in desperate need of a victory to avoid slipping further in the standings.

Los Angeles Owner Jason Beaver, brimming with confidence, stated, “We’re in the business of winning, and business is booming! Three in a row? Make that a reality.” The Lords’ offense has been electric, with Joe Burrow and Ja’Marr Chase continuing their Cincinnati-inspired fantasy connection. Burrow, who threw for 5 touchdowns last week, declared, “It’s about consistency. We’ve found our rhythm, and we’re just getting started.” With Trey Sermon filling in admirably in the backfield, Los Angeles looks set for another offensive explosion.

Meanwhile, South Carolina’s Trevor Harless knows the gravity of this game, admitting, “We’ve got to stop the bleeding. The season’s long, but dropping three straight? That’s not in the playbook.” The Scarecrows will lean heavily on Jordan Love and Stefon Diggs, with Diggs adding, “We’ve had a couple rough weeks, but we’re not panicking. The plays are there, and we just need to execute better.” Jonathan Taylor, hoping to return from injury, will be a key factor in getting South Carolina back on track.

The Lords are playing at home and in fine form, but South Carolina’s desperation for a win makes them a dangerous opponent. Both teams have their sights set on reversing their respective streaks, but only one will succeed.

Projected Final Score:
Los Angeles Lords 45, South Carolina Scarecrows 38.

Ah yes, the IFFL, where the line between greatness and utter incompetence is as thin as Jason Beaver's patience during a 0-3 start. Some teams rise, while others… well, they’re just here to remind us why football is 90% luck, 10% screaming at your team. But enough with the philosophical musings—let's talk about who’s on top, who’s scraping the bottom, and who is just… existing. Now, on to the Power Rankings.

1. Tabbi's Kats (3-1)
   With Josh Allen and Derrick Henry rolling through defenses like they’re made of paper, the Kats sit comfortably at the top. Congrats on your winning formula: break records and people’s spirits.
2. Tequila Sunrise (3-1)
   Three wins and a 167-point haul. They might have dodged a few bullets (like a struggling Justin Herbert), but hey, tequila never tastes this smooth unless you’ve earned it. Drink up, Dixon.
3. Indy Animals (3-1)
   They dropped a game in Week 4, but Jayden Daniels is the breakout nobody saw coming, except Q, who'll make sure to remind us of his genius at every opportunity.
4. South Carolina Scarecrows (3-1)
   The Scarecrows finally tasted defeat, and honestly, it’s about time. Still, they're dangerous and probably already plotting some form of cornfield-based revenge.
5. Cincinnati Bagels (3-1)
   Every week, they do just enough to win. Week 5 against Tabbi’s is a family affair, can the Bagels keep this up until Christian McCaffrey attempts his comeback?
6. San Antonio Mexican'ts (3-1)
   Winning by sheer grit and the occasional Devin Singletary surprise party, the Mexican'ts keep plugging along. They’re not flashy, but they get the job done. Could they be the dark horse?
7. Taipei Personality (2-2)
   The highest-scoring team that just can't get above .500. If points counted for more than wins, Taipei would be king. But alas, Andrew Wang must settle for mediocrity and an air of smug superiority.

Players of the Week

Offensive Player of the Week: Justin Fields QB Teq 367 yards and 3 TD’s just what the team needed in a pinch.

Defense of the Week: Chicago even in a loss the Ditka’s D was head and shoulders above everyone else.  6 Saccks, 2 FR, an INT, a TD and only allowing 216 yards that is the kind of performance the PB Balls will take every week.

Kicker of the Week: Younghoe Koo - LA 4 FG and 2 XP for 14 points was the Lords best special teams game of the season.

The Look Back: Week 4’s Game of the Week

Los Angeles Lords (1-3) vs. New Delhi Subs (0-4)

Los Angeles 58, New Delhi 32

This was a battle of the desperate—both teams 0-3 and on the brink of fantasy irrelevance. Joe Burrow finally woke up and threw for 328 yards and 3 TDs, connecting with Ja'Marr Chase (118 yards, 2 TDs) like it was 2021. Meanwhile, the Buffalo defense decided to show up, racking up 5 sacks and a touchdown, completely stifling whatever faint hope Brock Purdy and Kyren Williams had for a New Delhi comeback.

Rumor has it that Pete Shaunki was seen flipping through his contact list during halftime, frantically searching for a trade partner to offload whatever dignity he has left. But hey, there’s always next year, New Delhi.

The Look Ahead: Week 5’s Game of the Week

Tabbi's Kats (3-1) vs. Cincinnati Bagels (3-1)

Now, this is the matchup we’ve been waiting for. Two 3-1 teams, both riding high and both with a point to prove. Josh Allen leads the Kats, while Christian McCaffrey continues his reign of terror for the Bagels. This one could easily be a 50-point showdown, or it could come down to a last-second kicker. Either way, it’s going to be glorious, especially when someone inevitably loses and starts questioning all of their life choices.

Projected Final Score: Tabbi’s Kats 52, Cincinnati Bagels 48

So, will Tabbi’s reign continue, or will Cincinnati finally knock them down a peg? Either way, there’s bound to be drama, tears, and someone typing out a strongly worded trade offer right after the game.

Welcome back to the IFFL week 3 is in the books. We started with 4 undefeated teams and now there are 2. Let’s get to the Power Rankings.

1. South Carolina Scarecrows (3-0) Dominant on both offense and defense, led by Jonathan Taylor
   
   
2. Indy Animals (3-0) Undefeated and showing offensive firepower, especially with Jayden Daniels and Jahmyr Gibbs.
   
   
3. Taipei Personality (2-1)  Putting up impressive offensive numbers, especially with Malik Nabers and Saquon Barkley leading the way.
   
   
4. Tequila Sunrise (2-1) Still one of the best teams despite their narrow loss to Indy.
   
   
5. San Antonio Mexican'ts (2-1) Narrowly won a week 3 game against a good Philadelphia team.
   
   
6. Hartford Whalers (2-1) Despite their Week 3 loss to South Carolina, they are still one of the better teams with strong offensive weapons like Patrick Mahomes and Chris Godwin.
   
   
7. Tabbi’s Kats (2-1) Impressive bounce-back win in Week 3, scoring 90 points.

Players of the Week

Offensive Player of the Week - Jauan Jennings  (Tab) WR - 175 yards and 3 touchdowns contributed to the Kats scoring 90 pts.

Defense of the Week - Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls-  168 total yards allowed, 5 sacks, 8 total points. The Pittsburgh defense was dominant, holding New Delhi's offense to minimal gains.

Special Teams Player of the Week - Brayden Narveson (South Carolina Scarecrows) - 3 field goals, 3 extra points. Narveson was a consistent force, scoring 12 points.

The Look Ahead to Week 4’s Game of the Week

Los Angeles Lords (0-3) @ New Delhi Subs (0-3)

Both teams are desperate for their first win of the season, making this a high-stakes matchup. With two talented rosters, it’s surprising that neither team has found success yet. Los Angeles is loaded with star power, including Joe Burrow, Justin Jefferson, and Ja’Marr Chase, but their defense and inconsistent performances have held them back. New Delhi has shown flashes of brilliance, particularly with Brock Purdy and Kyren Williams leading their offense. However, they’ve been on the losing end of close games, and a victory here is critical to turn their season around. This game has the makings of a high-scoring shootout, and both teams will fight hard to avoid going 0-4. Look for the star receivers in Los Angeles to shine, but don’t count out New Delhi’s balanced attack. It could come down to who makes the fewest mistakes.

Final Prediction: Los Angeles 44, New Delhi 42

The Rewind a look back at the Week 3’s Game of the Week

Tequila 36 @ Indy 38

In a thrilling back-and-forth contest, the Indy Animals (3-0) edged out the Tequila Sunrise (2-1) with a narrow 38-36 victory. Jayden Daniels led the way for Indy with 293 yards and 3 touchdowns, while Jahmyr Gibbs contributed with 103 rushing yards and a score.

Tequila fought hard behind Justin Herbert and a strong receiving game from Amon-Ra St. Brown and Khalil Shakir, but their offense fell just short in the final moments. De'Von Achane and Bijan Robinson couldn't do enough to overcome Indy's lead.

"We knew it was going to be a dogfight, but Daniels was unstoppable today," said Indy's owner, Kevin Ryburn. "This was a statement win."

Indy stays undefeated with this big win, while Tequila suffers their first loss of the season.

Welcome back to the IFFL week 2 is in the books. Predictable week but still some excitement. Let’s get to the Power Rankings.

1. South Carolina Scarecrows (2-0) The Scarecrows have been dominant on both sides of the ball, with strong performances from Derek Carr and their defense.
   
   
2. Tequila Sunrise (2-0) Tequila Sunrise survived a close battle with Los Angeles in Week 2.
   
   
3. Indy Animals (2-0) They’re undefeated but have shown they can win tight, low-scoring contests.
   
   
4. Hartford Whalers (2-0) Hartford is undefeated after two weeks, with Patrick Mahomes leading the offense and key contributions from wide receivers like Nico Collins.
   
   
5. Philadelphia Dark Side (1-1) Philadelphia bounced back in Week 2 with a dominant win over New Delhi.
   
   
6. Taipei Personality (1-1) Despite losing a close game in Week 2, Taipei remains one of the top teams thanks to their explosive offense led by Dak Prescott and James Cook, who had a monster game in Week 2 with three touchdowns in the first quarter.
   
   
7. San Antonio Mexican'ts (1-1) After a slow start in Week 1, San Antonio rebounded in a big way with a high-scoring win over Taipei in Week 2.

Players of the Week

Offensive Player of the Week - Alvin Kamara  (Phi) RB - 180 yards and 4 touchdowns contributed to the Dark Side  going 1-1.

Defense of the Week - San Antonio Mexican’ts - 10 points shut down Taipei in the second half

Special Teams Player of the Week - Evan McPherson (Har) K - McPherson's 13 points were crucial in the Whalers' 43-30 victory over Tabbi's Kats

The Look Ahead to Week 2’s Game of the Week

Tequila Sunrise (2-0) @ Indy Animals (2-0)

Both teams come into Week 3 with a perfect 2-0 record, meaning one team will suffer their first loss of the season. Tequila Sunrise has been strong on both the ground and through the air, with Justin Herbert at QB and De'Von Achane and J.K. Dobbins leading their rushing attack. They edged out a close win against Los Angeles in Week 2 and have shown resilience in tight games.Indy Animals have relied on young wide receiver Marvin Harrison Jr., who has already posted big numbers this season. While it's early in the season, both teams are showing potential as contenders. A win here could solidify either team as a frontrunner in their division.

The Rewind: A Look Back at Week 1’s Game of the Week

Hartford Whalers 43, Tabbi’s Kats 30

The Hartford Whalers (2-0) marched into Week 2 and sailed away with a 43-30 win over the Tabbi’s Kats (1-1), keeping their undefeated season intact, much to the dismay of their opponent's feline fanbase. Despite a solid effort from Tabbi’s Kats, the Whalers were led by quarterback Patrick Mahomes and a passing game that left the Kats scrambling like a laser pointer on the wall.

Mahomes threw for 180 yards and 2 touchdowns, which was apparently just enough for Whalers’ owner Chad Allen, who still had plenty to say after the game. “Look, we did what we had to do. The defense gave up some yards, but at least our boys didn’t get distracted by, I don’t know, baking cookies or something,” Allen quipped, perpetuating his unique stance on women in football. “Football is about toughness, and I think we’ve proven that this is no place for—well, you know what I mean.”

Tabbi Brewer, owner of Tabbi’s Kats, was unfazed by the Whalers' win or Allen's jabs. "Honestly, Chad sounds like he's one bad loss away from a Gilmore Girls marathon and a box of tissues," Brewer said, laughing. "We’ll bounce back. We’ve got the better team, and we'll see them again."

Rumor has it, Allen’s looking to bolster his special teams by trading for Harrison Butker, the kicker from New Delhi. “Look, McPherson is solid, but Butker's got a leg that could knock down trees. I like that,” Allen said, conveniently forgetting that Butker’s was very controversial this spring with the role of women in society.

Dalton Kincaid, Tabbi’s young tight end, seemed unfazed by the loss. “Hey, it’s just one game. Plus, after hearing Chad's comments, I think his real goal is to trade his players for more misogynistic jokes,” Kincaid said with a grin.

The Whalers sail on to Week 3 with their pristine record, while Tabbi’s Kats will look to bounce back—hopefully without catching any more Allen-sized storms along the way.

Welcome back to the IFFL week 1 is in the books. What a wild ride week 1 was now.. Let’s get to the Power Rankings.

1. South Carolina Scarecrows (1-0): Balanced team with strong RBs (Jonathan Taylor, Travis Etienne) and an elite WR group (Stefon Diggs, Mike Evans, DeAndre Hopkins). Can Derek Carr keep the ship steady while Jordan Love heals?
2. Tabbi's Kats (1-0): High-scoring offense led by Josh Allen and Derrick Henry. Strong WRs (Deebo Samuel, Keenan Allen) and consistent TE play. Strong overall team performance in Week 1.
3. Taipei Personality (1-0): Explosive play from Tyreek Hill and reliable contributions from Saquon Barkley. Dak Prescott adds consistency at QB, while the team has depth across WR and RB positions.
4. Los Angeles Lords (0-1): Preseason favorite has alot to correct in a quick time frame or this season is a bust.  Burrow must get back to normal in Week 2.
5. Tequila Sunrise (1-0): Balanced team with strong QB play from Justin Herbert and standout RB Bijan Robinson. Solid WR group led by Amon-Ra St. Brown. Reliable kicker and defense complement the team.
6. Hartford Whalers (1-0): Led by Patrick Mahomes, this team boasts a solid QB-RB combination with Josh Jacobs and a reliable receiving corps. Defense and special teams have been consistent.
7. Cincinnati Bagels (1-0): Led by Christian McCaffrey and Tony Pollard, the Bagels have a dominant backfield. Rookie QB C.J. Stroud has shown promise, and the team’s WRs (Jaylen Waddle, Jordan Addison) contribute to a balanced attack.

The Look Ahead to Week 2’s Game of the Week

Hartford Whalers (1-0) @ Tabbi's Kats (1-0)

Both Hartford and Tabbi's come into Week 2 with a 1-0 record, making this a crucial early-season matchup. A win here keeps momentum strong for either team, while a loss could shake their confidence. Patrick Mahomes leads the Hartford Whalers, while Josh Allen commands Tabbi's Kats. This QB duel features two of the league’s top fantasy players, both capable of putting up huge numbers and making highlight-reel plays. Tabbi's Kats boast a powerful ground game with Derrick Henry and D'Andre Swift, providing a mix of power and agility. Hartford counters with Josh Jacobs, who can grind out tough yards. The WR battle is equally compelling, with Tabbi's featuring Deebo Samuel and Keenan Allen, while Hartford’s mix of Nico Collins and Chris Godwin provides depth.

The Rewind a look back at the Week 1’s Game of the Week

Cincinnati Bagels 39 @ Los Angeles Lords 15

The Cincinnati Bagels (1-0) kicked off their 2024 campaign in impressive fashion, overpowering the Los Angeles Lords (0-1) with a commanding 39-15 victory. The Bagels set the tone early and never looked back, riding a balanced offensive attack and a suffocating defensive performance. Cincinnati quarterback C.J. Stroud delivered a strong showing, throwing for 247 yards and 2 touchdowns, earning 12 points. The Bagels’ ground game was equally effective, with Breece Hall and David Montgomery each rushing for 93 yards and a touchdown, contributing 6 points each. Ka’imi Fairbairn’s reliable leg added 11 points with 3 field goals and 2 extra points, rounding out a complete performance from the special teams.

Welcome back to the IFFL Preseason Edition. Not much has changed this season.. Let’s go Power Rankings Time!

1. Los Angeles Lords: With Joe Burrow at QB and elite WRs Justin Jefferson and Ja'Marr Chase, this team is well-rounded with strong offensive firepower. Defending Champion.
   
   
2. Chicago Fightin' Ditkas: Caleb Williams at QB, controversial pick, alongside a talented WR trio of Drake London, Christian Watson, and Courtland Sutton, makes this team dangerous.
   
   
3. New Delhi Subs: Balanced across the board, with Brock Purdy at QB, strong RB depth (Kenneth Walker, Aaron Jones), and elite WRs like Chris Olave.
   
   
4. Cincinnati Bagels: With Christian McCaffrey and Breece Hall in the backfield and rising stars like C.J. Stroud at QB, this team has explosive potential.
   
   
5. San Antonio Mexican'ts: Anthony Richardson at QB, and a strong WR duo in CeeDee Lamb and D.K. Metcalf, combined with Nick Chubb (when healthy) provides solid balance.
   
   
6. Hartford Whalers: With a strong QB in Patrick Mahomes and balanced offensive weapons, this team has the potential for consistent performance.
   
   
7. South Carolina Scarecrows: Led by Jordan Love, with solid WRs and RBs, they have the capability to be contenders with their balanced attack.

The Look Ahead to Week 1’s Game of the Week

Why? A rematch of the 2023 Championship game where the Lords won 49-38. Both teams are loaded with talent—Joe Burrow leading the Lords against the Bagels’ new franchise QB C.J. Stroud.

The Rewind a look back at the Superbowl

Los Angeles Lords 49, Cincinnati Bagels 38

The Los Angeles Lords claimed their fourth IFFL championship, and first since 2011, with a dramatic comeback victory over the Cincinnati Bagels. Trailing 26-10 after the first quarter, the Lords were led by Kyren Williams, who rushed for 101 yards and scored three crucial touchdowns. Derek Carr added 194 yards and two touchdown passes, while the Jets defense contributed a key touchdown. Despite Joe Flacco's 312-yard, three-touchdown performance for Cincinnati, the Bagels couldn't hold off Los Angeles' second-half surge, sealing their defeat.

Welcome back to the IFFL. The Super Bowl is done, the Riesbeck trophy has been handed out, and no one died this season. Here we go for the last time in the 2023 season.

1. Los Angeles Lords (11-5) IFFL Super Bowl 28 Champion. The in season moves made were game changers.

2. Cincinnati Bagels (12-5) This team is showing that they are a force to be reckoned with in seasons to come.

3. New Whiteland Chicken Pluckerz (10-5) They faltered at the wrong time this season live and learn and come back stronger

4. South Carolina Scarecrows (9-7) Made it back to the playoffs now to make sure they dont shoot themselves in the foot for next season.

5. Tabbi’s Kats (8-7) Started the year looking for a repeat title, finished the season trying to figure out what happened to their dominance in the Central.

6. Taipei Personality (8-7) Choked in the playoffs from the far east. They have a chance to be back next season especially with some more attention from ownership.

7. PIttsburgh PeanutButter Balls (7-7) Just missed the playoffs this season, the team will be looking to be better next year.

2024 Draft Order

1. Indy Animals (2-12)
2. Philadelphia Dark Side (5-9)
3. Chicago Fightin Ditka’s (5-9)
4. New Delhi Subs (6-8)
5. San Antonio Mexican’ts (6-8)
6. Hartford Whalers (7-7)
7. Tequila Sunrise (7-7)
8. Pittsburgh PeanutButter Balls (7-7)
9. Taipei Personality (8-6)
10. Tabbi’s Kats (8-6)
11. South Carolina Scarecrows (8-6)
12. New Whiteland Chicken Pluckerz (10-4)
13. Cincinnat Bagels (10-4)
14. New Delhi Subs (6-8) via Los Angeles Lords (9-5)
    
    

The Look Ahead to the 2024 Season

Draft Information will be sent out in Late July/August.

The Protected Players form is now open here

Welcome back to the IFFL. Week 9. We are back after a week away. Now let's get to the power rankings.

1. Cincinnati Bagels (7-2) Took care of the division rival Chicken Pluckerz this week, now to keep players healthy and build towards the playoffs.
   
   
2. New Whiteland Chicken Pluckerz  (7-2) Took the L this week, but they are still in control of the Central by points.
   
   
3. Los Angeles Lords (6-3) Got their swagger back this week and took out the Personality.
   
   
4. South Carolina (5-4) Finally got past the Kats, now if they can just keep Hurts upright.
   
   
5. Tabbi’s Kats (5-4) No one wants to see the Kats as a wildcard team so hopefully they either surge to win the division or lose out and miss the playoffs.
   
   
6. Hartford Whalers (5-4) Beats up on the bottom tier teams in the IFFL, needs to put together a game against playoff caliber competition.
   
   
7. San Antonio Mexican’ts (5-4) Losing to the Sunrise hurts, losing to the Sunrise to give them a winning streak really sucks.

Players of the Week

Offensive Player of the Week - CJ Stroud (Cin) - 480 yards, 5 TD’s, 2 pt con, 44 points this kid came in and gave the best performance of his life when the team needed it most. Lawrence and McCaffrey are back this week.

Defense of the Week - South Carolina -19 pts from  4sacks, 2 Ints, and 2 TD’s. This team finally got the defensive performance they have been waiting for, for 20 years. All joking aside they are looking good for the postseason.

Special Teams Player of the Week - Justin Tucker - 4xp and 3 FG’s the Ditkas are just trying to play spoiler.

The Look Ahead to Week 10’s Game of the Week

South Carolina @ Philadelphia- Both teams need a win for different reasons but the Dark Side are trying to stay in the playoff hunt and probably need it more, they are getting Kyler back so hopefully his surgically repaiired knee holds up under pressure.

Welcome back to the IFFL. Week 7. Not much changed at the top of the table this week. Let’s get to the Power Rankings.

1. New Whiteland Chicken Pluckerz  (6-1) Making it #1 for 3 straight weeks. The ChickenPluckerz look to avoid a letdown against Indy.
   
   
2. Los Angeles Lords (5-2) Couldn't find Travis Kelce or Gardner Minshew all day, thankfully everyone right behind them lost too.
   
   
3. Cincinnati Bagels (5-2) Say something nice and they lose.
   
   
4. Hartford Whalers (4-3) Took out the lowly Sunrise.
   
   
5. South Carolina (4-3) Makes the Big Jump this week, is this team for real, finally?
   
   
6. Tabbi’s Kats (4-3) The Kats are staying close but they need to go on a win streak.
   
   
7. San Antonio Mexican’ts (4-3) They lost in glorious fashion this week, a 60 yard TD right before halftime to Jordan Addison finishes them off.

Players of the Week

Offensive Player of the Week - Travis Kelce  (ND) - 179 yds and a TD as Kelce outscores the Lords.

Defense of the Week - New Whiteland 4s, 3FR, Int, & TD  for 14 points brought the victory home for New Whiteland

Special Teams Player of the Week - Justin Tucker - Don't look now but the Ditka’s have won 2 in a row and look like they have some life in them.

The Look Ahead to Week 7’s Game of the Week

Philadelphia @ South Carolina  - Will Kyler play this week or will it be Jared Goff again. After a disappointing week in which Goff only had 1 TD pass, the Dark Side are close to getting Murray back. For South Carolina they are in 2nd place by points and think they are the rightful owners of the East Division.

The Rewind a look back at Week 6’s Game of the Week

New Whiteland @ Tabbi’s- What a game this was Josh Allen was the best player on the field for Tabbi’s Kats but unfortunately for the defending champ, Allen seemed to be the only one on the field that knew they had a game this week. The New Whiteland Defense was the difference in the game.

Welcome back to the IFFL. Week 6. This was a weird weekend in the IFFL. Let’s get to the Power Rankings.

1. New Whiteland Chicken Pluckerz  (5-1) New Whiteland is the first team at #1 in consecutive weeks this season.
   
2. Los Angeles Lords (5-1) Found a rushing attack this weekend Kyren Williams then gets hurt.
   
3. Cincinnati Bagels (5-1) Just keeps winning.
   
4. Tabbi’s Kats (4-2) The Kats keep winning and keeping the division close
   
5. San Antonio Mexican’ts (4-2) Takes out the Subs in glorious fashion.
6. Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls (3-3) Making their first appearance in the top 7 this year.
   
7. Hartford Whalers  (3-3) Another new face how long do they stick around?

Players of the Week

Offensive Player of the Week - Raheem Mostert (NW) - 132 yds and 3 TD’s for Mostert powers the team past Taipei.

Defense of the Week - Tabbi’s Kats 4s, FR, 2 Ints, 197 yds for 10 points combined with Brandon McManus (see below) scratches the Animals into the loss column.  

Special Teams Player of the Week - Brandon McManus  4 extra points and 3 FG’s provided the cushion for the Kats over Indy.

The Look Ahead to Week 7’s Game of the Week

New Whiteland @ Tabbi’s - This game can bring NW to the point where they are the clear favorites in the central but if they lose the Kats can claw the Chicken Pluckerz back to reality. Now the only question is, Who will stand victorious?

The Rewind a look back at Week 6’s Game of the Week

Tequila @ Cincinnati - The Sunrise have lost their rushing attack. This team has to find an identity and quick. The fans are restless, management is at a loss, they have made moves but nothing is panning out for them right now. Meanwhile Cincinnati is killing it. Having an amazing time racking up wins, outside of New Whiteland. Christian McCaffrey did get injured this weekend, let's see if he can answer the bell in week 7.

 

Welcome back to the IFFL. Week 5. It's a glorious day as there are no winless teams in the IFFL. Let’s get to the Power Rankings.

1. New Whiteland Chicken Pluckerz  (4-1) New Whiteland will try the #1 spot again.
2. Los Angeles Lords (4-1) Ja’Marr Chase might be just what the doctor ordered.
3. Cincinnati Bagels (4-1) Took out arch nemesis, Tabbi’s Kats.
4. Tabbi’s Kats (3-2) Took the L in a hard fought game, Josh Allen its football season.
5. South Carolina Scarecrows  (3-2) Beat the tar out of SA, & got Nico Collins.
6. San Antonio Mexican’ts (3-2) Needs to find a battered womans shelter ASAP.
7. Taipei Personality (3-2) Even losing to the lowly Subs can’t send this team out of the top 7.

Players of the Week

Offensive Player of the Week - DJ Moore (Pit) This was one hell of a performance against the Dark Side. 230 yards and 3 TD’s for 24 points.

Defense of the Week -  Los Angeles Lords - 15 points scored 4 Sacks, 3 FR’s, 1 Safety & a TD, showed the Lords dominance over the Whale

Special Teams Player of the Week - Jake Elliott from Phi - Knocked home 3 FG’s and 2 XP’s to keep the PB Balls at bay.

The Look Ahead to Week 6’s Game of the Week

Tequila @ Cincinnati- This might be it, a last gasp chance for Tequila to prove they are better than their record shows. If they can come out and cream the Bagels they have a chance at redemption. For the Bagels they are flying high at 4-1, and like last year, they are somehow flying under the radar. This team needs to keep the status quo though and cloud the Sunrise.

The Rewind a Look Back at Week 5’s Game of the Week

San Antonio @ South Carolina - South Carolina who is the perennial underdog in this matchup came in and flexed their muscles and fists, showing her who was boss. This is not your typical Trevor, this was 1950’s backwoods, alcoholic Trevor and he sent a message to the IFFL.

Welcome back to the IFFL. Week 4. Let’s get to this week’s power rankings.

1. Tabbi’s Kats (3-1) Kats just keep winning
2. San Antonio Mexican’ts (3-1)  The team is ready for the Domestic Violence Bowl
3. New Whiteland Chicken Pluckerz (3-1) Got blown out by San Antonio, meaning that after 4 weeks there are no perfect teams any longer
4. Los Angeles Lords (3-1) Joe B better get right soon, second week in a row we call this out
5. Taipei Personality  (3-1) Cruising along tied with San Antonio and Los Angeles for the lead in the west
6. Cincinnati Bagels  (3-1) Creamed their way to another win
7. Indy Animals  (2-2) Lost a close one to LA this week
   

Players of the Week

Offensive Player of the Week - RB Christian McCaffrey (Cin) Ran for 177 yds and 4 TD’s Looks to take out the Kats this week on the road.

Defense of the Week -  Pittsburgh PB Balls  17 total points, 2 sacks, FR, 2 Ints, 2 TD’s sunk the Scarecrows in Chocolate sauce.

Special Teams Player of the Week - K Brandon Aubrey (LA)  Hit 3 FG’s and 3 xp’s to help calm the Animals.

The Look Ahead to Week 5’s Game of the Week

San Antonio @ South Carolina- The league's annual domestic violence bowl is a must on the football calendar.  The Mexican’ts come into this game the favorite for a change. Can the Scarecrows make the Mexican’ts need a hospital?

The Rewind a look back at Week 4’s Game of the Week

San Antonio at New Whitelandi -  New Whiteland got bitch slapped by San Antonio with 12 4th quarter points causing the Mexican’ts to almost rise to #1 in the power poll for the first time ever this week.

Welcome back to the IFFL. Week 3  was action packed and fun. Let’s get to this week’s power rankings.

1. New Whiteland Chicken Pluckerz (3-0) 3 weeks in and a new number one to lose in week 4.
2. Tabbi’s Kats (2-1) Kats just keep winning.
3. San Antonio Mexican’ts (2-1)  They didn’t lose any players this week.
4. Los Angeles Lords (2-1) Joe B better get right soon.
5. Indy Animals (2-1) Beat Philly like a drum.
6. South Carolina Scarecrows (2-1) They better watch out, they might just keep winning.
7. Philadelphia Dark Side (2-1) Lost to Indy and that's something they do alot of, lose to the Animals.

Players of the Week

Offensive Player of the Week - Raheem Mostert (NW) Ran for 142 yds and 4 TD’s this Boiler is chugging.

Defense of the Week -  Hartford Whalers  21 total points, 9 sacks, FR, 4 Int and a TD led the Whale to a victory.

Special Teams Player of the Week - Animals K Jason Myers who hit 5 FG’s and 2 xp to help his team defeat the Dark Side.

The Look Ahead to Week 4’s Game of the Week

San Antonio @ New Whiteland - Can the Mexican’ts defeat the last of the undefeated teams this week or will the Chicken Pluckerz be the first team to stay at number one for 2 straight weeks?

The Rewind a look back at Week 3’s Game of the Week

New Whiteland at Cincinnati -  New Whiteland bitch slapped Cincinnati behind 25 points from Tua and Raheem Mostert and guess what 50 was only half of their final total for the week.

 

Welcome back to the IFFL. Week 2  was so much fun, we still have some amazing teams that are winless, and a few surprises sitting 2-0. Let’s get to this week’s power rankings.

1. Los Angeles Lords (2-0) The Lords squeaked out a win against Taipei, lets see if they can make it 3 in a row and kill the curse.
2. New Whiteland Chicken Pluckerz (2-0) This team will go as far as Tua can take them.
3. Philadelphia Dark Side (2-0) At least this week they didn't lose another QB.
4. Cincinnati Bagels (2-0)  Blew out Indy on the strength of their defense.
5. Tequila Sunrise (1-1) That top spot was totally cursed for them.
6. Tabbi’s Kats (1-1) Moving up one spot are the defending champion Kats. At least Josh Allen was back to normal.
7. San Antonio Mexican’ts (1-1) Grabbed the victory over Tequila, even though they lost Nick Chubb.

Players of the Week

Offensive Player of the Week - Jared Goff, Philadelphia, 323 yards 3 TD’s, Looking good in a dominant performance against the hated Subs.

Defense of the Week -  Cincinnati Bagels -  The Bagels had 6 sacks, 3 Fumble Recoveries, an INT and 2 TD’s to lead the team back to beat the Animals in the 4th Quarter.

Special Teams Player of the Week - New Whiteland Rookie K Jake Moody, 3 FG’s and 3 XP’s provided the cushion they needed to beat the Ditka’s

The Look Ahead to Week 3’s Game of the Week

New Whiteland at Cincinnati - It’s week 3 and there are only 4 undefeated teams remaining.  This match up is for the top spot in the Central for one more week knowing that the Kats are on their tails.

The Rewind a look back at Week 2’s Game of the Week

Taipei at Los Angeles -  Somehow, someway the Lords put the beat down on Taipei, 8 4th Quarter Blake Grupe points helped survive the 8 points Deshaun Watson got in the 4th quarter for Taipei. The Personality really need to figure out how to beat LA, who they have lost to 3 straight times now.

Welcome back to the IFFL Week 1 was very disappointing week for some and for others it was very shocking.

1. Tequila Sunrise (1-0) Let’s see if the top spot is a curse again this year
2. Indy Animals (1-0) Dominating win over South Carolina
3. Los Angeles Lords (1-0) After a wire to wire winning performance against the Kats the Lords make a huge impact on the top 7
4. Taipei Personality (1-0)  Smashed the Peanut Butter Balls in Pittsburgh
5. New Whiteland Chicken Pluckerz (1-0) Opened at home with a 700 yard performance Chicago didn’t know what hit them.
6. Philadelphia Dark Side (1-0) Proving people wrong is the best part of this job.
7. Tabbi’s Kats (0-1) Might be a little harsh but there were some really impressive performances.

Honorable Mention

Cincinnati (1-0) beat a  very good San Antonio team in double OT this week they are on the cusp if they keep winning.

San Antonio (0-1) see above but in reverse. Back it up!

Players of the Week

Offensive Player of the Week - Tua Tagoviola 471 yards and 3 TDs all while leading the team to a huge divisional win.

Defense of the Week -  Pittsburgh without a question this defense with 32 points was the best of the week, too bad the rest of the team blew donkey.

Special Teams Player of the Week - Los Angeles rookie kicker Blake Grupe 3 FG’s and an XP helped cement the Lords victory.

The Look Ahead to Week 2’s Game of the Week

Taipei at Los Angeles -  This matchup of my #3 and 4 teams in the league this week is another early season ballbuster for the Lords and their mission to try to repeat.

Welcome back to the 2nd season of the Endowed 7.  To toot my own horn this column correctly picked the winner of last year's super bowl. Let’s see if we can do it again without further adieu.

The Endowed 7 Preseason Edition

1. Tabbi’s Kats - Last season's champion is back for more having tasted the title game 2 years in a row.
2. San Antonio Mexican’ts - This passing attack should be the best in the league, let's see how long Anthony Richardson stays at QB1. Also I'm interested to see if they put in a waiver claim on Kyler Murray, that team could be dangerous.
3. Chicago Fightin’ Ditka’s - This team is going with a young QB and a loaded backfield, Aaron Jones and JK Dobbins will provide the team the long game, while Zeke Elliott will give them a short yardage back they need.
4. Tequila Sunrise -  The 3 headed monster of Dameon, Javonte, and Bijan with a Lil Cooper Kupp and Sun God receiving corps should bring the Sunrise back to prominence.
5. Hartford Whalers - The class of the East somehow they will continue to win.
6. Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls - 2nd best in the East if they can keep Lamar healthy they can go far.
7. Indy Animals - They look strong, a very balanced team should be able to keep up with the Ditka’s and challenge for 2nd place.

Sorry no honorable mention this week, the rest of the league has some questions to answer first.

Players of the Week

MVP - This award could go to quite a few players, but we will start with saying we believe it's a 2 player race. Josh Allen will either repeat his performances of the last 2 years or Patrick Mahomes will reclaim the title. I said what I said and I'm not ashamed.

Defense of the Year - I feel like this year may just belong to the Los Angeles Lords, the entire team can’t be complete rubbish right?

Special Teams Player of the Year - Hartford’s Evan McPherson might just finally take this spot from Chicago’s Justin Tucker.  Dark Horse candidate is Los Angeles' Blake Grupe who has blown the team away this preseason so far.

The Look Ahead to Week 1’s Game of the Week

Tabbi’s at Los Angeles - Rematch of the Super Bowl, if Los Angeles is going to do anything at all this year they have to come out and hit the Kat’s in the face, which will draw the ire of the Kat’s owner.

Welcome to the IFFL! The Semifinal round did not fail to keep us entertained. The Kats defended their home turf while the Whalers failed and lost in the Semi Final round once again.

The Endowed 7 Week Semi Final Edition

1. Tabbi’s Kats (12-2)
2. Los Angeles Lords (9-5)
3. Cincinnati Bagels (10-4)
4. Hartford Whalers (9-5)
5. Taipei Personality (9-5)
6. New Delhi Subs (8-6)
7. Philadelphia Dark Side (8-6)

The Bagels were good until the onslaught from the Kats in the 3rd quarter, a 22 point effort which saw the Kats go from 13 down to 7 up in the frame and held in the 4th. The Whalers on the other hand didn’t have a chance, the Lords took the lead early and held it throughout.

Players of the Week

Offensive PotW –Joe Burrow, Los Angeles 380 yards 3 TD’s. Someone is trying to singlehandedly win his team a Super Bowl this season.  Burrow will be under the spotlight next week against the Kats.

Defensive PotW – Tabbi’s Kats – A 16 point 3rd quarter started by the Kats defense’s 6 sacks, 3 INT’s, FR, and TD, proved this team was not as dead as some had said at halftime.

Kicker of the Week – Jason Sanders, Los Angeles 2 FG and 2 XP helped keep the whalers at bay in the 3rd quarter this week.

Game of the Week – Cincinnati @ Tabbi’s – “Now son, let me teach you a lesson,” that is how the story should start if the Kats win the championship.  This team is molded in the image of their owner,  tough as nails with a huge heart. This will be a very difficult team to beat in the Super Bowl.  Burrow and friends better be ready.

The Look Ahead Super Bowl XXVII (27) –

Los Angeles @ Tabbi’s – The game is set, the venue is ready, the teams are in LA, the away team has an advantage of familiar field advantage and its almost game time.  This seasons Super Bowl is bound to be a good one. It’s a replay of a week 4 game in which the Lords prevailed 60-30. The Kats will need to play a lot better than they did in the earlier game. As for the Lords they just need Joe Burrow to stay hot, and the rest should take care of itself. They are built for this game, this is why the immediate future was mortgaged during the season. We will find out the winner of the game at the end of the 4th quarter. The Kats have been the favorite for the entire season. The Lords are one of the hottest teams in the league.  Going out on a limb the winner will be….

Welcome to the IFFL! The home teams won the Wild Card games this week, now we move onto the final 4 with a trip to the Superbowl on the line!

The Endowed 7 Week 14 Edition

1. Tabbi’s Kats (12-2)
2. Cincinnati Bagels (10-4)
3. Hartford Whalers (9-5)
4. Los Angeles Lords (9-5)
5. Taipei Personality (9-5)
6. New Delhi Subs (8-6)
7. Philadelphia Dark Side (8-6)

New Delhi lost 5 straight games to finish the season that has to hurt, Taipei also lost 5 of 6 to finish the season.

Players of the Week

Offensive PotW –Joe Burrow, Los Angeles 208 yards 4 TD’s and a 2 pt conversion, Just like he did in the regular season Burrow carved up the Sub defense. This time he threw all 4 TD’s in the second half, to be precise. I bet the Subs are elated not to play Burrow again.

Defensive PotW – Taipei– I know they lost this week but lets call out how truly amazing this defense has been this season. When they need a stop or sack or interception this defense was there to make sure it happened.

Kicker of the Week – Jason Sanders, Los Angeles 3 FG and 2 XP leading to a huge 1st quarter lead for the Lords. Could Sanders prove to be the difference maker again this week?

Game of the Week – New Delhi @ Los Angeles – New Delhi played a heck of a game but in the end their defense was not strong enough to stop the Lords, and the offensive weapons in Los Angeles cam out to play.

The Look Ahead Semi Final Games of the Week –

Los Angeles @ Hartford – It’s going to be cold this week, and we mean like really, really cold. This game may come down to rushing attacks as Burrow and Mahomes should perform. So let’s see how well the runners do, LA has Dobbins, Sanders, & Ekeler going against Kamara, Stevenson, and Jacobs for the Whalers. Amazingly this is the first time these teams have met this season.

Cincinnati @ Tabbi’s – Round 3 of this family affair is for all the marbles, and in the words of the Kats Owner, “I love that boy with my whole heart, but I’m going to tan his hide this weekend, its time for the Kats to hold the trophy."  The teams split the regular season meeting, they are pretty evenly matched and it might just come down to the kicker and defensive matchups.

Welcome to the IFFL! This season has been wild and crazy (but not 2 crazy guys, as #1 is a woman and #2 is someone who thinks women belong in the kitchen baking him pie) and has now come to an end.  Tequila will draft first in August, and our number 7 team below will draft 8th overall, Wild Card weekend is upon us now lets get back to work and premier the Endowed 7 Playoff Edition.

The Endowed 7 Week 14 Edition

1. Tabbi’s Kats (12-2)
2. Cincinnati Bagels (10-4)
3. Hartford Whalers (9-5)
4. Los Angeles Lords (9-5)
5. Taipei Personality (9-5)
6. New Delhi Subs (8-6)
7. Philadelphia Dark Side (8-6)

New Delhi has lost 4 straight, Philadelphia lost their QB on the 3rd play of the game or it might be Philly instead of New Delhi in the playoffs today.

Players of the Week

Offensive PotW – Evan Engram, Cincinnati – 162 yards and 2 TD’s, the big lumbering TE scored 24 individual points to pace the Bagels over Taipei in what would become a Wildcard preview.

Defensive PotW – Los Angeles –  TD, 6 sacks and 2 ints gave the Lords the cushion they would need to keep Philadelphia at bay.

Kicker of the Week – Jake Elliott, Phildelphia – In a losing effort Elliott had 2 FG’s and 6 XP’s to help the Dark Side keep it close in the first half against Los Angeles.

Game of the Week – Tabbi’s @ San Antonio – While there were better games on the schedule that meant more, we should always take time out to celebrate the women of the IFFL and discuss the Fine Lady Bowl. For the Kats, Josh Allen came out and made it his mission to whip Dak Prescott into submission which is just what he did. CeeDee Lamb and Nick Chubb were held in check the entire game. Really, the players that did score for SA weren't too exciting.  Allen and Henry are a daunting task in the playoffs for whoever faces them. I kind of feel sorry for the winner of Cincinnati/Taipei, or New Delhi as that will be a real beast of a game in the Litter Box.

The Look Ahead Wild Card Games of the Week –

New Delhi @ Los Angeles –  On paper this game should be very evenly matched, but as we all know the game is not played on paper.  I see Los Angeles coming out and taking an early lead, but the Subs will fight their way back into the game and at the end its anybody’s guess as to who will come out on top. Slightest of edges to Los Angeles at QB.

Taipei @ Cincinnati – This game will be a knock down, drag out game that I have no idea who will win.  With the teams coming off a fresh 86-37 Cincinnati drubbing I expect tempers to be high and emotions to run wild during this game. I think Cincinnati is a little better than Taipei at this point in the season, so I give them the slight edge.

A jumbled mess heading into the playoffs! The Subs lose again, the Whalers win again. Six teams in a dead heat racing toward the playoffs. Welcome to the IFFL!

The Endowed 7 Week 13 Edition

1. Tabbi’s Kats (11-2)
2. Cincinnati Bagels (9-4)
3. Philadelphia Dark Side (8-5)
4. Taipei Personality (9-4)
5. Hartford Whalers (8-5)
6. Los Angeles Lords (8-5)
7. New Delhi Subs (8-5)

New Delhi has lost 3 straight, Los Angeles has lost 2 straight, Taipei finally wins again after losing 4 of 5 and Philadelphia and Hartford have won 3 straight, oh and the only one of these teams to clinch the playoffs is Taipei.

Players of the Week

Offensive PotW – Jalen Hurts, South Carolina – 392 yards and 4 TD’s willing his team to try to come back against Hartford and play spoiler, he literally came up 8 yards short.

Defensive PotW – Cincinnati Bagels – 3 Defensive TD’s puts them in the playoffs and confirms the Sunrise will pick number one overall.

Kicker of the Week – Brandon McManus, Tabbi’s – 3 FG’s to help the team to victory #11.

Game of the Week – New Delhi @ Taipei – The foreign language bowl 2022 was pretty tight thru 3 quarters but then in the 4th Taipei blew it open with Brady throwing 2 TD’s in the frame.

The Look Ahead Week 14 Game of the Week –

Tabbi’s @ San Antonio – It's not really crucia,l except for the fact that I get to say Fine Lady Bowl 2022 in print and it will be here forever for anyone to read.  Tabbi’s can win 12 games this year which would tie the league record for number of wins in a season.  San Antonio can compete for one more week then this dismal season will come to an end.

Another wild week 11! Where Taipei loses their 3rd straight game and 4 in the last 5. Los Angeles wins again. Philadelphia without a QB beats New Delhi. Welcome to the IFFL!

The Endowed 7 Week 11 Edition

1. Tabbi’s Kats (9-2)
2. Los Angeles Lords (8-3)
3. New Delhi Subs (8-3)
4. Cincinnati Bagels (7-4)
5. Taipei Personality (7-4)
6. Philadelphia Dark Side (6-5)
7. Hartford Whalers (6-5)

New Delhi’s loss knocks them from the top spot. Tabbi’s and Los Angeles are in the byes. We are inching closer to playoff football.

Players of the Week

Offensive PotW – Joe Burrow, Los Angeles – 360 yards and 4 TD’s helping to secure an unsurmountable lead in the 4th quarter against the upstart Bagels.

Defensive PotW – South Carolina Scarecrows – Allowing only 163 yards, getting 7 sacks and a Fumble Recovery led to 11 points for the Scarecrow defense leading them to their 5th win on the season and keeping playoff hopes, no matter how slim alive.

Kicker of the Week – Tyler Bass, Hartford – 6 FG’s and an XP leading to 19 points lead the way for the Whalers to beat Pittsburgh and stay in contention for the playoffs.

Game of the Week – New Delhi @ Philadelphia – New Delhi came into the game on a high note, but Philadelphia had something up their sleeve, RB Jamal Williams, scoring 3 TD’s on the day and 2 additional TD’s from Amari Cooper made it so that it didn’t matter that the Dark Side had no QB.

The Look Ahead Week 12 Game of the Week –

Thanksgiving Week 2022

Philadelphia @ South Carolina– Can the Scarecrows keep giving their fanbase hope of a postseason run? Can the Dark Side keep moving up and finally surpass the Whalers and move into a playoff position?  Will both teams ultimately fail and miss out on the postseason like they have thought for most of the year? Tune in this week to find out the answers to the most important questions.  Also Jalen Hurts needs to have a great week to move the Scarecrows up the division standings.

Another wild week where Taipei barely loses to Los Angeles and Cincinnati, New Delhi, and Tabbi’s win again. Welcome to the IFFL!

The Endowed 7 Week 10 Edition

1. New Delhi Subs (8-2)
2. Tabbi’s Kats (8-2)
3. Los Angeles Lords (7-3)
4. Cincinnati Bagels (7-3)
5. Taipei Personality (7-3)
6. Indy Animals (6-4)
7. Hartford & Philadelphia Dark Side (5-5)

Hartford and Philadelphia try to grasp on to the 7th spot. Does anyone want it?  

Players of the Week

Offensive PotW – Patrick Mahomes, Hartford – 4 TD’s and 370 yards yielding 27 individual points and along with K Tyler Bass made the Whalers hopes of beating the Subs a near reality.

Defensive PotW – Los Angeles – The Lords defense gets the nod this week for the late sack which proved to be the winning margin.

Kicker of the Week – Cameron Dicker, New Delhi 3 FG’s and an XP was the difference in bringing down the Whalers and keeping their repeat hopes alive.

Game of the Week – Taipei @ Los Angeles – Los Angeles halts a 4-game losing streak to Taipei by grabbing a late sack on QB Tom Brady securing a 37-36 win.

The Look Ahead Week 11 Game of the Week –          
                                  
New Delhi @ Philadelphia – Round 2 this time it may just be the difference between playoffs or staying home.  The Dark Side have made major strides to put themselves in positions to win these games late in the season that have playoff implications.

Another wild week where San Antonio wins again. Welcome to the IFFL!

The Endowed 7 Week 9 Edition

1. New Delhi Subs (7-2)
2. Tabbi’s Kats (7-2)
3. Taipei Personality (7-2)
4. Los Angeles Lords (6-3)
5. Indy Animals (6-3)
6. Cincinnati Bagels (6-3)
7. Philadelphia Dark Side (5-4)

Hartford makes a case to get back in the list but the Dark Side hold on to the 7th spot.

Players of the Week

Offensive PotW – Joe Mixon, New Dellhi – 5 TD’s and 211 yards yielding 36 indiviual points almost singlehandedly gives the Subs a victory over South Carolina.

Defensive PotW – Hartford Whalers – scoring 23 points, which is almost unheard of for a defense, powered the Whalers past the undermanned Fightin’ Ditka’s.

Kicker of the Week – Ryan Succop, San Antonio 3 FG’s and an XP was the difference in bringing down the IFFL’s best team, by one of the more disappointing teams.

Game of the Week – Cincinnati @ Tabbi’s- This family affair was one for the ages and came down to some 4th quarter play. The Kats got a late score from Isiah Likely to secure the victory.

The Look Ahead Week 10 Game of the Week –

Taipei @ Los Angeles – Round 2. This time it will result in the lead for the division.  Los Angeles has built this roster for this game and although they will be missing Joe Burrow, they still have one of the most potent offense’s in the league led this week by Russell Wilson. Taipei will probably just keep going, having beaten the Lords 4 straight times coming into this game.

Another wild week 8! Finally San Antonio win moving into a tie with Tequila for the 1st overall draft choice.  Welcome to the IFFL!

The Endowed 7 Week 9 Edition

1. Taipei Personality (7-1)
2. Cincinnati Bagels (6-2)
3. New Delhi Subs (6-2)
4. Tabbi’s Kats (6-2)
5. Los Angeles Lords (5-3)
6. Indy Animals (5-3)
7. Philadelphia Dark Side (4-4)

Hartford screwed themselves out of the list by benching Alvin Kamara for some stupid reason, their lineup decisions this season are just plain idiotic.

Players of the Week

Offensive PotW  – Jalen Hurts, South Carolina, 295 yards 4 TD’s and 24 individual points led the Scarecrows to a win over Los Angeles.

Defensive PotW – South Carolina Scarecrows- 4 sacks, 1 FR, TD, back to back weeks for the Scarecrow defense and  2 straight wins make this team dangerous going into the stretch run.

Kicker of the Week – Nick Folk, New Delhi, 5/5 FG’s, and 1/1 extra points make this game his best this season.

Game of the Week – Philadelphia @ Indy- Boy oh boy! The Dark Side put up 92 points last week behind the stellar connection of QB Kyler Murray to WR AJ Brown.  A career game from Tony Pollard didn’t hurt much either

The Look Ahead to Week 9 Game of the Week –

Cincinnati @ Tabbi’s – Round 2, this time it will result in the lead for the division.  Cincinnati is on a good run since McCaffery has stayed healthy this season.  Lets see if Derrick Henry and Josh Allen can carve up the Bagel defense.

Another wild one in week 7; where South Carolina, Chicago, and Pittsburgh win to try to get away from the #1 overall pick.  Welcome to the IFFL!

The Endowed 7 Week 8 Edition

1. Taipei Personality (6-1)
2. Los Angeles Lords (5-2)
3. Indy Animals (5-2)
4. Cincinnati Bagels (5-2)
5. New Delhi Subs (5-2)
6. Tabbi’s Kats (5-2)
7. Hartford Whalers (4-3)

The top 7 stays the same just a little shuffling amongst the leaders.  The Bagels drop to #4 after another loss on the season.  Taipei suffered their first loss but they stay at #1.

Players of the Week

Offensive PotW  – Joe Burrow, Los Angeles, QB Burrow accounted for 48 individual points in the game after torching the Sub defense for 501 yards and 4 TD’s on the day.

Defensive PotW – South Carolina Scarecrows- 5 sacks, 3 FR, 2 Ints, while allowing only 312 yards to the Sunrise mean this team is finally being talked about this season… for something other than losing.

Kicker of the Week – Cairo Santos, Chicago, 4/4 FG’s, and 3/3 extra points make this game his best of the season.

Game of the Week – New Delhi @ Los Angeles- Boy, oh Boy! The Lords put up 83 points last week behind the stellar leadership of QB Joe Burrow and RB Ezekiel Elliot.

The Look Ahead Week 8 Game of the Week –

Philadelphia @ Taipei – The Dark Side are looking for a win after 2 straight losses. They head to Taipei who have to be angry about their first loss of the season. Expect the Personality to be taking their anger out on Philadelphia.

The Bagels, Personality, Lords, and Animals all win in Week 4.  Welcome to the IFFL!

The Endowed 7 Week 4 Edition

1. Taipei Personality (4-0)
2. Cincinnati Bagels (4-0)
3. Indy Animals (3-1)
4. Los Angeles Lords (3-1)
5. New Delhi Subs (3-1)
6. Tabbi’s Kats (2-2)
7. Philadelphia Dark Side (2-2)

The Subs have finally come back to the Endowed 7.  The Bagels drop to #2 after an impressive performance by Taipei.  Los Angeles doubles up the Kats, and Indy beats an injury riddled Tequila.

Players of the Week

Offensive PotW  – TJ Hockenson, Taipei Personality 179 yards and 2 TD’s, a 2pt conversion & 38 individual points sent Taipei screaming towards 100 points this week.

Defensive PotW –  Hartford Whalers 7 sack, 1 fumble recovery, 1 interception returned for a TD.  This is how the Whalers are supposed to play football.

Kicker of the Week – Greg Joseph, Cincinnati Bagels- Hit 5/5 FG attempts to give the Bagels a comfy cushion.

Game of the Week – Tequila at Indy The Animals came out ready to play.  The Sunrise settled in the sky and then lost Javonte Williams, his loss was something that even Cooper Kupp couldn’t help Tequila overcome.  It may be a long season in New Mexico now.

The Look Ahead Week 3 Game of the Week –

Indy at Cincinnati. The Animals travel down I-74 to play the Bagels this weekend. This is our game of the week and its for early control of the Central Division.  Can the Animals put together another awesome performance or will the Bagels continue to play at heights never before achieved.

As soon as I think I have this season figured out, The Kats play the Bagels and completely screw everything up.  Welcome to the IFFL!

The Endowed 7 Week 3 Edition

1. Cincinnati Bagels (3-0)
2. Taipei Personality (3-0)
3. Tabbi’s Kats (2-1)
4. Indy Animals (2-1)
5. Philadelphia Dark Side (2-1)
6. Los Angeles Lords (2-1)
7. Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls (2-1)

The Subs were close to making the list after taking out the Whalers.  The Bagels move up to 1 after their shellacking of the Kats.   Will the top spot be a curse for the Bagels or will the team continue to flourish?

Players of the Week

Offensive PotW  – Lamar Jackson, Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls 325 yards and 5 TD’s for Lamar Propelling the team to a huge victory this week.

Defensive PotW – Taipei Personality, 9 sacks, 1 FR’s, this defensive performance is why the Sunrise are now 1-2 in the West. 

Kicker of the Week – Matt Prater, Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls- Hit 4/4 FG attempts to give the PB Balls an insurmountable lead.

Game of the Week – Cincinnati at Tabbi’s The Kats came out strong against the Bagels, but it was the Bagels closing strength and ground game that ultimately gave them the victory.

The Look Ahead Week 4 Game of the Week –

For the 1st time all season this space doesn’t include the Kats. Tequila @ Indy is the game to watch in week 4.  Both teams will be looking to correct course after week 3 losses. The Sunrise need a win to stay in the hunt for the playoffs while the Animals are looking to take the division.

Another wild week in the IFFL is in the books, week 2 was just as unpredictable as week 1,

The Endowed 7 Week 2 Edition

1. Tabbi’s Kats (2-0)
2. Indy Animals (2-0)
3. Taipei Personality (2-0)
4. Cincinnati Bagels (2-0)
5. Philadelphia Dark Side (1-1)
6. Los Angeles Lords (1-1)
7. Hartford Whalers (1-1)

The Whalers got cut by the buzzsaw that is the Kats this week and Los Angeles lost a barn burner to Taipei. They will be back though, the same might not be able to be said for Chicago, New Whiteland and San Antonio.

Players of the Week

Offensive PotW – Lamar Jackson, Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls 437 yards and 4 TD’s from Lamar carried the team to victory.

Defensive PotW – Indy Animals, 6 sacks, 2 FR’s, 3 Int’s, a TD and a partridge in a pear tree, is what propelled the Animals to a vital division win over rival Chicago.

Kicker of the Week – Brandon McManus, Tabbi’s Kats- Back-to-back weeks of 10 point games for McManus is the type of consistency the Kats need to bring home the championship.

Game of the Week – Tabbi’s @ Hartford Another great game of the week until the 4th quarter when Josh Allen exploded to lead the Kats to 25 un answered points and an 18 point victory.

The Look Ahead Week 3 Game of the Week –

For an unprecedented 3rd straight week the Kats are in the spotlight, this time against the upstart Bagels who will be trying not to get burned by Josh Allen and Co. If the Bagels have any shot this week, Trevor Lawrence, Christian McCaffery and team have to play the games of their lives this week.

Football is back and week 1 of the 2022 IFFL season is in the books and oh, baby, what a week it was!

The Endowed 7 Week 1 Edition

1. Tabbi’s Kats (1-0)
2. Philadelphia Dark Side (1-0)
3. Los Angeles Lords (1-0)
4. Hartford Whalers (1-0)
5. Indy Animals (1-0)
6. Taipei Personality (1-0)
7. Cincinnati Bagels (1-0)

DO NOT under no circumstances write off the South Carolina Scarecrows. Tequila will be better than advertised as well.

Players of the Week

Offensive PotW  – Patrick Mahomes, Hartford, 365 yards and 5 TD’s gives the Whalers the franchise QB they drafted Lamar Jackson to be but that he failed to develop the traits.

Defensive PotW – Philadelphia Dark Side, 7 sacks, 4 interceptions and a pick 6, and a fumble recovery, not a bad week against Lamar Jackson and the PB Balls offense.

Kicker of the Week – Ryan Succop, San Antonio 4/4 FG and an XP, unfortunately he was all of the offense for the Mexican’ts.

Game of the Week –
New Delhi @ Tabbi’s This proved to be a hell of a matchup, just as the league schedulers predicted when they drew up the schedule.  The Kat's appear ready to take the next step to a League championship.

The Look Ahead to the Week 2 Game of the Week –
This time we are going to Hartford v Tabbi’s.  The Kats have a loaded schedule during the first half of the season, and this is just another challenge to see if they are ready to win it all come January.

By The IFFL Insider News Desk
(Season 30 • Founded 1996 • Still somehow getting louder every year)

The 2025 IFFL season is officially in the books, and Season 30 delivered exactly what the league has built its reputation on for three decades: powerhouse teams, petty rivalries, generational performances, and just enough emotional damage to keep the group chat active until August.

At the center of it all stood the Indy Animals, who captured the championship and hoisted their third title in the last 10 years, defeating the upstart San Antonio Mexican’ts in the IFFL Bowl, 33–23. It was a season defined by resilience, roster creativity, and the kind of clutch moments that separate champions from “almosts.”

Owner Kevin “Q” Ryburn didn’t overcomplicate the achievement afterward, “We took hits. We adjusted. We kept playing. That’s what champions do.”

Division Champs: Kings of Their Corners

Three teams emerged as divisional champions, each with a path that told its own story:

• Central Division Champions: Indy Animals (10–4)
  
  
• Eastern Division Champions: South Carolina Scarecrows (11–3)
  
  
• Western Division Champions: Tequila Sunrise (9–5)

Indy’s repeat division title confirmed what the league already suspected: the Animals aren’t just good — they’re built to stay good.

South Carolina’s 11-win juggernaut once again proved dominant in the regular season, while Tequila reminded the West that even in a “down year,” the Sunrise never stop threatening the summit.

Commissioner Jeff Dixon summed it up with his usual warmth and excitement (none), “Congrats to the champs. Congrats to everyone who didn’t forget to set a lineup. See you next season.”

The Rivalry Headlines: Fine Lady, Domestic Violence, and Honey Mustard

No season recap is complete without acknowledging the rivalries that gave 2025 its signature flavor.

The Fine Lady Bowl once again sat at the center of league mythology — the idea that the league could one day crown its champion through a matchup featuring both Tanya Harless and Tabbi Brewer still hangs over the IFFL like prophecy. It didn’t happen this year… but the league can feel it coming.

Then came the main event of tabloid football:

The First-Ever Domestic Violence Bowl (Playoff Edition)

San Antonio’s postseason win over South Carolina is already cemented in IFFL history. The Mexican’ts advanced via tiebreaker after a 62–62 tie, stunning the top-seeded Scarecrows on their own field.

Tanya Harless delivered the quote of the season with zero hesitation, “I own his ass. 20 years and counting.”

Trevor Harless was equally blunt, in the exhausted tone of a man who has lived this nightmare too long, “I love my wife… but this team needs to figure out how to consistently beat her team.”

Meanwhile, the Honey Mustard Rivalry once again played its role as the league’s most stubborn grudge match — Hartford and New Delhi refusing to allow peace, joy, or stability to exist for more than four quarters.

Awards Season: The League’s Best Get Their Flowers

If the championship was Indy’s moment, the awards show was the league’s reminder of who defined Season 30.

MVP / Best QB — Drake Maye (South Carolina Scarecrows)

No player rose faster in 2025 than QB Drake Maye, who evolved from “interesting” to “terrifying.” Maye drove the Scarecrows to the league’s best record and turned their offense into weekly artillery.

A league insider said it best, “Maye didn’t just win games. He changed what South Carolina is.”

Rookie of the Year — TE Harold Fannin Jr. (Indy Animals)

The Animals’ title run included a critical midseason find: Harold Fannin Jr. His emergence gave Indy flexibility, red-zone punch, and another weapon when injuries forced the lineup into chaos.

Ryburn called him “a pro already,” and the league agreed.

General Manager of the Year — Tanya Harless (San Antonio Mexican’ts)

The Mexican’ts reached the title game for the first time ever, and the roster-building—especially the midseason stabilization—earned Tanya the GM crown. She built a finalist, beat the #1 seed in the most infamous playoff game ever, and gave San Antonio a new identity: real contender.

Kicker of the Year / Best K — Brandon Aubrey (Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls)

Even in a season mired by injuries, Pittsburgh had one thing automatic: Brandon Aubrey. Cold weather, bad matchups, ugly weeks — none of it mattered. Aubrey was cash and earned the hardware.

Best RB — Jahmyr Gibbs (Indy Animals)

Indy’s championship formula had a heartbeat, and it was Jahmyr Gibbs. Explosive, consistent, and impossible to ignore — Gibbs was the league’s most complete RB, the player who turned Indy’s weekly floor into a weekly advantage.

Best WR — Jaxon Smith-Njigba (New Whiteland Chicken Pluckerz)

New Whiteland missed the playoffs by only 38 points, but Jaxon Smith-Njigba was a monster all year. Route technician, volume king, and the kind of WR every owner wishes they had when the schedule gets tight.

Best TE — Brock Bowers (Indy Animals)

Yes, Indy also had the league’s best TE. Because of course they did. Brock Bowers delivered a positional edge every week, the kind that turns close games into wins and wins into trophies.

Best Defense — South Carolina Scarecrows (Seattle Seahawks)

South Carolina’s defense played like a championship unit all year — physical, opportunistic, and consistently suffocating. Even in heartbreak, the Scarecrows proved they were built correctly.

2026 IFFL Draft Order — Round 1

1. Cincinnati Bagels
2. Chicago Fightin' Ditkas
3. Philadelphia Dark Side
4. New Delhi Subs
5. Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls
6. Hartford Whalers
7. Taipei Personality
8. New Whiteland Chicken Pluckerz
9. Cincinnati Bagels (via Los Angeles Lords)
10. Tequila Sunrise
11. Tabbi's Kats
12. South Carolina Scarecrows
13. San Antonio Mexican'ts
14. Indy Animals

Looking Ahead: Draft Day Returns

The league now turns its eyes to the future.

2026 IFFL Draft
Dogwood Springs
August 29th, 2026
More information to be announced

Commissioner Dixon issued a brief statement (and somehow made it sound like a warning), “Dogwood Springs. August 29th. Be on time. Or don’t. I’m sure it’ll be fine.”

Thank You, IFFL!!!

San Antonio Mexican’ts @ Indy Animals
San Antonio’s first shot at immortality. Indy chasing ring number three.

Merry Super Bowl 30 week. Let the best team win… and, as one league owner put it, “I am currently hoping for outside interference.”

We’ve got a perfect narrative clash:

• San Antonio Mexican’ts – first-ever appearance, fresh off slaying Tequila and South Carolina after sneaking into the playoffs on total points.
  
  
• Indy Animals – going for their third Riesbeck Trophy, with a roster purpose-built for this scoring system.

San Antonio: One Win From “World Champions of the World”

The Mexican’ts roll in with a fully formed identity:

• QB: Jared Goff
  
  
• RB's: David Montgomery, Kenneth Walker III
  
  
• WR's: CeeDee Lamb, Tetairoa McMillan, Alec Pierce
  
  
• TE: Dallas Goedert
  
  
• K: Cameron Dicker
  
  
• DEF: Houston Texans

They’re sorta healthy, battle-tested, and just won a semifinal on yardage math. DK Metcalf getting suspended for punching a South Carolina fan last week has to be payback for scoring in the WC game against Commissioner Dixon’s Sunrise defense

“We didn’t come this far for a feel-good story,” Tanya Harless said. “One more win and they can call us whatever they want. I prefer ‘champions.”

Goff vs Indy’s pass rush, and whether CeeDee can find his usual bonus gear, will decide how loud this offense roars.

Indy: Built for Bonuses, Missing a Hammer

The Animals counter with:

• QB: Jacoby Brissett
  
  
• RB's: Jahmyr Gibbs, Ashton Jeanty
  
  
• WR's: Ladd McConkey, Wan’Dale Robinson
  
  
• TEs: Darren Waller, Harold Fannin Jr.
  
  
• K: Harrison Mevis
  
  
• DEF: Denver Broncos

The bad news: Brock Bowers is out, a massive blow to Indy’s passing attack.

“You don’t replace Bowers,” Q admitted. “You just ask everyone else to give you five more yards and one more play.”

The good news: Gibbs and Jeanty might be the most dangerous RB duo left, and if either hits a 100+ yard bonus game, Indy can control pace and scoreboard.

The Pick is In

Indy has the pedigree. San Antonio has the momentum and zero fear.

Call it: Indy 54, San Antonio 51… but if the Mexican’ts finally become “World Champions of the World,” nobody who watched this run will be surprised.

The final stretch of the 2025 IFFL season has arrived, and with three weeks to go the league has descended into complete, glorious, spreadsheet-melting pandemonium. Twelve teams still have a mathematical pulse, three are clinging to life with the strength of damp tissue paper, and one franchise (looking at you, Cincinnati) has unofficially pivoted to scouting the 2026 Purdue Pro Day.

The owners are nervous. Fans are delusional. And the playoff scenarios? Deliciously stupid.

EASTERN DIVISION: CHAOS, FEAR, & DESPERATION

South Carolina Scarecrows (8–3)
Trevor Harless has his foot on the gas. “Clinching early would be nice,” Harless said, “but emotionally destroying Hartford again would be nicer.”

They clinch the East with a win + Hartford loss, or a playoff berth with virtually anything positive happening. They cannot be eliminated this week. Of course they can’t.

The 4–7 Bermuda Triangle

Philadelphia (4–7)
New Delhi (4–7)
Pittsburgh (4–7)

All three are alive.
All three should not be alive.
One will almost certainly die this week.

Pete Shaunki of New Delhi offered this on his fate:

“Season slipping fast
Draft winds blowing through my halls
Rebuild starts anew.”

Philadelphia owner Avan Beaver was more direct, “We’re not dead until someone tells us we’re dead…and even then, maybe check again.”

Pittsburgh’s Matt Howell? “Honestly, I’m shocked we’re not eliminated already.”

Most likely to survive: Philadelphia
Most likely to be sacrificed to the football gods: Pittsburgh

CENTRAL DIVISION: TABBI's vs. THE WORLD

Tabbi’s Kats (8–3)
One more win nearly locks the division, but Tabbi didn’t want to talk scenarios. “Scenarios? I play football. Not algebra.”

Indy Animals (7–4)
Q. Ryburn wants the division crown, but first wants a quarterback who isn’t concussed. “We’re on emergency QB No. 3. At this point I might start myself,” Ryburn joked.

New Whiteland (6–5) stays in the mix, and owner Kevin Julbert “refuses to die.”

Chicago (3–8) needs 17 miracles.

Cincinnati (1–10) is already lighting the draft board on fire. We are on the clock

WESTERN DIVISION: THE CAGE MATCH

Tequila, LA, San Antonio — all 7–4.

Taipei — still breathing at 6–5.

None can clinch. None can be eliminated. Every game this week is a landmine.

LA’s Jason Beaver? “We’re winning the West. Write it down.”

Tequila's Jeff Dixon shot back instantly: “We beat everyone with a pulse. Except LA. Twice.”

San Antonio’s Tanya Harless kept it classy: “I just want to beat LA in the playoffs again.”

Meanwhile, Taipei’s Andrew Wang sounded exhausted: “We need a win. Any win. Please.Can I schedule LA again?”

IF PLAYOFFS STARTED TODAY

1. South Carolina
2. Tabbi's Kats
3. Tequila Sunrise
4. Los Angeles Lords
5. Indy Animals
6. San Antonio

First Ones Out

• Taipei
• Hartford

FINAL WORD

As Tabbi summed it up exiting her Tuesday press conference, “Everyone’s panicking. I’m not panicking. Should I be panicking?”

Yes, Tabbi. We all should.

Because Week 12 isn’t just football — it’s survival.

The rebuild rolls on in New Delhi — and the Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls may have just added a key piece for their late push.

This afternoon the New Delhi Subs and Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls agreed to a one-for-pick deal involving a once-heralded running back who’s spent more time on injury reports than box scores this year.

Trade Details

Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls Receive:

• RB Rhamondre Stevenson

New Delhi Subs Receive:

• Pittsburgh’s 3rd Round Pick in the 2026 IFFL Draft

Context & Reaction

Stevenson, who has been battling his usual annual assortment of ankle / foot / hip / space-time continuum injuries, now gets a fresh start in Pittsburgh — where they are desperately trying to avoid another season of "Lamar or Bust."

Pittsburgh owner Matt Howell sounded optimistic, if guarded:

“We believe Rhamondre still has RB1 talent. We also believe in modern medicine. And ankle tape. A whole lot of ankle tape.”

New Delhi owner Pete Shaunki, mid-rebuild and possibly mid-nap, issued his usual fire sale proclamation:

“If you play football, or you know someone who does— call me. We’re dealing..”

League insiders are already penciling Stevenson into the classic Pittsburgh RB workload: 12 carries for 45 yards, constant limping, but somehow two touchdowns.

Player Reactions

Rhamondre Stevenson, when reached for comment, sounded hopeful:

“I feel good. I always say I feel good. But this time I might actually mean it. Maybe.”

The trade also ends Stevenson’s tenure as part of the New Delhi 'Please Just Get Healthy' support group, which has recently lost members Oronde Gadsden, Kyren Williams, and the entire fanbase.

What It Means

• Pittsburgh is taking a swing… and hoping it doesn’t hit the turf like Stevenson’s ankle.
  
  
• New Delhi continues their 2026 Vision Plan, which currently involves:
  -Collecting picks
  -Offloading skill players
  -Pretending it’s all intentional

The trade deadline is Tuesday 11/11 at 11:59 PM ET.

More deals are expected.

Shaunki’s voicemail box remains full.

The New Delhi liquidation sale continues — and the New Whiteland Chicken Pluckerz are apparently buying in bulk.

This afternoon, the New Delhi Subs and New Whiteland Chicken Pluckerz agreed to a multi-player trade that has the league buzzing… and laughing… and also slightly confused.

Trade Details

New Whiteland Chicken Pluckerz Receive:

• WR Tez Johnson
• K Harrison Butker

New Delhi Subs Receive:

• WR Cooper Kupp
• New Whiteland’s 5th Round Pick in the 2026 IFFL Draft

Immediate Reactions

This marks the second transaction between these two franchises this week, prompting league analysts, rival owners, and one confused UPS delivery driver to ask:

"...Is New Whiteland just trying to become New Delhi?"

Meanwhile, Chicken Pluckerz owner Kevin Julbert defended his “Acquire All Subs Players” strategy:

“We think changing the jerseys will fix everything. If it worked for the Los Angeles Lords, why can’t it work for us? Don’t worry about it. Trust the process. Our process. A new process. Well… a process.”

League insiders are calling it “The Shaunki-Julbert Pipeline.” It is expected to remain active through the trade deadline, through the offseason, and possibly until one of them moves to a different ZIP code.

Player Quotes

Cooper Kupp, upon learning he is now a Sub:

“Yeah… I mean… sure. I guess. Let me know where to report. Do they have turf?”

Tez Johnson, now a Chicken Plucker:

“I’m just excited to be part of whatever is happening over here. Seems like something is happening. I think.”

Harrison Butker, who did not seem surprised:

“Kickers are portable. I’ll see myself out.”

What It Means

• New Delhi: Continues a textbook rebuild — acquiring picks, clearing salary, emotionally detaching from players, preparing a 3-year plan they will abandon in 14 months.
  
  
• New Whiteland: Is trying to speedrun culture, strategy, chemistry, cohesion and vibes by importing an entire roster from a losing team. Bold. Very bold.

Buckle up. The Subs are not done. And the Chicken Pluckerz still have room on the roster for at least 6 more former New Delhi players.

This afternoon, the New Delhi Subs and the New Whiteland Chicken Pluckerz finalized a trade that sends one of the league’s premier tight ends to a contender looking to level up:

Trade Details

New Whiteland Chicken Pluckerz Receive:

• TE Mark Andrews

New Delhi Subs Receive:

• New Whiteland’s 7th Round Pick in the 2026 IFFL Draft

In a corresponding roster move, New Whiteland has released TE Isaiah Likely to make room on the active roster.

Reactions Around the League

New Delhi Owner Pete Shaunki addressed the move directly:

“We’re hitting the reset button. Andrews is a hell of a player, but we’re looking toward 2026 and beyond. I’ll miss watching him hurdle linebackers, but it’s time to reload.”

Shaunki was later seen calculating how many picks he could acquire if he traded his office chair, two practice footballs, and the team mascot.

Meanwhile, New Whiteland Owner Kevin Julbert struck a noticeably different tone:

“We believe we can win the Central. Adding Mark strengthens our starting lineup immediately. The time is now. No more ‘maybe next year’ talk.”

Sources say the Chicken Pluckerz have been quietly circling the tight end market for two weeks, waiting for the exact moment Shaunki opened the fire sale garage door.

What It Means

New Whiteland now fields the Andrews–McBride tight end room that keeps coordinators awake at night. This is a clear “we are going for it” move as they battle Tabbi’s Kats and Indy in a suddenly chaotic division.

New Delhi officially enters Asset Collection Mode™ as they continue shifting eyes to 2026. Expect more outgoing calls.

The New Delhi Subs have officially slammed the “CLOSED FOR 2025” sign on the storefront window and started stocking draft capital for the future.

The San Antonio Mexican’ts, meanwhile, are not going quietly into that West Division night.

In a deal agreed to late Wednesday night, San Antonio has acquired RB Kenneth Walker III from New Delhi in exchange for WR Wan’Dale Robinson and a 2026 3rd-round pick.

This move comes as San Antonio clings to the crowded, chaotic West Division playoff chase, where every team seems determined to finish 9–5 or 7–7 and cause emotional distress.

San Antonio’s Side: “We’re Not Dying Yet.”

Mexican’ts owner Tanya Harless made her intentions very clear:

“We didn’t come this far just to fade into the background. Walker gives us that burst and toughness we've lacked. I’m not missing the playoffs because of a few bad weeks — absolutely not.”

Walker, who has spent the last month alternating between breakout runs and existential confusion in New Delhi’s offense, seemed more than ready for the change:

“I just want the ball,” Walker said. “Preferably before the team is down 21 points.”

Wan’Dale Robinson, who now boards a flight to join Shaunki and the Subs’ Rebooting Initiative (™), was diplomatic:

“I guess I’m part of the rebuild. Cool. I’ll bring snacks.”

New Delhi’s Side: The Rebuild Has Begun (Again)

Subs owner Pete Shaunki didn’t dress the move up:

“We’re calling it. It’s time to build for 2026. Maybe 2027. Possibly 2028. Who can say? Wan’Dale gives us someone to evaluate, and the pick gives us ammo. This is strategic suffering.”

League insiders note this is the third straight midseason rebuild for New Delhi — a franchise that has made the teardown-and-hoard-picks strategy a seasonal tradition, like pumpkin spice, or the Chicago Ditkas losing.

One rival GM texted the IFFL Insider:

“It’s not the IFFL autumn until New Delhi sells off a starter or four.”

League Impact:

• San Antonio now rolls out a backfield of: David Montgomery, Isiah Pacheco (when healthy), Kenneth Walker III

Meanwhile, New Delhi now has:

• A young WR to evaluate
  
  
• More draft picks
  
  
• And absolutely no shame in losing out for seeding efficiency.

Final Word

San Antonio is pushing in to stay alive.

New Delhi is pushing out to stay sane.

The trade deadline is in full swing — and the West Division fire is just getting started, but we didn’t start it.

Tequila, NM - With the IFFL trade deadline officially looming at 11:59 PM Eastern on Tuesday, November 11, owners across the league are sharpening pencils, refreshing group chats, and pretending to "just check in" on rival rosters. Everyone knows what that means: smoke, rumors, panic, and at least one regrettable trade proposal sent at 11:58.

Deal or No Deal: The Burning Questions

Could Chicago continue to make moves?

Don’t count out Shadd Wright, the self-proclaimed “Ambien Architect.” After sending Davante Adams and Tucker Kraft to Indy, Wright says,

“I’m not done yet — I’ve been watching Draft Day on repeat, and I think I’m getting the hang of this.”

Rumor has it the Ditkas are shopping a package involving “players who haven’t yet ruined his Sunday.”

Will Philadelphia stay open for business?

Avan Beaver’s “Open for Business” banner might as well be neon at this point. After moving Emeka Egbuka to South Carolina, Beaver admitted,

“We’re not rebuilding. We’re just... reorganizing our long-term chaos.”

Insiders say he’s still fielding offers on veteran pieces as the Dark Side pivots toward 2026 — and possibly a working offense.

When does the tear-down begin in New Delhi?

The Subs are hanging by a thread, and that thread is frayed. Sources in New Delhi tell The IFFL Insider that owner Pete Shaunki is “listening, not selling.” But everyone knows that’s code for “please, someone offer me a second-rounder for a tight end.” One rival GM joked,

“At this point, he’s just waiting for the right offer... or divine intervention.”

Pittsburgh: Buy or Sell?

The Peanut Butter Balls are in the middle of an existential crisis. Lamar Jackson’s return has Pittsburgh fans buzzing, but the front office is torn. Owner Matt Howell said,

“We’re evaluating all options — and by that, I mean we’re waiting to see if Lamar can walk without limping.”

If they win in Week 10, Howell may push chips in. If not, the “For Sale” sign goes up faster than a Steelers towel wave.

Could San Antonio or Taipei make a push?

Both sitting at 5–4, Tanya Harless (San Antonio) and Andrew Wang (Taipei) are staring down the same dilemma: double down or die trying.

Harless told reporters,

“We’re not standing pat. If there’s a move that helps us win the division, I’ll make it — unless it involves trading Kelce. Then it’s a no.”

Taipei’s Wang, meanwhile, simply smirked,

“We’re always a move away. Whether that move works is another story.”

Who's Buying?

• Los Angeles Lords (6–3) Jason Beaver has already made two massive trades this season and might not be done. “We’re always evaluating talent,” he said, while polishing his fifth coffee of the day.
  
  
• South Carolina Scarecrows (6–3) Trevor Harless has turned into the league’s ultimate opportunist. After landing Egbuka, one GM described him as “a polite shark — he’ll thank you while he’s biting your leg off.”
  
  
• Indy Animals (5–4) Ryburn’s all-in mentality continues after acquiring Adams and Kraft. “We’re not done building. We’re still hungry,” he said, moments before checking his trade notifications again.

The Clock is Ticking

By this time next week, half the league will claim they “stood pat with confidence,” and the other half will be nursing buyer’s remorse like a fantasy hangover. As one anonymous owner put it:

“This deadline’s gonna get messy — and someone’s about to make a move they’ll regret by kickoff Sunday.”

Stay tuned. Midnight oil and mild panic are the official sponsors of IFFL Trade Deadline Night 2025.

Los Angeles, CA - In a move that signals “all chips in” for another championship run, the Los Angeles Lords have acquired WR George Pickens and the Los Angeles Rams Defense from the New Delhi Subs in exchange for TE Dalton Schultz, Baltimore Ravens Defense,  and a 2026 4th-round pick, league sources confirmed Tuesday evening.

This marks the third major roster shake-up in Los Angeles this season, as owner Jason Beaver continues his aggressive march toward a potential fifth IFFL title.

“We’re in win-now mode,” Beaver said bluntly. “Pickens gives us another vertical threat and keeps defenses honest. Plus, he’s got that edge — and this team thrives on edge.”

The move comes just days after the Lords traded Ricky Pearsall and a future first to Cincinnati for RB Breece Hall, a blockbuster that strengthened their ground game. Now, with Pickens joining Ja’Marr Chase, Christian Watson, and Michael Pittman Jr., LA’s receiving corps looks downright terrifying.

Pickens, ever confident, offered his take in true George Pickens fashion:

“I’m built for the spotlight. LA’s got big lights, and I like big lights.”

Meanwhile, the New Delhi Subs appear to be entering familiar territory — the annual late-season fire sale that fans have come to expect once playoff hopes fade.

Owner Pete Shaunki didn’t deny it.

“Look, we’re being realistic,” Shaunki admitted. “Schultz gives us a steady target at TE, and the pick helps us build for 2026. As for Pickens… he’s a great talent, but it was time to reshuffle the deck.”

League insiders weren’t surprised. One anonymous GM quipped,

“It’s that time of year again — when Pete trades half his starters and blames the football gods.”

Dalton Schultz, who now becomes the Subs’ top tight end, was characteristically professional:

“I’ve been traded before. You just show up, block, catch, and try not to cry on the plane.”

As the clock ticks toward the November 11 trade deadline, one thing’s clear — the Lords are done waiting and ready to dominate, while New Delhi may be prepping the yard sale sign yet again.

If this is the beginning of the Subs’ annual meltdown, at least they started it early enough to get good value.

The Indiana Fantasy Football League trade wire exploded this morning as Central Division rivals struck two seismic deals that could reshape the playoff race — and possibly the future.

Animals Go All In

The Indy Animals have officially acquired WR Davante Adams and TE Tucker Kraft from the Chicago Fightin’ Ditkas in exchange for rookie WR Matthew Golden and Indy’s 2026 2nd-round pick.

Owner Kevin “Q” Ryburn didn’t mince words after the trade:

“We’re building to win now. I love Golden’s potential, but adding a route technician like Davante and a tough TE like Tucker gives us a different gear. I want my offense to scare people again.”

Adams, ever the professional, smiled when asked about the move:

“Q called me before the ink was dry. Said he wants dogs, not projects. That’s all I needed to hear.”

Meanwhile, Kraft added with a grin,

“I’m just happy to be on a team where the QB doesn’t spend half the game running for his life. Feels good to block for someone under 40.”

Ditka's Hit Reset Button

Chicago owner Shadd Wright released a statement that was equal parts apology and redemption arc:Chicago owner Shadd Wright released a statement that was equal parts apology and redemption arc:

“2025 has been a disappointment — between oversleeping on draft day (kids, Ambien is dangerous) to what we’ve put on the field, it just wasn’t good enough. We tried for a running back deal, but this was the best one I could find. We’ll return to glory!”

Sources close to the Ditkas confirm that the team had been in deep discussions with Los Angeles about sending Adams and Kraft to the Lords in exchange for a running back, but the deal fell apart following Cam Skattebo’s gruesome ankle injury last weekend.

Analysis: A Win-Win (For Now)

Indy fills its two biggest holes — a go-to wideout and a reliable tight end — while Chicago stockpiles youth and draft capital to start reshaping its roster after a rocky first half.

The Central race just got spicy. And with Shadd Wright promising, “We will return to glory,” the only real question is whether that glory arrives before or after his next accidental nap.

Philadelphia, PA - Just hours after the LA-Cin deal, the South Carolina Scarecrows and Philadelphia Dark Side executed another headline-grabbing deal. South Carolina sent its 2026 2nd- and 3rd-round picks to Philadelphia for WR Emeka Egbuka.

Scarecrows owner Trevor Harless said, “We needed more playmakers. Egbuka’s got speed, hands, and, most importantly, he’s not married to Tanya.” Dark Side owner Avan Beaver grinned while counting his draft picks: “I’m not saying we’re rebuilding, but… yeah, we’re definitely rebuilding.”

Egbuka commented simply, “I’m just excited to go somewhere that doesn’t call every route a ‘devil’s option.’”

Los Angeles, CA - The Los Angeles Lords are once again showing they’ll stop at nothing to keep their title window open. In a stunning move, L.A. traded WR Ricky Pearsall and their 2026 1st-round pick to the Cincinnati Bagels in exchange for RB Breece Hall and TE Brenton Strange.

Lords owner Jason Beaver told reporters, “We’re trying to build a complete offense — and apparently, that means collecting every running back who’s ever been in a State Farm commercial.”

Cincinnati’s Les Paul Couch, meanwhile, appeared thrilled: “Look, we needed a future. Pearsall’s got hands, and I just got a 1st-round pick. Maybe I’ll even use it right this time.”

Breece Hall, when reached for comment, said, “It’s L.A. — I already bought sunglasses and started an acting class.”

It was a bruiser of a Sunday, and the transaction wire’s already smoking. Here’s the rapid-fire roundup:

Cincinnati Bagels: WR suffers catastrophic knee injury (all the ligaments)

A Cincinnati wide receiver dislocated his knee and tore the ACL, MCL, PCL, and LCL during the Week 4 loss—season-ending and then some. “It’s a mountain, and I like mountains,” the injured wideout said, adding, “I’ll attack rehab the same way I attack press coverage—one step, then another.” A stoic Bagels executive noted, “We’ll support him every day and adjust the plan—we’ve built this roster to survive storms.”

Los Angeles Lords: Ricky Pearsall ruled out for Week 5 (knee)

Ricky Pearsall will miss Week 5 with a knee issue after his Week 3 breakout. “I’ll be back making cuts that make cameras dizzy—just not this week,” Pearsall said. Owner Jason Beaver added, “Next man up, full stop. We believe in Indiana Jones at QB, and we’ll keep the ball moving while Ricky gets right.”

Tequila Sunrise: Brock Purdy ruled out for Week 5 (toe)

Brock Purdy is out for Week 5 with a toe injury. “I’d play on one foot if Jeff let me,” Purdy joked, “but smart beats stubborn—see you soon.” Owner Jeff Dixon kept it blunt: “We don’t panic; we plan. If Rodgers starts, he hands it to our track team and we go win a football game.”

Tabbi’s Kats: Jauan Jennings ruled out for Week 5 (knee)

Jauan Jennings will sit Week 5 after knee soreness cropped up postgame. “MRI was kind, schedule isn’t—one week to sharpen and I’m back,” Jennings said. A smiling voice from Tabbi’s front office: “We’ll lean on Allen and the kids—Odunze, Kincaid—Jauan’s swagger returns soon enough.”

Taipei Personality: Malik Nabers out for the season (ACL)

Crushing blow: Malik Nabers tore his ACL and is out for the season. “I’ll make this the best comeback story you’ve read—bookmark it,” Nabers said. Owner Andrew Wang stayed upbeat: “We rally around him, we evolve the playbook, and we’ll still be there in December. Malik’s future is star-bright.”

Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls: Lamar Jackson out Week 5 (hamstring)

Lamar Jackson will miss Week 5 with a pulled hamstring. “Smart sprint, not a dumb race—I’ll be back firing soon,” Lamar said. Owner Trevor Harless added, “We’ll steal a week with scheme and special teams. Lamar’s long season matters more than one Sunday.”

Daniel “Indiana” Jones remains Week 3 starter vs. New Delhi; Hartford rolls with Bo Nix, will add a replacement

LOS ANGELES, California — The Los Angeles Lords have traded for quarterback Trevor Lawrence from the Hartford Whalers in exchange for an 8th-round draft pick, both teams announced. The move comes days after the Lords confirmed Joe Burrow will miss roughly three months with a Grade 3 turf toe injury.

Lords owner Jason Beaver said the deal is about depth, not drama.

Beaver: “We believe in Indiana Jones—he’s starting Sunday versus New Delhi. But we need to make sure we’ve got a proven closer on the roster who can come in and finish a game if needed. Trevor does that for us. We’ll still explore upgrades everywhere, but the hat and the whip are Dan’s this week.”

Per team officials, Daniel Jones will start Week 3, with Lawrence active as the primary backup once he clears onboarding. The staff expects to tailor a quick-game + play-action package either way, keeping the ball with Josh Jacobs/J.K. Dobbins and leveraging timing routes to Ja’Marr Chase, Michael Pittman Jr., and Zach Ertz.

Hartford, meanwhile, is leaning fully into Bo Nix after his three-TD performance in Week 2 and will use the roster spot to sign a replacement.Hartford, meanwhile, is leaning fully into Bo Nix after his three-TD performance in Week 2 and will use the roster spot to sign a replacement.

Chad Allen, Hartford owner: “We’re all-in on Nix. The 8th gives us flexibility, and we’ll add a player to round out the room. Good luck to Trevor in L.A.—just not when they play us.”

What It Means

• Lords QB room (now): Daniel Jones (starter, Week 3), Trevor Lawrence (active backup), Joe Burrow (IR).
  
  
• Whalers QB room (now): Bo Nix (starter), open spot to be filled via free agency.
  
  
• Compensation: Los Angeles sends Hartford an 8th-round pick.

Bottom line: L.A. buys insurance without touching Sunday’s starting plan. Hartford pockets a pick, backs Nix, and shops the free-agent aisle. The fedora stays on Jones for Week 3; the safety net arrived wearing a sunshine-state haircut.

LOS ANGELES, California— The Los Angeles Lords confirmed Monday that quarterback Joe Burrow has suffered a Grade 3 turf toe injury and will undergo surgery, sidelining him for approximately three months. In fantasy terms: grab your comfort snacks and your waiver priority.

“Not exactly how I drew it up,” Burrow said, standing at the podium in a soft shoe and a hard stare. “I’ve played through a lot, but this one needs the full fix. I’ll attack rehab and be back before the credits roll.”

The setback detonates the early-season blueprint for a team that just re-centered its offense around Josh Jacobs and efficiency points from Tyler Loop. With Burrow shelved, owner Jason Beaver says the Lords will explore trades and free-agent options, but there’s no mystery about Week 3.

Jason Beaver, Lords owner: “We’ll kick the tires across the league—if there’s a move that makes us better, we’ll make it. That said, there is no doubt: Indiana Jones is our starting QB in Week 3 vs. New Delhi.” (Translation for the uninitiated: Daniel Jones is putting on the fedora.)

Next Man Up: The Indiana Jones Era (for now)

Daniel “Indiana” Jones takes the whip—er, reins—starting Week 3 vs. the New Delhi Subs, followed by a treacherous stretch (@ Tabbi’s, vs. Chicago, @ Pittsburgh, @ Tequila). Expect the film to feature fewer 40-yard lasers and more quick game, designed movement, and a heavier dose of Jacobs + J.K. Dobbins to keep the script on schedule.

Ja’Marr Chase, grinning through it: “I told Joe I’m saving him a deep ball for the playoffs. Until then, me and Indy—sorry, Daniel—got routes to run and chains to move.”

Zach Ertz, on becoming every QB’s security blanket: “Hooks, seams, stick—if it’s a high-percentage throw, I’m basically a weighted blanket with hands.”

What Grade 3 Turf Toe Means (the non-gross version)

Grade 3 = full disruption of the big toe’s plantar complex, usually requiring surgical repair and a multi-month timeline. The medical summary: power off the push-off foot plummets, accuracy mechanics get weird, and lunatic edge rushers become even less fun than normal. Surgery now aims to restore stability for a potential late-season or postseason return.

Schedule Pressure (Weeks 3–8)

• Wk 3: vs New Delhi — Mahomes on the other sideline. Bring ball control and caffeine.
• Wk 4: @ Tabbi’s — Allen/Henry/Kincaid. Earplugs advised.
• Wk 5: vs Chicago — kicker cosplay game; protect the ball, take the threes.
• Wk 6: @ Pittsburgh — hostile, humid, chaotic.
• Wk 7: @ Tequila — the margarita factory does not do mercy.

If the Lords can split this stretch and keep the division within reach, a late-December return for Burrow turns into a movie montage payoff.

The Locker Room Soundtrack

Burrow: “Surgery is Chapter 3, not the epilogue. Save me a headset and a seat in QB meetings. I’ll be back.”

Chase: “Tell defenses the go route didn’t retire. It’s just napping.”

Ertz: “We’ll keep the pilot light on. Red zone’s still open for business.”

Beaver: “We built this roster to be flexible. Trades? Free agents? We’re evaluating everything. But Week 3 is simple: Indiana Jones starts. Bring your fedora, and leave your whips in the bedside table please.”

Bottom line: The Lords lose style points without Burrow, but the identity—run game, controlled shots, veteran hands—travels. If Daniel “Indiana” Jones avoids booby traps and keeps the boulder rolling, L.A. can hold the fort until QB1 sprints down the tunnel again.

Grade: C+ | Cap: 21.07 / 23.00 (1.93 left) | Open spots: 2 | Projection: 6–8

CHICAGO, Illinois— The alarm is blaring on the lakefront—and Chicago might actually be reaching for the answer button this time. The Fightin’ Ditka’s left the 2025 IFFL Draft with star power at WR, dual-threat stability at QB, and a throwback, three-deep RB room that plays in any weather. There’s work to do, but this looks more ready than “what-if.”

What Pops

• QB room with real ceiling: Kyler Murray gives immediate dual-threat production while Caleb Williams brings weekly top-5 upside once the lights slow down. Two ways to win.
  
  
• WRs who tilt coverage: Davante Adams is still a route professor; Chris Olave at that price is daylight robbery; Brian Thomas Jr. adds size/speed shock; Jerry Jeudy is a clean separator.
  
  
• Blue-collar backfield: James Conner, Aaron Jones, Najee Harris, Tyjae Spears—four playable paths to 15+ touches, with Spears as the change-of-pace lightning.
  
  
• TE leverage without paying retail: Jake Ferguson is a steady chain mover; Tucker Kraft offers YAC and goal-line teeth.
  
  
• Smart cap posture: 1.93 in space and two open roster spots to pounce in FA/waivers.

Best values/steals: Olave (0.42) is a heist; Brian Thomas Jr. (0.50) has WR1 traits; Ferguson (0.30) is pure ROI.


What Could Bite

• Aging RB floor: Conner/Jones/Najee are pros—but they’re miles, not maybe. Manage workloads and keep Spears warm.
  
  
• TE is good, not terrifying: You’ll win weeks elsewhere; that’s fine—just keep the targets steady.
  
  
• D/ST streaming plan needed: Chargers are playable; don’t be sentimental on bad matchups.

Positional Snapshot

QB: A- | RB: C+ | WR: B+ | TE: C | K/DEF: C


Two Moves to Silence the Alarm

1. Add a WR floor piece (7–9 targets/week) with one open slot; it smooths rookie volatility.
   
   
2. Pick up a rotational D/ST for the midseason road stretch (Weeks 9–12).

Bottom line: Chicago finally drafted with a plan that fits the weather and the wallet: two QBs who can win, veteran runners who finish games, and a WR room that steals Sundays. The draft could’ve been better if they had filled out the last 2 roster spots. The alarm’s ringing; this roster actually has a hand on it. Now—answer it.

NEW DELHI, India — The Subs left the 2025 IFFL Draft looking like a contender and sounding like a flea market—ready to wheel and deal at the first squeak. With 22.91 of the 23.00 cap spent (0.09 remaining), New Delhi built a win-now core headlined by Patrick Mahomes and a “why not both?” tight end tandem of Mark Andrews and Evan Engram. In IFFL formats that allow two-TE sets, both can start—and that’s a weekly advantage.

The plan: ride a deep RB room—Kyren Williams, Kenneth Walker III, Rhamondre Stevenson, Blake Corum —and let a big-bodied WR group bully coverages: Mike Evans, Courtland Sutton, plus juice from Xavier Worthy, George Pickens and chain-mover Jakobi Meyers. Special teams stay premium with Harrison Butker/Jake Bates and streaming options on defense (Eagles/Patriots/Cardinals).

Big Questions (because it’s the Subs)

• How soon until everyone’s trade bait? With 0.09 cap left, expect at least one “optimization” as soon as free agency opens—most likely consolidating a surplus D/ST or kicker to free space.
  
  
• RB health/usage? Depth reduces risk; Corum’s low salary cushions variance.
  
  
• Is Evans ageless or mortal? He doesn’t need to carry the room—Worthy/Pickens add weekly explosion, Sutton/Meyers steady the floor.
  
  
• Andrews + Engram together? Yes. The 2-TE set is live every week here.
  
  
• Cholera? None, thank you—the only thing contagious in New Delhi is trade chatter.

Why A-?

Strengths: Elite QB, two startable TEs, four playable RBs, red-zone WRs, strong specialists.

Dings: Thin cap, WR age watch on Evans, and the Subs’ well-known urge to mash the trade button at 2 a.m.

Best values/steals: Blake Corum (0.40) for insulated RB depth; Engram (0.40) as TE2 with TE1 weeks; Pickens (0.68) as a low-cost spike-week machine; Patriots D/ST (0.07) practically free.

To-Do List

1. Consolidate surplus D/ST or a kicker to open cap + a roster slot.
   
   
2. Monitor RB usage hold Corum/Stevenson as stabilizers if Kyren/Walker workloads wobble.
   
   
3. Shop WR depth only if value comes to you—don’t force it.

Bottom line: The Subs drafted like a contender with built-in trade ammo. If they resist the urge to blow it up by Halloween, this build—Mahomes + two TEs + four RBs—has a clean path to January. The wheels only fall off if they loosen them themselves. This teams feels like 9-5 but could easily be 5-9 if they make the wrong decisions.

Grade: D+ | Cap: 23.98 / 23.00 (–0.98) | Roster spots: 0 | Projection: 3–11

NEW WHITELAND, Indiana — The Pluckerz came to the draft with a plan; the cap came with a calculator. New Whiteland leaves over budget by 0.98 with no open roster spots, which means the first big play of 2025 must be a cut or trade before free agency even starts. Gloomy? A little. Manageable? If they move fast.

Why the Grade is Stuck in the Mud

Quarterbacks (Tua 2.10, Baker 3.90, Herbert 2.85): Three QBs, one starting slot, and 9.0 of cap tied up in existential questions. Herbert is a weekly ceiling, Tua can be fireworks at home, Baker is an expensive third wheel. Something’s got to give—preferably via trade.

Running Backs (Brian Robinson 1.82, Bucky Irving 1.72, Chuba 1.88, Emanuel Wilson 1.38): This is a lunch-pail committee without a clear hammer. Robinson is now a back-up, Irving has real juice but still learning, Chuba is role-dependent, and Wilson is a luxury at 1.38 you probably can’t afford.

Wide Receivers (JSN 0.98, Travis Hunter 0.50, Rashee Rice 0.55, Cooper Kupp 0.95, Quentin Johnston 1.55): There’s talent—and a lot of “if.” JSN looks ready to pop, Kupp can still win when upright, Hunter is thrilling but unproven, Rice has usage volatility, and Quentin Johnston at 1.55 is a faith purchase.

Tight Ends (Trey McBride 0.72, Isaiah Likely 0.98): The bright spot. Two startable TEs give New Whiteland weekly leverage… assuming they aren’t forced to liquidate one for cap relief.

K/DEF (Moody 0.40, Shrader 0.30, Bills D 1.40): Fine at K; Bills D is solid but pricey for a team that’s already over the line.

Cap Triage (Pick at Least One Before Free Agency)

• Trade Baker Mayfield and ride Herbert + Tua (saves the cap, simplifies life).
  
  
• Cut/Shop Emanuel Wilson to get compliant immediately.
  
  
• Shop Quentin Johnston if WR depth holds and you need wiggle room.
  
  
• If desperate, move from two premium TEs to one—not recommended, but it’s a lever.

Great Values (Yes, there are some)

• Trey McBride (0.72): weekly advantage.
  
  
• Jaxon Smith-Njigba (0.98): runaway breakout.
  
  
• Cooper Kupp (0.95): still a technician’s nightmare when healthy.

Positional Snapshot

QB: B (expensive surplus) | RB: C (committee, no clear alpha) | WR: B- (upside + fragility) | TE: A- (two playable starters) | K/DEF: B

There’s a good team hiding in here—if New Whiteland stops paying for three quarterbacks and starts paying the cap bill. Make one decisive move (two would be better), stick with Herbert as the north star, and hope JSN/McBride carry the weekly floor while Bucky/Kupp spike. Until then, it’s umbrellas and grim smiles.

Grade: A | Cap: 18.63 / 23.00 (4.37 left) | Roster spots: 0 | Projection: 7–7

HARTFORD, Connecticut— The Whalers showed up to the draft with a wrench and used it. Playing spoiler early, they jumped outside their usual lane to snag RB Omarion Hampton —and doubled down by adding RJ Harvey —turning a good backfield into a weekly problem. Pair that with a loaded WR room (Puka Nacua, DeVonta Smith, Zay Flowers, Jaylen Waddle) and elite TE value (T.J. Hockenson at 0.37!), and Hartford crafted one of the most balanced, deep rosters in the league.

What Hartford Got Right

• QB stability with ceiling: Bo Nix and Trevor Lawrence give you a steady floor and matchup flexibility.
  
  
• RB room with layers: Tony Pollard plus the Hampton/Harvey/Judkins/Guerendo mix lets Hartford win with power, perimeter, or screen games on demand.
  
  
• WR quartet from a video game: Nacua–Smith–Waddle–Flowers means separation, YAC, and red-zone answers every week.
  
  
• TE leverage: Hockenson at 0.37 is highway robbery; David Njoku as the insurance policy is unfair.
  
  
• Specialists/Defense: Two reliable legs in Matt Gay and Daniel Carlson along with two playable D/STs (Steelers, Packers) enable true matchup streaming.

Best values/steals: Hockenson at 0.37, Waddle at 0.62, Hampton/Harvey both at 0.70—that’s premium production at thrift pricing.

Why not A+? Carrying two premium D/STs eats a bit of cap flexibility, and there’s no open roster spot for early waiver pouncing. Minor quibbles.

Position Spotlight

QB: A- | RB: A | WR: A | TE: A+ | K/DEF: B+

What the "Spoiler Picks" Mean

Snatching Hampton (and Harvey) early didn’t just needle rivals—it defined Hartford’s 2025 identity: dictate matchups. With elite WRs and a top-tier TE already in place, those RB adds let the Whalers choose how to win each week rather than react.

Bottom line: Spoiler moves, star power, and depth at every level. Hartford didn’t just ace the draft; they built a January blueprint.

 

LOS ANGELES, California— After a roller-coaster 2024 defined by weekly instability at running back, the Los Angeles Lords exited the 2025 IFFL Draft with an A+ grade and a 12–2 projection, reshaping their identity around a fortified ground game. A draft-day blockbuster sending Justin Jefferson out for Josh Jacobs gives L.A. the every-week RB anchor it lacked, while a wave of rookies — TreyVeon Henderson, Kaleb Johnson, Cam Skattebo and Byayshyl Tuten — offers breakout upside. A healthy J.K. Dobbins would elevate the room from solid to scary.

The passing core remains intact: Joe Burrow still pilots the offense with Ja’Marr Chase as the headliner, supported by chain-movers Michael Pittman and Christian Kirk, plus depth in Ricky Pearsall and Josh Palmer. At tight end, Cole Kmet provides volume while Zach Ertz supplies reliability. Special teams and defense are efficient and inexpensive, highlighted by the Ravens D/ST with kickers Tyler Loop and John Parker Romo.

Position Snapshots

QB: A+, RB: A+, WR: A-, TE: B+, K/DEF: A.

The club spent 16.99 of the 23.00 cap and retains a whopping 6.01 with all roster spots filled, positioning L.A. to add a veteran WR, a pass catching TE, and a low-cost QB3 as needed.

Owner Jason Beaver labeled 2025 “playoffs or bust.” With Jacobs stabilizing scripts, Burrow-to-Chase back on schedule, and multiple rookie RB lottery tickets, the Lords’ bounce-back bid looks credible — and a fifth Riesbeck Trophy is firmly on the table.

Grade: A | Cap: 17.79 / 23.00 (5.21 left) | 1 spot open | Projected Record: 9–5

COLUMBIA, South Carolina— The Scarecrows didn’t rebuild—they rearmed. Chasing their third Riesbeck Trophy, South Carolina drafted with swagger and surplus, then somehow walked out with 5.21 in cap space and a roster that looks both mean and modern.

And yes, the headline writes itself: Marvin Harrison Jr. steps into the same colors where his father once ruled this league’s imagination. Is the mantle heavy? Maybe. Is he built to wear it? Absolutely. Pair MHJ with Stefon Diggs, Adonai Mitchell, and Chris Godwin and you’ve got route craft, size, and after-catch punch from every angle.

Why This Draft Sings

• Backfield Thunder & Lightning: Jonathan Taylor + Travis Etienne headline a room that also trots out Rachaad White and Zach Charbonnet. That’s four legit starters who win in different ways, with D.J. Giddens as the power bonus. December football approves.
  
  
• The Harrison Handoff: Junior doesn’t need to be mythic—he just needs to be himself. With Diggs commanding attention underneath and Godwin erasing third downs, MHJ’s clean releases and radius are going to feel unfair on Sundays.
  
  
• Sophmore Rocket Room at QB: Drake Maye and Michael Penix give you weekly ceiling without salary strain. If one pops early, this offense graduates from efficient to explosive.
  
  
• Red-zone adulting at TE: Hunter Henry is the definition of bankable; Elijah Arroyo is a cheap lottery ticket behind him.
  
  
• Special Teams & D/ST Optionality: Evan McPherson and Chase McLaughlin steady the margins; Seahawks and Buccaneers let you play the matchup game.

Best values/steals: Diggs at 0.70 is highway robbery, Henry at 0.58 is free red-zone equity, and Mitchell at 0.50 gives you a Year-1 spike week generator.

Postiional Snapshot

• QB: B+/A- upside — two cannons, low cap, high ceiling.
  
  
• RB: A — four startable backs plus depth; matchups are your playground.
  
  
• WR: A — MHJ headline act, veterans to tilt coverage, rookie juice.
  
  
• TE: B+ — floor + touchdown equity every week.
  
  
• K/DEF: B+ — reliable legs; stream D/ST with confidence.

Use That 5.1 + Open Roster Spot

1. Veteran QB3 with a steady floor for tricky road weeks.
   
   
2. Speed edge rusher D/ST stack for playoff streaming (Weeks 12–14).
   
   
3. Late-season WR flyer in case Mitchell’s role spikes and you want redundancy.

The Harrison Question, Answered

Is it too much to ask Marvin Harrison Jr. to carry the banner his father once did? Not here. This build doesn’t need him to be a superhero; it gives him the space to become one—on schedule, without forcing it. If the rookies at QB settle quickly, this offense will feel like destiny.

Bottom line: The Scarecrows drafted like a team that knows the road to a third Riesbeck Trophy. Deep backfield, star-ready receiver room, young cannons at QB, and money left to fix anything that squeaks. The window isn’t open—it’s a wind tunnel.

CINCINNATI, Ohio— The Cincinnati Bagels exited the 2025 IFFL Draft with a B grade and a 6-8 projection, assembling star power across the roster while inviting scrutiny at quarterback. The club spent 21.01 of the 23.00 cap, leaving 1.99 and one open roster spot for in-season moves.

The offense is headlined by Tyreek Hill (can he return to his former glory). A premium backfield of Christian McCaffrey (can he stay healthy) and Breece Hal, with Sam LaPorta providing weekly leverage at tight end. Depth pieces Chase Brown and Austin Ekeler bolster the run game, while Joe Mixon is out at least the first four weeks. At receiver, Nico Collins complements Hill; Marvin Mims, Romeo Doubs and Jayden Higgins supply rotational upside.

The question mark is under center: C.J. Stroud leads a high-ceiling attack, but any dip from elite form exposes the lack of proven depth behind rookie Cam Ward. Special teams are steady with Jason Sanders, Graham Gano and the Vikings D/ST —playable but streamable in tougher spots.

A game-by-game outlook projects Cincinnati at 6–1 at home and 4–3 on the road, with statement wins versus San Antonio and Tequila, and road stumbles at New Whiteland, Indy, Chicago and Pittsburgh.

Best values: Hall at 0.70, LaPorta at 1.10, and Hill at 0.92.

Why not a B: Thin QB insurance, early Mixon absence, and a rotating WR3.

What’s next: Use the remaining cap and open slot on a QB3 with a stable floor, add a possession WR for bye weeks, and stream D/ST against vulnerable offensive lines. The ceiling is championship-level if the quarterback play holds serve, and Hill and McCaffery can return to for dominance and glory.

Grade: C- | Cap: 22.66 / 23.00 (0.34 left) | Projection: 3-11

TAIPEI, Taiwan— Congratulations to Taipei for drafting a team that looks amazing on paper… the same place championships famously aren’t played. With 0.34 in cap space (couch-cushion money), the plan appears to be “pray nothing breaks” and hope the waiver wire accepts IOUs.

Offense: Please Proceed With Caution

• QB (Dak 2.10, Love 2.90): Two steady starters who scream “top-10-ish,” which is code for “you’ll still be chasing points on Monday night.”
  
  
• RB (Saquon 1.90, Cook 1.12, Kamara 1.78, Ray Davis 1.48): Four names, one recurring question: who actually closes games? Saquon can, Kamara might, Cook sometimes, Ray Davis if the script remembers he exists.
  
  
• WR (Nabers 0.50, London 2.00, McLaurin 3.00, Keenan 1.05, Downs 0.80, Legette 0.70): Six deep and terrifying… if the ball actually gets there. Also, 3.00 for McLaurin means you’re driving a luxury sedan with a 1-gallon gas tank. Nabers is a thrill ride; London is an alpha audition; Keenan is Father Time’s favorite route runner.
  
  
• TE (Warren 0.30, Jonnu 1.30): Warren is “maybe soon,” Jonnu is “definitely now-ish,” together they form one tight end you’ll believe in every other week.
  
  
• Specialists: Koo prints points while Chad Ryland is a faith-based initiative. Colts D/ST is fine until you face an offense that knows how to block.

Why the Grade Isn't Lower

• Actual depth at WR (shocking).
  
  
• Two starting QBs who won’t tank you (delightful, if dull).
  
  
• RBs who can all catch, which pairs nicely with “we’re trailing.”

Why the Grade Isn't Higher (You knew this was coming)

• 0.34 salary left means any fix requires a trade or a bake sale.
  
  
• Kamara in the 2nd round, the nursing home called looking for their resident.
  
  
• Paying a premium at WR while the RB room argues about whose week it is.

To-Do List (A.K.A . "Find Quarters Under the Sofa")

1. Kick the tires on a low-cost veteran TE the first time someone panics.
   
   
2. Package a depth WR for cap relief so you can fix something in November.
   
   
3. Stream D/ST aggressively on the road; Indy’s fine, not sacred.

Final Word: Taipei drafted a team that will look gorgeous on the scoreboard ticker and maddening in the standings. The ceiling’s right there; the floor is a trap door labeled “TE usage + road games.” Enjoy the ride—just don’t check the cap balance.

 

Grade: B+ | Cap: 19.96 / 23.00 (3.04 remaining) | Projected Record: 8–6

TISKAWA, Indiana— Tabbi’s Kats drafted like a team that wants to matter in January: an elite quarterback, a bully-ball ground game, a modern tight end, and rookie receivers with star traits. There’s some volatility baked in (by design), but the ceiling is real.

Why B+ (and knocking on A-)

• Franchise QB secured: Josh Allen (4.00) gives you weekly top-3 upside and covers a multitude of sins. Bryce Young (2.65) is pricey insurance, but it’s insurance.
  
  
• RB room with styles: Derrick Henry (1.98) still closes games; D’Andre Swift (1.80) adds chunk plays; Tank Bigsby (1.60) and Tahj Brooks (0.70) give usable depth; Chris Rodriguez (0.78) is the battering ram.
  
  
• WRs are young—and dangerous: Deebo Samuel (0.75) is the multipurpose engine; second year players Keon Coleman (0.75) and Rome Odunze (0.65) bring red-zone prowess and alpha traits; Jauan Jennings (0.90) and Adam Thielen (0.85) steady the floor.
  
  
• Tight end leverage: Dalton Kincaid (0.48) is a weekly mismatch. Mason Taylor (0.30) is a developmental swing.
  
  
• Specialists: Jake Elliot and Cairo Santos are bankable; Lions D/ST (0.65) is a pressure unit you can ride.

Why not an A? You’re betting big on two second year WRs hitting fast, RB depth is more “usable” than explosive after Henry/Swift, and QB2 cost trims flexibility. Still: the core is playoff-grade.

Best Values/Steals

• TE Kincaid (0.48): premium TE usage without paying premium TE price.
  
  
• WR's Odunze (0.65) & Coleman (0.75): day-one roles with year-one touchdown equity.
  
  
• Deebo (0.75): underpriced weekly spike machine.

To Do List (with 3.04 in cap space)

1. Add a veteran WR for bye-week stability (insurance behind the rookies).
   
   
2. Kick the tires on an RB pass-catcher as a matchup tool.
   
   
3. DEF streaming plan for a few road weeks (Hartford, Taipei, Cincy).

Bottom line: This is a contender’s skeleton with upside muscle. If one of Odunze/Keon blossoms by midseason, the Kats jump a tier—and nobody will want to see Allen/Deebo/Kincaid in December.

 

SAN ANTONIO, Texas— The San Antonio Mexican’ts exited the 2025 IFFL Draft with a D grade and a bleak outlook, despite a narrow championship window. With 22.59 of the 23.00 cap spent, analysts cited aging stars, thin depth, and questionable resource allocation as the primary concerns.

As for roster construction its looking like its either now or never for the Mexican’ts. San Antonio committed heavily to Jared Goff (3.60) and Matthew Stafford (2.60) at Quaterback, a veteran tandem short on upside and durability insurance. A running back by committee without a clear lead: Isiah Pacheco brings hard yards, David Montgomery touchdown reliance, Jerome Ford committee usage, and rookie Trevor Etienne uncertain year-one impact. The strength of the roster—CeeDee Lamb and D.K. Metcalf headline—but depth behind them is limited (Tetairoa McMillan, Wan’Dale Robinson). Name recognition more than certainty is alive and well at Tight End—Travis Kelce’s decline risk and Dallas Goedert’s availability questions loom. On Defense and Special Teams spending 2.5 on Cameron Dicker and Ka’imi Fairbairn drew criticism, as did carrying both Houston and Kansas City defenses without a clear matchup strategy.

Salary cap & roster construction model: Heavy spend, little flexibility, and minimal long-term stability prompted skepticism about short-term contention.

Season forecast: 4–10, with a ceiling of 6–8 and a floor of 2–12. The Mexican’ts are projected to struggle through a tough midseason stretch and may settle into spoiler mode by December.

Bottom line: Star power at WR and Kelce’s pedigree prevent a failing grade, but absent a midseason fix at RB and QB depth, San Antonio’s 2025 profile looks closer to reset than run.

Final Word

The Mexican’ts look like they drafted with one eye on the retirement home and the other on the waiver wire. Star power at WR and Kelce’s name recognition will keep them from total embarrassment, but this is not a playoff roster. At best, they’re playing spoiler in December.

Draft Grade: D — the only thing saving this from an F is Lamb and Metcalf.

 

Grade: C- | Projection: 7–7 | Cap Spent: 17.73 / 23.00 (5.27 remaining)

PHILADELPHIA, Pennsylvania— The Dark Side just built a sports car and forgot the spare tire. The top is blinding—Jalen Hurts throwing to A.J. Brown and Justin Jefferson, with Emeka Egbuka waiting to shred CB3s and Kyle Pitts threatening to finally be That Dude again. And then there’s the part where someone has to run the ball.

The Situation

• QB insurance isn’t… insurance. If disaster strikes, Kurtis Rourke is a lottery ticket, not a policy.
  
  
• RB room = duct tape and wishful thinking. JaCory Croskey-Merritt, Dylan Sampson, Will Shipley, Justice Hill, Miles Sanders, Marshawn Lloyd—that’s a committee of committees. You can piece together matchups, but there’s no weekly anchor.
  
  
• Kickers are stable, which is the nicest thing you can say about kickers. (Reichard, Karty)
  
  
• Defense is fine, not fearsome. Bears D/ST is playable; it’s not winning you weeks.

The saving grace is that the WR room is illegal in 12 states: Jefferson + A.J. + Egbuka means the Run ’n Gun (1 RB / 4 WR / 1 TE) is probably the default—because starting a second RB on purpose feels like charity.


The Good

• Justin Jefferson (0.95) and A.J. Brown (1.45) together is a weekly DEFCON alert.
  
  
• Emeka Egbuka (0.50) at that price is future WR2 production now.
  
  
• Kyle Pitts (0.78) + Cade Otton (0.85) = ceiling + floor at TE without paying retail.

The Bad

• No bankable RB1, unclear RB2.
  
  
• Thin QB2.
  
  
• Defense that needs the offense to spot it leads.

Bottom line on the draft: elite stars and clean values at WR/TE, but the “how do we close games when we’re ahead?” question is going to echo all season. Hence the C-.

You can win like this. You just won’t, See 2024 LA Lords season...

To-Do List (use that 5.27 cap)

1. Buy an actual RB1 - the first time a contender gets itchy—pay a premium if you must.
   
   
2. Add a veteran QB3 who can keep the lights on for a week.
   
   
3. Stream D/ST vs. turnover-prone QBs; don’t get sentimental about the Bears.

Verdict: The Dark Side will look terrifying on the big plays and suspicious on the small ones. If a real running game doesn’t show up by Thanksgiving, this C- becomes an F in a hurry. If not… enjoy the fireworks and the coin-flips.

INDIANAPOLIS, Indiana — The Indy Animals exited the 2025 IFFL Draft with a clear blueprint and an A- grade, projecting to 10–4 and a January berth. The front office spent 17.76 of the 23.00 cap, preserving 5.24 for in-season upgrades.

Indy stacked two bargain bellcows—RB Jahmyr Gibbs (0.70) and RB Ashton Jeanty (0.70)—behind dual-threat QB Jayden Daniels (1.50), with Jaxson Dart (1.50) as developmental depth. The receiver room is matchup-proof: Garrett Wilson (1.50), Brandon Aiyuk (0.50), Ladd McConkey (1.35), and Calvin Ridley (0.82). At tight end, Brock Bowers (0.30) headlines with veteran insurance in Darren Waller (0.30).

A robust RB bench—Trey Benson (0.64), Jordan Mason (1.16), Braelon Allen (1.04)—fortifies bye weeks. Tyler Bass (0.85) and Chris Boswell (2.00) steady special teams; Broncos D/ST (1.50) is playable while the team shops for value.

Why not a full A? Slight volatility behind Daniels and a costlier K/DEF pairing than necessary—both fixable with the remaining cap.

Best values. Aiyuk (0.50) as a WR1-priced-like-WR3; Bowers (0.30) for weekly positional leverage; explosive depth in Benson/Wright; instant separator McConkey.

Positional snapshot. QB B+, RB A, WR A, TE A, K/DEF B.

The Animals optimal weekly line-up look should be the Standard 1 line-up:

QB - Jayden Daniels
RB - Jahmyr Gibbs
RB - Ashton Jeanty
WR - Garrett Wilson
WR - Brandon Aiyuk (when healthy)
WR - Ladd McKonkey/Calvin Ridley
TE - Brock Bowers
K - Tyler Bass
DEF - Denver Broncos

Projection: Indy is forecast 7–0 at home, 3–4 away. Expected road/elite-matchup speed bumps: at Tequila (Week 1), at Cincinnati (Week 9), at Taipei (Week 12), at Philadelphia (Week 14). Otherwise, speed, separation, and TE leverage carry the slate.

Next steps: Add a veteran QB3, stream DEF opportunistically, and reserve a bench slot for a late-season WR riser.

Bottom line: Indy drafted like a grown-up contender—top-end skill, real depth, and budget to patch any squeaks. Pencil the Animals into the postseason picture.

 

TEQUILA, New Mexico — Fresh off a title and drafting like it, the Tequila Sunrise drew an A grade in the 2025 IFFL Draft and are projected to finish 11–3, positioning themselves as West favorites with No. 1 or No. 2 seed potential. Tequila spent 19.97 of the 23.00 salary cap, leaving 3.03 for in-season upgrades.

Built around two cut-rate superstars at running back—Bijan Robinson (0.70) and De’Von Achane (0.70)—the Sunrise added a bargain QB1 in Brock Purdy (2.80) and a high-upside flier in Shedeur Sanders (1.50). The receiver room is deep and matchup-proof: Amon-Ra St. Brown leads a group that includes Tee Higgins (2.20), Jayden Reed (1.20), Jordan Addison (2.10) and floor piece Michael Wilson. December insurance arrives via a stacked RB bench—Javonte Williams (1.34), Ollie Gordon (0.70), Tyler Allgeier (1.14) and Jaydon Blue (0.70)—while Wil Lutz/Brandon McManus handle kicking and the Jets defense (0.25) brings weekly pressure.

The only soft spot is tight end: rookie Colston Loveland (0.30) offers upside, and Noah Gray (0.90) supplies snaps but a modest ceiling. Even so, positional grades skew elite: QB A-, RB A, WR A, TE B-, K B+, DEF A-.

Tequila’s optimal line-up most weeks:

QB -Brock Purdy
RB - Bijan Robinson
RB - Devon Achane
WR -Amon-Ra St. Brown
WR -Tee Higgins
WR - Jayden Reed or Jordan Addison
TE -Colston Loveland
K - Wil Lutz
DEF - New York Jets.

A four-WR “Run ’n Gun” variant remains in play when matchups tilt pass-heavy.

A game-by-game outlook pegs Tequila at 7–1 at home, 4–2 on the road, with likely stumbles at Taipei (Week 2), Hartford (Week 4), and versus Cincinnati (Week 12). Everywhere else, depth and speed carry the day.

What’s next: With 3.03 in cap space, the front office is expected to shop early for a veteran TE, stash a late-season WR riser, and manage bye weeks by flexing into the four-WR set. Bottom line: it’s a title-defense build—fast, deep, and flexible.

PHILADELPHIA, PA & LOS ANGELES, CA — The IFFL just detonated its offseason. The Philadelphia Dark Side have dealt RB Josh Jacobs to the Los Angeles Lords for WR Justin Jefferson—a straight-up, stars-for-stars swap that rearranges two Super Bowl-caliber fantasy blueprints.

• To Los Angeles: RB Josh Jacobs — fresh off 1,313 yards and 12 TDs last year, a true-volume anchor the Lords didn’t have last season as they went with “RB-by-prayer” became a lifestyle brand.
• To Philadelphia: WR Justin Jefferson — delivered 1,195 yards and 7 TDs last season and was a vital piece of the Lords’ 2023 championship run. Reunite Jefferson with A.J. Brown? That’s a weekly fireworks permit.

Why LA Did It

Because the Lords’ offense has been “Burrow to Jefferson/Chase: The Sequel” for two seasons—and the RB room kept cosplaying as a rumor. Jacobs gives Jason Beaver a set-and-forget bellcow who absorbs 20+ touches and lets the WRs win on efficiency instead of life support. This turns LA from video-game passing attack into… a balanced, adult football team. Terrifying.

Owner Jason Beaver: “We love JJ forever. But championships are won when your RB1 isn’t a TED Talk about adversity.”

Why Philly Did It

Because Avan Beaver looked at Hurts + A.J. Brown and thought, “What if we became a supernova?” Jefferson unlocks “pick your poison” every Sunday. Yes, losing Jacobs stings—but Philly’s scheme can patch RB by committee, while Jefferson tilts matchups before the coin toss.

Owner Avan Beaver: “If defenses double A.J., fine. If they double Jefferson, also fine. If they double both, I’ll draft a third one.”

Owner Jason Beaver: *Shakes head* "Been there, done that. The boy just doesn't learn."

Instant Grades (Because Overreaction Is Tradition)

• Lords (LA): A-
  
  They solved their loudest flaw with a blue-chip solution. You don’t replace Jefferson’s ceiling—but you might not need to if Jacobs turns 2nd-and-8 into 2nd-and-3 all year.
  
  
• Dark Side (PHI): A
  
  Two WR1s who both demand WR1 coverage. Hurts MVP agenda intensifies. RB becomes a scavenger hunt, but points are points.

Quotes From the Blast Radius

• Jefferson: “I loved my time in LA. New city, same plan: get open, stay open.”
  
  
• Jacobs: “Feed me. Then feed me again.”
  
  
• League Commissioner Dixon (deadpan): “Trade approved. Also, please stop submitting deals with the note ‘for vibes.’”

Bookmark it: this is the trade we’ll circle in December when someone’s holding a trophy and someone else is Googling “what happened to my season.”

Bloomington, IN — Friday night. IFFL Commissioner Jeff Dixon took a hard spill while leaving Pizza X with the owners’ Friday-night meal. Witnesses say Dixon caught his foot on a patch of wobbly concrete and face-planted on the sidewalk.

League sources say Dixon is being evaluated for a possible concussion; early checks indicate no broken bones.Because the Lords’ offense has been “Burrow to Jefferson/Chase: The Sequel” for two seasons—and the RB room kept cosplaying as a rumor. Jacobs gives Jason Beaver a set-and-forget bellcow who absorbs 20+ touches and lets the WRs win on efficiency instead of life support. This turns LA from video-game passing attack into… a balanced, adult football team. Terrifying.

The moment was unintentionally narrated by Indy Animals owner Kevin “Q” Ryburn, who, mid-conversation, reportedly looked up and said, “oh my, Jeff fell.” (Accurate, if not medically expansive.)

Draft activities briefly turned into a sideline of ice packs and awkward thumbs-ups as officials checked on the Commissioner. Dixon was alert and responsive, and—per usual—more worried about the food order than his own face.

This is a developing story and may be updated as more information becomes available.

Welcome to Draft Day, where hope is undefeated, mock drafts are “laser accurate,” and at least one owner forgets how waivers work by Round 3. Based on team need (and unshakable hubris), the opening fireworks look set:

• 1) Indy Animals: RB Ashton Jeanty — Q’s been whispering “balanced offense” to his reflection all offseason. Jeanty gives Indy a bellcow to pair with the chaos engine at QB. “I’m not saying I’ll sprint to the podium,” Q says, “but stretch first.”
  
  
• 2) New Delhi Subs: QB Patrick Mahomes — Pete Shaunki sees a generational arm and a generational brand. Also: a generational excuse to text the Honey Mustard rivals at 2 a.m. “This is fine,” Pete promises, holding a flamethrower labeled ‘trade up for a tight end later.’
  
  
• 3) New Whiteland Chicken Pluckerz: WR Mike Evans — Because “big, mean, and open” still plays. Kevin Julbert loves a bully-ball WR who averages a first down just by tying his cleats.

Official Draft Order (Round 1)

1. Indy Animals (From Chicago)
2. New Delhi Subs
3. New Whiteland Chicken Pluckerz
4. Hartford Whalers
5. Los Angeles Lords
6. South Carolina Scarecrows
7. Cincinnati Bagels
8. Taipei Personality
9. New Delhi Subs (From Pittsburgh)
10. San Antonio Mexican'ts
11. Tabbi's Kats
12. Hartford Whalers (From Philadelphia)
13. Indy Animals
14. Tequila Sunrise

Team-by-Team Panic Meter & Draft Gossip

1. Indy Animals (also 13):
   Needs: a weekly RB anchor and a defense that doesn’t moonlight as a turnstile. Plan: Jeanty at 1, then a value WR or TE at 13.
   
   Quote (Q): “If no one calls to overpay, I’ll just draft good players. Terrifying, I know.”
   
   
2. New Delhi Subs (also 9):
   Needs: stability at QB and the courage to stop collecting wideouts like Funko Pops. Plan: Mahomes at 2, Eat that Whalers; at 9, either OL-in-spirit (i.e., a volume RB) or the flashiest WR available because Pete can’t help himself.
   
   Quote (Pete): Spreadsheet of chaos, “Not Overthinking” it claims, thirty-four tabs deep."
   
   
3. New Whiteland Chicken Pluckerz:
   Needs: red-zone bully and Sunday night drama. Plan: Mike Evans, then immediately claim it was their plan “all along,” even if pick 2 had gone weird.
   
   Quote (Julbert): “If contested catches were a currency, we’d be the Federal Reserve.”
   
   
4. Hartford Whalers:
   Needs: someone to make “Mahomes forever” more than a screensaver; plus an RB who doesn’t require weekly pep talks. Plan: BPA at 4 (WR/RB), then at 12 plug whatever positional fire the first three hours set ablaze.
   
   Quote (Chad Allen): “If Rory Gilmore is somehow available at 12, we’re taking her route-running.”
   
   
5. Los Angeles Lords:
   Needs: actual running back production, not vibes. Plan: RB if one with a pulse remains; otherwise, just draft another WR and dare the universe to stop you.
   
   Quote (Jason Beaver): “Our new logo can block. Our RB room cannot. Working on one of those.”
   
   
6. South Carolina Scarecrows:
   Needs: someone to keep the chains moving while the WR room cooks. Plan: value RB or TE; bonus points if he also returns punts and makes coffee.
   
   Quote (Trevor Harless): “If anyone low-bridges my draft board, I’m filing a grievance.”
   
   
7. Cincinnati Bagels:
   Needs: a third-down solution and a pass catcher who doesn’t disappear when it rains. Plan: hybrid RB/WR range; expect a “safe” pick that produces points and zero headlines.
   
   Quote (Les Paul Couch): “We’re boring. You’ll hate how consistently we beat you.”
   
   
8. Taipei Personality:
   Needs: a passport stamp and a field-stretching WR to pair with Nabers/Saquon chaos. Plan: best WR available… assuming someone reads the pick on Zoom.
   
   Breaking (Travel) News: Owner Andrew Wang is battling visa issues and may not be allowed by the government to join the draft proceedings in person. “If customs asks why I’m carrying 14 laminated depth charts,” Wang said, “tell them it’s for ‘cultural exchange.’”
   
   League Office: “If Andrew gets stuck, we’ll accept picks via skywriting, ravens, or—fine—FaceTime.”
   
   
9. New Delhi (again):
   Needs: resist shiny WR; select trench RB. Plan: see above; ignore above.
   
   
10. San Antonio Mexican’ts:
    Needs: balance and a WR who punishes single-high like it owes him money. Plan: big-target WR or TE.
    
    Quote (Tanya Harless): “We’re improving fast—unless we go all New Delhi Subs on it. Then we’re improving loudly.”
    
    
11. Tabbi’s Kats:
    Needs: depth behind Josh Allen and a WR who won’t ghost in December. Plan: WR/TE value, then gloat about efficiency.
    
    Quote (Tabbi Brewer): “We draft grown-ups. You draft TikTok trends. See you in Week 12.”
    
    
12. Hartford (via Philly):
    Two firsts = two opportunities to say “that’s exactly how we drew it up” no matter what happens.
    
    
13. Indy (again):
    This is where Q either doubles down on balance or re-enacts a fireworks display with a gadget WR.
    
    
14. Tequila Sunrise:
    Needs: more rich-people problems: depth. Plan: luxury pick—best player available, probably someone we’ll call “unfair” in November.
    
    Quote (Jeff Dixon): “We don’t draft for need. We draft for seasonal affective joy.”
    

Rumor Mill, Unreliable Edition

• Trade Watch: Los Angeles poking around the RB aisle with “future considerations” and a brand-new helmet decal.
  
  
• Quiet Desperation: South Carolina dangling a mid-rounder to climb for a favorite TE.
  
  
• Hartford’s Board: labeled “Operation Gilmore,” color-coded by pop-culture references.
  
  
• Taipei Contingency: If Andrew can’t appear live, the pick will be announced by a pre-trained AI that only says “value” and “upside.”
  

A Special 7 Things I Think I Think I Think: Draft Night Edition

1. I think Jeanty at 1 is the rare pick that makes everyone nod and hate it simultaneously.
   
   
2. I think Mahomes at 2 will break the New Delhi group chat and the Honey Mustard rivalry in one keystroke.
   
   
3. I think Mike Evans at 3 is the least cute and therefore the smartest move New Whiteland can make.
   
   
4. I think the Lords either fix RB tonight or we get 14 weeks of “Burrow to Jefferson/Chase… again.” No one’s mad.
   
   
5. I think Hartford leaves Round 1 convinced it outfoxed math. Might be right.
   
   
6. I think Taipei drafts from an airport lounge and still snipes someone’s sleeper. Aviation alpha.
   
   
7. I think Tequila’s pick at 14 will be described as “luxury” by everyone except the poor soul facing them in Week 1.

Cue the music, hide your sleeper lists, and please—someone—check on Andrew’s Wi-Fi.

By The IFFL Insider., Senior Fantasy Football Correspondent

Welcome back, fantasy faithful. The 2025 IFFL season is here, and the stakes are higher than Trevor’s blood pressure during a kicker run. Rivalries are simmering, rosters will be locked and loaded (mostly), and the annual pilgrimage to Dogwood Springs is just days away.

DRAFT DAY DETAILS

• Date: Saturday, August 23
• Time: 2:00pm
• Location: Dogwood Springs
• Remote Option: Fandraft.com (Use your login and password. No excuses. No auto-drafting five defenses.)

RIVALRIES TO WATCH

Honey Mustard Bowl

New Delhi Subs vs Hartford Whalers (Week 4 & Week 12) - The condiment feud continues.
Pete Shaunki, ever the poet, offered this:

Trade winds stir again,
Kyren burns like Autumn leaves,
Spicy, no regrets

Domestic Violence Bowl

South Carolina Beavers vs San Antonio Harlesses (Week 7) - Trevor vs Tanya. Marriage meets matchup.

“I love her,” Trevor said, “but I’m not above benching Jonathan Taylor just to prove a point.”

Father vs. Son

Los Angeles Lords vs Philadelphia Dark Side (Week 8) - Jason vs Avan. Legacy vs rebellion.

“I taught him everything he knows,” Jason said. “Unfortunately, he ignored most of it.”

Grandma vs. Grandson

Tabbi’s Kats vs Cincinnati Bagels (Week 5) - Tabbi Brewer vs L.P. Couch.

“I’ll bake him cookies after I beat him,” Tabbi said. “But they’ll be gluten-free. That’s punishment enough.”

KEY GAMES TO CIRCLE

• Week 1: Indy @ Tequila Sunrise - A rematch of the 2024 IFFL Super Bowl. Can Indy avenge the heartbreak?
• Week 6: Philadelphia @ Tequila Sunrise - Jalen Hurts vs De’Von Achane. If Achane’s brain stops bouncing, this could be electric.
• Week 14: New Whiteland @ New Delhi - Longtime trade partners face off. Kevin Julbert, ever the tactician, said: “I’ll beat Pete, then trade him a broken WR,” Kevin Julbert said. “It’s tradition.”

Pete replied, naturally:

Broken wideout, yes
But upside lives in the fog
Trust the chili burn

SOUND BITES FROM THE SIDELINES

• Chad Allen (Hartford): “I’m just here to watch Gilmore Girls and pretend I know what a flex position is.”
• Josh Allen (Tabbi’s Kats): “I’m not concussed. I just play like it sometimes.”
• Drake Maye (Los Angeles Lords): “I’m honored to be signed. I just hope I don’t get dropped for Gardner Minshew again.”

FINAL THOUGHTS

The IFFL is more than a league. It’s a lifestyle. A soap opera. A slow-motion car crash with spreadsheets. And as we head into 2025, remember:

• Don’t trust Pete’s trades.
• Don’t let Chad near the kicker tab.
• And don’t underestimate Tabbi’s gluten-free vengeance.

See you at Dogwood Springs, or on FanDraft. Just don’t be late — the trash talk waits for no one.

By The IFFL Insider., Senior Fantasy Football Correspondent

In a world where fantasy football is religion and questionable trade decisions are gospel, the IFFL has flipped the switch on another glorious season. That’s right—the 2025 IFFL Season has officially kicked off today with the shiny, possibly bug-riddled launch of the updated IFFL website.

"It's like the NFL, but with more bitterness and group texts," said one anonymous league source while uploading a profile pic that hasn’t changed since 2017.

Mark Your Calendars: Draft Day is August 23rd at Dogwood Springs

The annual pilgrimage to Dogwood Springs is once again upon us. August 23rd is the date when dreams will be made, rivalries reignited, and someone will inevitably draft a kicker in the 7th round “just to mess with people.”

“I plan to wear the same shirt I wore during my 2023 Runner-Up season,” said Cincinnati Bagels owner Les Paul Couch, sipping from a “World’s Okayest GM” mug.

What’s Live on Draft Central:

• 2025 Draft Order (Spoiler: Indy Animals start us off… thanks, Chicago)
• Updated Price Guide (Yes, Travis Kelce still costs more than your rent)
• Protected Players Link  (Click it. Love it. Curse it.)

Keeper Deadline: August 14th — Don’t Be That Guy

League Commissioner and perennial Draft Day taco hog, Jeff Dixon, has issued the warning:

“Submit your keepers by August 14th or I’ll assign you two retired players and a punter. I’m not kidding.”

Some GMs are already feeling the pressure. “I’m still deciding between protecting Tyreek Hill or my dignity,” said Taipei Personality owner Andrew Wang. “I may not be able to keep both.”

A Disaster Remembered: The Chicago Blunder

Let’s not forget how we got here. The Indy Animals are sitting pretty at No. 1 overall in the draft—all thanks to a catastrophic 2024 trade with the Chicago Fightin’ Ditkas that will live in infamy. Some say it involved Caleb Williams, four tubs of protein powder, and a promise that “Courtland Sutton was due.”

“Honestly, I blacked out mid-trade,” admitted Ditkas owner Shadd Wright. “Next thing I knew, I had Ben Sinnott and a future full of regret.”

Let the Trash Talk Begin

With 14 owners, 1 new season, and infinite bad decisions to come, the IFFL 2025 campaign is officially off and running. Stay tuned for more updates, previews, drama, and of course… screenshots of text messages taken wildly out of context.

Welcome back, degenerates. The IFFL is alive.

Let the countdown to the IFFL Draft start now.

Final Score: Tequila Sunrise 65, Indy Animals 63

In a game that lived up to the hype and then some, the Tequila Sunrise edged out the Indy Animals in IFFL Bowl 29 to secure their record-breaking seventh championship. This clash of the league's two most dynamic offenses turned into an instant classic, with big plays, high drama, and a photo finish that left fans breathless.

Tequila's Patrick Mahomes, already a postseason legend, delivered another masterpiece, throwing for 332 yards and 3 touchdowns. Bijan Robinson bulldozed his way to 98 yards and 2 crucial scores, while Sam LaPorta added a highlight-reel touchdown to put Tequila over the top.

Indy's Jayden Daniels countered with a career-best 354 yards and 3 touchdown passes, spreading the ball around like a seasoned veteran. Ladd McConkey showed up when it mattered most, snagging two touchdowns and racking up 94 yards. Jahmyr Gibbs churned out 163 all-purpose yards and a score, keeping Indy in contention until the very end.

But in the end, it was Tequila's defense that sealed the deal. Denver's defense racked up 7 sacks and returned an interception for a touchdown, an 8-point swing that ultimately proved the difference in the game.

Indy's Chase McLaughlin was flawless, nailing all six extra points and two field goals, giving the Animals a much-needed boost. But Tequila's Jake Bates, though quieter on the stat sheet, delivered clutch kicks under pressure, including a critical late-game field goal that gave Tequila the edge.

After the game, Indy owner Q Ryburn congratulated Tequila owner Jeff Dixon with class and respect.

"Well played, Jeffery. Congratulations, it was close and went down to the wire. I am looking forward to seeing you and your team in Tequila in Week 1."

Dixon, meanwhile, was spotted wearing a sombrero and pouring celebratory shots of tequila for his team. "This is what legends do," he quipped, clearly reveling in his team's success.

The victory not only solidifies Tequila's place in history but also sets the stage for a fiery Week 1 rematch in 2025. Indy, now battle-tested and with a young core, will no doubt be hungry for revenge.

For now, the IFFL belongs to Tequila Sunrise. The rest of the league? They're chasing history... again.

If there’s one thing the 2024 Los Angeles Lords will be remembered for, it’s their ability to dance on the edge of greatness while never quite sticking the landing. The reigning IFFL champions entered the season with sky-high expectations, but by Week 14, they were looking less like royalty and more like court jesters. Let’s break down the wild ride that was the Lords’ season.

Season Overview

Record: 6-8
Points Scored: 696 (Best in the League!)
Final Result: Missed Playoffs (4th in the West Division)

The Lords scored more points than any team in the league but still finished with a losing record. They were the NFL equivalent of a fireworks show in a thunderstorm: flashes of brilliance overshadowed by torrential misfortune. Every week, the Lords dazzled fans with their offensive firepower, only to have their defense and bad luck rain all over the parade.

Key Players

• Joe Burrow (QB): The heart and soul of the Lords' offense, Burrow threw for all the yards and most of the touchdowns. His connection with Ja'Marr Chase was otherworldly, but even his MVP-caliber performances couldn’t carry the Lords into the postseason.
• Ja'Marr Chase (WR): Speaking of Chase, he put up video game numbers, dragging defenders across the field and fantasy managers to glory. Unfortunately, the rest of the Lords’ roster left Chase's efforts looking like a solo act.
• Justin Jefferson (WR): Jefferson returned from injury late in the season and showed flashes of why he’s one of the league’s most electrifying players. His presence was too little, too late for LA’s playoff hopes, but the future remains bright.

Defensive Struggles

While the Lords' offense was a juggernaut, their defense was, to put it kindly, generous. Opposing teams treated the Buffalo Bills defense like an all-you-can-score buffet. It wasn’t uncommon for LA to put up 50 points and still lose because their defense gave up 51.

Season Defining Moments

1. Week 1 Loss: The Lords started the season with a heartbreaking 35-34 loss, setting the tone for a year full of "close but no cigar" moments.
2. Week 13 Heartbreaker: In what was essentially a playoff elimination game, the Lords lost by 3 seconds and 11 yards thanks to a Lamar Jackson miracle. The "Lamar Leap" will haunt Jason Beaver's dreams for years to come.
3. Offensive Fireworks: Despite missing the playoffs, the Lords had three 50+ point performances. No one wanted to face them, but unfortunately, the Lords couldn’t win the games that mattered most.

The Future

Despite the bitter end to their season, the Lords' future remains bright. With Joe Burrow, Ja'Marr Chase, and Justin Jefferson locked in, their offensive core is among the best in the league. However, the defense will need a massive overhaul, and Jason Beaver will need to channel his inner GM wizard to rebuild the championship pedigree that eluded them this season.

Final Grade

Offense: A+
Defense: F
Special Teams: Solid, but not game-changing
Overall: B-

The Lords proved they could score at will, but you can’t win championships if your defense lets everyone else do the same. It’s back to the drawing board for 2025, where the Lords will aim to turn their offensive firepower into playoff success. For now, they’ll have to watch the postseason from the sidelines—a rare sight for a team used to ruling the league.

And just like that, the 2024 IFFL season is in the books. What a ride it’s been—epic comebacks, baffling collapses, and trades so lopsided you’d think the owners were wagering Monopoly money instead of future championships. Let’s reflect on the chaos, crown the kings of futility, and reveal who gets to gamble on next year’s talent pool first.

Season Recap: A Year in Review

• Tequila Sunrise (11-3):
  The #1 seed. Patrick Mahomes sipped his way to glory while Bijan Robinson danced through defenses. But will their regular-season dominance translate to a championship?
  
  
• Philadelphia Dark Side (11-3):
  The Sith Lords clinched the East with their iron grip on the division. Jalen Hurts and Josh Jacobs powered through, leaving their opponents in ruins.
  
  
• Indy Animals (10-4):
  From worst to first in the Central! Rookie QB Jayden Daniels proved the critics wrong (most of the time). His playoff debut is highly anticipated.
  
  
• Tabbi's Kats (9-5):
  Josh Allen literally carried the team on his back all season, culminating in an MVP performance in Week 14. Can they ride the hot hand in the playoffs?
  
  
• San Antonio Mexican'ts (8-6):
  Snuck into the playoffs like the party crasher who knows the hosts won’t kick them out. Jared Goff and CeeDee Lamb have the talent to go far—if they show up.
  
  
• Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls (7-7):
  Lamar Jackson’s absence for mental health reasons might have saved him some stress, but the Peanut Butter Balls limped into the playoffs. Their Cinderella hopes are slim, but stranger things have happened.
  
  
• The Lottery Teams:
  Whether it was trading future picks for a quarterback who can’t throw (cough Chicago cough), or managing to win while trying to lose (double cough New Delhi), these teams have earned their early draft spots. Congrats?

The Official 2025 IFFL Draft Order

Here’s how the chips fell for the league’s hopeful rebuilders and the playoff-bound squads who still dream of glory:

1. Indy Animals (via Chicago) – Thanks to the Caleb Williams disaster, Indy’s playing chess while Chicago’s losing at checkers.
   
   
2. New Delhi Subs – Trading players for picks like it’s a clearance sale. Let's hope they draft better than they manage.
   
   
3. New Whiteland Chicken Pluckerz – Back-to-back years of frustration and unmet potential. This pick is critical.
   
   
4. Hartford Whalers – The Honey Mustard Bowl champs in spirit, but not in the standings.
   
   
5. Los Angeles Lords – How the mighty have fallen. Their “playoff pedigree” didn’t stop them from an early vacation.
   
   
6. South Carolina Scarecrows – Another year of Mike Evans' hamstrings betraying him.
   
   
7. Cincinnati Bagels – The other orange team couldn’t string together enough wins.
   
   
8. Taipei Personality – Saquon Barkley deserves better than this mid-tier finish.
   
   
9. New Delhi Subs (via Pittsburgh) – Trading Amari Cooper for a 1st round pick didnt work in the regular season lets see how he handles the playoff pressure.
   
   
10. San Antonio Mexican'ts – They’ll pick here if they crash out in the Wild Card round.
    
    
11. Tabbi's Kats – A solid team that didn’t need Caleb Williams to thrive.
    
    
12. Indy Animals – Not just the top pick, but a late first-rounder too. Stockpiling talent like it’s going out of style.
    
    
13. Hartford Whalers (via Philadelphia) – Dominated in the East, but is this the pick that rejuvenates their dynasty? They must decide if Herbert is the future.
    
    
14. Tequila Sunrise – Regular-season juggernaut, but will they draft to stay on top?

Season Highlights

• MVP Talk: Joe Burrow and Ja’Marr Chase proved unstoppable for LA, even if the rest of the Lords forgot the season started. Lamar Jackson and Josh Allen will have something to say about who handles that hardware.
  
  
• Rookie Watch: Jayden Daniels showed flashes of brilliance. Caleb Williams… showed Chicago what regret feels like.
  
  
• Trade Drama: Philly trading for Josh Jacobs midseason might be the deal that wins them the championship. Meanwhile, Chicago’s trade set Indy up for years of success.
  
  
• Biggest Busts: Chicago’s offense, South Carolina’s playoff hopes, and every time New Delhi won while trying to tank.

Final Thoughts

As the playoffs begin and the lottery-bound teams start scouting for 2025, one thing is clear: the IFFL never disappoints. From epic performances to comical management gaffes, this season was one for the books. Stay tuned as the playoffs unfold, and may the best team (or the luckiest) take home the championship!

Welcome back to the weekly IFFL chaos recap, where injuries, game-time decisions, and questionable life choices dominate the headlines. Let's dive into the soap opera that is fantasy football.

Cincinnati fans are cautiously optimistic as Nico Collins will finally suit up in Week 11. After missing several games, Collins is back just in time to help the Bagels try to make an improbable playoff push. When asked about his return, Collins said, “I’m just glad to stop getting those passive-aggressive texts from my fantasy owners.”

Jaylen Warren is officially out, and the Whalers' playoff dreams take another gut punch. Owner Chad Allen commented, “This is fine. Everything’s fine. We’ve got... uh... Tony Pollard and Javonte Williams? Right?!” Expect Hartford fans to stare longingly at old game footage of Warren this weekend.

CeeDee Lamb is a game-time decision for San Antonio’s must-win game against Tequila. Lamb, battling a back injury, said, “I’ll know I’m ready when I can successfully carry this team on my back again.” Owner Tanya Harless was reportedly seen burning sage and doing a rain dance to ensure Lamb plays.

While the rest of Philadelphia’s Dark Side battles for the East, Johnathan Brooks will miss another game for a "mental health day." Sources close to the team report a heated debate between ownership and the RB, with Brooks allegedly saying, “I’m not running unless I can run my own life first.” Meanwhile, Philly owner Avan Beaver muttered, “We’re in the middle of a division race, and my RB is playing yoga guru.”

Good news for the Peanut Butter Balls as Amari Cooper returns to action in Week 11 against Hartford. After being traded back to Pittsburgh, Cooper is ready to remind the league that he’s still a top WR. “I’m home. Let’s do this,” Cooper said. Pittsburgh fans are already planning celebratory peanut butter sculptures.

After what feels like forever, Tee Higgins is back in action against Philadelphia. Taipei owner Andrew Wang said, “It’s a relief to have Higgins back. Now if only the rest of my team could follow suit.” Watch out, Philly; the Personality just got a little more charismatic.

Sam LaPorta is officially sidelined with a shoulder injury, and Tequila fans are not thrilled. “I feel like I’ve been betrayed by my margarita muse,” owner Jeff Dixon quipped. LaPorta was unavailable for comment, probably because his shoulder hurts too much to lift his phone.

Indy will be without Tank Dell in Week 11 due to an ankle injury. Sources say owner Kevin "Q" Ryburn was overheard mumbling, “I thought tanks were supposed to be indestructible.” It’s a big blow to the Animals as they battle to stay atop the Central.

Darnell Mooney is officially on the watch list as a game-time decision due to limited practice this week. Mooney responded, “I’m fine. Probably.” Cincinnati fans are not reassured and have already started organizing Mooney-shaped voodoo dolls in frustration.

Stay tuned, folks! Week 11 promises drama, heartbreak, and possibly a new entry into the “Trade Decisions We’ll All Regret” Hall of Fame.

In a bold move just before the trade deadline, the Philadelphia Dark Side has added WR DeVonta Smith to their roster in exchange for WR Nick Westbrook-Ikhine and a 2025 sixth-round draft pick, which heads to the New Delhi Subs. The deal underscores Philadelphia’s commitment to making a deep playoff run, while New Delhi continues its strategy of offloading top talent in exchange for future assets.

Philadelphia Owner Avan Beaver didn’t mince words, saying, “We’ve been targeting Smith for weeks, and now we’ve got him. He’s going to add depth and give us another weapon in our push for the championship. Sure, Westbrook-Ikhine is a fine player, but it’s time to give the Philly faithful a WR with some star power.”

New Delhi Owner Pete Shaunki seemed unsurprisingly unfazed by parting with yet another key piece of his team. “DeVonta has been great for us, but we’re looking forward, not backward. And hey, we get a pick in return—it’s all part of building something for 2025. I’ll miss the kid, but with the way things are going, maybe Philly can make better use of him than we did this year,” Shaunki remarked with a characteristic shrug.

DeVonta Smith expressed his excitement about joining a team in serious playoff contention: “Philly’s been on my radar, and it feels great to be headed there. I’m ready to bring the Dark Side a few touchdowns and see where this team can go. Let’s get to work.”

Nick Westbrook-Ikhine, ever the professional, kept things positive: “New Delhi’s going through a lot of changes, and I’m just here to do my part. I know they’ve had a rough season, but I’ll do what I can to help them close things out strong.”

As Philadelphia aims to take over the title race and New Delhi looks toward a full-scale rebuild, this deadline trade seems to reflect both teams’ ambitions. Will DeVonta Smith be the missing piece for the Dark Side? And what exactly is New Delhi hoping to accomplish with all these future picks? Only time will tell if this trade pays off for either franchise.

In a quiet yet potentially impactful move, the Tequila Sunrise and Tabbi’s Kats have agreed on a receiver swap, sending WR Khalil Shakir to Tabbi’s in exchange for WR Jauan Jennings. Both receivers have seen modest playing time this season, and the trade aims to bring a fresh perspective to their games as the regular season nears its end.

Tequila Sunrise Owner Jeff Dixon had this to say about the swap: “Shakir’s been solid, but we felt like we needed a different skill set in the mix. Jennings brings a bit more physicality and can do some real damage after the catch. Plus, he’s got that Kats-approved swagger we could use over here in Tequila.”

Tabbi Brewer, owner of Tabbi’s Kats, also weighed in, “Shakir’s got some serious versatility, and we think he’s primed to step up. A few big plays and he’s off and running. Besides, you know it’s getting serious when even I’m making late-season trades. Let’s see what Shakir can bring!”

Jauan Jennings sounded ready for a new challenge, noting, “Tequila’s got a strong lineup, and I’m pumped to fit in where they need me. Sometimes all you need is a change of scenery to break out. I’m ready to go all-in with Sunrise.”

Khalil Shakir was equally upbeat about joining Tabbi’s Kats, saying, “I’m grateful for my time with Tequila, but I’m looking forward to getting a few more snaps and seeing what I can do for the Kats. Let’s make it happen, Tabbi!”

While this may not be the blockbuster of the year, both Tequila and Tabbi’s Kats are hoping this receiver swap will give their teams the edge they need as the playoff race tightens. Only time will tell if Shakir or Jennings can make the highlight reels they’ve been waiting for all season.

In a move that seems equal parts desperation and optimism, the Tequila Sunrise and Los Angeles Lords have shaken hands on a running back exchange that sees rookie Blake Corum head to LA in exchange for veteran Gus Edwards. Both backs have had disappointing seasons so far, and this trade is a classic case of “maybe the grass is greener in the other backfield.”

Tequila Sunrise Owner Jeff Dixon acknowledged the challenge with Corum, saying, “Look, Corum’s got potential, but right now we need someone who’s not afraid to hit the line and get us those yards. Edwards may not be flashy, but he’s been around long enough to know what it takes to grind. We’re hoping he can spark something with a fresh start here.”

Over in Los Angeles, Lords Owner Jason Beaver seemed equally eager to take a chance on the rookie. “Sure, Blake’s had his share of setbacks, but he’s young, he’s explosive, and we’re giving him every opportunity to prove himself. If LA is anything, it’s a land of second chances,” Beaver joked. “Or fifth chances, in this case.”

Gus Edwards, known for his no-nonsense approach, sounded ready for his own fresh start. “I’m here to do a job, plain and simple,” Edwards stated. “If Tequila needs me to charge through defenders and get it done, I’m on board. I’ve got nothing to lose and everything to prove.”

Meanwhile, Blake Corum expressed hope for his move to LA, where he’ll play alongside talents like Joe Burrow and Justin Jefferson. “LA is a great stage to finally get things rolling. I know the team has had a tough season, but I’m ready to give them what they need down the stretch,” Corum said with a hint of rookie optimism.

With both teams vying for a spark to close out their seasons, only time will tell if this change of scenery is the recipe for success these backs need—or just another chapter in a challenging season.

McCaffrey Watch: On the Field or the Trading Block?

After six agonizing weeks on the bench, Cincinnati RB Christian McCaffrey is set to make his long-awaited return in Week 10. The Bagels’ fanbase can finally exhale, but the celebration may be short-lived. Rumors are swirling that McCaffrey’s return could just be a brief audition for teams interested in acquiring him by Tuesday’s trade deadline. McCaffrey himself was surprisingly coy: “Whether I’m running for the Bagels or running off to another team, I’m just happy to be running again.” Cincy’s management, meanwhile, remains tight-lipped, only saying, “We’ll see.” Is this a heartfelt comeback or just a flashy send-off? The league waits with bated breath.

Taipei Bids Dak Goodbye (Probably Forever)

In a move that stunned precisely zero people, Taipei QB Dak Prescott has opted for surgery, effectively ending his season and, likely, his time in Taipei. Prescott’s journey in Taipei has been a rollercoaster, with mostly downs and… downs. One Taipei fan posted online, “Thank you, Dak, for your service. You’ll always have that one good drive back in Week 3.” Prescott, ever the optimist, commented, “Hey, at least they’re talking about me.” The team is expected to place him on IR and, with that, perhaps onto a one-way flight out of Taipei. Farewell, Dak. We’ll remember… well, we’ll try.

Chris Olave: The Concussion Chronicles

After a brutal second-quarter hit last week, LA WR Chris Olave has officially been ruled out for Week 10, and rumors are circulating that the Lords may decide to keep him out for the rest of the season. One LA insider hinted, “We’re considering what’s best for Chris, and maybe that means he enjoys the season from the comfort of the sidelines.” Olave, meanwhile, didn’t hold back, telling reporters, “If they’re shutting me down, I want my paychecks paid in gold.” Looks like the Lords have more than just a game plan to figure out.

CeeDee Lamb and the Shoulder Saga

In good news for San Antonio, WR CeeDee Lamb will be active this week, despite a lingering shoulder injury. Lamb, when asked about his readiness to play, shrugged (with his good shoulder) and said, “Hey, I’ve played hurt before, but this one’s for the fans. And the standings.” With San Antonio pushing for their first playoff berth, they’re clearly banking on Lamb’s resilience. The team’s head coach added, “What’s a little shoulder pain when you’re this close to the playoffs?”

New Whiteland Woes: Pittman and Robinson Sit Out

NW WR Michael Pittman Jr. (back and finger) and RB Brian Robinson (hamstring) are both out for Week 10, but hopeful to return in Week 11. Pittman Jr. was quoted saying, “I’m doing everything to get back out there… okay, well maybe not everything – I do enjoy a restful Saturday.” Robinson echoed his teammate’s sentiment, “Look, this hamstring isn’t healing itself, but I’m giving it a strong pep talk every morning.” New Whiteland’s strategy this week might be more prayer than playbook.

Mike Evans: The Comeback Countdown

SC WR Mike Evans has circled Week 12 as his likely return date after nursing a hamstring injury. Evans told fans, “I’ll be back before you miss me. Or just as you start to miss me. Timing is everything.” SC is eager to get him back to keep their playoff hopes alive, but until then, they’re just hoping he sticks to light jogging and leaves the sprints to the younger guys.

Nico Collins Returns to the Field

After a six-week hiatus, Cincy WR Nico Collins is finally expected to make his Week 10 return from a hamstring injury. Cincy fans are overjoyed, as are Collins’ fantasy owners who haven’t forgotten him. When asked if he’s 100% ready, Collins said, “Let’s say I’m feeling about… 85% and eager.” The Bagels are crossing their fingers he can stay in one piece, at least until Tuesday’s trade deadline.

Philadelphia’s Trade S.O.S.

Finally, we come to Philadelphia, the team that’s been calling around the league more than a telemarketer during dinner. They’re in the market for a running back, maybe a wide receiver, or basically anyone with two functional legs and hands. “For the love of all that’s holy, just answer them back,” said one league insider. “When Philadelphia can’t get through to someone, guess who gets the call? That’s right, yours truly.” So, if you have a player you don’t need, a first cousin who played high school ball, or just a set of cleats, consider helping Philly out. They’re trying, folks. Really trying.

In a move that has left the IFFL scratching its collective head, Philadelphia and Chicago have agreed to a trade that sends Drake London to the City of Brotherly Love in exchange for Tyler Lockett and Philadelphia's prized 4th-round draft choice. Yes, folks, you read that right—4th round.

Chicago owner Shadd Wright announced the move with enthusiasm: “We’re thrilled to bring in Lockett. I mean, sure, he may not be the flashiest name, but you know what he does? He gets solid, consistent yardage. And let’s be honest, Philly’s 4th-round pick has the magic touch of, well, maybe the third round. A real steal.”

Over in Philly, owner Avan Beaver sounded downright giddy. “We’re bringing in London, baby! It’s only fitting he joins the Dark Side. He’s tall, he’s young, and he has potential! Sure, Lockett’s reliable, but London? He’s got youthful mystery. This guy could be the next big thing… once he figures out how to be the next big thing.

Lockett, ever the professional, responded with class: “Well, I guess I’m a Ditka now. I’ve always wondered what it’s like to play for a team that has more rebuilding phases than a LEGO set, so I’m ready to contribute however I can. Maybe I’ll finally have the chance to run some reversed routes or whatever other surprises Chicago has in store.”

Meanwhile, London was ecstatic about the move, saying, “I mean, Philly’s got Hurts slinging touchdowns, so the potential’s there, right? I’m here to add to the drama. Plus, Philly fans? You guys know they keep it spicy. Can’t wait to see what they yell at me from the stands when I drop my first catch!”

The league office offered a restrained comment: “This is certainly… a trade.” One rival owner put it more bluntly, muttering, “It’s the most Philly thing ever—trade for potential while letting go of reliable production and picks. Classic Dark Side gamble.”

While it’s yet to be seen if this trade will bring Philly any closer to championship glory or if Chicago’s acquired piece will prove reliable, one thing’s for sure: neither team will be short on storylines… or head-scratching decisions.

It seems New Delhi owner Pete Shaunki has thrown caution (and his roster) to the wind, as the Subs continue their legendary quest for future picks with yet another massive roster shakeup, affectionately dubbed "The Bonfire." Shaunki spent the week wheeling and dealing, handing out star players to any takers with a pulse—and some decent draft picks, of course. Let’s recap the madness:

Davante Adams Blazes Over to Chicago

Just days after joining the Subs, Davante Adams found himself repacking his bags. Shaunki dealt the veteran wideout to the Chicago Fightin’ Ditkas for WR Courtland Sutton and Chicago's…drumroll… 4th-round pick.

“It’s like when you buy something on Amazon, then realize you really just wanted a cheaper version of it,” explained Shaunki. “Sutton’s great. And who doesn’t love a 4th-round pick?” Adams, however, was a bit mystified. “This is my fourth flight this week,” he said. “I thought I’d get to settle in New Delhi, but hey, Chicago is known for its…you know…traffic. Should be fun.”

Ditkas owner Shadd Wright was ecstatic. “Look, I traded a 4th-rounder for Davante Adams. At this rate, I’ll have the whole Pro Bowl squad by next season. Thanks, New Delhi!”

Trey McBride Swaps Subs for the Pluckerz

Not to be outdone, Trey McBride also packed his bags for the bonfire, heading to New Whiteland in exchange for TE Jonnu Smith and a 3rd-round pick.

“I knew my time here was short-lived,” McBride said while holding his “Welcome to New Delhi” balloon. “It’s been real, but I guess New Whiteland needs my services now.” Smith, who had just finished unpacking, shrugged, saying, “I just got here, but Pete offered me a nice map of the facility. Very classy.”

Kevin Julbert of the Chicken Pluckerz was all smiles. “Hey, I get McBride and keep my main roster mostly intact. Shaunki’s just out here like Oprah: ‘You get a trade! You get a trade!’ We’re all winning.”

Amari Cooper Goes Full Circle Back to Pittsburgh

In perhaps the most poetic trade, Amari Cooper, who had recently graced the Subs’ roster, has returned to his former home with Pittsburgh. In return, New Delhi gets Rico Dowdle and—gasp—a coveted 1st-round draft pick.

“I’m not even going to unpack this time,” Cooper laughed. “Pittsburgh has my old locker ready. They kept my cleats and everything. It’s like I never left.” Pittsburgh owner Matt Howell chimed in, “Honestly, Amari and I are like two magnets. We just keep finding each other. Thanks, Pete—I think?”

In true Shaunki style, the Subs owner commented on the whirlwind of trades: “It’s all about building for the future. Why hold onto star players when you can hold onto potential star players? I’m talking 4th-round, maybe 5th-round future stars.”

One league rival noted, “It’s like Shaunki is hoarding picks in the hope they’ll hatch into the next Davante or Amari. By 2025, he might have a roster full of ‘potential’ and ‘ifs,’ but hey, who am I to judge?”

As the bonfire smoke clears, one thing is certain: no roster in the IFFL is safe from Pete Shaunki’s grand vision of “future picks over present talent.”

In an IFFL shocker that has left owners everywhere questioning New Delhi's "big picture" strategy, the San Antonio Mexican’ts have acquired superstar tight end Travis Kelce from the New Delhi Subs for…wait for it…a 2025 3rd-round draft pick. Yes, you read that right.

San Antonio owner Tanya Harless, proving she may just be the shrewdest Harless in the family, wasted no time in celebrating her coup. “I thought I was haggling for a new espresso machine with that third-rounder. Didn’t think I’d end up with Travis Kelce,” she laughed. “Honestly, I’m still not sure if it’s real. I’ve checked the paperwork three times, and yep, Kelce is officially a Mexican’t!”

When asked about the trade, Kelce himself sounded equally baffled yet enthusiastic. “Look, I’ll play wherever they want me,” he said, shrugging. “And I hear San Antonio has some pretty incredible BBQ spots, so I’m already looking forward to my first post-game meal. Let’s just hope this time I get more than a season before another random trade kicks me somewhere else.”

As for New Delhi owner Pete Shaunki, the "mastermind" behind the deal, he’s once again collecting future picks like baseball cards. “You can’t put a price on building for the future,” he explained, gazing at a chart labeled ‘2025: The Year of the Subs’. “Some teams want wins now, and some want legacy. I’m going for the latter.”

One anonymous owner commented, “This is like getting a sports car for the price of a go-kart. Either New Delhi has cracked the secret formula of 3rd-round value, or they’re building a whole new strategy on ‘Kelce-less Sundays.’"

Meanwhile, San Antonio fans are thrilled, and Tanya Harless is basking in the glory of pulling off one of the most lopsided trades in IFFL memory. Even her husband, Trevor, South Carolina’s owner, had to admit, “Looks like she’s got the negotiation skills in the family. I just end up with our old players back every other year.”

With Kelce now gearing up to take the field as a Mexican’t, only one question remains: What will New Delhi do with all these future picks? For now, no one knows. But one thing is clear – Tanya Harless just became the MVP of the IFFL trade season.

In a trade that has the entire IFFL scratching their heads (or groaning with déjà vu), the South Carolina Scarecrows welcomed back running back Aaron Jones from the New Delhi Subs in exchange for Dameon Pierce and a 2025 2nd-round pick. For Subs owner Pete Shaunki, this marks another attempt to “rebuild through draft picks” after his ambitious collection of selections in 2024 led to… well, let’s just say, “less-than-desirable” results.

When asked about his game plan, Shaunki grinned. “Look, 2024 was a warm-up. You can never have too many 2nd-round picks. It’s all about having options,” he insisted, flipping through what appeared to be a very well-used guide to “Fantasy Rebuilds for Dummies.”

On the Scarecrows’ side, owner Trevor Harless welcomed Jones back with open arms and a slightly exasperated sigh. “We always knew Aaron had a way of boomeranging back to us. It’s like a family reunion every couple of years,” Harless joked. “But this time, we’ve got the playbook ready to go with his name on every other page.”

As for the players, Jones was ecstatic to return to familiar territory. “Honestly, it’s great to be back in Carolina. I can practically navigate the locker room with my eyes closed at this point,” he laughed. “Plus, it’s always good to be wanted…even if that’s again and again.”

Pierce, newly dispatched to the Subs, had a simpler outlook. “They told me it’s a rebuilding team and that draft picks are the future. All I know is, I’ll be scoring on Sundays while they’re busy collecting for 2025,” he said with a shrug.

With the divisional rivalry heating up, it seems both South Carolina and New Delhi are doubling down on their respective strategies: Harless with his “loyalty to old friends” and Shaunki with his “2nd-round stockpile philosophy.” Whether these moves pay off remains to be seen, but one thing’s for sure—the IFFL just got a little more entertaining.

In a shocking deal reminiscent of a tequila-fueled reunion tour, Tequila Sunrise has brought back their former quarterback, Patrick Mahomes, in a blockbuster trade with Hartford. In exchange, the Whalers receive Justin Herbert and a 2025 2nd round pick. And because the Whalers couldn’t resist the art of negotiation, they sweetened the deal by tossing in their 14th-round pick, which Whalers’ owner Chad Allen described as, “the real value piece here.”

When asked for comment, Allen was positively thrilled. “Look, we got them to take our 14th-round pick. I mean, that’s just next-level GM work. It might as well be highway robbery!”

Meanwhile, Tequila’s owner, Jeff Dixon, rolled his eyes and chuckled, “I didn’t even know there was a 14th round until Allen insisted on adding it. But hey, we get Mahomes back, and in Tequila Sunrise colors where he belongs. That’s worth one imaginary draft pick.”

As for the players, Mahomes is thrilled to return to Tequila after his “extended vacation” in Hartford. “They said I was part of their future in Hartford… turns out they meant for a season or two. But it’s all good; Tequila is where I get to work my magic,” Mahomes said with a grin, raising a bottle of—you guessed it—tequila.

Herbert, on the other hand, was a bit more low-key, saying, “I’ve heard a lot about the ‘Hartford way,’ like that whole scoreboard bit where they show Gilmore Girls reruns in the owner’s box. I’m more of a Breaking Bad guy, but hey, it’s a change of pace.”

This deal sets the stage for the Sunrise, who are clearly all-in on the Mahomes comeback, while Hartford is apparently building their own “revolutionary” system one over-valued pick at a time. Will the trade pay off? If nothing else, Tequila and Hartford are keeping the IFFL spicy.

Pittsburgh QB Lamar Jackson Returns

Good news for Pittsburgh fans (and fantasy managers holding on by a thread): Lamar Jackson is back at practice and, in true Lamar fashion, isn't mincing words. “There’s no chance I don’t play,” he stated confidently, with the kind of assurance that makes you wonder if he’s already forgotten Pittsburgh’s WR situation.

Speculation: With only two healthy wide receivers on the roster, Jackson might need to channel his inner ironman and start throwing to himself. One concerned fan was overheard saying, “Is Lamar going to pull a Tom Brady and start catching his own passes too?”

SA’s DK Metcalf Out

The San Antonio Mexican’ts will have to make do without DK Metcalf this week. When asked about the impact, owner Tanya Harless sighed, “It’s like losing the remote right before a big game—you’ll survive, but nothing is going to feel right.”

Speculation: Without Metcalf, expect the Mexican’ts to funnel their entire game plan through CeeDee Lamb. Prepare for some epic Lamb highlights—or a lot of desperate passes to the sideline.

Taipei Drama: Tee Higgins MIA, Tyreek Hill Back

Taipei’s receiver room continues to keep fans on their toes. WR Tee Higgins missed practice on Friday, sending everyone into a mild panic. However, Tyreek Hill, the speedster himself, is expected to suit up and cause chaos on the field.

Quote from Hill: “They’ll need GPS to keep up with me. I’m ready.”

Speculation: If Higgins doesn’t make it, Hill might have to run circles around the defense for a full 60 minutes.

New Whiteland’s RB Brian Robinson Questionable

RB Brian Robinson is questionable and not expected to play. Owner Kevin Julbert mumbled something about “needing a miracle” and then promptly started scrolling through waiver wire RBs with a look of desperation usually reserved for last-minute holiday shopping.

South Carolina’s Game-Time Decision at QB

South Carolina’s QB Jordan Love is listed as questionable, with owner Trevor Harless describing him as “a true game-time decision.” Word on the street is he’s expected to start, but in the IFFL, that means anything from “he’ll play every snap” to “he’ll show up to wave at the crowd.”

Quote from Love: “It’s 50/50, but I’m leaning toward playing… unless my hamstring has other plans.”

Speculation: If Love can’t go, South Carolina’s offense might be about as reliable as a Wi-Fi connection during a thunderstorm.

Chicago’s Ezekiel Elliott Inactive Due to Disciplinary Actions

In a plot twist nobody saw coming, Chicago’s Ezekiel Elliott won’t be traveling with the team due to “disciplinary actions.” Details are sketchy, but rumors say he may have tried to organize a team-wide pizza party without permission.

Speculation: Chicago might have to rely on its backup RBs—or, given their current state, the team mascot— to generate some sort of running game.

New Delhi WR Amari Cooper Out (Hurt Feelings?)

Amari Cooper is questionable with what insiders are calling “hurt feelings.” While there’s no word on what triggered it, one source hinted it might be related to a snarky comment from a rival owner. “He’s sensitive, okay?” New Delhi’s Pete Shaunki said, trying to dodge questions.

Hartford’s Puka Nacua to Play with an Injured Knee

Hartford’s Puka Nacua is expected to play through a knee injury. “It’s fine, just a little creaky,” Nacua said, giving a thumbs up and hobbling away. Owner Chad Allen, known for his unique motivational tactics, has promised free snacks for every catch Nacua makes.

Cincinnati’s TE T.J. Hockenson Cleared to Play

The Cincinnati Bagels can breathe a little easier: TE T.J. Hockenson is cleared and ready for Week 9 action. When asked how he felt, Hockenson flexed and declared, “Like a lion in a cage. Let me out.”

Speculation: Cincinnati’s offense might get a much-needed boost if Hockenson can channel this energy into something more than a sideline dance routine.

LA’s Backup QB Drake Maye Cleared

Los Angeles backup QB Drake Maye has cleared the concussion protocol after an unfortunate incident last week where an errant Joe Burrow pass turned into a headshot. “All good now,” Maye said, eyeing Burrow suspiciously.

South Carolina’s TE Dallas Goedert and Taipei’s Tyjae Spears Out

South Carolina’s tight end woes continue as Dallas Goedert is officially out, and Taipei’s backfield won’t see Tyjae Spears this week. If you’re a fan of chaos, this week is shaping up to be one for the ages.

In a surprising mid-season shake-up, the Los Angeles Lords and the South Carolina Scarecrows have agreed to a trade that has already set the IFFL rumor mill ablaze. LA is sending wide receiver George Pickens to South Carolina in exchange for wide receiver Quentin Johnston. This move has left fans scratching their heads, coaches raising their eyebrows, and fantasy football analysts frantically updating their spreadsheets.

Jason Beaver, the colorful owner of the Los Angeles Lords, took to social media to announce the trade with his signature flair. “George Pickens was a dynamic talent, but let’s be real, I needed a new project to stress over,” Beaver tweeted, followed by an ambiguous GIF of a roller coaster. When asked for a more detailed explanation, he replied, “Johnston’s got potential, and who doesn’t love a good plot twist mid-season?”

Trevor Harless, owner of the South Carolina Scarecrows, sounded optimistic yet cautious. “We’re excited to bring Pickens into the fold. I’m convinced he’ll thrive in our system—assuming we figure out what our system is. No pressure, George,” Harless joked during a press conference. He added, “This was a calculated risk. Or maybe just a coin flip. Either way, welcome aboard, George.” George Pickens, upon hearing the news, reportedly said, “Time to swap the palm trees for some cornfields. Let’s get it!” Meanwhile, Quentin Johnston expressed mild confusion, stating, “I guess I’m headed to LA? I better work on my West Coast handshakes.”

For LA, acquiring Quentin Johnston means embracing a younger, high-upside wide receiver who has shown flashes of brilliance when not busy being an enigma on the field. Beaver is known for his love of potential, so Johnston fits the bill perfectly. Johnston fans will be eager to see if he flourishes under the bright lights of LA or fades into the background like an extra in a movie.

On the flip side, South Carolina gains George Pickens, a receiver known for circus catches and the occasional sideline tantrum. Harless is hoping Pickens will bring that spark the Scarecrows need to make a push this season—assuming Pickens doesn’t burn down the locker room with his fiery attitude.

Only time will tell which team will come out on top in this swap. Will Pickens lead South Carolina’s offense to glory, or will he get lost in the shuffle like an unpaid intern? Can Johnston find his stride in Los Angeles, or will he join the long list of almost-was receivers?

In a move that has left many IFFL owners shaking their heads, Philadelphia Dark Side owner Avan Beaver is once again ditching his first-round draft pick—this time sending it to the Hartford Whalers in exchange for the services of RB Josh Jacobs and, let’s not forget, Hartford’s prestigious 15th-round draft choice. Yes, that’s right, the Dark Side’s future has been sold…again…for immediate running back help. The "future" is a flexible concept, after all.

This is the third straight year Beaver has parted ways with his first-round pick. In what’s becoming an annual ritual, he’s proven that his approach to the draft could best be summed up as “I’d rather not.” When asked if he’s concerned about not having a first-round pick for nearly the next decade, Beaver shrugged, "First-round picks are for teams that aren’t winning now. I’ve got my sights set on this season—plus, what’s the point of a first-round pick if you don’t use it to make other people jealous?”

The deal comes at a time when Hartford owner Chad Allen seems to be embracing a future-focused approach, stacking high-value picks like he’s in a rebuilding program. “We’re talking premium tanking strategy here,” Allen chuckled. “I get their first-round pick, and only have to add  my 15th rounder. Avan must really love Jacobs—and, well, who am I to stand in the way of true love? But let's be real: next season, Philly will likely call looking to trade my 1st rounder back for a washed-up kicker."

Josh Jacobs, already looking a little shell-shocked at his sudden trade to the Dark Side, put on a brave face. "I mean, it’s a bit jarring to leave a team that’s, you know, somewhat building a future," Jacobs said. "But now I get to be part of Philly's yearly ‘all-in’ scheme. It’s a great feeling when the team gives up everything to get you… for, uh, the rest of the season, at least. Hopefully, I last until Week 10!"

Whispers around the league suggest that owners everywhere are baffled. One anonymous owner (probably from Pittsburgh, because who else) even commented, "Trading your future for a single running back who may or may not improve your playoff odds? That’s a move only Philly could pull off. I’m sure Avan thinks he’s playing chess while the rest of us are just trying to figure out if he’s even playing the same game."

With Jacobs suiting up for Philly’s Dark Side next week, all eyes will be on whether this move can take Beaver’s team to the elusive IFFL championship. And as for that 15th-round pick Hartford managed to keep? Allen plans to draft either "the backup punter from the Patriots" or a “mystery rookie kicker with a cannon of a leg.” After all, that 15th-round pick is practically a steal if you think about it.

Ladies, Gentlemen, and Football Fanatics,

It’s that magical time of year again—no, not pumpkin spice season or Black Friday shopping marathons. It’s the IFFL 2024 Trade Deadline! Circle the date, mark it in your calendars, and, for some of you, let this be a final reminder to pay that phone bill. On November 12 at 11:59 PM sharp, all trade proposals, swap schemes, and desperate pleas will come to a halt.

In other words, Pete Shaunki, this is your LAST CHANCE to swap out every single player on the New Delhi Subs. The inboxes across the league can barely keep up with your requests for new rosters every other day. But hey, after your season so far, I understand the need for reinvention.

Speaking of Non-Communicative Owners…

Some of you are strangely quiet on the trade front (I’m looking at you, Pittsburgh, New Whiteland, Hartford, and Taipei). Let’s get real here—are you planning to actually field a competitive team or are you just ignoring Pete’s calls? Word has it these owners think leaving voicemails on “do not disturb” will keep them safe from Shaunki’s “wholesale roster replacement” packages. But guys, there’s opportunity here! Who knows, a few players from New Delhi might be the missing pieces for a playoff run (or maybe just a run out of mediocrity). So please, pay that phone bill and pick up the call.

Buyers, Sellers, and Window Shoppers

The line’s clearly been drawn this year. There are a few of you in true “buyer” mode, ready to build that dream lineup and make a push for the trophy. And then there are those “sellers” who’ve already started packing it up and looking at the draft prospects, wondering if the future holds anything other than weeks of existential dread.

Who’s actually going to make a move at the deadline? Let’s face it, some of you are dragging your feet and looking more like you're on a team yard sale than in a trade war. Yet, the right trades could propel someone to greatness—or save a season that’s already teetering on the edge. Tabbi’s Kats and Philly Dark Side, this is your time to keep ahead of the curve. And let’s be honest, San Antonio, are you really going to sit quietly and let the dream fade without a solid deadline push?

Plenty of Deals, Just Not Plenty of Courage

It’s a fantasy tradition—the trades that should happen but probably won’t. For every serious offer on the table, there’s another one lurking in the minds of owners who won’t make the leap. Don’t be shy, folks! IFFL trade history suggests that where there’s a good deal, there’s always the potential for a…let’s call it “not-so-great deal.” And if anyone needs extra encouragement, just remember that at least you aren’t in New Delhi’s position, frantically calling each team looking for anything resembling a functioning roster.

So whether you’re diving into the pool of playoff contenders or scrambling to get something, anything, for a player who’s only putting up bench numbers—now’s the time. November 12 will be here before you know it.

Yours in Trade Frenzy,

Commissioner Jeff Dixon IFFL

Philly’s Rookie RB Out – Again, of Course
Philadelphia’s Jonathan Brooks is officially out for the LA game, and it couldn’t come at a worse time. The Dark Side, in case anyone forgot, has never defeated the Lords. "I don’t make the history; I just repeat it," sighed Brooks. Philly owner Avan Beaver noted, “We were really hoping to end the LA curse this week, but without Brooks, we may have to rely on our backup backs…for the fifth time this season.” LA’s Jason Beaver, already smirking, added, “As long as they remember they’re 0-forever, we’ll be just fine.”

Tabbi's RB Likely Playing – Fans Sigh with Relief
Looks like Tabbi's top RB, Derrick Henry, is set to make an appearance this weekend. "I'm ready," Henry grunted, which is the longest statement he’s given all season. Owner Tabbi Brewer is cautiously optimistic, stating, “We’d love to finally put this ‘questionable’ label to rest, but knowing Henry, he’ll probably bulldoze right through it." The Kats need all the help they can get, especially given the brutal schedule ahead.

Dalvin Cook’s Comeback or Final Bow?
Chicago’s Dalvin Cook is reportedly making his season debut this week, hoping to prove he’s not past his prime. “I’m not washed up,” Cook declared, rolling his eyes at every single age-related comment he’s heard this year. Owner Shadd Wright was quick to defend the move: “Cook is as spry as ever, and we’re ready to surprise some folks with this so-called ‘over-the-hill’ back.” We’ll see if Cook brings life to a Chicago squad badly in need of some.

Indy’s Jayden Daniels Trending Toward Playing
Indy fans, hold your breath—Jayden Daniels might be back under center in Week 8. “I’m feeling good, but it’s up to the docs,” Daniels said. Owner  Q iis “cautiously optimistic,” adding, “We’ve got plans for Daniels, but if he takes one wrong hit… well, you get it.” Rumors swirl that if Daniels isn’t 100%, the team might push Tank Bigsby into an even bigger role. Stay tuned!

Cornfield of Honor: South Carolina’s Halftime Extravaganza
South Carolina owner Trevor Harless is going forward with his much-anticipated Cornfield of Honor induction ceremony during halftime of the Domestic Violence Bowl against San Antonio. “We honor greatness and commitment to the team, and yeah, it may not mean anything to anyone else, but that’s okay,” Harless chuckled. The Scarecrows' fans are pumped, but the question remains: will they even notice if their team tanks the second half?

Travis Kelce on the Trade Block, Drama Not Included
New Delhi is reportedly shopping TE Travis Kelce, but it seems the star tight end’s value may be dampened by recent questions. “New Delhi’s been benching him half the season,” one unnamed owner scoffed. “Is he injured? Distracted by Swiftie distractions? I don’t want that stadium circus.” Kelce, however, has a different take: “I can’t help what’s going on around me. I’m here to play, but if a new team thinks they can appreciate me better—let’s go.”

South Carolina RB Jonathan Taylor Ready to Roll
After a brief hiatus, Jonathan Taylor is back in the South Carolina starting lineup, much to the relief of fans who haven’t seen his full potential since the start of the season. “Time to pick up where I left off,” Taylor smirked. With SC’s brutal run game lately, they’re hoping Taylor will be the spark they need. Coach Harless is hopeful: “This is the boost we’ve been waiting for.” Will Taylor be the missing piece in this year’s Domestic Violence Bowl?

New Whiteland WR Michael Pittman Jr. Doubtful
Michael Pittman Jr. may miss Week 8, leaving the Chicken Pluckerz scrambling for viable WR options. Pittman hasn’t commented, but owner Kevin Julbert has made it clear: “If he’s not ready, he’s not ready. Next man up, right?” With New Whiteland’s struggles so far, any setback in the passing game could spell trouble.

Lords Fully Healthy Again, Watch Out
In case anyone thought LA might be faltering, think again. Star WR Chris Olave cleared concussion protocol and is ready for game time, while TE Taysom Hill shrugged off his rib injury and will join the active roster. “I feel great, and I’m ready to show the league what we can do with a full lineup,” Olave said. LA owner Jason Beaver stated confidently, “We’re back at full strength, and that’s bad news for everyone else.”

The Hartford Whalers, once the proud champions of the 2020 IFFL season, are having a rough go of it in 2024. With owner Chad Allen needing what he jokingly calls “a safe space” after each game, the team’s struggles are starting to wear on him. The Whalers, despite having a roster with playoff potential, have found themselves falling short. The biggest culprit? Patrick Mahomes—or, as some fans have started to whisper, “The Artist Formerly Known as Reliable.”

Allen is openly mulling a major move: parting ways with his star quarterback. “Look, Mahomes has given us some amazing moments,” Allen shared, “but if the right offer comes along—a couple of players, maybe a draft pick or two—I’m open to listening.” The Whalers’ brass insists it’s not just a rash reaction to their woes but rather a pragmatic approach to build a consistent future.

Enter Bo Nix, the rookie QB making waves in his JV appearances. “Bo’s got that spark we need,” Allen stated. “He’s a kid who brings excitement to every play, and we need that kind of energy on Sundays.” With Nix showing promise, the team’s front office has to decide: Is it time to bet on youth, or will they double down on the veteran they know?

The truth is, the Whalers have the pieces to be a playoff contender. They have talent at key positions, but without consistency under center, it’s a ship that might not sail straight. “The guys are frustrated, and I don’t blame them,” Allen admitted. “We’ve got a championship-caliber team here, but we need that consistent QB play. Whether it’s Mahomes finding his form again or Bo stepping up, we’ll make it work.”

For now, the Whalers are sending out feelers. Could Mahomes be the piece to set another team’s playoff dreams ablaze? For the right compensation, Allen might just be willing to find out. As they say in the IFFL, the only certainty is that nothing is certain—except that Chad Allen will be pacing the owner’s box, wondering if his future lies in youth or if his veteran star can still steer the ship.

Los Angeles Lords: WR Ricky Pearsall Set to Make Debut

Fifty days after being shot, WR Ricky Pearsall is expected to make his debut for the Los Angeles Lords this week. "I’m just grateful to be alive and back on the field. I’ve worked hard to get here," Pearsall said. Coach Jason Beaver added, “We’ve been waiting for this moment. Pearsall’s return adds depth to our receiving corps, and we expect big things.” The Lords will be hoping Pearsall’s return is the spark they need to turn their season around, though some in the league are skeptical of his impact right off the bat.

New Delhi Subs: RB Kenneth Walker Downgraded to Doubtful

Kenneth Walker has been downgraded to doubtful due to an illness. "It’s frustrating, man. I want to be out there with my teammates, but this bug got me," Walker said. New Delhi owner Pete Shaunki commented, "Just another day in paradise for the Subs. We’re cursed this season, but we'll make do.” With Walker’s potential absence, the Subs will have to scramble for a replacement, likely relying more on Kyren Williams, who has had a strong start to the season.

South Carolina Scarecrows: WR Mike Evans a Game-Time Decision

Mike Evans, dealing with a hamstring injury, is a game-time decision for the South Carolina Scarecrows. “I’ll give it my best shot, but we have to be smart,” Evans remarked. Meanwhile, Jonathan Taylor and Dallas Goedert are officially out with ankle injuries. “Losing JT and Dallas hurts, but we’ve got depth,” said owner Trevor Harless. “Or so I tell myself at night when the tears come.” If Evans sits, the Scarecrows’ chances against Tabbi’s Kats look even slimmer.

Celebrity Sighting: Donald Trump to Attend Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls vs. Taipei Personality

In a surprising twist, presidential candidate Donald Trump is slated to attend the Pittsburgh vs. Taipei game as a guest of a suiteholder. “Great game, great people. I love fantasy football,” Trump reportedly said. An unnamed source revealed, “We’re expecting mixed reactions, but it’s Pittsburgh, so it should be fun.” The Peanut Butter Balls’ owner Matt Howell was unavailable for comment, likely preparing security for the crowd. Will Trump’s presence motivate Pittsburgh, or is it just another distraction?

Cincinnati Bagels: TE T.J. Hockenson Downgraded to Out

Bad news for Cincinnati as TE T.J. Hockenson has been officially ruled out. “It’s tough. We were banking on him this week,” said Cincinnati owner Les Paul Couch. Hockenson himself stated, “I hate missing time, but I have to focus on recovery.” Cincinnati will need to adjust its game plan quickly, and this could be a prime opportunity for Evan Engram to shine.

San Antonio Mexican'ts: RB Nick Chubb Activated for LA Game

Good news for San Antonio as star RB Nick Chubb has been activated and is ready to go against Los Angeles. “I’m back, and I’m hungry,” Chubb declared, looking determined. Tanya Harless, owner of the Mexican’ts, commented, “We need this win, and having Nick back is huge. LA better watch out.” Chubb’s return significantly boosts San Antonio’s chances as they try to keep pace in the competitive Western Division.

Indy Animals: WR Marvin Harrison Jr. Cleared Concussion Protocol

WR Marvin Harrison Jr. has cleared the concussion protocol and is expected to play for the Indy Animals. "Feeling good and ready to get back out there," Harrison said. Indy’s owner, Kevin ‘Q’ Ryburn, noted, “It’s a relief to have Marvin back; he’s a game-changer for us.” With Harrison healthy, Indy looks to continue its push at the top of the Central Division alongside Tabbi’s Kats.

Taipei Personality: WR Malik Nabers and RB James Cook to Play; RB Ray Davis Questionable

Taipei received a boost with WR Malik Nabers clearing concussion protocol and RB James Cook declaring his availability for this week’s game. “I’m good to go, and I’m pumped to help the team,” Nabers said. Cook echoed, “Ready to put in work.” However, RB Ray Davis remains questionable. Owner Andrew Wang commented, “We’ve had a rough few weeks with injuries, but we’re hoping these returns will give us an edge against Pittsburgh.” With key pieces back, Taipei looks poised for a competitive showdown.

In a blockbuster trade announcement, the New Delhi Subs and New Whiteland Chicken Pluckerz have once again shaken up the IFFL landscape. The deal sends QB Daniel Jones and WR Davante Adams from New Whiteland to New Delhi in exchange for QB Kirk Cousins and the Subs’ 3rd round draft pick. This move marks a significant shakeup for both teams, but it hasn’t come without its fair share of controversy.

This isn’t the first time Adams has been involved in a trade between these two teams. In 2023, New Delhi shipped Adams to New Whiteland in a deal that had everyone talking. Now, he finds himself back in a Subs uniform, leaving many around the league questioning the legitimacy of the transactions. “I mean, is this Madden or the IFFL?” quipped one unnamed owner. “They just keep passing the same players back and forth like we’re not paying attention.”

Another anonymous IFFL owner didn’t hold back. “This is the most obvious case of collusion I’ve seen in years. Are we supposed to believe that New Whiteland suddenly needs Cousins, and Adams just ‘happens’ to be on the market again? It’s a joke. Someone needs to investigate this.”

Subs owner Pete Shaunki defended the move, claiming it was the right choice to revitalize his struggling 1-5 squad. “Look, we needed a spark. Daniel Jones offers us mobility at the QB position that Cousins just doesn’t. And bringing back a guy like Davante? He’s a playmaker, plain and simple. We’re excited.”

When asked about the optics of the trade, Shaunki shrugged. “People will talk, but we’re trying to win games here. We’re not interested in conspiracy theories.”

Davante Adams, who was just starting to settle into his role with the Chicken Pluckerz, expressed his surprise at the move. “I mean, I thought I was set with New Whiteland, but I guess it’s business as usual. At the end of the day, I just want to play and win. If New Delhi believes in me, I’m all in.”

Meanwhile, New Whiteland owner Kevin Julbert pushed back against accusations of collusion. “We’re just looking for what fits best for our team,” he said. “Kirk brings a veteran presence, and we need a steady hand at QB. The 3rd round pick helps us build for the future. It’s that simple.”

Julbert’s explanation did little to quell the outrage among some IFFL owners. “They’re either the worst GMs in the league or they’re in on something together,” one unnamed source fumed. “It’s insulting how blatant this is.”

Daniel Jones, who has struggled so far this season, seemed optimistic about the trade. “I think a fresh start will be good for me. New Delhi has a lot of talent, and I’m looking forward to working with the guys.”

Kirk Cousins, meanwhile, remained professional but seemed puzzled by the trade. “I didn’t see it coming, honestly. But I’m excited to play for New Whiteland and hopefully turn things around for them.”

The trade has already sparked rumors that the league office might look into the transaction. “We’ll be reviewing all aspects of this trade to ensure its fairness and adherence to league rules,” said a spokesperson for the IFFL.

Unnamed owners have voiced their dissatisfaction with the IFFL’s handling of these recurring trades between New Delhi and New Whiteland. “What’s it going to take for someone to step in and stop these two from bending the rules? This is starting to look like an inside job,” one owner claimed.

As the dust settles, one thing is clear: this trade, legitimate or not, has ruffled feathers around the league. Whether it will help New Delhi turn their season around remains to be seen, but with the scrutiny already mounting, the pressure is on both teams to prove this deal wasn’t just another case of “friend favors.”

In yet another attempt to breathe life into their ailing roster, the New Delhi Subs have shipped off RB James Conner (currently sidelined with an ankle injury) to the Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls in exchange for WR Amari Cooper. Now, on paper, this move might seem like a sensible adjustment for the 1-5 Subs, but let’s face it—does it really change anything?

Subs owner Pete Shaunki expressed some optimism despite the trade being, well, a band-aid on a broken leg. “We wish James all the best as he heads to Pittsburgh. He’s been a warrior for us, but with the injury, it was time to shake things up. We’re excited to welcome Amari and hope he can bring some stability to our receiving corps.”

Meanwhile, Pittsburgh owner Matt Howell appeared quite pleased with the swap. “James Conner is a fighter, and we’re looking forward to having him on our squad once he’s healthy. Amari was great for us, but sometimes you have to roll the dice.”

While the move adds another notable name to New Delhi’s receiving corps, one has to wonder if bringing in a WR whose inconsistency is well-documented is the answer. Cooper has his moments, but how many of those will translate into wins for a team that’s already struggling to piece together anything resembling momentum?

At the end of the day, it feels like another lateral move for the Subs, who seem to be throwing darts at the board in hopes something sticks. Whether this trade will actually help them salvage their season remains to be seen—though history suggests otherwise.

In a move that has the IFFL scratching their heads and raising their eyebrows, the Hartford Whalers have traded injured WR Nico Collins to the Cincinnati Bagels in exchange for RB Tony Pollard. Yes, you read that right—Hartford just shipped off a guy with a bum hamstring for one of the league’s productive backs. Who’s the real winner here? Well, it depends on who you ask.

Hartford owner Chad Allen was quick to address the media with a grin: “We’re sad to see Nico go, but, you know, injuries are a part of the game. We appreciate his service to the team—both in the games he played and the time he spent rehabbing on our dime. In exchange, we’re thrilled to welcome Tony Pollard to the team, and we promise to use him like Cincinnati should have: effectively.”

Les Paul Couch, owner of the Cincinnati Bagels, took a more optimistic tone, clearly trying to justify the transaction. “Look, Nico’s a talented player—when he’s healthy. We’re playing the long game here. Sure, he’s got a hamstring injury, but who doesn’t? We believe in his potential and expect him to make an impact as soon as he, you know, can run again.”

Hartford’s social media team posted a heartfelt farewell video for Collins, featuring slow-motion highlights of his “best” moments—which mostly included sitting on the sideline, stretching with trainers, and catching passes from the JUGS machine. The caption read: “Thank you, Nico! Good luck with your recovery...and with Cincinnati!”

Meanwhile, Pollard’s arrival in Hartford was met with enthusiasm, as Whalers fans took to Twitter, jokingly calling it “the steal of the century” and “a gift from the IFFL gods.” One fan posted, “I’m not sure who’s running the Bagels’ front office, but we should send them a fruit basket for this one!”

The only question now: will Nico Collins actually see the field this season, or has Cincinnati just traded a perfectly good running back for a future slot on the IR? Time will tell. Stay classy Hartford, stay classy.

Charleston, SC - In a truly historic, self-proclaimed moment of greatness, Trevor Harless, long-time owner of the South Carolina Scarecrows, will induct none other than himself into the prestigious “Cornfield of Honor” during Week 8 of the IFFL season. Harless will now stand proudly alongside Scarecrows’ legends like Peyton Manning, Marvin Harrison, Edgerrin James, and the esteemed Marion Barber III, all of whom were reportedly thrilled by the owner’s entry.

“It’s about time,” Harless said, adjusting a sash that read “Greatest of All Time” as he stood in a field of literal corn stalks, hoisting a golden scarecrow trophy above his head. “Look at what I’ve done. Two championships, countless trades, and absolutely no one can match my genius on draft day. I’m the Peyton Manning of owners, but better. This is the honor I deserve.”

When asked about inducting himself, Harless added, “Who else was going to do it? Certainly not these other owners. I had to take matters into my own hands — much like I do with my team every week.”

Reaction from the Cornfield Legends

Peyton Manning, who was inducted into the Cornfield of Honor years ago after winning Harless his first IFFL title, seemed unsure of how to react. “I’ve been in some awkward situations before,” Manning said, “but watching Trevor give himself a trophy in a cornfield takes the cake. Still, the guy does have a couple of rings, so maybe he’s onto something… or maybe it’s the corn talking.”

Marvin Harrison, another Scarecrows legend, was a bit more cryptic. “Trevor is… certainly something. He never dropped a pass. Mainly because he never threw one,” Harrison said, adding, “I mean, what’s a Cornfield of Honor without a little self-congratulation?”

Even the always-reliable Edgerrin James chimed in from somewhere within the rows of corn. “Look, Harless is good,” James said, visibly confused about why he was standing in a cornfield, “but I never inducted myself into anything, and I ran for 10,000 yards. But hey, whatever floats his tractor.”

League Reactions to the Self-Induction

Of course, the rest of the IFFL owners couldn’t let this go without commentary.

Pete Shaunki, owner of the New Delhi Subs, was less than impressed. “Is this real? I mean, Trevor already acts like he’s better than the rest of us. He didn’t need a whole ceremony to prove it,” Shaunki said, rolling his eyes. “I bet he’s building a corn-themed trophy case next. At this point, nothing surprises me.”

Meanwhile, Jason Beaver, owner of the Los Angeles Lords, took a more sarcastic approach. “Oh, wow, congratulations to Trevor Harless for being… Trevor Harless? I didn’t know self-induction was an option. Next thing you know, I’ll be inducting myself into the ‘Hall of Lords’ for surviving three weeks without a win.”

But perhaps the most biting critique came from Jeff Dixon, owner of the Tequila Sunrise. “Trevor loves himself more than his team loves touchdowns. I mean, inducting yourself? That’s next-level ego. Can I induct myself into the ‘Ranch of Respect’ while we’re at it?”

The Ceremony

The ceremony itself was a spectacle. A custom-built stage (made of corn, naturally) was set up on Harless’ family farm, where league owners and his Cornfield of Honor guests were invited to bask in his self-perceived glory. An “Emperor of the Scarecrows” robe, complete with corn stalk embroidery, was presented to Harless, who graciously accepted it while nodding solemnly at his reflection in the Cornfield Hall’s freshly polished mirror.

Marion Barber III, the often-overlooked but always reliable Scarecrow legend, gave Harless a heartfelt, if slightly bewildered nod. “He deserves it, I guess,” Barber mumbled. “This corn is nice, though.”

Harless on His Greatness

When asked to summarize why he thought this honor was necessary, Harless didn’t hold back. “Look at the players I’ve drafted, the trades I’ve made. I’ve inspired the next generation of owners with my greatness,” Harless said. “And now, my legacy is literally set in corn. My competitors can only dream of reaching my level.”

As the sun set over the cornfield, Harless looked out, his golden scarecrow trophy glimmering in the twilight. “This is what football is all about,” he said quietly. “Honoring the best, by the best.”

As for the rest of the IFFL owners, well, they’re just waiting to see what sort of ceremony Trevor comes up with for himself next year.

As we head into Week 3 of the IFFL, two matchups have risen to the top of the power rankings, featuring the last remaining undefeated teams. The Hartford Whalers travel to face the South Carolina Scarecrows, while the Tequila Sunrise head to Indy to take on the Animals. The trash talk is heating up, injuries are lingering, and egos are flaring. This is must-watch football.

Hartford Whalers (2-0) @ South Carolina Scarecrows (2-0)

The Whalers, fresh off an impressive 2-0 start, are looking to keep their momentum rolling as they face the always dangerous South Carolina Scarecrows. Patrick Mahomes, the Whalers' golden boy, has been electric so far this season, but his love for Hartford might be growing a little too strong.

"I love playing in Hartford," Mahomes said in a mid-week press conference. "Honestly, I could see myself spending the rest of my career here. I mean, who wouldn’t want to play in front of fans who care more about Gilmore Girls reruns on the jumbotron than the game itself?"

Whalers owner Allen, never one to shy away from drama, chimed in with his own unique perspective.

“We know South Carolina's got a scary lineup,” Allen said while sending a bitmoji of him slapping a fish out of South Carolina owner Trevor Harless's hand. “But we’ve got Patrick freaking Mahomes! We’ll be binge-watching season 5 of Gilmore Girls while Mahomes is throwing TDs in between commercial breaks.”

South Carolina, meanwhile, remains confident despite dealing with an injury to star quarterback Jordan Love. Love, who’s been the heart of the Scarecrows’ offense, might miss another game, but he’s optimistic about returning sooner rather than later.

“I’m doing everything I can to get back on the field,” said Love, who appeared on Zoom with his knee in a brace while eating tofu chicken nuggets. “If Trevor can find a way to suit me up, I’ll be there. If not… well, I’ll be playing Madden and imagining I’m still out there. Either way, Hartford’s going down.”

Harless, keeping it cool, shrugged off concerns about his quarterback situation.

"I don’t need a fully healthy Love to beat Allen,” Harless quipped. “We’re the Scarecrows, not the Cuddly Bears. Our defense will handle Mahomes while our offense chews up that Whalers secondary like Gilmore Girls episodes during a Hartford timeout.

Tequila Sunrise (2-0) @ Indy Animals (2-0)

The other undefeated clash features the Tequila Sunrise traveling to face the Indy Animals, where tensions between quarterbacks are at an all-time high. Tequila has been a surprise contender this season, led by Justin Herbert, who’s been lighting up defenses like a summer block party. Meanwhile, Indy’s owner Kevin ‘Q’ Ryburn is facing some drama in his QB room as Trevor Lawrence—who’s not even starting—has been airing out his grievances.

"Jayden Daniels? Really?" Lawrence said in an impromptu Twitter rant. "I’m over here with the best hair in the league, and I’m sitting behind Jayden Daniels? No offense, Jayden, but I’m better than you and I’ll prove it soon.”

Ryburn, however, had a different take.

"Look, I get it," said Ryburn while adjusting his Bears cap. "Trevor’s got the flow, but we’re here to win games, not hair contests. Daniels is the guy right now because he’s mobile, smart, and less concerned about shampoo commercials.”

Tequila Sunrise owner Jeff Dixon is laser-focused on keeping his team rolling, but even he couldn’t resist throwing shade at Indy’s QB controversy.

“Hey, as long as Herbert’s throwing dimes, I don’t care what Indy’s doing over there,” Dixon said while sipping a margarita on his porch. “But if Lawrence wants to go full ‘Real Housewives of the IFFL’ drama, I’ll be watching.”

Predictions & Bold Claims

As the undefeated teams face off, it’s clear that these matchups are bigger than just football—they’re personal.

Harless boldly claimed: “The Whalers are just a side story, like one of those Gilmore Girls episodes where nothing really happens but everyone acts like it's a big deal. We’re the main event.”

Allen fired back, saying, “Hartford’s been running this league longer than some of these guys have been tying their shoes. South Carolina better bring their A-game—or more accurately, their A quarterback—if they want to hang with us.”

Indy’s Ryburn kept it simple when asked about the Tequila game: "We’re 2-0 for a reason. Bring on the Sunrise."

Dixon closed with a toast: "To staying undefeated and making Indy wish they’d never let Lawrence watch from the bench.”

Two matchups, four teams, and only two will keep their perfect records intact after Week 3. Grab your popcorn, folks—it’s going to be a wild ride!

San Antonio, TX – In what can only be described as a minor “ankle-tastrophe,” San Antonio Mexican’ts star wide receiver CeeDee Lamb was absent from practice today after rolling his ankle during a team workout. The injury, while not deemed serious, has sparked mild panic among fantasy football managers and local fans alike.

Lamb, however, quickly downplayed the situation. “Look, I might have rolled it stepping off the treadmill, but I’m good. Ain’t no way I’m missing any game action,” Lamb said with a grin. “I’ll be there Sunday, doing what I do – catching passes and scoring touchdowns.”

Mexican’ts owner Tanya Harless took a more measured approach, issuing a statement that could best be described as cautiously optimistic. “We’re taking it day by day, but we expect CeeDee to be just fine. He’s tough, and if anyone can bounce back from a little ankle twist, it’s him. We’ve got plenty of ice, and he’s already got a comfy seat on the bench – for now.”

Despite the minor setback, all signs point to Lamb taking the field this weekend as the Mexican’ts look to continue their winning ways. “If I can run my mouth, I can run routes,” Lamb added with a wink before hobbling off the interview stage with a slight limp, but plenty of swagger.

Taipei, Taiwan – In a turn of events as swift and unpredictable as Tyreek Hill himself, the Taipei Personality’s star wide receiver was arrested this morning on his way to the stadium, leaving fans, coaches, and local traffic cops equally stunned. Hill, renowned for turning defenders into bewildered spectators, took his talents to the streets in an attempt to beat rush hour traffic — and apparently, a few red lights, too.

Hill was spotted weaving through downtown Taipei at breakneck speeds, prompting a high-speed chase that played out like the world’s least efficient game of tag. Authorities reported that Hill was clocked at speeds “well beyond legal limits,” with some officers even admitting they struggled to keep up. “We’re used to chasing people on mopeds,” said one breathless officer. “But this guy? He made us look like we were standing still.”

Hill’s justification for the reckless driving? “Man, I’m just trying to get to work on time. You know what it’s like out here? These streets are more crowded than a Black Friday sale!” Hill shouted, sporting his full game gear as officers handcuffed him on the hood of his Maserati. “I was open, but I guess I wasn’t free.”

The arrest threw the Taipei Personality’s game preparations into chaos, as owner Andrew Wang scrambled to figure out how to replace Hill’s blazing speed and game-breaking ability with, well, anyone else on the roster.

“First of all, we don’t have anyone else who even knows how to run that fast, let alone evade an entire defensive unit—or in this case, the Taipei Police Department,” Wang said, visibly flustered as he shuffled through emergency plays on his tablet. “We were already down our top cornerback, and now this? I didn’t sign up for a live-action ‘Grand Theft Auto’ simulator before kickoff!”

Hill, who was released on bail with just minutes to spare before the game, strutted into the stadium still wearing the ankle monitor and a grin that said, “Yeah, I did that.” Taipei fans roared in approval, proving that even a brush with the law couldn’t slow down their Cheetah.

“It’s all good, y’all. I got my reps in dodging those cops; now I’m ready to dodge some defenders,” Hill joked to reporters while slipping on his gloves and already scanning the field like a kid eyeing the last slice of pizza. “Hey, it’s just another day in the life of Tyreek. Sometimes you gotta run from DBs, sometimes from the cops. Either way, I’m getting to the end zone.”

New Whiteland, IN – It was supposed to be a triumphant season opener for the South Carolina Scarecrows, but instead, the team and its fans are nursing broken hearts after star quarterback Jordan Love suffered an apparent lower leg injury at the end of the first quarter against the New Whiteland Chicken Pluckerz. What began as a hopeful march toward victory quickly turned into a limp of despair, with the Scarecrows leading 12-6 after 1 quarter.

Love was able to limp off the field with help following the controversial hit that left Scarecrows Owner Trevor Harless seething in the owners box.

“That was the dirtiest hit I’ve seen since my wife’s Mexican’ts jersey made it into the wash with my lucky socks,” Harless fumed, wiping sweat from his brow in his suite that somehow smelled faintly of rage and hot dogs. “You call that football? No, that’s WWE with helmets. I’ve already got calls out to every QB in this league. If we need to trade, we’ll trade. Hell, I’ll sign Johnny Manziel if it means we don’t have to deal with that kind of nonsense again.”

With Love out 260 yards and 2 TD’s, Derek Carr, who is expected to start going forward, is not most teams first choice even though he is the reigning IFFL Super Bowl winning QB.

“Listen, I didn’t come here to watch the fourth season of ‘Lost’ happen in real life,” Carr said, throwing his hands up in disbelief. “But here we are, and I’m ready to step up. We’ve got a lot of season left and plenty of chicken to pluck.”

Love, ever the optimist even from the back of a medical cart, was visibly emotional but offered some words of hope between bites of the game’s half-time orange slices.

“Man, I’ve been hit harder by my little sister in backyard ball,” Love said, attempting to chuckle through obvious pain. “But this one’s got me good. I just felt something pop like an overripe grape, and I knew it wasn’t gonna be good. I’ve got faith in Derek and the guys, though. We’ll bounce back from this, even if I’m bouncing on one leg for a while.”

However, if Harless’ in-game tirade is any indication, the Scarecrows won’t be staying put at the QB position for long. Harless hinted that the team is exploring options to bring in another quarterback, potentially shaking up the roster in a bid to salvage what’s left of a season that already feels like it’s hanging by a thread.

2024 Outlook for the Lords: Defending Champions Eye Repeat

Los Angeles, CA - As the reigning champions of the Indiana Fantasy Football League (IFFL), the Los Angeles Lords enter the 2024 season with the weight of expectations and the excitement of building on last year's success. With a roster packed with talent, strategic trades, and a mix of proven veterans and potential breakout stars, the Lords are poised to make another deep playoff run. Here’s a closer look at what to expect from the defending champs this season.

The Lords have solidified their quarterback position with Joe Burrow, who continues to be the cornerstone of their offense. Burrow’s connection with star wideouts Justin Jefferson and Ja’Marr Chase is a nightmare for opposing defenses, and his calm demeanor under pressure makes him one of the league's top  quarterbacks.

While the Lords lack a clear-cut RB1, they boast a committee of running backs capable of producing solid fantasy points. Gus Edwards is expected to be the most reliable option, particularly in goal-line situations. Antonio Gibson, though inconsistent in the past, has the dual-threat ability to rack up yards both on the ground and through the air. Khalil Herbert showed flashes last season and could emerge as a key contributor if given the opportunity.

The Lords’ wide receiver corps is the envy of the league, headlined by the dynamic duo of Justin Jefferson and Ja’Marr Chase. Jefferson, coming off an injury plagued season, is a target magnet and the focal point of the Lords passing game. Chase, acquired via a blockbuster trade in 2023, brings elite playmaking ability and a strong rapport with Joe Burrow.

George Pickens, acquired in another strategic trade, offers a physical presence and red-zone threat, adding another layer of danger to the Lords’ passing attack. Jameson Williams, a speedster with big-play potential, and rookie Ricky Pearsall provide depth and upside, giving the Lords one of the most formidable wide receiver groups in the IFFL.

The Los Angeles Lords have all the pieces in place for another deep playoff run. While the competition will be fierce, the combination of star power, depth, and strategic foresight makes the Lords a strong favorite to hoist the Donnie Riesbeck Memorial Trophy once again in 2024.

Cincinnati Bagels Championship Run; Take 2

Cincinnati, OH - After a historic 2023 season, the Cincinnati Bagels are primed for a championship run in 2024. Finishing with a 10-4 record in 2023 and falling just short in the IFFL Super Bowl, the Bagels are now eyeing nothing less than the ultimate prize. With a roster stacked with elite talent and a proven track record, the path to the title has never been clearer—or more critical.

The Bagels have a solid foundation at quarterback with C.J. Stroud, who has shown he's a franchise cornerstone, and Sam Darnold, a capable backup. Stroud’s performance will be crucial, as his development into a top-tier QB could be the difference between victory and defeat.

The backfield is one of the strongest in the league. Christian McCaffrey, who is protected, is a game-changer with his dual-threat ability. He’s complemented by Breece Hall, another protected back who has shown great promise. David Montgomery and Tony Pollard round out a deep and versatile RB corps. This quartet provides both reliability and explosiveness, making the Bagels’ ground game formidable.

The receiving corps is brimming with talent. Jaylen Waddle, a dynamic playmaker, and Jordan Addison, a promising rookie, form a potent 1-2 punch. Veteran Adam Thielen brings experience and reliability, while Gabriel Davis and Darnell Mooney offer additional depth. Odell Beckham Jr., though recovering from injuries, could be the wildcard who adds an extra layer of unpredictability and excitement.

The Bagels’ 2023 season was a testament to their potential, with a memorable Super Bowl appearance where they ultimately fell short to the Los Angeles Lords. The team’s high-scoring offense and robust defense will be tested again this season, and any shortcomings from last year must be addressed. The primary goal for 2024 is clear: win the championship.

With a roster brimming with star power and depth, the Bagels are well-equipped for a deep playoff run. The offense, led by Stroud and McCaffrey, will be a force to be reckoned with, while the defense needs to step up to ensure that high-scoring games don’t become high-stress scenarios.

The 2024 season is set up for the Bagels to make a statement. They have the talent, the experience, and the drive to not just reach the Super Bowl but to win it. Anything less than a championship would be a disappointment for a team that has the pieces to secure its first IFFL title. It’s championship or bust for the Cincinnati Bagels in 2024, and the city is ready to celebrate a long-awaited victory.

Los Angeles, CA - Ricky Pearsall, WR for the Los Angeles Lords, has been released from the hospital and is expected to make a full recovery. The bullet passed through his chest and exited out the back, fortunately missing any major organs. His status for the season remains undetermined at this time. The shooter has been arrested, and while many IFFL owners have voiced their support for Pearsall, Hartford Whalers owner Chad Allen still has not released a comment on the incident despite his previous statements on gun rights.

Championship or Bust for the New Whiteland Chicken Pluckerz

New Whiteland, IN - After a stellar 10-4 season that saw the New Whiteland Chicken Pluckerz secure the IFFL Central Division title, expectations are sky-high for the 2024 campaign. With the team’s new owner, Kevin Julbert, taking the helm and relocating the franchise from Austin, the pressure is on to deliver a championship and restore the team’s legacy of excellence. Here's a comprehensive look at why this season is championship or bust for the Pluckerz.

Tua Tagovailoa (Protected) remains the cornerstone of the Pluckerz’ offense. After an impressive 2023 season, Tagovailoa’s ability to stay healthy and continue his high level of performance will be crucial. The addition of Kyler Murray provides a dynamic backup option and an intriguing potential for a dual-quarterback strategy, adding depth and versatility to the position.

The Pluckerz boast a powerful and well-rounded backfield. Isiah Pacheco (Protected) is the clear lead back, known for his explosive plays and reliability. Zach Charbonnet, Brian Robinson, and Jordan Mason provide excellent depth and flexibility. This quartet can handle various game situations, from grinding out tough yards to breaking away for long runs. With such a deep and talented group, the running game is poised to be a major strength for New Whiteland.

The receiving corps is nothing short of spectacular. Davante Adams (Protected) is a top-tier talent who can dominate any matchup, while Michael Pittman, Rome Odunze, Mike Williams, and Jerry Jeudy offer a plethora of receiving options. Each of these receivers brings unique skills to the table, creating mismatches and opportunities for Tagovailoa and Murray. The depth and talent at wide receiver ensure that the Pluckerz will be a potent aerial threat.

Kevin Julbert’s acquisition of the Pluckerz from the highly successful Derek Hamilton, in 2010, signifies a fresh chapter for the franchise. The move from Austin hasn’t dampened the team’s competitive spirit, but it has placed a huge responsibility on Julbert’s shoulders. A team with a rich history, including five IFFL championships, with the last one coming back in 2008. The Pluckerz have consistently been a formidable force, and Julbert’s challenge is to return them to their former glory.

The Pluckerz’ 2023 season ended in disappointment with a semi-final loss to division rivals the Cincinnati Bagels. This year, anything short of a championship will be considered a letdown. The team’s roster is built for success, with top-tier talent at every position and a roster that can compete at the highest level.

The combination of a well-rounded offense, a stable of talented running backs, an elite receiving corps, and a solid defense sets the stage for a championship run. With the weight of historical success and the pressure to deliver under new ownership, the 2024 season is all about living up to expectations. For the New Whiteland Chicken Pluckerz, it’s simple: win the championship or face a season of unmet potential.

Scarecrows Get Back to Work, Searching for Number 3

Charleston, SC - The South Carolina Scarecrows are primed and ready for a stellar 2024 season, uoyed by a solid roster and a burning desire to secure their third IFFL championship. After finishing the 2023 season with an impressive 8-6 record and claiming the IFFL East Division title, the Scarecrows are set to build on their success and push for the ultimate prize.

The quarterback position is stacked with talent. Jordan Love, Derek Carr, and Michael Penix Jr. offer a versatile and dynamic trio. Love and Carr bring experience and leadership, while Penix Jr. adds a high-upside option. This depth ensures that the Scarecrows have a quarterback to match any game situation, increasing their chances of making deep playoff runs.

The wide receiver corps is nothing short of stellar. With Stefon Diggs, Mike Evans, and DeAndre Hopkins leading the charge, the Scarecrows boast one of the most formidable receiving units in the league. Rashid Shaheed, Josh Downs, and Quentin Johnston add youthful energy and playmaking ability, creating a well-rounded and explosive receiving group that can strike fear into any defense. Dallas Goedert and Luke Musgrave give the Scarecrows a strong tight end duo.

A unique and personal highlight of the season is the annual Domestic Violence Bowl, where the Scarecrows face off against the San Antonio Mexican'ts, managed by Harless’s wife, Tanya. This matchup is always a thrilling and emotional contest, adding an extra layer of excitement and motivation for the Scarecrows.

As the 2024 season kicks off, the South Carolina Scarecrows are a team to watch. With a potent roster, excellent management, and a clear goal of achieving their third IFFL championship, the Scarecrows are poised for a successful and memorable season. Fans should buckle up for a thrilling ride as South Carolina looks to cement its legacy in the IFFL.

Tabbi's Kats Season Full of "Promise"

Tiskiwa, IL - Well, well, well, if it isn’t Tabbi Brewer’s Kats, poised for yet another season of what will undoubtedly be a whirlwind of emotional highs and lows. After finishing with a respectable 8-6 record last year, claiming 3rd place in the IFFL Central Division, the Kats are ready to take another swing at the playoffs. And if history is any guide, we can expect them to be as consistent as ever—just not necessarily in the ways they might hope.

Tabbi's QB room features a blend of reliability and nostalgia. Josh Allen, her protected star, is coming off another stellar season. No surprises there—Allen’s consistency is as dependable as it is predictable. Matthew Stafford is the backup, proving that even if you’re a one-time champion, there’s always room for some vintage flair. Stafford might be the seasoned vet with a Super Bowl ring, but it remains to be seen if he’ll be anything more than a backup with a few good stories from the good old days.

In the backfield, Derrick Henry and D'Andre Swift are the protected stars. Henry’s monstrous presence is well-known, though one wonders if his age might start to show this season—after all, even Titans eventually wear down. Swift, meanwhile, is hoping for more stability than his injury-ridden past has provided. Chuba Hubbard and Bucky Irving fill out the depth chart, and while they offer potential, their ability to deliver when needed most is still a question mark.

The Kats’ receiving corps is a mix of promising and somewhat unproven talent. Deebo Samuel is a solid asset—when he’s not injured, of course. Rashee Rice and Keenan Allen provide some intriguing potential. Allen’s experience is admirable, but age and injuries might start to be a factor. Rice’s promise is evident, but let’s be honest, he’s still in the proving phase.

So, as the Kats embark on this new season, there’s a lot of hope mixed with cautious optimism. Brewer’s knack for playoff appearances is admirable, but repeating past success is never a given. She and Tanya Harless will once again clash in the Fine Lady Game—an annual tradition that, let’s face it, adds a bit of extra spice to an otherwise routine season.

With a tendency to taunt the Los Angeles Lords with Hello Kitty paraphernalia—perhaps in an attempt to distract from their own inconsistencies—the Kats are sure to be entertaining. But whether they can translate that entertainment into meaningful wins remains to be seen. Here's to another season of watching and waiting—because in the world of fantasy football, it’s not just about the players, but how they manage to surprise or disappoint us.

Los Angeles, CA - Los Angeles Lords wide receiver Ricky Pearsall was shot today (Saturday) but is expected to make a full recovery. The shooter has been arrested. Lords owner Jason Beaver condemned the cowardly act, while other IFFL owners have expressed support for Pearsall. Notably, Hartford Whalers owner Chad Allen, who previously commented on gun rights, has yet to make a statement about the incident. Pearsall’s status for Week 1 is currently undetermined, and the league is monitoring the situation closely.  This story is developing and will more than likely be updated.

Taipei Personality Locked, Loaded, and Ready for War

Taipei City, TAIWAN - The Taipei Personality, led by the enigmatic Andrew Wang, is entering the 2024 IFFL season with a chip on their shoulder and a roster built for pure domination. After finishing 8-6 last year and securing 2nd place in the ultra-competitive IFFL West Division, the Personality are not just aiming for the playoffs—they’re gunning for their second IFFL championship, a feat they last achieved in 2019.

Owner Andrew Wang has always been a wildcard in the IFFL, and this year was no different. In an unexpected turn of events, Wang's flight to the 2024 IFFL Draft was diverted to an undisclosed remote location by the U.S. Air Force leaving him stranded in the middle of nowhere, but in true Andrew Wang fashion, this wasn’t going to stop him. The military allowed him to draft remotely, and Wang executed what could go down as one of the most aggressive draft strategies in IFFL history.

The Personality’s quarterback room is a battlefield. Dak Prescott and Deshaun Watson are two elite talents with everything to prove. Prescott, ever the leader, will be looking to silence his critics, while Watson, a polarizing figure, will be on a mission to remind the league of his raw talent. The competition between these two could ignite the Personality’s offense to levels unseen since their 2019 championship run.

Saquon Barkley, the Personality’s protected gem, is set to terrorize defenses in 2024. Barkley is a player who runs angry, and this season, he’ll be running with vengeance in his heart. Backing him up is James Cook, another protected asset who has shown flashes of brilliance. Tyjae Spears and Ray Davis add depth and dynamism to a backfield that’s as explosive as it is versatile.

When you have Tyreek Hill, one of the most electrifying players in the league, you’re always in the game. Hill is poised to torch defenses week after week, leaving defenders gasping for air as he turns on the jets. The addition of Malik Nabers, Wang’s first-round pick, injects fresh blood into an already lethal unit. Tee Higgins provides a physical presence on the outside, and Josh Palmer, the dark horse, is ready to make his mark.

Andrew Wang is no ordinary owner. From his bold draft moves to his unapologetic attitude, Wang embodies the Taipei Personality’s aggressive, never-back-down ethos. He’s not afraid to take risks, and this year, those risks are primed to pay off in a big way.

The Taipei Personality are locked and loaded for 2024. Anything less than a championship will be considered a failure by Wang and his loyal fanbase. This team is built to win, and with a roster full of talent, grit, and swagger, the rest of the IFFL better be ready. The Personality are coming—and they’re not taking any prisoners.

Pittsburgh Loaded with Firepower

Pittsburgh, PA - The Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls are gearing up for the 2024 season with high hopes after finishing 7-7 in 2023, their best record ever, securing 2nd place in the IFFL East Division. This year the Peanut Butter Balls, led by Owner Matt Howell, are ready to take the next step and make a strong push in the playoffs.

The Peanut Butter Balls' offense is anchored by the dynamic duo of Lamar Jackson and Geno Smith at quarterback. Jackson, the team’s protected star, is set to lead the charge with his electrifying playmaking ability, while Smith provides a solid backup option capable of stepping up when needed.

In the backfield Joe Mixon, another protected player, will spearhead the rushing attack. Mixon's combination of power and agility makes him a threat to opposing defenses every week. He’ll be supported by a deep stable of running backs including Miles Sanders, who is looking to bounce back after a less than solid season, Zack Moss, Rico Dowdle, and Jaylen Wright each bringing their own unique style to the mix.

The wide receiver corps is just as formidable. D.J. Moore, who returns after a strong 2023 season, is ready to take on a leading role. He’s joined by the ever-reliable Amari Cooper and the versatile Diontae Johnson. Marquise Brown rounds out the group with his game-breaking speed, making this unit one of the most well-rounded in the league. George Kittle, the team's protected tight end, is set to continue his dominance as one of the top players at his position. His combination of blocking prowess and receiving skills makes him a key piece in both the passing and running games.

While the Peanut Butter Balls are looking to make a name for themselves on the field, it’s worth noting that Owner Matt Howell has already made his mark off the field. For 17 years running, the Peanut Butter Balls have boasted the best helmets in the league, a testament to Howell's commitment to excellence in every aspect of the team.

As the 2024 season approaches, the Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls are ready to build on their success from last year. With a roster full of talent and a strong sense of identity, this team has all the ingredients to make a deep playoff run. Get ready, IFFL—the Peanut Butter Balls are coming to play!

 A New Dawn for IFFL Giants Sunrise Looming

Tequila, NM - As the 2024 Indiana Fantasy Football League (IFFL) season dawns, the Tequila Sunrise are poised to make a triumphant return to the top of the standings. After a promising finish in 2023, where they won 6 of their last 7 games and narrowly missing the playoffs, the Sunrise are reloaded and ready to chase another championship.

The most significant boost for the Sunrise comes in the form of Justin Herbert, acquired in the 4th round 2024. Herbert's return has already made waves, injecting the team with elite quarterback play and a new level of optimism. With the talented signal-caller back under center, the Sunrise are primed to exploit defenses and put up big numbers.

The running back corps is a powerhouse of talent. De'Von Achane and Bijan Robinson, both keepers, headline a group that promises explosive performances and reliable production. Achane's speed and Robinson's all-around skills make them a dynamic duo that can control the pace of the game. Complementing them are Zamir White, Chase Brown, Blake Corum, and J.K. Dobbins. This deep and versatile group offers a range of styles and strategies, ensuring the Sunrise can adapt to any defensive scheme and keep their opponents guessing.

The wide receiver group is equally impressive. Amon-Ra St. Brown, a keeper, continues to be a focal point of the offense, bringing exceptional route-running and playmaking ability. Romeo Doubs, Khalil Shakir, Brandin Cooks, and Jakobi Meyers round out a talented receiving corps. Doubs and Cooks offer deep-threat capabilities, while Shakir and Meyers provide reliable options in the intermediate game. This balanced receiving group ensures that Justin Herbert has a wealth of targets at his disposal.

With the most championships in IFFL history—six and counting—the Tequila Sunrise are no strangers to success. The team’s recent trades and draft strategies, including selecting players like Zamir White, Blake Corum, Chase Brown, and Romeo Doubs—targets also pursued by their rivals—demonstrate their commitment to staying ahead of the curve.

As the 2024 season unfolds, the Tequila Sunrise are not just aiming for the playoffs—they are setting their sights on another championship. With a balanced roster, elite talent at key positions, and a winning mentality, the Sunrise are ready to light up the league and add another title to their storied history. Keep an eye on this team, as they embark on what promises to be an exciting and successful season!

Hartford Whalers Ready to Ride the Wave to Glory

Hartford, CT - As the 2024 IFFL season kicks off the Hartford Whalers are gearing up to make a strong push for their second championship, building on their success from the 2020 COVID season. While some might question the legitimacy of that title, this year’s Whalers squad is determined to leave no doubt about their place in league history.

At the heart of the Whalers' offense is the indomitable Patrick Mahomes, a quarterback who needs no introduction. As the team’s protected player, Mahomes is the engine that powers the Whalers' high-octane offense. His ability to extend plays and make jaw-dropping throws is unmatched, and with Mahomes at the helm the Whalers always have a chance to win.

In the backfield, Josh Jacobs returns as the team’s workhorse running back. Jacobs is coming off a solid season and looks poised to once again be the focal point of the Whalers' ground game. Complementing Jacobs is Jaylen Warren, a dynamic runner with the ability to break big plays, and Javonte Williams, who brings a bruising style to the running game. Marshawn Lloyd rounds out the running back corps adding depth and versatility.

The receiving corps is led by Puka Nacua, another protected player who emerged as a reliable target last season. Nacua's ability to find open spaces and make tough catches will be crucial to the Whalers' success. Nico Collins and Jayden Reed provide size and speed on the outside, while Chris Godwin brings veteran savvy and route-running precision to the group. Curtis Samuel is a versatile weapon who can make plays both as a receiver and a runner.

The Whalers' schedule is highlighted by their annual Honey Mustard rivalry games against the New Delhi Subs, a fierce competition that has been ongoing for 24 years. Owner Allen’s disdain for the IFFL's two female owners, Tabbi Brewer and Tanya Harless, only adds fuel to the fire, as he is determined to prove that the Whalers are still the team to beat.

Off the field, Allen remains as colorful as ever, indulging in his love for the Gilmore Girls TV show, which he famously broadcasts from his owner’s box. His penchant for sending humorous Snapchat bitmojis of himself and rival owners in silly predicaments keeps the league’s group chat lively and entertaining.

The 2024 season promises to be an exciting one for the Hartford Whalers. With a balanced roster led by one of the best quarterbacks in the game, a strong running attack, and a capable defense, the Whalers are poised to make a deep playoff run. The question is will this be the year they silence the doubters and add another undisputed championship to their name? If Mahomes and company have anything to say about it, the Whalers could very well be riding the wave to glory once again.

Gloomy 2024 Season Incoming for the San Antonio Mexican'ts

San Antonio, TX - The San Antonio Mexican'ts enter the 2024 season with a heavy burden of unfulfilled expectations and an ominous cloud of uncertainty looming over their campaign. Finishing last in the IFFL West Division with a 6-8 record in 2023, Tanya Harless's team has never made the playoffs, and the same old narrative of injuries and misfortune seems poised to repeat itself.

Anthony Richardson, the team’s protected quarterback, is a beacon of potential, but he remains unproven at this level. While his athleticism and dual-threat capabilities are undeniable, the growing pains of a young quarterback could limit his consistency leaving Jared Goff as the safer yet uninspiring fallback option. Goff may be serviceable, but he's not the kind of player who can carry a team that’s destined to face adversity.

The heart and soul of the Mexican'ts' offense, Nick Chubb, is already dealing with injury concerns before the season kicks off. Slated to miss at least four games, Chubb’s absence is a crushing blow. Najee Harris, while capable, has yet to prove he can be the focal point of an offense, and his efficiency has been questionable. Devin Singletary and Jerome Ford round out a backfield that lacks depth and explosiveness, leaving the running game in a precarious position.

CeeDee Lamb, another protected asset, held out during training camp, raising questions about his readiness and chemistry with the quarterbacks. While Lamb is an elite talent, the missed time could impact his early-season performance. D.K. Metcalf is a physical specimen but is often prone to disappearing in games and second year reciever Zay Flowers is an untested commodity. Christian Kirk, the fourth receiver, has been reliable but is not the game-changer this offense desperately needs.

For Tanya Harless, this season feels like a replay of so many others. Injuries have already begun to take their toll, and the lack of depth and star power in key positions suggests that the Mexican'ts will once again be battling uphill. The Domestic Violence Bowl against Trevor Harless's South Carolina Scarecrows might bring some small consolation, as the Mexican'ts have typically had the upper hand in that contest, but outside of that the outlook is grim.

With no playoff appearances to date and a roster that already seems to be unraveling before the season begins, it’s hard to see how 2024 will be any different for the San Antonio Mexican'ts. Unless some unexpected heroics emerge from this beleaguered squad, it looks like another year of heartbreak is on the horizon.

Subs On the Rise, 2024 Crucial Year for Team

New Delhi, INDIA - The turning point for the Subs happened during Week 3 of the 2023 season when they traded WR Ja'Marr Chase to the Los Angeles Lords in exchange for a 1st and 3rd round pick, as well as WR Jaylen Waddle. Waddle was subsequently flipped in week 6, setting up the Subs for an unprecedented 12 draft picks in the first three rounds of the 2024 draft. The centerpiece of their draft haul was Kyren Williams, selected 4th overall, cementing him as the foundation for the Subs running back group.

The New Delhi Subs enter the 2024 IFFL season with a renewed sense of optimism following a flurry of strategic moves during the 2023 season and a strong showing in the 2024 draft. After finishing 6-8 and 4th in the IFFL East Division last season, the Subs have transformed into a potential title contender—if they can navigate some critical uncertainties.

Purdy returns as the protected quarterback, aiming to build on his surprising 2023 season. With Cousins as a reliable backup, the Subs have solid depth at the most critical position. Purdy's continued development will be key, as his consistency will set the tone for the offense.

The wide receiver group is the most intriguing—and perhaps the most volatile—part of the Subs' roster. Brandon Aiyuk, the star, remains in a holdout situation. His return is crucial; without him, the Subs' WR corps, while still talented, lacks the elite firepower needed to dominate. Chris Olave and DeVonta Smith are strong WR2 options, and Calvin Ridley adds a high-upside wildcard. However, the success of this group hinges heavily on Aiyuk's status. Kelce, the cornerstone of the Subs' passing attack, continues to defy age and remains a top-tier tight end. Trey McBride provides depth but will likely see limited opportunities unless Kelce misses time.

The New Delhi Subs have built a very strong team for the 2024 season. The depth at running back, coupled with the potential firepower at wide receiver and the stability provided by Travis Kelce, makes them a legitimate title contender. However, the key to their success will hinge on the weekly decisions made regarding the starting lineup. With so many talented players, ensuring the right combination of starters will be crucial.

Chicago Fightin' Ditkas - A Desperate Bid for Glory

Chicago, IL - After a disappointing 5-9 finish in the 2023 season, the Chicago Fightin' Ditkas find themselves at a crossroads. With their storied history and two IFFL championships under the leadership of the always controversial owner Shadd Wright, the Ditkas are desperate to reclaim their place atop the league. The 2024 season isn't just about bouncing back; it's about making a statement.

In a bold and somewhat controversial move, Wright traded away the 3rd overall pick and next year's first-rounder to secure the top overall pick. The prize? Caleb Williams, the dynamic quarterback out of USC, hailed as the future face of the franchise. With Aaron Rodgers nearing the twilight of his career the Ditkas needed to think long-term and Williams was the answer. The only problem? According to an unnamed rival owner, Wright didn’t need to make that trade, as Williams likely would have been available at #3. The comment stung, but the decision is now in the past and Williams is the present and future of the Ditkas.

Williams steps into an offense brimming with potential. The wide receiver corps, headlined by keepers Drake London, Christian Watson, and Courtland Sutton, is poised to wreak havoc on opposing secondaries. Each receiver offers a unique skill set: London’s size and physicality, Watson’s speed, and Sutton’s reliable hands. Add in explosive young talents like Xavier Worthy, Keon Coleman and Brian Thomas Jr., and Williams has no shortage of weapons.

The running back room is a mix of seasoned veterans and rising stars. Austin Ekeler remains the workhorse, but Alexander Mattison, Rachaad White and Ezekiel Elliott provide depth and experience. Rookie Braelon Allen adds a power element to the mix, giving the Ditkas a versatile backfield capable of adapting to any situation.

For the Ditkas, the 2024 season is about more than just wins and losses; it’s about validating the risky decisions made in the offseason. If Caleb Williams can live up to the hype, if the veteran running backs can hold up, and if the receiving corps can deliver as expected, the Ditkas could be primed for a deep playoff run. However with their draft capital depleted, failure is not an option.

Owner Shadd Wright is no stranger to controversy, but this season the stakes are higher than ever. The Ditkas are all-in and the pressure is on. Success isn’t just desired; it’s demanded. The only question is can they deliver?

From Dark Side to Playoffs, Philly looks to return to Glory

Philadelphia, PA - The Philadelphia Dark Side enters the 2024 IFFL season with a lot to prove after a disappointing 5-9 finish in 2023. Despite a talented core, the team struggled to find consistency, leading to a last-place finish in the East Division. This season, however, there’s cautious optimism in Philadelphia largely due to a high-risk, high-reward offseason strategy that could either lead to a deep playoff run or another year of frustration.

The most significant move of the offseason was the acquisition of quarterback Jalen Hurts from the South Carolina Scarecrows in exchange for the 2nd overall pick in the 2024 draft. Hurts, known for his dual-threat capabilities, brings a dynamic element to the Dark Side offense. Pairing him with A.J. Brown, whom Philadelphia protected, creates a formidable QB-WR duo that could be one of the league's most explosive.

However, this bold move didn’t come without sacrifices. Philadelphia traded away their 2nd and 3rd round picks in 2024, leaving them with limited draft capital and a roster that lacks depth in several key areas. They did manage to regain their 3rd round pick in a trade with the New Delhi Subs, sending Aaron Jones in return. While this trade provided some relief it also underscored the precarious position the team finds itself in.

The Dark Side's roster is headlined by a trio of stars: Jalen Hurts, Alvin Kamara and A.J. Brown. If these three can stay healthy and perform at their peak, Philadelphia could be a dark horse contender in the IFFL. Kamara, despite concerns about his health and age, remains one of the most versatile running backs in the league. His ability to contribute both as a rusher and receiver out of the backfield will be crucial in helping Hurts and the offense find balance.

The receiving corps, led by A.J. Brown, is a mix of proven veterans and high-upside young talent. Terry McLaurin and Tyler Lockett provide steady production, while Jaxon Smith-Njigba and Jahan Dotson bring youth and potential breakout ability. If Smith-Njigba can develop into a reliable target, it could take this unit from good to great.

The running back depth is a concern, however. Beyond Kamara, the Dark Side will rely on a committee approach with Jonathon Brooks, Trey Benson, Audric Estime and Kenneth Gainwell. None of these backs have proven themselves as consistent performers, and if Kamara misses time the Dark Side could struggle to find a reliable rushing attack.

If everything goes right, Philadelphia has the potential to not only make the playoffs but contend for their second IFFL title and the first under Owner Avan Beaver. However, if injuries strike or the depth fails to deliver, it could be another long season for the Dark Side. Ultimately, the Dark Side is a team with a high ceiling but a low floor. A playoff berth is within reach, but so is the #1 overall pick. For Avan Beaver, the 2024 season will be a true test of his managerial acumen as he seeks to navigate the team through the challenges of a highly competitive league.

Indy Animals, A New Dawn

Indianapolis, IN – The 2023 season was a tough pill to swallow for the Indy Animals who ended the year with a 2-12 record, finishing last in the IFFL Central Division. However, as the 2024 season approaches there is a renewed sense of hope and excitement in the locker room. Owner Kevin "Q" Ryburn has strategically positioned his team for both immediate improvement and long-term success and fans have reasons to believe that the tide is turning.

One of the most exciting aspects of the 2024 Indy Animals is their young and dynamic offense. The quarterback room is stocked with potential, featuring Jayden Daniels, Will Levis, and the ever-promising Trevor Lawrence. Lawrence, coming off a solid, if unspectacular year, will likely lead the charge, but the presence of Daniels and Levis gives the team flexibility and depth at the most critical position.

At wide receiver the Animals boast one of the most exciting groups in the league. Garrett Wilson and Cooper Kupp return as protected stars, bringing a combination of youth and experience that few teams can match. The addition of rookie sensation Marvin Harrison Jr. through the draft has injected even more excitement into the offense. Harrison, who was the top prospect on the Animals’ board, has the potential to make an immediate impact and become a game-changer. Tank Dell, Ladd McConkey and Adonai Mitchell round out a deep and talented receiving corps that will give opposing defenses nightmares.

Owner Kevin "Q" Ryburn understands that the path to the playoffs won’t be easy, but he is cautiously optimistic about the team’s chances. “We’ve got a lot of young talent and we’re building something special here,” Ryburn said. “The goal is to make the playoffs, but we’re also realistic about the challenges ahead. If we need to make some moves to set ourselves up for the future we’ve got the pieces to do that.”

The trade of the 1st overall pick to Chicago for the 3rd overall pick and a 2025 first-rounder was a bold move, but it allowed the Animals to still land their top target, Marvin Harrison Jr., while adding valuable assets for the future. This strategic maneuvering has given the team flexibility, whether they push for a playoff run this year or look to further build for the coming seasons.

As the 2024 season kicks off the Indy Animals are a team on the rise. With a mix of young stars, seasoned veterans and a front office willing to make bold moves, there is every reason to believe that the Animals will be much more competitive this year. Whether they make a surprising run to the playoffs or set themselves up for sustained success in the future, one thing is certain: the Indy Animals are a team to watch in 2024.

Bloomfield, IN - The IFFL draft is in the books! It was a great day of drafting, trading, laughing and a little bit of cussing and threats being made. All is said and done, now we wait on the season to start.  Kickoff of the Cincinnati Bagels @ Los Angeles Lords is just 10 days away.

The draft this year saw Aaron Jones get traded from Philadelphia to New Delhi for his original 3rd round pick (3.02) and then George Pickens was traded from New Delhi to Los Angeles for a 5th round choice  (5.14).

There was some controversy to the draft as Andrew Wang and Pete Shaunki had their planes diverted by the US Air Force, as reported before the draft. New information has been uncovered pointing to an inside job. There are some rumblings that the delegation from San Antonio might have been to blame, causing Shaunki and Wang to have to draft from an undisclosed, secret location.

Back to the draft, fun and laughter took the day by storm. Picks came early and often in the first round, including Chicago kicking the draft off a few minutes early with the first overall selection and the prematureipickulation heard round the world.  New Delhi  ended with 11 picks in the first 3 rounds starting with RB Kyren Williams (1.03) and K Harrison Butker (3.14).  The biggest surprise was probably at first overall when Chicago traded up 2 spots (including their 1st round pick next year) drafting Caleb Williams, who they more than likely could’ve gotten in the 2nd round. After this reporter called around to the rest of the league, one anonymous team owner said “ I wish I could see his face when he realizes he didnt have to make that trade to get his guy.” So does this reporter.

Here is a look at the draft from a collection and average of draft grades and roster analysis 12 hours after the draft ended.

Rank	Team	Grade
1	New Delhi Subs	A
2	Taipei Personality	B +
3	Tequila Sunrise	B
3	Tabbi's Kats	B
5	South Carolina Scarecrows	B -
6	Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls	C +
7	Hartford Whalers	C
7	Chicago Fightin' Ditkas	C
7	San Antonio Mexicants	C
10	Indy Animals	C -
11	New Whiteland Chicken Pluckerz	D
12	Cincinnati Bagels	D -
13	Philadelphia Dark Side	F
14	Los Angeles Lords	F

Bloomfield, IN- In a rare draft day trade, the Animals have traded the #1 pick to Chicago for the #3 overall pick and 2025's first round pick. Chicago is now on the clock.

The Fightin' Ditka's reached out to Animal's owner Kevin Ryburn to inquire about the trade after talking through different scenario's the teams went back to the original offer. Sources in the room tell us that Indy wanted a 1 and 2 this year and Chicago countered with an offer that was straight off of an algebra 101 final, that was declined because it was "just too complicated".

In other news from the IFFL draft, Philadelphia has sent the 2nd overall pick to South Carolna for Jalen Hurts. This trade was proposed at the league meeting in June 2024 and was finally accepted today.

Also in the news, the flights for New Dlehi and Taipei were diverted by the US Air Force and owners Andrew Wang and Pete Shaunki were not allowed into the country so they will not be at the draft. However, fans they will be drafting from an undisclosed remote location.

Tequila, NM - The Los Angeles Lords went to Tequila for IFFL Bowl XXVIII as the decided underdog. The Cincinnati Bagels were looking for their first Championship and were feeling confident after dismantling The Chicken Pluckerz the week prior in the semi finals.  

Joe Flacco and Breece Hall came out and were on fire leading the Badels to a 26 -10 1st quarter lead. They had a 27-18 lead at the half.  The Bagels were loving it and making plans to go to Disney World.  The Lords, whose loss to the Kats in last year's Championship was still fresh, took the field and warmed up with a purpose. The ball was kicked in the 3rd quarter and the Lords went down the field getting a quick TD from 3rd string QB Derek Carr to LA MVP, Kyren Williams. Carr would go on to run in another score and Williams would get 2 more in the quarter and put the Lords in the lead 49-38 at the end of 3, the fourth quarter featured no scoring and the Lords held on for  the 49-38 victory.  The Bagels lost Christion McCafferey early in the 3rd quarter to a pulled calf muscle and Amari Cooper wasn't able to go due to a heel injury.

The Bagels didn't finish the season on the note they wanted to but they have a very bright future with rookie QB CJ Stroud and RB’s Christian McCaffrey and Breece Hall almost certain to return next season and if they want they could keep LaPorta or Deebo Samuel instead.  Owner LP Couch is certainly looking strong for the future was asked about the season in the locker room, “It was a dream season, for 2 years we have lost to this team. We are looking forward to September in LA so we can get some revenge.  CJ and Trevor both performed admirably this season and Christian, Deebo, Breece and Sam carried us all season. We finally made the Super Bowl which longtime fans of this franchise probably didn't think would ever happen. Let’s see what next season brings, and we will be prepared and ready to win for the fans."

For the victorious Lords, Jason Beaver has now won his 4th Championship to move him into sole possession of 3rd place for the most titles just 2 behind Tequila and Jeff Dixon.  The Lords will have a bright future as well. QB Joe Burrow, WR’s Jamarr Chase and Justin Jefferson will certainly return, leaving the future of Kyren Williams and Austin Ekeler up in the air.  “Austin Ekeler is a pro’s pro. He comes to work, does not cause problems, and gives it his all. This off season we will review production, value, perceived value, and coachability then make our decision on who will return,” Beaver said after the game about his roster. The week 5 trade for Jamarr Chase certainly helped this team to the title, as Chase provided stability and leadership when Burrow and Jefferson went down with injuries this season.

“We have had a hell of a season, never did I think with the holes we had in the roster early would we start the season 5-1, and to win this title after a 4-4 finish to the season, it's a dream come true, an amazing feeling.  There is nothing like saying you are IFFL Champions.” summed up Beaver.

Until August Thank you for enjoying IFFL season 28 with us.

Bedford, IN - The 2023 trade deadline is upon us. All trades must be in to the league offices by noon Thursday, Nov. 9th.

The trade deadline has been extended until noon on Thursday. This is a result of a snafu in the league offices and the planned announcement wasn't sent out as intended. Due to this it was decided that another 48 hours was appropriate.

Sorry for the confusion. We are trying to figure out how to improve our efficiency while still working our employees to death, unfortunately it is still a work in progress.

Philadelphia, PA - New Delhi makes the first trade of the season with Philadelphia (is anyone shocked by this?) as the division rivals flip back up TE’s and the Dark Side part with a 3rd round pick as well. Hayden Hurst and Donald Parham are trading spots in the East division as Parham goes to the basement and Hurst collects his belongings and heads to the 3rd floor.

Said Philadelphia Owner Avan Beaver, “This is all about the targets, Hurst is a target monster.” It was quickly pointed out to Mr. Beaver that targets do not equal points. The team has now parted with their 3rd round pick which is a sweet spot pick which will surely cripple them in 2024.

Pete Shaunki of New Delhi fame said, “I will not take my fourth straight loss and a loss in the Honey Mustard Incident game lightly, we must rebuild this team,  ½ a TD at a time. Parham is averaging that this season."

This reporter has heard that New Delhi was offered at least 3 deals involving Hurst, artificially inflating his value and he chose this one. I guess the Subs are really trying to lose out this season. Well the Subs and Pete Shaunki are dead to me at this point in time and we will not waste our time reporting on them any more this season.

 

Los Angeles, CA - In a strange twist of fate, after the deal appeared dead and the players were told to stand down, Ja'marr Chase will be reunited with Joe Burrow on the LA Lords. A week ago tonight this deal appeared dead as the teams could not agree on compensation for Chase and the talks had pivoted to other players on the rosters. The teams both thought the deal was dead.

So what changed? Ja'marr Chase started complaining about an ankle injury and how he would probably need to miss a few weeks while at the same time starting to make arrangements to go back to the US to “rehab the injury”. That seemed to be enough for Subs owner Pete Shaunki to pull the trigger on a deal, he just needed to find someone to overpay.  Patsy found. With a quick text Jaylen Waddle, a 1st round pick and 3rd round pick were moved to New Delhi for Ja'marr Chase.

The teams came together on the deal quickly with Beaver agreeing to the trade even though he knew what was at stake, knowing if this goes south that he just gave up a s**t ton of draft capital that will cripple his franchise next season. “In my mind this is an easy choice, and besides we are all in this to for one thing  and one thing only, the Riesbeck Trophy. It's been 12 years since I held that trophy, far, far too long.” 

For Shaunki and his Subs this brings to an end their last championship winning team and all of the work that went into assembling that team is finished.  “If there is one thing I’ve realized you have to be willing to make the hard decisions and move on from players that are no longer willing to put in the work.” 

Chase and Waddle will arrive at their new destinations and prepare to play this week. For Chase he gets a chance to face Hartford’s defense again this weekend and has another chance to prove he still has it in front of his new fans. Still, we are left to wonder why Beaver made this mind-bogglingly stupid move. He danced around the questions at the press conference to announce the move and there is no logical reason why you make this trade. Is Chase a generational talent? Yes. is Chase better than Waddle? Yes. Do you cripple your franchise and make the following year a pain in the ass? No, you don’t and that is what's so mind-boggling. Everyone in Lords Park better pray that this works out or someone other than Beaver will pay the price.

 

Tequila, NM - Tequila has made a move! After spending too much time in the cellar over the past 2 seasons the team has made a move to get Justin Herbert from the Animals for a package highlighted by WR’s 'lil Cooper Kupp and George Pickens.

The Animals owner, who was sitting pretty with his QB depth, has swung for the fences and bet his season on the fact that Cooper Kupp can return to preinjury form soon. Kupp will join up with Pickens and Calvin Ridley to form an action packed WR core to go along with, well just Kirk Cousins or Jordan Love. I mean neither of those guys are going to sell a ticket but they might put up some points if they can stay upright.

Tequila had to do something after drafting Dak Prescott this season and watching him s**t himself the first 3 weeks, turning to Love in their week 4 blowout to the Kats. Really what else is new a team got blown out by the Kats, but that is going off topic. The Sunrise have set themselves up for excellence at QB and rebuilt their roster so they can fight to get out of the cellar.

Indy also didn't hurt themselves too much, especially if Kupp can return and play up to his potential. This might go down as a trade that helps both teams in the now. Other owners should take notice of this and not go out to solely trade-rape everyone Every. Single. Time a trade is offered.

 

BEDFORD, IN - The day started as so many others for commissioner Dixon with the sun blaring thru the windows and Chloe the dog waiting to go outside. Although this day is astonishingly different as he will have the 1st overall selection in the draft later that afternoon. The fans will be looking to make sure he's bringing them back to the top of the league and not sending the franchise further down the hole.

Fast forward a few hours and the draft is minutes from starting. The front office in Tequila is making last minute updates to the teams impending pick; which will be very anticlimactic, as we found out in April that the team would be drafting RB Bijan Robinson #1 overall. The thinking is Robinson will bring back the team's run first mentality and take pressure off the starting quarterback, whoever that might be. We found out it will be Dak Prescott, opening up another option in the passing game. As the other owners started to show up: Kevin Ryburn, Chad Allen, Tabbi Brewer and Pete Shaunki in person; with Avan Beaver, Jason Beaver and the Harless’s, Trevor and Tanya, by remote. The time draws ever closer and the nerves break free.

The draft officially started with the announcement from Pete that New Delhi and New Whiteland had consummated the first trade of the year. Davante Adams for Travis Kelce, trying to help both teams with their worst positions on each team respectively. Maybe this will tell us if the script of Pete top/Kevin bottom will be flipped this year or if it stays the same.

Finally the time came for Commissioner Dixon to start the draft and turn into Owner Dixon, drafting Robinson. The rest of the first round went smoothly and quickly with Los Angeles and Tabbi’s Kats ending the first round. After 4.5 hours the draft was complete and the league was back in full swing. We are all waiting patiently for the league to update the rosters and the free agent list. The schedule will then be released, which is expected to follow the pattern of the last few years and kick off on Thursday Sept 7 with Tabbi’s Kats visiting the site of their championship victory in Los Angeles to take on the Lords, which they should have an easy time starting 1-0.

Los Angeles, CA - It was a historic championship Sunday in the IFFL. As we were all witnessing the inevitable crowning of Tabbi’s Kat’s as IFFL champions, their first in the team’s history, a literal hurricane suddenly hit the LA coast last Sunday during the middle of the championship game. The league came together and voted to run the championship game back yesterday, at least that was the plan. Spurred on by their near death experiences, QB’s Joe Burrow and Josh Allen informed the league they would not play without another week off to prepare. The league capitulated but honestly it didn’t matter as Burrow, Justin Jefferson, and Jaylen Waddle left recently acquired Austin Ekeler to try to win the game by himself as they watched Allen and company dominate the game 91-53. LA owner Jason Beaver was overheard maniacally telling anyone that would listen, and some that would’ve rather not, that he was firing the “whole damn team” after embarrassing him like that for no apparent reason. Later he did the respectable thing at the podium and publicly congratulated Tabbi Brewer on her teams win.

The Kat’s have been one of the most luck struck teams in the IFFL. Every year it seems that they are either so close to a championship or they are the worst team in the league. It’s got to be the draft strategy of the owner preferring players who went to college at schools with Kat mascots; think Lions, Bengals, Panthers or Jaguars. QB Josh Allen got over the hump in convincing fashion this season and turned in a Super Bowl MVP performance. Questions immediately went to can you repeat? Brewer, who was not having any of it, stepped up to the microphone to admonish this reporter and make sure the media handled her team with the respect they deserve. “We are the champions of the world and we are not going to discuss repeats at this time. We are going to bask in the glory of continuing to dominate the Lords, or whatever they call themselves now,” she stated with a dismissive wave of her hand.

Kickoff to next season starts in September. We can't wait for it to begin.

 

Tequila, NM – The Sunrise capped the worst season in franchise history Sunday in a loss to Hartford.  Owner Jeff Dixon at his end of season press conference had no real idea as to what happened to the team this season.  They made 2 minor trades, trading David Montgomery to New Delhi and Amon Ra St Brown and Pat Freiermuth to Los Angeles, and just ended up losing a lot this season.

The top of the IFFL draft order is set:

1. Tequila 1-13 - QB was a big issue as Derek Carr just never performed this season. Injuries were big part of the season as well.
2. Pittsburgh 3-11 – Lamar Jackson never got comfortable in Pittsburgh after having been in Hartford his whole career.
3. Chicago 4-10 – Traded away most of the roster this season so it will be a fresh team come August.
4. San Antonio 5-9 – Losing Dak early was a terrible thing to try, when one is trying to win a championship.
5. New Whiteland 6-8 – Just got a lot of teams best efforts this season.
6. South Carolina 6-8 – The gift of trading away Justin Jefferson just kept giving them losses most of the season.
7. Indy 8-6 – Had injury issues most of the season, made a late push and just came up short on points.
8. Chicago (via Philly) 4-10 (from Philadelphia 8-6) – Week 14 ACL injury to Kyler Murray cost Philadelphia a chance to make the playoffs. Chicago traded the aforementioned Murray to Philly for this pick.

Each of these teams are locked into this draft position before trades are added into the equation. It just so happens that I remember the Philly/Chicago trade and went ahead and added it in here.

Keep your eyes peeled here for updates throughout the offseason, as we will be posting a few fun tidbits during the offseason this year.

Los Angeles, CA – League and team sources in Los Angeles have confirmed that the Figthin’ Ditkas and the Lords have struck a deal to send RB Austin Ekeler to LA for RB Ezekiel Elliott and a 4th round pick.

Ekeler has been the bell cow back in Chicago for years and was a key cog in the 2017 run to the Riesbeck trophy for owner Shadd Wright.  Sources on both sides of the deal said it came together very fast and was not hard to make a deal.  The offer came in with what was felt was the Lords best offer and we made a minor adjustment to the deal, and it was accepted.  The teams have always worked well together, going back years now.

The trade from the Los Angeles side of things sets them up for a stretch run that will include games against Taipei, Cincinnati, Indy, and Philadelphia amongst others. This is when the best teams look for players that will push them over the top in the playoffs.  Did the Lords just get that player? Have they done enough or too much?

The best part about all this is that the trade deadline is on Tuesday November 8, 2022 at 11:59:59 PM est so there is still plenty of time for more deals to change the leagues balance of power.

Los Angeles, CA – Team officials from Los Angeles announced today a trade that sends Robert Tonyan and their 2nd round pick to Tequila for Amon Ra St. Brown and Pat Freiermuth. This is a move to improve the TE position, and add depth in the WR room.

“It’s kind of frustrating honestly. You have 14 owners in this league, most teams really try to keep it easy and make trades that make sense for both teams. You have a group that is trying to win every trade without trying. Sometimes you have to give up talent to get talent back in a trade, not just try to take a player that has performed in literally 2 games out of 9 and trade for a top 3 scorer in the league. Lastly there is that group of owners that you send an offer too and they don’t respond, I mean please tell me no, send me a counter offer or tell me the player is untouchable. Like literally you are 1-6 I know you have no desire to continue playing this season, but the rest of us may be trying to improve our teams so we can make a run at the title.  Injuries happen in this sport and if you are in a position of strength then help someone else out, who knows you may get a player back that costs the original team a playoff spot. Its 2022, technology is all around us. It takes what a minute or less to read, and reply to an email and say at the least yes or no. Really that is all we ask,” said Jason Beaver, in the first real tirade that he has gone on this season.

For Tequila this deal makes sense, as it gives two fan favorites a chance to go to LA and compete for a playoff spot. This is an organization that is usually around the top of the league in player friendly organiztions, and this is one of the reasons why.  They are not afraid to let talent go and if the situation calls for it to bring in players to make the team better.

In other news out of the IFFL today, New Delhi trades their 5th round pick to Pittsburgh for oft injured WR Keenan Allen, it was announced earlier this week that Allen would miss the game this week, and possibly multiple weeks, again after only playing 2 games all season this year. Will this be a wasted trade by New Delhi or will Allen come back late for a playoff run this season?  Guess we will just have to wait and see.

Los Angeles, CA – League sources tell us that the Dark Side and Fightin Ditka’s have come to agreement on a mega trade, involving 6 players and a draft pick, the trade will send WR’s Chris Olave and Courtland Sutton to Chicago for WR Terry McLaurin and RB Mark Ingram.  We have recently learned that Kyler Murray is also going to Philadelphia.  Philadelphia is sending a first round pick and starting QB Matt Stafford to Chicago.

This marks a return to Philadelphia for Mark Ingram who was very productive in his last stint. It’s a good culture there, they have fun and winning is expected, but its punitive if we don’t win.
Chicago is one of the hottest teams in the league and they just got a Rookie WR they can keep and build around for the future. We wonder if there is something additional that we have not heard about with the overall roster overhaul.

In his press release Philly Owner Avan Beaver said it is more about pushing for the division and league titles this season, than anything else. I’ve been here 5 years had some success but looking to reach the top of the mountain, hopefully these changes will make it possible to lift the trophy, finally.  The young Beaver is not really known for his patience.

Currently there has been no update from the Chicago front office with comment on the trade. Wright must be thinking that there is no real reason to keep the status quo with Murray this season, he has only recently been playing as well as he did last year but for the first 5 weeks of the season, he was disappointing.

Los Angeles, CA – Los Angeles Owner and GM Jason Beaver announced this morning a trade between Los Angeles and San Antonio.  The Lords have agreed to send WR CeeDee Lamb and a 3rd round pick in the 2023 IFFL draft to the Mexican’ts for RB Devin Singletary and WR Jaylen Waddle.

The trade will reunite Lamb and QB Dak Prescott and keep San Antonio’s receiving corps near the best in the league while the team is searching for their first win this season.  The team so far has had no comment about the deal or their thoughts on the future. A team officia,l who would like to remain anonymous, stated that the temperature is running a little hot right now as the team searches for that elusive first win in 2022.

For the Lords, this roster no longer resembles the initial roster from August.  They have made deals with Indy, South Carolina, and now San Antonio.  The Lords have been able to move players to other teams and not trade away any 2023 draft capital, until this 3rd round pick.

“We are excited to be able to bring in Jaylen and Devin to the team. We feel they will be very key members of the squad going forward. CeeDee will be missed, he is one hell of an athlete and teammate, but we will get by without him,” said Beaver.

The Lords are in win now mode and are seizing every opportunity to win their 4th Riesbeck trophy and first in Los Angeles.

Tequila, NM – Commissioner Jeff Dixon today announced that the 2022 IFFL Trade Deadline is set for 11.8.22 at 11:59:59 PM. All potential deals have to be submitted to the league before that time by both parties involved.

"This year we have moved the trade deadline out by 1 week due to unforeseen circumstances," stated the commisioner. "Along with a desire from the players association to move it back by a week to encourage more moves from the leagues owners."

Happy Trading Ladies and Gentlemen!

Tequila, NM – The Sunrise have traded RB David Montgomery to the New Delhi Subs in exchange for a 4th round 2023 draft pick. It was a trade that had to happen as Montgomery was starting to have issues with the Tequila coaching staff and ownership.

“Today we traded David to New Delhi. We would like to say that we wish David the best, however we are unable to say that. We don’t think he has enough left in the tank to be in the running for a starting spot for long, we believe it will be a matter of weeks,” said Tequila owner and commissioner Jeff Dixon. 

For the Subs Montgomery joins and leads a backfield with no one really in front of him other than street Free Agent D’Onta Foreman. 

Now is the time for New Delhi to make smart moves and improve their team.

Indianapolis, IN – The Mexican’ts and Animals struck a deal late Thursday evening, sending WR DK Metcalf and RB Alexander Mattison to San Antonio for WR Mike Evans and TE Dallas Goedert.  This mutually beneficial trade should help both teams, although it leaves San Antonio thin at TE.

Mike Evans, who was really loving the Riverwalk in town, was notably upset. We spoke to him after news of the deal broke.  “I was thinking that this would be a great place to play until I retired, now I am on the move again.  I have spoken to Mrs. Harless and although she was very straight forward and candid with me about the deal, I feel like what she really saw was the washboard abs on DK. Some people just like that, I guess.  Thank you, San Antonio, I will remember my 3 weeks here very fondly.”

As Alexander Mattison was leaving the west side facility of the Animals he quipped, “I’m really about to go from the penthouse to the outhouse," referring to the Mexicant’s 0-3 start.  Mattison should be more worried about getting his new team back into playoff contention.

It really makes you wonder if Indy owner Kevin Ryburn has seen all the player movement so far this year and decided he needed to make some moves if he was to compete, not only in his division but overall for the team’s 3rd Riesbeck Memorial Trophy.

The week 7 matchup between these 2 teams should be a good old fashioned slobber knocker that is for sure as there will be no love lost between any of these 4 players. 

Los Angeles, CA – In another shocking move, the Los Angeles Lords have gotten another WR for a fair price.  RB Aaron Jones, who is in his first season with the Lords, is being traded to South Carolina for WR Justin Jefferson. 

Said Scarecrows owner & GM Trevor Harless, “I want to say yes, but my WR corps sucks so bad already, talk me into the deal.”  Immediately after, the message of “Screw it lets do this” was sent.

Lords ownership has confirmed that they proposed the trade, hoping to negotiate a deal.  “I never thought when we proposed this deal would it get done as proposed.”  The team is excited for the next chapter and the ability to pair Justin Jefferson, Michael Thomas, and CeeDee Lamb together with Joe Burrow.  “The thing coming out of the draft this year was we knew we were going to have to be aggressive in the free agent and trade markets. We had a great corps of RB’,s actually way too many, so making deals this year we felt would be easier than in years past,” said Jason Beaver, Lords owner. 

“We are excited for Aaron to go to SC and prove that he was a worthy 3rd overall pick and we are sorry that his stay was so short in LA; however, the chance to get JJ was just too good to pass up.”

The Scarecrows and Lords meet in Week 8 in Columbia.

Los Angeles, CA – Team officials from Los Angeles today announced a trade that sent James Robinson and Curtis Samuel to Indy for CeeDee Lamb.  The teams came to the agreement on Saturday morning and made it official before lunch. 

“This trade will make us players in the hunt for the Riesbeck trophy this season. We are looking for a 4th championship in 2022,” said owner Jason Beaver.

For Indy, this move will help to close the gap between between the Animals and the Kats.  “We know we have to make moves to succeed.  CeeDee is a hell of a player, but we had to ship him to Los Angeles to get back a player in Robinson that we think will be able to get us into the playoffs and help us make noise,” said a confidential Animals source.

This move is the best thing for both teams and they both cleaned up and made their respective position groups stronger.

Bedford, IN - The 2022 IFFL draft is set for the 27th of August, 2022. Once again taking place at scenic Dogwood Springs in southern Indiana, the start time for the draft is scheduled for 1:30(ish) PM. If anyone can't make it then get in touch with the league offices (me), and we can make arrangements.

The site is updated, and draft ready with the only portions left to do being the schedule. We will be continuing the roster minimums of 2 QB, 2 TE, 2 K and 2 DEF's this season.

I'd like to have protected players in by the 17th of August so they can get posted with plenty of time before the draft.

Hartford, CT - The New Delhi Subs have seized their 3rd IFFL championship with a win over Tabbi's Kats. Owner Pete Shaunki doubled down on this season, trading numerous picks over the next two drafts in order to bring in big name talent. The gambles have paid off in spades.

The usual suspects showed up for the Subs. QB Aaron Rodgers had his normal stellar outing and RB Damien Harris found the endzone twice. However, the Kats came to play as well, with the Subs only leading by 3 at the half. Then WR Ja'Marr Chase made his presence felt. Chase, acquired earlier in the season for a 2nd round pick, dominated the third quarter on his way to a 266 yd, 3 TD game to cap off an amazing rookie campaign. The Kats just weren't able to overcome the third quarter onslaught and ended up falling to the Subs.

Bedford, IN - The 2021 IFFL draft will be held at 1:30 PM on the 28th of August. The price guide is done and the draft section of the site will be up to date this weekend with the schedule coming after. As usual, online drafting is available for any who cannot make the draft in person and if that isn't a possiblilty then get ahold of me and we'll figure something out.

The same roster requirements will be carried over from last season. Each team will be required to carry 2 each of QB's, TE's and K's. Due to this requirement the roster size will be increased to 18 roster spots and the cap will be raised to $23.00. This worked well last season although it was hard to find a backup QB in a pinch.

I'll be sending an e-mail out when the site is up and ready, should be no later than Sunday the 1st of August.

Good luck everyone!!!

Bedford, IN - The IFFL has a new champion! The Hartford Whalers have claimed their first Super Bowl title. After 22 seasons and four Super Bowl losses owner Chad Allen can finally hoist the Donnie Riesbeck Memorial trophy.

"With all the accusations of mismanagement and cheating, which was never proven. The Whalers have finally claimed their rightful place among the elite franchises of the IFFL," stated Chad Allen during the teams victory parade in the snowy streets of Hartford.

"And all thanks to God almighty, who's not a woman, that we were able win before the Kats and Mexican'ts... 'cause you know, they''re women," finished Chad Allen with his normal tactfulness. Ms. Brewer and Mrs. Harless each gave statements, but those cannot be quoted here.

Bedford, IN - The 2020 IFFL regular season is over! It came down to the wire with six teams vying for the last three playoff spots. Unfortunately Chicago, Pittsburgh and San Antonio came up short, losing must-win games (although I can hardly fault Chicago given what the Chicken Pluckerz did).

The Indy Animals and South Carolina Scarecrows earned bye weeks. So this week will be Tequila versus Taipei and Hartford at New Whiteland.

Congratulations and good luck to everyone in the playoffs!

Bedford, IN - In just a couple of days the 25th season of the IFFL will kick off, Covid be damned!

There are a mutitude of storylines heading into the season. Will the Taipei Personality come anywhere close the dominance they displayed last season? Can the Philadelphia Dark Side back up the constant trash talk of the offseason? Will the Indy Animal's 4 year run as one of the dominant teams come to the end after a seemingly disastrous draft? All of this under the cloud of the pandemic possibly causing a premature end of the season.

The answers to these questions and others will begin to be answered on Thursday when the season kicks off at 8:30pm.

Bedford, IN -  It is draft time once again. The Taipei Personality are hopefully over their collective hangover from their title celebration and the rest of the league is anxious to move ahead to the 2020 season.

Well that time comes on August 29th. That's right, in a mere 27 days the IFFL will be holding its 25th draft. Here's hoping that real world stuff won't intrude on another great, competitive season!

Taipei City, Taiwan - Congratulations to the Taipei Personality on their first IFFL Championship! Taipei has been searching for the title since entering the league in 2002. They've shown well over the years with solid regular season, but playoff success has eluded them.

Until this season. The Personality were in control all season long, capping it off with another dominant performance in Super Bowl XXIV. The Philadelphia Dark Side showed strong all season long, but injuries during the playoffs ultimately hurt them as they fell to more talented and healthy team.

• We hear there might be a team in the IFFL Eastern Division quietly exploring a move. No one’s saying where, no one’s saying when, but multiple sources have mentioned “stadium talks,” “market viability,” and one quote that simply read: “If we move, it’s going to break the map—and I can’t wait.” Will they cause chaos within the divisional structure? Oh, absolutely. If there’s one constant in IFFL history, it’s that anytime a team picks up and moves, chaos follows. Schedules get weird, rivalries get scrambled, and at least two owners claim the league is “unrecognizable” now while still setting their lineups every week.
  
  
• Whispers out of South Carolina say the coaching staff gave Drake Maye a “mental reset game” in Week 14. One anonymous teammate said: “We thought it’d be Week 4 or 5, not the last game of the year.” They still won, still locked the best record, and now the league is asking: what does a fully rested Maye look like in the playoffs? Unfair, probably.
  
  
• Tequila staff are reportedly “beyond done” with the injury report. Achane’s ribs, Higgins’ brain, Amon-Ra’s ankle—every time they think they’ve got the death lineup, someone limps off. One staffer allegedly said: “If we ever have everyone healthy on the same day, we’re hanging 90.” San Antonio is watching that report like it’s a weather radar.
  
  
• Word around the Lords’ facility is that the Matt Stafford signing might turn into a longer marriage than anyone expected. One front-office type hinted: “We didn’t bring him in as a rental. We brought him in as a banner plan.” If they make another deep run, good luck prying him out of LA.
  
  
• Rival execs can’t decide if New Delhi is going to be dangerous in the upcoming draft or if they just wait around and pick players then go rent from the Subs when they inevitably fall apart.  One rival owner said he has a better chance at winning the lottery than he does winning the IFFL with that so-called strategy.
  
  
• Rumors out of Pittsburgh, say the Peanut Butter Balls are actually considering moving on from QB Lamar Jackson, this season was a disappointment not as much of a disappointment as Philadelphia or Cincinnati’s seasons but bad nonetheless, speculation is that owner Matt Howell is looking into the league by-laws to see if he is allowed to keep K Brandon Aubrey, or if he has to release him to the draft pool again.
  
  
• Word out of Hartford says that Whalers owner is petitioning the league to let him pass on playing Philadelphia next season, says a team source “There is absolutely no truth to that rumor, however, it's not a bad idea, someone let Chad know so he can call commissioner Dixon pronto.” Hartford had their 2 worst games against Philadelphia this season which ultimately cost them a playoff spot.

• “The Sun God Rises Again?” Whispers out of Tequila Sunrise suggest that Amon-Ra St. Brown — who sprained his ankle in Week 13 — is expected to return for Week 14. One rival GM texted: “Of course he is. He probably taped it himself. Dude’s built like a Peloton instructor with abandonment issues.”
  
  Tequila staff insists he’ll be on a snap count… but also hinted that “snap counts are suggestions, not laws.
  
  
• Hartford Gets Its Hammer Back After eight full weeks of ankle rehab, Hartford RB Omarion Hampton is finally slated to return. A scout who attended Whalers practice reported: “He looked fresh. Like, too fresh. Like he hasn’t been touched since September.” Considering Hartford’s playoff prayer requires actual miracles, Hampton’s return may arrive exactly one week too late — which is also the Whalers’ brand.
  
  
• Lamar Watch: Crisis or Conspiracy? Three straight subpar weeks from Pittsburgh QB Lamar Jackson has the entire league asking: “What’s wrong with Lamar?” League insiders are split: Some say he’s hurt. Some say he’s sick.One anonymous owner claimed “he’s been replaced by a body double who prefers checkdowns.” Another source insists: “He hasn’t looked right since the Kats game. I’m starting to think he’s allergic to the color pink and sky blue.”All we know for sure?The Peanut Butter Balls have gone from fringe playoff team to top-3 pick trajectory faster than you can say “mock draft simulator.”
  
  
• Trouble in Taipei? Drake London missing Wednesday practice was the whisper heard ’round the West. Taipei officials called it “precautionary,” but insiders described it more as:  “Yeah, he couldn’t go. He tried. He said nope.” If London sits Week 14, Taipei’s playoff hopes take a hit so large it might require league insurance approval.

• We hear in Indy, that QB Jacoby Brissett walked out of Taipei with a noticeable limp, though team officials insist it’s “just soreness.” One veteran Animals player whispered, “Soreness? He threw 337 yards with no protection. I’d be sore too.” With Jayden Daniels still out, all attention now turns to Jaxson Dart who will see if he can clear the IFFL concussion protocol in time for the Lords game in week 13, if not, Indy may once again be holding emergency QB tryouts… yes, again.
  
  
• Our sources in Los Angeles tell us RB TreVeyon Henderson left the stadium with a wrap on his left ankle. LA trainers downplayed it as “tightness,” but as one anonymous Lord put it: “Nothing is ever tightness here. It’s ‘tightness,’ then it’s a boot, then Jason signs another running back.” We wonder if that was the reason for the sporadic Henderson usage on Sunday.
  
  
• We hear in New Whiteland that WR Rashee Rice will undergo imaging after taking two big hits against LA. Kevin Julbert reportedly slammed a clipboard so hard afterward that it set off a car alarm outside the PluckerDome.
  
  
• In Tequila, coaches were overheard grumbling about De’Von Achane’s workload. One staffer said, “We want to use him like a sports car, but we’re driving him like a U-Haul.” Sunrise fans insist this is “fine.”
  
  
• Sources in San Antonio say owner Tanya Harless is ecstatic about Kenneth Walker’s renewed production, loudly declaring in the facility hallway, “See?! He just needed to get away from New Delhi’s cursed injury aura!”
  
  
• Speaking of New Delhi, Pete Shaunki reportedly emerged from his office long enough to offer this  about Kyren Williams’ latest modest stat line:
  
  Winter sun is cold
  Hope drifts like leaves in the wind
  Trade winds blow again
  
  
• In Pittsburgh, RB Jaylen Warren was seen giving side-eye to newly acquired Rhamondre Stevenson. One locker room source told us: “Warren keeps asking how many picks they gave up for him. No one answers.”
  
  
• And in Hartford, whispers say owner Chad Allen hasn’t slept since the Whalers' near-elimination scare. One staffer said, “He keeps muttering ‘six seven, six seven… it’s not over… it's not over…’” as he reviews playoff chart combinations like he’s mapping a moon landing.

• Indy QB Crisis: “Dart is out, Daniels is still out, and our best option might be bribing a UPS driver,” one source said.Instead of the UPS driver the Animals will go with Tua again and pray he doesnt get injured or it really will be the UPS driver.
  
  
• Our sources in LA tell us that JK Dobbins mid foot sprain will need surgery and he will be out until the Super Bowl if he would even be able to play is not known at this time, just another reason that Lords owner Beaver took 5 other RB’s in the draft this year, Death, Taxes, and JK Dobbins on the IL are the only sure things in life.
  
  
• New Whiteland IR Shuffle: Rookie Travis Hunter headed to IR after knee surgery. Brutal hit for the rookie that was stringing together some really good performances.
  
  
• Philadelphia Still Trying to Trade AFTER Deadline: Owner Avan Beaver was reportedly still making calls at 7:45pm Wednesday. In his post game interview he was also asking for other owners to call on his players.
  
  
• Pittsburgh’s Confused RB Room: “We gave up a pick for Stevenson so we could… run Warren more?” one player asked.Stevenson missed his first game with the team after the trade in week 11, but all signs point to him playing in week 12, and not a moment too soon as they take on the Whalers in a must win scenario.
  
  
• Taipei Ankle Watch: Andrew Wang insists James Cook’s ankle is “only resting.” “James will be ready in week 12 against Indy and I will go ahead and predict a TD this week as well,” said Wang.
  
  
• After the Stevenson deal: Shaunki came out and had this to say about his RB room and their availability or lack thereof for practe. “Grass bends in cold wind / My running backs leave again / Autumn steals them all.” Our sources believe this is the derangement that is Shaunki in now his 4 straight season where the playoffs look to be a distant memory.

• We hear the quarterback room in Indy looks like a triage tent. QB Jaxson Dart is out for Week 11 with a concussion, and Jayden Daniels is still sidelined with a dislocated elbow. Sources tell us the Animals brought in a few “veterans with working arms” for try-outs—one onlooker described it as “The Island of Misfit QBs.” Owner Kevin Q. Ryburn reportedly muttered, “I don’t care if it’s Blake Bortles, just someone who can hand the ball to Gibbs.”
  
  
• Out west, LA got a mixed-bag report on RB J.K. Dobbins’ mid-foot sprain. After a second opinion, the timetable was upgraded to 1-6 weeks. “See? I’m fine,” Dobbins told reporters while leaving in a walking boot. Owner Jason Beaver was more measured: “No IR, no problem—unless he can’t walk, then we’ll reconsider.”
  
  
• Meanwhile in New Whiteland, rookie WR Travis Hunter’s knee surgery officially landed him on IR, a brutal blow after back-to-back breakout weeks. One teammate was overheard saying, “He finally figured out the playbook… then the doctor figured out his knee.” The Chicken Pluckerz front office insists they’re still “froggy” enough to make moves before the stretch run.
  
  
• Philadelphia owner Avan Beaver is once again working the phones like a man late for a fire sale. He’s reportedly offering everyone, including QB Jalen Hurts—though sources say that offer came at 7:45 PM Wednesday, long after the trade deadline. As one rival owner quipped, “That tracks.”
  
  
• In Los Angeles, TE Brenton Strange is finally cleared to practice, marking a small victory for the depth chart. Beaver (again, this time the Los Angeles one) said, “We’ll see if he plays this week or next. Or never. You never know with tight ends.”
  
  
• After acquiring RB Rhamondre Stevenson, Pittsburgh shocked its locker room by announcing more carries for Jaylen Warren. When confused offensive players asked owner Matt Howell why they traded a 3rd-round pick for Stevenson, Howell only shrugged and said, “I’m in trouble.”
  
  
• And finally, in Cincinnati, sources claim Rico Dowdle is limping through a quad issue but insists he’ll play. One insider sighed, “When a Bagel says he’ll play Sunday, it usually means he’s out till Thanksgiving.”

• Sources in Indy We’re hearing QB Jayden Daniels will likely miss the remainder of the regular season with that dislocated elbow. The Animals medical staff is apparently holding out hope for a miracle playoff return, but as one insider put it: “It’d be easier to teach Chris Boswell to play QB.”
  
  
• Meanwhile, newly acquired TE Tucker Kraft did tear his ACL in his Indy debut — and despite immediate conspiracy theories, no, Chicago owner Shadd Wright did not stealth-tackle him from the shadows.
  
  Just horrific luck — something Indy fans are deeply familiar with.
  
  
• Sources inside Chicago RB Aaron Jones Sr. is expected to miss 1–2 weeks with a sprained AC joint. When asked how Shadd was taking the news, one assistant said: He’s been staring at the waiver wire like it owes him money.”
  
  
• In New Whiteland Our intel says the Chicken Pluckerz are very close to a deal. The target? TE, WR, or both, depending on how “froggy” owner Kevin Julbert feels when he wakes up.League exec to Insider:“If Julbert starts scrolling at midnight… somebody’s season is ending.”
  
  
• In Cincinnati QB CJ Stroud could miss two weeks with a concussion. One Bagels staffer admitted:“It just hasn’t been his year. Or our year. Or the city’s year.”But wait — it gets worse.RB Rico Dowdle has a quad issue and is “expected to play.”  Bagels insiders clarified what that actually means: “He’ll probably miss a month. Minimum.”
  
  
• In South Carolina WR Chris Godwin still is not practicing. After last season’s devastating leg injury, he has only played two games this year. One trainer whispered: “He wants to play. His leg said no.”
  
  
• In Taipei RB James Cook missed practice with an ankle issue, but owner Andrew Wang told reporters:“It’s just rest. We need him. Like, need-need him.”The phrase "If he sits, we fold" may or may not have been uttered.
  
  
• In New Delhi We hear RB Rhamondre Stevenson did not practice and is likely out again. When asked for comment, owner Pete Shaunki reportedly said: “The season is still going? Like… we’re still doing this?”
  
  
• Final Whisper:The Trade Deadline hits Tuesday 11/11 at 11:59 PM ET. Phones are ringing. The owners are sweating. Rebuilds are being denied publicly and accepted privately.

• We hear at least one team lurking for RB Christian McCaffrey, came in with an offer of 2 players and at least 2 consecutive 1st round choices, ultimately the Bagels decided against trading CMC and LA swooped in and secured Breece Hall and Brenton Strange.
  
  
• We hear that Cam Skattebo’s surgery went perfectly, and the rookie RB / resident chaos agent is already back to lifting spirits. The Lords reportedly sent him pizza and cheesesteaks the next day—both of which rank above “game film” on his recovery checklist.
  
  
• Sources tell us that Philadelphia was indeed hunting for a 1st-rounder before finally settling with South Carolina for a 2nd and 3rd in 2026. “We were close,” one insider said. “Then Trevor Harless remembered he doesn’t hand out 1st-round picks like Halloween candy.”
  
  
• We hear that TE Brock Bowers might finally return this week for the Indy Animals—if not now, then Week 10 for sure. Owner Kevin Ryburn has reportedly been staring at his lineup for three straight nights whispering, “Please, Brock, just one catch.”
  
  
• Sources close to Taipei WR Malik Nabers confirm the young star finally underwent successful ACL repair after trying “alternative recovery methods.” Our source added, “He was waiting for a miracle—unfortunately, divine intervention is not covered under IFFL insurance.”
  
  
• Our man in Hartford tells us rookie RB Quinshon Judkins is day-to-day with a mild AC joint sprain. Owner Chad Allen texted a gif of Luke Danes saying “I’m fine.” Translation: He’s definitely not fine.
  
  
• Sources in Chicago insist that WR Brian Thomas Jr. is NOT on the trade block. But given Shadd Wright’s history—see: the Austin Ekeler trade of 2022—we’re treating that statement with the same credibility as his “diet starts Monday.”
  
  
• Back to Hartford where sources tell us that WR Puka Nacua has had his fill of Gilmore Girls seasons, and pop quizzes after from Owner Chad Allen, Nacua was recently heard saying put me out there with Prime Ray Lewis, Ronnie Lott, Troy Polumalu anyone but just get me out of that office I cant handle Loralei/Rory drama any longer.
  
  
• Multiple Lords sources tell us that Josh Jacobs and Christian Watson were both limited participants in practice today but that both plan on being available Sunday against San Antonio. Jacobs was quoted as saying I wouldn't miss that game for any reason other than death or amputation.
  
  
• Sources inside Cincinnati tell us that WR Nico Collins who missed last week against San Antonio was a limited participant in practice Wednesday afternoon, leading some to believe he will return this week, however; our guy tells us that will probably not be the case.  We are looking at Nico sitting again this week and then coming back in Week 10.

• We hear multiple teams are lurking—yes, lurking—trying to make a big move for RB Christian McCaffrey. Sources close to Les Paul Couch say he’s fielding offers like a man holding the nuclear codes. “If I play this right,” one insider whispered, “Couch could cripple a team’s draft board for years.” One GM reportedly offered three picks, a kicker, and moral support. Another offered their nextborn. Couch hasn’t said yes… but he hasn’t said no either.
  
  
• The waiver wire nearly combusted this week when several teams put in bids for Oronde Gadsden II before he was awarded to New Delhi. “What did this kid ever do to Commissioner Dixon?” one frustrated owner texted us. “First, he’s cut by Tequila, then gets shipped off to New Delhi like some kind of fantasy exile.” Our inside source insists Dixon isn’t playing favorites, but admits, “He’s got major Antonio Gates vibes—just with less baggage and better hair.”
  
  
• From sources inside the Pittsburgh Peanut Butter Balls locker room, the team has full faith that Lamar Jackson will return in Week 8.  Despite losing three straight, the front office did not bring in any QBs for workouts. Owner Matt Howell told reporters, “We’re not panicking. We’re just… learning to live in suffering.” One scout added, “If this faith doesn’t pay off soon, Howell might start a cult—or worse, a rebuild.”
  
  
• Our sources in Cincinnati tell us that this week is the week, if they lose this week then they will probably go ahead and start the rebuild, they have a few pieces that could help other teams.  You have to wonder what this team would look like if they weren't so loyal to CJ Stroud?
  
  
• Chicago is another team that was on the cusp this team was really close this year then the injury train came thru the locker room. How much longer before Shadd Wright starts to help others in the league win the league?
  
  
• Sources in the IFFL West were finally correct, for years they touted a super competitive division, then only 1 maybe 2 teams would lve up to the hype well this season every team is 4-3 after 7 games and they are looking like 4 playoff teams each and every week.

• Sources in Columbia: we hear SC is lurking and waiting to make a big move for a WR. One source swears, “This one might tilt the whole league—who wants to keep being #2?” Names under wraps, wallets open.
  
  
• We’re hearing in Los Angeles: the Lords’ hotline lit up after the Stafford debut. “Depth WR with target share” is the ask; a mid-rounder is the bait. If they land one, hide your secondaries.
  
  
• A little birdie in Pittsburgh: the Injury Demon is being offered a gift basket to release Lamar. If Jackson sits another week, expect a call tree labeled “Anyone With Two Ankles.”
  
  
• League sources are saying in Cincinnati: quiet feelers on veteran pieces. If the right 2026 picks show up, a corner of the Bagels’ depth chart could be “to-go.”
  
  
• Sources in Tequila: Purdy’s toe timeline is “day-to-day,” which in Jeff Dixon-speak translates to “when I say so.” Meanwhile, Darnold keeps dusting off the vintage handoff.
  
  
• We’re hearing in New Delhi: Mahomes wants speed and separation; the Subs are canvassing for a chain-moving WR who isn’t a rumor or a chiropractor bill. Wait dont they already have Xavier Worthy?
  
  
• Our insider in Hartford: team is looking at Kicker help, everyone keeps talking about how they want a WR, TE, or RB.  Why dont kickers get any love, we will gladly pickup a kicker or two.
  
  
• League sources in Tabbi’s camp: 6–0 swagger, but they’re browsing for one more RB with pass-catching chops to give Allen a safety valve when the ground starts to rumble.
  
  
• We’re hearing in Chicago: the RB room was dubbed as the  infirmary. They’re sniffing out rentals—anyone with a pulse and a hamstring that says “present.”
  
  
• Sources in San Antonio: still undefeated in the family group chat. Front office kicking tires on a rotational edge or DB to make Kelce’s red-zone jogs a little easier.

• We’re hearing Ja’Marr Chase is expected to suit up despite the midweek bug. One staffer joked, “Hydration, honey, and hitches—he’ll be fine.”
  
  
• Sources in Los Angeles Matt Stafford landed with the Lords roughly five minutes after San Antonio put him on the curb. “LA: Home of the Misfit QBs,” a team analyst quipped. Burrow on ice, Trevor in the cockpit, Stafford in the hangar—airport vibes only.
  
  
• A little birdie tells us Kyler Murray (Chi) picked up a freak foot tweak walking through the facility. Not practice. Not a scramble. A hallway. The Ditkas have placed all throw rugs on IR.
  
  
• League sources are saying Lamar Jackson will sit again in Week 6 vs. the Lords. LA fans immediately began practicing synchronized polite clapping and chanting “please and thank you” to the scheduling gods.
  
  
• Our insider in Philadelphia the annual Justin Jefferson trade speculation is back on the calendar, and the Dark Side reportedly responded to every inquiry with a firm “no,” a louder “NO,” and finally a PDF titled “Still No.”
  
  
• Sources in San Antonio the Mexican’ts swear this was a “cap/fit” thing with Stafford, not a panic move. Quiet confidence over there that Goff/Kelce/Monty can keep the trolley on the tracks.
  
  
• A little birdie if the Ditkas’ QB room limps, expect Chicago to kick the tires on a bargain veteran. Clipboard included, batteries not.
  
  
• League sources are saying buyers are lurking, but sellers want “2026-plus” candy. If a WR trade domino falls, watch Taipei and Tequila pounce within the same commercial break.

• Sources in Los Angeles say Michael Pittman Jr. (hamstring) is questionable and a true game-time call. With Ricky Pearsall already ruled out, we’re hearing the Lords have quietly called on mid-tier WRs—think Jakobi Meyers (New Delhi), Josh Palmer (L.A., internal but banged-up room), and even a “buy high” feeler on Nico Collins (CIN).
  
  
• A little birdie tells us in Cincinnati the Bagels are at least pondering a strategic pivot to 2026 after the Tyreek injury. League sources are saying nothing is free—but they’ll listen on Austin Ekeler, Romeo Doubs, Marvin Mims, Vikings D/ST, Jason Sanders, and maybe even Nico Collins. Our insider in Cincy says it would take a godfather offer to pry CMC, Breece, or LaPorta. (“We’re not a yard sale,” was the vibe.)
  
  
• We’re hearing in Taipei that Malik Nabers’ season-ender has the Personality shopping for an immediate WR1/1A. Sources in Taipei like the fit of Nico Collins (CIN) and Marquise Brown (PHI); a cheaper fallback could be Wan’Dale Robinson (SA) or Josh Downs (already on roster but role expansion). Price sensitivity matters with only 0.34 cap left.
  
  
• League sources are saying in San Antonio the 3–1 Mexican’ts want one more explosive WR to triangulate with Lamb/Metcalf. Names floated to us: Justin Jefferson (Phi) if the price dips, or a possession maven like Christian Kirk (L.A.). Don’t rule out a backfield depth add if a cheap Jerome Ford-type pops loose.
  
  
• Our insider in Tequila says with Brock Purdy (toe) out, they’re riding Aaron Rodgers and sniffing around TE upgrades. We’re hearing they’ve kicked tires on David Njoku (HFD) and Noah Fant (FA/cheap) tier types; Kyle Pitts (PHI) would be a moonshot, not a probability. Also: Tee Higgins is not being shopped—Jeff Dixon “likes his toys where he can see them.”
  
  
• Sources in Hartford confirm they’re comfortable with Bo Nix post-Lawrence trade, but we’re hearing they’ll sign a depth QB and could move a surplus TE (Njoku) for picks. Chad Allen is said to be eyeing special teams juice.
  
  
• We’re hearing in Pittsburgh that with Lamar (hamstring) out for Week 5, the PB Balls plan to start Justin Fields and stream matchups elsewhere—no splash QB trade expected. Sources in PIT say a small TE rental is more likely (watch Jonnu Smith (TPE) or Noah Gray (TEQ)).
  
  
• A little birdie tells us in Philadelphia the Dark Side still want another functional RB for the bye gauntlet. League sources are saying calls have gone out on Ekeler (CIN) and Jordan Mason (IND); Philly won’t overpay, but they value touches over highlight reels right now.
  
  
• Our insider in Chicago says the RB room triage (Conner/Harris out, Jones high-ankle) has them canvassing for one steady 12–16 touch back. We’re hearing Indy could flip Jordan Mason or Braelon Allen for a mid pick. Cincinnati’s Ekeler also fits if the price softens.
  
  
• Sources in New Delhi hint at TE concern with Evan Engram (calf) iffy. We’re hearing they rang on Njoku (HFD) and even floated a cheeky ask on Kincaid (TAB) (politely declined). Subs would ship a pick, not a core piece.
• A little birdie tells us in Indy that with Jayden Daniels still managing the knee, they’re in no rush to buy—if anything, we’re hearing they could sell from RB surplus (Mason/Allen/Wright) to address a future need or stock picks.
  
  
• League sources are saying the Lords kicked the tires on a short-term WR even before the Pittman Q tag—and if he sits, urgency goes up. Expect Jason Beaver to protect picks but spend a mid-rounder if he gets a controllable contract through 2026.
  
  
• Our insider in Taipei adds one spicy wrinkle: a framework exists (in theory) for Collins to Taipei if Cincinnati gets a premium pick and a young, cheap contributor back. Keep an eye on Josh Downs as a name that’s been whispered.
  
  
• We’re hearing league-wide that kickers are suddenly currency: contenders have asked about Cairo Santos (TAB) and Matt Gay (HFD) as “weather insurance” for November. Don’t laugh—three points here, three there…
  
  
• Bottom line: The market’s waking up. If Cincinnati decides to retool, Monday morning could be loud. If L.A. sits Pittman, Sunday night could be louder. Strap in; Week 5 isn’t just a slate—it’s a swap meet.